You know, your pig man did the entire building.

So Klompus has the key, but the jerk couldn't ______.

So Klompus has the key, but the jerk couldn't double clutch.

I'm a man who respects a good________

So Klompus has the key, but the jerk couldn't double clutch.

I'm a man who respects a good________

I'm a man who respects a good big salad.

I'm buying the ______ machine.

I'm buying the postal machine.

you could've watched six hours of_________

You could've watched six hours of Sanford and Son.

Don't worry, kitty. _______'s coming.

You could've watched six hours of Sanford and Son.

Don't worry, kitty. _______'s coming.

Don't worry, kitty. balm's coming.

Hey, is that the ________ Zone you're watching?

Hey, is that the Comfort Zone you're watching?

I just leased a _____ out in the Hamptons and I have got to get out there this weekend and sign the papers.

I just leased a Twilight Zone out in the Hamptons and I have got to get out there
this weekend and sign the papers

.Posing as a _______ for homosexuals

Posing as a bigmouth shrimp for homosexuals


While playing softball in the park, Ms. Midler was _______.

While playing softball in the park, Ms. Midler was punched in the mouth

What's the point of opening your mouth and going______

What's the point of opening your mouth and going drinking from the toilet?

The guy with the Hawaii transfer got busted for hoarding _______ catalogs.

The guy with the Hawaii transfer got busted for hoarding Bra catalogs.

I've got a good feeling about this_______

I've got a good feeling about this comedy club.

That's God's plan. He doesn't really want anyone to get _____.

That's God's plan. He doesn't really want anyone to get Pizza

!I think they may have suture that thing to your________

I think they may have sutured that thing to your pinky toe.


Look at this. Hardwood ______.

Look at this hardwood crop circle.

You're begging needs a lot of_______

Your begging needs a lot of salsa.

He's got a ______ right out on the table.

He's got a Tyler chicken right out on the table.

You're supposed to just take a peek, after a ________

You're supposed to just take a peek, after a baby shower.

Well, I mean does it ever erupt into a drunken orgy of _______?

Well, I mean does it ever erupt into a drunken orgy of religion?

Or you can really talk some________

Or you can really talk some fabrics and spices traded under a starlit sky.

Oh, and only the purest _______ can satisfy you.

Oh, and only the purest Muffin can satisfy you!

Johnny Yuma was a________

Johnny Yuma was a doorman.

The delicate genius has a ______.

The delicate genius has a good coma.

Of course _________ is a prerequisite

Of course buying a sweater with a red dot on it is a prerequisite.

What are you doing with your old ______?

What are you doing with your old Dental floss?

Well, you can kiss that ________ goodbye, Mr. Von Nozzin.

Well, you can kiss that egg roll goodbye, Mr. Von Nozzin.

For 50 bucks? I'd put my _____ in their soup and blow.

For 50 bucks? I'd put my butt in their soup and blow.

And now the search for the right _________ begins

And now the search for the right doorman begins.

My father gave me four tickets to the ________ game for Saturday afternoon.

My father gave me four tickets to the cockfight game for Saturday afternoon.

Okay we're broken up for the rest of the _________

Okay we're broken up for the rest of the Jewish singles night at Knights of Columbus hall.

Frank has a flashback of the ________ incident, driving him to throw his food off the tables.

Frank has a flashback of the nail salon incident, driving him to throw his food off the tables

.George you're becoming one of the________

George you're becoming one of the good samaritans.

Georgia peach Marla Maples reportedly threw yet another ________...

Georgia peach Marla Maples reportedly threw yet another orgy.

You got anything going on the________

You got anything going on the make-your-own pizza pie?

Couldn't get Kramer's ______ out of it? No. The engine clotted.

Couldn't get Kramer's nose out of it?

George you're becoming one of the______

George you're becoming one of the Entemanns doughnuts in her purse.

I once broke up with someone for not offering me _____.

A glass of chocolate Milk......

What does Mr Seinfeld do at the end of the show?

Cracking Jokes

I got a _____ step on it buddy

I got a rat hat, step on it buddy.

Why do people that work in offices have pictures of their ______ on their desk facing them?

Why do people that work in offices have pictures of their-self on their desk facing them?

And now the search for the right ________ begins

And now the search for the right maple syrup begins.

We don't allow any outside syrups, ______, or condiments in the restaurant.

We don't allow any outside syrups, garlic, or condiments in the restaurant

You know you're getting to be an annoying little ______ yourself

You know you're getting to be an annoying little chaperone yourself.

Jerry dates a ________ contestant.

Jerry dates a orgy contestant.

Oh, I can't wait to get a fellow and make my own______

Oh, I can't wait to get a fellow and make my own______

Oh, I can't wait to get a fellow and make my own pesto.

My brother, who's _______, turns green.

My brother, who's Johnny Yuma, turns green.

Oh that's a pile of _________ there

Oh that's a pile of covenants of the keys there.

