Fred Rutherford: Clarence, I commend you on your recent weight loss...!

Lumpy: Thanks a lot, four eyes!

June: Ward, don't you think Fred Rutherford resembles Yul Brynner? So sexy!

^^LOL

Ward: June, if you think Fred is sexy, you should get your eyes checked and your head examined.

Ward: Fred, I think you need to buff your chromedome.

Fred: Ward, Old Boy, I should knock your block off for that remark but I'm too much of a gentleman to do it.

Fred: I'm a gentleman, but I certainly don't hesitate to point out your boys' shortcomings, Ward old boy.

Ward: Fred, do you see this finger?

Fred: Yes. Now pull this finger and see what happens. But stand back.

Ward: You are a disgusting human being, Fred Rutherford!!

Fred: Ha, ha -- that's a knee-slapper, Ward, you ol' snake in the grass!

June: "Eddie, why don't you spend the weekend with us? We would so love to have you."

Ward (to Beaver, in the other room): Did you hear what your mother just said? What a great idea! Imagine, she thought to invite Eddie over--wish I'd said that!

Beaver: Can we put mayonnaise on his sandwich, Dad, to see if he stops breathing?

Ward: Stellar idea, Beav! Heart-stopping; should we even bother calling 911?

Beaver: Well, Dad, since 911 wasn't invented yet, I think Eddie will die and we won't be to blame. Right?

Ward: By cracky, you're right, Beaver--911 won't be invented for another few years--I googled it.

Wally: Mom, I know you disliked my mustache, but now I'm thinking about shaving my head bald and having it tattooed... !

Ward: By cracky, you're right, Beaver--911 won't be invented for another few years--I googled it.

:lol:

Beaver: Mom, Brussels sprouts aren't the only thing you make that I don't like. Your cooking stinks!

June: You spoiled little brat, you're grounded until next season!

Beaver: Face facts, mom, you can't cook or bake. Even your gingerbread tastes like cardboard. I'd rather eat the box my accordion came in.

Ward: Look Theodore, I will cram that accordion box down your throat bit by bit if you EVER speak to your mother like that again.

Beaver: Cool it, Ward! Why don't you and Fred go back to the salt mines?

Ward: You disrespectful little runt, we don't work at the salt mines. We work in the McCormick Black Pepper mines. Learn me, Beaver.

Beaver: Let me see if I can work up a sneeze for you. Would you sprinkle some of your pepper on my hand?

:lol:

Ward: YOU LITTLE SNOT! :D

Beaver: Well, at least I know what ya do after all these years. Pepper-mining, who'd a thunk it? An' I always thunk peppers were grown.

Ward: OMG you're right! What is that black stuff they have me digging up every day then?

Beaver: Must be coal, dummy. Good thing mom didn't put that dust in the shaker.

Ward: (speechless) :)

June: Ward, your mouth is hanging open. Close it or you'll swallow a fly!

Ward: I just did! I think Beaver needs to go to reform school.

June: Beaver is really behaving badly these days. I think Eddie has been a bad influence.

Ward: Gilbert is a close second or a tie

Beaver: Hey, Dad, that Gilbert is to blame for all of my issues. What should we do about him?

Ward: How about sending him down the cliff Eddie fell off of, and hope he goes all the way down?

Beaver: That sounds like a great father/son bonding experience, Dad, I'm all in!

Ward: Yeah, Beav, I'm in. We could bet on how long it'd take before he crashes like Wile E. Coyote. Let's see if you mother wants a piece of the action.

Beaver: I think Wally would like a piece of this sweet action, but Mom might clutch her pearls.

Ward: Nah, your mother is a bettin' woman, she just doesn't show it. She's kinda cruel, too. I can't tell you the number of times she's put mayo on Eddie's sandwiches.

(Eddie walks into the room.) Eddie: WHAT did you say, Mr. Cleaver?! I suddenly feel very ill.

Ward: I said, I can't tell you the number of sandwiches she's made for Eddie.

Eddie: (sobbing) I'm calling the cops!

Ward: And I'm gonna bust you in the chops!

Wally: Eddie, cut it out. You're not dead. My mom was just having some fun. Let it go.

Eddie: Awright, Sam. I can't tell--sometimes she looks like she'd like to see me disappear into thin air.

Wally: Sure she does. So would I sometimes. But we're not killers.

Eddie: You would? She doesn't claim to be my friend; YOU DO!

Wally: Okay, Edwina. You're such a girl, so sensitive. Get over yourself.

Eddie: Sounds like somethin' I'd say! I done a good job with you, Gertrude.

Wally: Yes, Emily, you've taught me so well. The student has become the master, Ethel.

Eddie: Hey, Mortimer, using other names is my schtick. Keep off my turf.

Wally: I'll think about it, Esmerelda.

Look, Rick, drop my schtick. Or I'm gonna do somethin' about it.

Wally: Aw shucks. I kind of liked being a creep like you.

Creep? Perfect! We're good now. Just keep that stupid brother of yours away from me and tell him to shut up when I'm around.

(Beaver enters the room.) Hey, Eddie? Eat dirt and die!

Eddie: Get outta here, boy creep, or I'll mop up the street with ya.

Beaver: Go out in the road until a truck runs you over, you piece of garbage!!!

Eddie: I'm gonna drag you out there in the road till the garbage truck comes. Then I'll mop you up with the rest of the trash.

Ward approaches. "Eddie, does your father know you talk trash like this?"

Eddie: Mr. Cleaver, I'm just getting warmed up. Now back off!

Ward: I should take you behind the woodshed and whip your hide but we don't have a woodshed.

Eddie: I can get you a prefabricated one at Home Depot.

Eddie: I can get you a prefabricated one at Home Depot.

:lol:

Eddie: But, seriously, Ward, this is between me and the Beaver, so butt out!

Ward: Now look here, Eddie. I'm getting awfully tired of your lip.

Eddie: Why, old man? Is there a canker sore I don't know about? Heh-heh.

Ward: Keep it up, Bad Boy. I'll give you a fat lip!

Eddie: And I'm gonna tell June you met Marlene at Hank's Place. So be careful old man.

Ward: Then I'll tell June the reason you compliment her fashion so much is because you like to dress like her.

Eddie: Yes, but I feel her shoes lack something -- je ne sais quios what. I think my choice of heels is better.

Ward: When did you learn to speak French, Eddie?

Ward: "So, Beaver, did you learn any lessons today?"

Beaver: "I learned that you should make sure they're dead before you bury them."

Ward: "What?"

Beaver: "What?"

Ward: Beaver, I don't wanna know. Now what did you learn about history today?

Beaver: History is mos'ly about killin' people. (pause) I'm gettin' sick of these corny lines, even tho' the canned laughter man liked it.

Ward: June, is Beaver a psycho? He's saying odd things.

June: Ward, he's been watching Twilight Zone. Heaven knows what he'll say. Next thing you know he'll say he bought an alligator by mail order.

Ward: June, don't you think you're exaggerating just a wee bit? An alligator by mail? How would they get it to stay in the envelope?

June: Oh, come on, Ward. Just lick the flap and the envelope seals. And you're supposed to be smart?

June: Ward Cleaver, I want a divorce! The way you insult me is so 1930! We're living in the Fifties, get with it!

Ward: June, you know that will be censored! Hey, I've been watching Twilight Zone, too. Now, I need to sit down. My 1950s rheumatism is bothering me.

June: You're such a whiner. Mrs. Mondello was right about you. Stop complaining.

Ward: Hey, you're the one who's always creating drama about why you wear the necklace. You oughta be one of the SNL Whiners. I got my crystal ball out!

June: I'm going over to the Mondello's where I can have a normal conversation with sane people. You can make your own dinner tonight.

Ward: Figures you'd think Mrs. Mondello's sane. She's the poster woman for INsanity.

Wally: Geez, you two. Get a room already.

Beaver: Yeah, one with a single bed.

June: Ward, my babies! Listen to this talk! (pause) Come to think of it, I kinda like it.

Ward: June, we are not living in the wild Sixties. Get a grip!

June: Yes, Ward, something tells me the later sixties will give me palpitations. But as long as my babies are safe, I'll make it thru.

Ward: I surmise in the Sixties, you will have much reason to clutch your pearls so buckle up!

June: Ooh, Ward, I wish I could hibernate for around 10 years! I wonder if Yogi could give me some pointers...

Beaver: I knew Yogi Bear was real! Yes! Hey, Wally?!!!!

June: Yes, Beaver, he was--he is. He's smarter than the average bear. He's even smarter than Eddie.