Do you have any conceivable reason for even getting up in the ______?

Do you have any conceivable reason for even getting up in the Dairy Queen machine?

He likes to _______ by the seat of his vintage pants

He likes to ride the bus by the seat of his vintage pants.

I was working in one of those booths in an amusement park where you shoot water in the clown's _______.

I was working in one of those booths in an amusement park where you shoot water in the clown's pants.

The appeal of the________

The appeal of the nose job

The man devoted his whole _____ to the peanut.

The appeal of the nose job

The man devoted his whole _____ to the peanut.

The man devoted his whole purification program to the peanut.

Is there any _________ in your house?"

Is there any Beef-a-reeno in your house?

One never knows how the gastrointestinal workings of the ______ are going to function.

One never knows how the gastrointestinal workings of the Gander are.

I put her _________ on my butt.

I put her big salad on my butt.

I know you bad-mouthed me to the _____ at NBC.

I know you bad-mouthed me to the Clown at NBC.

I am one ______ chickadee.

I am one virgin chickadee.

I'm sure at that time in Poland, they were common. They were probably like compact ______.

I'm sure at that time in Poland, they were common. They were probably like Queens Convalescent Center.

Let's all just have a big _______ party.

Let's all just have a big coma party.

________ is inherited from the mother's side, Jerry.

Faux pas is inherited from the mother's side, Jerry.

Summertime _________ high jinx.

Summertime Polish pony high jinx.

I'll have another scotch with plenty of _____.

I'll have another scotch with plenty of garlic.

Brother Costanzo will be taking the vow of _______

Brother Costanzo will be taking the vow of The Good Samaritan.

Oh, fasten your seat belts. We're going to see the _____.

Oh, fasten your seat belts. We're going to see the bald woman.

He was moving on her like the Storm troopers into_______

He was moving on her like the Storm troopers into a health club pool.

What kind of a sick, demented person wants another person's _____?

What kind of a sick, demented person wants another person's dentures?

Brother Costanzo will be taking the vow of ______

Brother Costanzo will be taking the vow of foam beer-can holders.

These are birthday cards from my ______.

These are birthday cards from my barber.

I want you to call me "Jerry the ________

I want you to call me Jerry the uneducated doorman.

He makes this _____, it stinks up the whole house.

He makes this Tyler Chicken, it stinks up the whole house.

She said ______ weren't even that important to her

She said rat hats weren't even that important to her.

So I'm thinking of putting in a tropical-____ tank right here.

So I'm thinking of putting in a tropical Hennigan's tank right here.

You know you're getting to be an annoying little ______ yourself

You know you're getting to be an annoying little face painter yourself.

Flight number 42 from _____ City.

Flight number 42 from upper west side City

.Her big fat ________ hanging out

Her big fat French-English dictionaries hanging out

Wouldn't you like to pass the _____ to someone like me?

Wouldn't you like to pass the pea's to someone like me?

And now the search for the right ________ begins

And now the search for the right Chinese woman begins.

Diane DeConn from _______ College.

Diane DeConn from Porn College.

You know, for a fat guy you're not very ______

You know, for a fat guy you're not very comfortable in those cotton Dockers.

Could I look at uneven ______ for the rest of my life?

Could I look at uneven cup sizes for the rest of my life?

I don't want to see the ______ people,

I don't want to see the beautiful pony people.

I just hope that whole pony incident didn't put a damper on the _____.

I just hope that whole pony incident didn't put a damper on the vow of silence.

He likes to fly by the seat of his ________pants

I just hope that whole pony incident didn't put a damper on the vow of silence.

He likes to fly by the seat of his ________pants

He likes to fly by the seat of his Daily Worker pants.

Where's the chicken _______?

Where's the chicken funeral?

To a woman, sex is like the garbage ______.

To a woman, sex is like the garbage dumpster.


Nothing's ever worked out for me with _____ on toast.

Nothing's ever worked out for me with crib notes on toast.

It's the Urban Sombrero. I put it on the______

It's the Urban Sombrero. I put it on the Chinese Woman.


You know, you're the only woman I've never thought about the ______.

You know, you're the only woman I've never thought about th ecrib notes.

George you're becoming one of the_______

George you're becoming one of the fish eating my laughs.

You got any shredded ______?

You got any shredded Yankee Beans?

So grab your _____ - if you need one. It's go-time

So grab your spare tire - if you need one. It's go-time.

Vivian doesn't think I'm _______.

Vivian doesn't think I'm homosexual.

I'd have to get _______friends

I'd have to get cool guy friends.

He doesn't know anything about _____.

He doesn't know anything about anything.

His whole life revolves around Superman and_______

His whole life revolves around Superman and Navy Bean Soup.

Art Vandalay? He's a _______ writer.

Art Vandalay? He's a very pious writer.

Is there a real ______ in the back?

Is there a real whale in the back?

Too bad they don't have old ladies walking around with _______.

Too bad they don't have old ladies walking around with a juicer.