Wally: Who's smarter than Eddie? Eddie sets a low bar, so it could be anyone!

June: Sets a low bar? You mean he's a bartender at a midget bar?

Wally: Hey, that's a bit insulting!

June: It's the 60s! We can still insult people--that's one of the reasons I want to hibernate--what's coming.

Ward: All this bear talk, it makes me want to get bare with you June. Let's go to bed.

June: That's one way to get mind mind off the future! Be dutiful in the present...

Ward: Speaking of presents, get a load of my package.

June: Just a lotta junk, dear...

Ward: Don't disregard the family jewels, dear.

June: Jewels? More like dime store trinkets.

Eddie enters the bedroom. Eddie: Oh, pardon me, Mr. & Mrs. Cleaver. I thought this was the library. Were you discussing jewelry?

June: Eddie, come on in. I'd like to check out your jewels. (Pauses.) Ward, I think you have a phone call, downstairs.

Eddie: Today is my lucky day! (to Ward) Sorry, Sir.

Ward: It's your lucky day when I don't belt you one.

Eddie: Don't blame me if June prefers younger studs like me.

Ward: Stud? You mean dud.

Lumpy enters the room. Lump: Maybe she would prefer a man with a bit of meat on his bones?

June: Hi there, remember me? Yes, I prefer a meaty man.

Ward: June, good heavens! Put some clothes on!

June: Some husband! Most would be saying the opposite!!

Ward: June, there are three males in this room with you. We don't do orgies. This is not the Sixties yet. Sit down!

June: Wow, just like the Dating Game! Bachelors 1 and 2, stay; old married man, go!

Ward: Have you been using your crystal ball again? What is the Dating Game?

June: It's a game on television where women get to choose the best man. Worried?

Ward: It's a cinch I'd never choose you!

June: Ward Cleaver, yes you would! Who do you think is more compatible with you? Mrs. Mondello? (snickers)

Ward: I'm thinkin' Marlene. I'll go to her box office...ooh - la - la!

June: You dog! Nothing but a hound dog.

Ward: Ruf! As in, some like it rough...

June: You are a twisted freak, Ward Cleaver.

Ward: And you are a broomstick jockey, June. Why don't you hop on and boogie outta here?

June: The nerve! I'm going to go stay with Aunt Martha until you figure out how to man up.

Ward: Hope you enjoy the cauliflower casserole for dinner and the prune pudding for dessert

June: If I weren't such a lady, I'd scream.

Ward: Some emotion over something besides how the gingerbread man turned out, would be a good thing,

June: Oh, go to H-E-double hockey sticks, Ward!

(Eddie enters)

Eddie: I've been eavesdropping, June. If he bugs you to the point of saying H-E-double hockey sticks, you need a better male companion--ME!

June: Eddie! Let's go to the malt shop and make out!

Eddie: No way! Let's go to Hank's Place. I need a brew-ski.

June: You hot young devil, you! I'm in! Bye, Ward.

Beaver: Too bad, dad. She's better than nothin'--you better get her back from Eddie.

:lol:

(Ward goes after June at Hank's Place)

Marlene: Hi, Ward! Loosen up and let's dance. (yells) Hank, put a quarter in the jukebox!!

(Fred walks into Hanks.) Ward, old boy, what are you doing?!

Ward: Uh uh.........just doing marketing research on the new dances for the ol' salt mines, old boy. What're you doing here?

Ward: Uh uh.........just doing marketing research on the new dances for the ol' salt mines, old boy. What're you doing here?

Fred: Marketing Research my butt! I'm telling June! :happyface

Marlene: June, Ward? Who's June? Another girlfriend?

Ward: She's nobody, Honey, nobody at all!

Marlene: I've heard that line before.

Fred: Keep talking, honey. June will hear all of this!

Ward: And Gwendolyn will wonder why you're here when I brief her.

(June slithers in with Mr. Mondello on her arm.) Marlene, you're trash.

Ward: Well, Junie, imagine seeing you here with this guy. Are y'all on your way to Cincinnati?

Marlene: Ward, who IS this woman?

Ward: Would you ladies excuse me? (Runs out the door)

June: What's his problem? (To Mr. Mondello): C'mon dad, let's twist!

:lol:

Mr. Mondello: I don't know what to say. I've never had lines before-I don't even have a first name. Since I don't know what to say, let's boogie!

June: I'll call you Mickey. You look like a Mickey to me. Swing your partner!

Mickey: Sounds great to me--let's dance! And get rid of that wet blanket so-called husband of yours.

June: Do you know of a good divorce lawyer in Cincinnati?

Mickey: My visits to Cincinnati have nothing to do with anything legal.

June: Oh, Mickey! I've always wanted to be with a bad boy! Ward is such a loser.

Marlene: Mickey, c'mere--why hang around with that old lady? She probably doesn't even know how to do the twist.

June: Marlene, I'd flip you the bird if I knew what it meant.

Marlene: Hey, ancient woman--that flipping stuff ain't for me-I'm too much of a lady.

June: Marlene, you are a common trollop.

Marlene: Trollop, is that a slam? 'Cause if it is, old lady, I'll slam you into the juke box!

June: Remember, I speak jive.

Marlene: June, remember your manners!

Mickey: Hi there, remember me, Junie?

Marlene: Never mind that old biddy--hey Hank, put another dime in the juke box!

Marlene: June, remember your manners!

June (to Marlene): Manners? Well—pot, meet kettle!

[Merry Christmas to all! BTW I oughta know, but, who’s Mickey?]

cd

June (to Marlene): Manners? Well—pot, meet kettle!

[Merry Christmas to all! BTW I oughta know, but, who’s Mickey?]

cd

(Back a few posts, we made up a first name for Mr. Mondello)

Ward (re-enters): I've had it with all this! You need to come with me, young lady, and get outta this dump. (pauses, while everyone freezes as though in suspended animation) Well, come on, Marlene!

June: Young? Ward, get your eyes checked. Marlene is not that young.

Marlene (swings around): I'm at least 30 years younger than you! Ward, baby, I'm bored with all this. Let's go bar hopping.

Marlene (swings around): I'm at least 30 years younger than you! Ward, baby, I'm bored with all this. Let's go bar hopping.

June: The way you smoke and guzzle alcohol, Marlene, you look 15 years older than you are. And my clean living makes me look 15 years younger than I am so do the math, Trollop! You don't look all that young. Sorry not sorry. :D

Marlene: Look who's talking about smoking! Gimme one of your Viceroys--I see the pack in your purse, Miss Goody Two Shoes.

June: Oh, these? I buy these for Wally on the sly. Don't tell Ward, you little witch!

Marlene: Oh you're calling me witch, you itch with another letter? We all know you're the queen broomstick jockey.

And don't give me that baloney about Wally. I know he don't smoke--he's in training. For a lot of things--I'd teach him a thing or two.

Now why don't you buzz on outta here and get back to your kitchen? I'll take care of Ward.

June: I said witch not the other thing, don't twist my words you little harpie! (Look it up.) I am becoming a liberated woman so don't tell me to get back in my kitchen. And leave my Wally alone. He doesn't need to be polluted by the likes of you!

(Eddie comes in)

Eddie: Good evening, Mrs. Cleaver. (sees Marlene) Miss Holmes! What a nice surprise. I hope I haven’t interrupted anything pressing for the two of you. May I see Wallace?

[amazing how ONE episode gets so much mileage here]

cd

Marlene: Can the polite act, kid. Why don't you take my advice from the ticket booth: go watch a bunny rabbit cartoon?

Eddie (lowering his head with a smirk): Witty, isn’t she, Mrs. Cleaver? Oh and by the way, again you have on a lovely dress. And Miss Holmes, that’s a lovely—whatever that is you’re wearing.

cd

Marlene: I'm wearing a knotted beach skirt sarong, Eddie. Put your eyes back in your head before they roll away.

Ward: Yeah, Eddie, quit ogling my babe! (sees Marlene needs a light, and...) Allow me, gorgeous!

(Mary Margaret walks in) Hank: Hey ain't you a little young to be in here?

Mary Margaret: Hey I'm of age, draw me a cold one!

Eddie (readjusts his stare): Yeah she's good. Put it on my tab.

Mary Margaret: I just changed my mind. Nothing for me, really. I just remembered that I’m riding my horse, National something, back home. Buzzed riding is drunk riding.

Ward: Buzzed? Is there a buzzer in here? And Hank, would you see if there's a horse outside?

Mary Margaret: I'll just ride over and see Teddy for awhile.

Ward: Who?

Mary Margaret: You know, Teddy. Someone gave him some stupid name of Beaver. He must be pretty groovy to dump Melinda Neilsen for me.

[who sez season 6 wasn’t good?] ;)

cd

(not me!)

Ward: Oh, him. Do you like to dance, Mary Margaret?

Mary Margret: No, I like to ride Velvet and sit on the porch swing with Gilly or Teddy.

(Mary Ellen enters): What's shakin'?

Ward: Ooh! Hopefully you are.

Hank: I think we got some underage girls in here. (to Mary Ellen): What's yours?

Mary Ellen: What's my what?

Ward: Meanwhile back to the underage girls...

Marlene: Easy, tiger. You're with me, remember?

(June reenters): Get your grubby paws off my husband!

Mrs Mundello: "Well, Larry, your father has a new job and from now on, he'll be working from Home!"

Larry: Fat lotta good that'll do me. He'll just be around to yell at me all the time.

Eddie: Hey, Larry, you've got Daddy Issues, Buddy. You should see a shrink.

Larry: He should see a shrink. I just need TO shrink!

Beaver: I don't know why you can't lose weight, Larry. All you seem to eat are healthy apples.

Larry: I dip 'em in brown sugar!

Beaver: Oh, Larry, it's not Halloween and you're not bobbing for them! Grow up!

Larry: I get enough of this at home, Beav! (pauses) You got any bananas?

Sorry, Larry. Stanley ate ‘em all. Want some Brussels sprouts?

Larry: What kinda sprouts? What're those?

Wally: Hey, Larry, you're goofy. You've never eaten a vegetable in your life, have you?

Beaver: That’s okay, Penny. “Ol’ 98” was a dumb play anyway. And anyway, what’s EDDIE doing coaching US? He hates kids our age.

Beaver (later, to Wally): That ol' '98 was sure a dumb play.

Wally: I oughta sock you one for sayin' that! You opened your big flap mouth and spread the word about it all over the place. You're just a stupid kid an' that loss is 100 percent YOUR fault!

Beaver: Hey, Wally, I think it's real neat you're selling hot dogs and cold drinks at the beach!

Wally, to Beav: Sure you can come with me when I see Igloo bars! Maybe you can even reach in and hand out some treats.

Beaver: Wally, I'm glad you're not a lifeguard, that's a dumb job. Selling hot dogs is neat!

Wally: Sure you can come along on my date. You might learn somethin'.

Beaver: I doubt it.

Wally: Look Beav…. Just call up Susan again and ask her, point blank, “You wanna be a spinster all your life?” Ya gotta keep girls guessin’. That’s the advice I got from Eddie.

Beaver: Spinster? Whassat? Somebody who weaves?

Beaver: Spinster? Whassat? Somebody who weaves?

Wally: Nah Beav—“Spinster” is a 1950’s term for a long-unmarried woman. We ARE in the fifties, aren’t we?

Beaver: Oh, like Aunt Martha.

Wally: Right, birdbrain. NOW CALL HER!

Beaver: By the way, birdbrain, we're in the '60s.

Beaver: All right, all right. (under his breath) Hope she isn’t a dodo. (Back to normal voice, dialing phone) Oh and Wally? You DID see that Jaguars game last night, right? THAT’s how you coach. (under his breath again, shaking his head) Ol’ 98….

[Chargers fans, flame away if you must….]

cd

Beaver (on the phone): Susan? What are ya, some kinda kook? We were set to double date with my brother and your sister!

Susan: You little weasel! For Your information, we just moved to Mayfield, and I'd at least like to meet you at school before I go out with you.

Beaver: Listen, if your sister can date my brother, you can date me!

(Susan slams down the receiver)

Beaver: Well, I tried. She's a hopeless dodo.

June: I'm going to let my hair grow out, Ward.

Wally (has overheard): I'm gonna let my hair grow long, too. I wanna be what they used to call a 'beatnik.'

June: Oh, Ward, you're so handsome now. I will just melt when you grow your hair out.

Wally: Since you like my mustache, I think I'll grow a beard.

Beaver: Wally, don't grow a beard. You'll look like that werewolf on Dark Shadows.

Wally: Beaver, you're a dumb little kid. Dark Shadows doesn't come on till 1966!

Beaver: Gee, Wally, I meant Michael Landon in I Was A Teenage Werewolf. (Quickly pushes box marked Time Travel Equipment under his bed.)

Wally: That makes more sense. Like Mr. Peabody and Sherman go into the Wayback Machine.

Beaver: I traveled into the 1980s. It was weird. Whitey was abnormally tall. Larry joined a cult. Richard was a psychiatrist. And I went into business with Lumpy Rutherford.

:lol:

Fred Rutherford: Clarence, I'm so proud of you for your stellar academic record. Look out the window. That brand-new car in the driveway is your high school graduation present...!

Fred: And, Clarence, let me add, I was so proud that you were left back only twice, I upgraded the model!

Lumpy: But, daddy, I wanted a Captain Kangaroo lunchbox!

Fred: Stop calling me daddy, ya big boob! Why don't you go watch Romper Room or something?

Ward: Oh, no. Not pot roast and potato pancakes AGAIN!

June: Stop complaining! Some guys have to make their own meals, and if you don't watch it, you'll join them.

Ward: You're right, June, let me make it up to you by taking you out to the movies. How does 'House On Bare Mountain' sound?

June: Oh, Ward, I love bears!

(as June and Ward leave)

Wally, to Beaver: I normally like to hear all their fights, but not the one after this.

Beaver: How come?

Wally: You'll see!

Ward: I'll buy a bearskin rug and we can make love on it in front of a roaring fire.

June: Stop it, Ward; oh, you're just awful!

(Beaver and Wally are listening on the stairs)

Beaver: What're they talkin' about, Wally?

Wally: You're to young to know.

Beaver: Do YOU know?

Wally: Well, not really, but I'm closer to knowin' than you are.

Eddie at the door: Oh, excuse me, Mr. and Mrs. Cleaver. Am I interrupting an intimate moment?

Ward: What do YOU want?

Eddie: I heard something about a bearskin rug. I can sell you one I happen to have.

June: What exactly did you hear?

Eddie: I heard you were a real tiger, Mrs. C.

June: Mrs. C.? What is this? Happy Days?

Eddie: You've been using the crystal ball again, Mrs. Cleaver. That show doesn't come around til over ten years from now.

June: How do you know that?

Eddie: Sherman and Peabody told me. They're visitors from the future, and they came here via something called the wayback machine.

June: Eddie, your elevator doesn't go to the top floor.

Eddie: Maybe my elevator does not go to the top floor but it does go to the basement. Care to join me?

June: It figures you're heading "down," Eddie.

Eddie: Oh, Mrs. C., you should see me get down!

June: I've seen your attempts at The Twist. Don't give up your day schooling.

Eddie: Oh, June, you're such a cut-up!

June: Eddie, remember Captain Drake? Why don't you go down there and take a long walk on his short pier?

Eddie: Drake? Drake's coffee cake? Sounds more like Lumpy's poison.

June: Good one, Eddie-bear!

Say, what are you doing, later?

Eddie: Whatever I'm doing later is cancelled. My dance card is always free for you, Junie Bear!

June: Ooh! I think my heart rate just jumped up! Any jumping up for you, Eddie-bear?

Eddie: It jumped like a leap frog, Junie!

June: Call me Junie bug, Eddie bear! Why don't we go over to Hank's Place? I hear he has some new twist records.

Eddie: A-OK by me, Junie Bear! That sounds rad!

June: Ooh! I just love it when you use these mod, new 1962 words! Rad!!

We'll play the new Chubby Chadwick record on the jukebox. I saw Beaver dancing to it the other day--I should say, trying to dance. And to think, we paid good money to send him to dancing school.

When I saw Beaver try to dance, I came up with the new slang term Gag me with a spoon! Aren't I rad, Junie Bear?

You are rad! Gag me--rad!

Eddie: Junie Bear, I'd gag with a spoon for sure if you ever fed me mayonnaise so never do that, okay?

June: Ah, dear Eddie, I'd NEVER do that. Now, let me fix you a turkey sandwich.

Eddie: Killer!!! Wally, help me!!

June: Calm down, sweetie! A nice avocado salad with vinaigrette?

I like that these conversations all basically lead to June and Eddie hooking up.

Eddie: Only if you promise not to put that evil condiment on my salad, Junie

Junie: Absolutely not, dearie. Hold the mayo!

Anything for you, sugar...

Beaver: Mom? Who are you calling Sugar?

(Eddie hides.) June: You, dear. I thought you might like some sugar cookies.