The wedding is delayed until June. It's like a stay of_________

The wedding is delayed until June. It's like a stay of bonbons.


I tell you what, I'll get the popcorn and the _____.

I tell you what, I'll get the popcorn and the raisins

.Any kind of ________ really irritates me

Any kind of giving birth on-stage really irritates me.

What's her ______'s name again? Chip? Kip? Skip?

What's her Kavorca's name again? Chip? Kip? Skip?

Your misery is my______

What's her Kavorca's name again? Chip? Kip? Skip?

Your misery is my______

Your misery is my position of advantage.

He drove a ____ with no arms?

He drove a train with no arms?

He had to use a _______ pasta?

He had to use a gluten-free pasta?

The surgeon left a ______ inside me.

The surgeon left a Tractor inside me.

I'll go if I don't have to_______

I'll go if I don't have to eat pesto.

You know they used to make leisure suits out of _______?

You know they used to make leisure suits out of Velcro?

For I have seen the ________ on your soul

For I have seen the busboy on your soul.

My roommate has _____ disease.

My roommate has Phisohex. disease.

Paying ________ for sexual favors!

Paying a pig-man for sexual favors!

Myra and I would like you and Elaine to be ___________________.

Myra and I would like yo u and Elaine to be a sexual dalliance.

I don't know how you can hang out with that ________

I don't know how you can hang out with that contestant from The Price Is Right.

She's brimming with ______.

I don't know how you can hang out with that contestant from The Price Is Right.

She's brimming with ______.

She's brimming with the home bed advantage.

She was beautiful in that ________ I'm crazy about her!

She was beautiful in that puffy shirt! I'm crazy about her!

Alton Benes is your ____?

Alton Benes is your Janitor?

You say that Noreen was ________ on Jerry Seinfeld?

You say that Noreen was returning used fruit on Jerry Seinfeld?

Jerry, this peach is _____.

Jerry, this peach is used.

I don't submit to forcible________

I don't submit to forcible going to the bathroom in India.

I can't believe we went all the way to India for a ______.

I can't believe we went all the way to India for a Biosphere.

I probably can't hold a job or keep a ______

I probably can't hold a job or keep a special mechanical pencil.

Kramer helps Steve see his pet _____.

Kramer helps Steve see his pet postal worker

I said, uh, some ________ baby.

I said, uh, some sudsy baby.

Uh, no, I don't drink _____ late at night.

Uh, no, I don't drink Snapple late at night.

You never slipped one past the______?

Note: I will be celebrating Festivus for the next week on a Houseboat on Lake Cumberland (No Internet YEA!)

You never slipped one past the Frogger?

I read somewhere that this Brentano's is the place to meet _____ in New York.

I read somewhere that this Brentano's is the place to meet Lobsters in New York.

I'm queen of the ______

I'm queen of the basement.


Grandpa clothes. I can't _____ them.

I'm queen of the basement.


Grandpa clothes. I can't _____ them.

Grandpa clothes. I can't export them.

Hey, is that the ________ Zone you're watching?

Hey, is that the Junior Mint Zone you're watching?

Why do I get ______? They're good for one day.

Why do I get corkscrew pasta? They're good for one day

What the hell I'll just eat some ________

Why do I get corkscrew pasta? They're good for one day

What the hell I'll just eat some ________

What the hell I'll just eat some apple pie.

Don't get in the cab. Manya ____.

Don't get in the cab. Manya heightend.

Noreen, were you hitting on_______?

Noreen, were you hitting on the soup nazi?

No ____ for you!

No Calzone for you!

They're only comfortable with their_______

They're only comfortable with their sick society.

I haven't seen one person go in that ______ since it opened.

I haven't seen one person go in that castle since it opened.

The male body is utilitarian, it's for gettin' around, like a________

The male body is utilitarian, it's for gettin' around, like a tractor.

He escaped from the _____. He's like the Sakharov of cable guys.

He escaped from the upper west side. He's like the Sakharov of cable guys

.Don't mess with the _____ buddy

Don't mess with the bottle of Scotch buddy.

Boy, that Hennigan goes down smooth and afterwards, you don't even _____.

Don't mess with the bottle of Scotch buddy.

Boy, that Hennigan goes down smooth and afterwards, you don't even _____.

Boy, that Hennigan goes down smooth and afterwards, you don't even puke

Hey salads got nuttin' on this_______

Hey salads got nuttin' on this oyster stuffing.

Why were you making gravel? Well, I like the sound it makes when you ____ on it.

Hey salads got nuttin' on this oyster stuffing.

Why were you making gravel? Well, I like the sound it makes when you ____ on it.

Why were you making gravel? Well, I like the sound it makes when you pee on it.

It should be based on who's the________

It should be based on who's the smelliest.

I quit because my boss wouldn't let me use his ______________.

It should be based on who's the smelliest.

I quit because my boss wouldn't let me use his ______________.

I quit because my boss wouldn't let me use his menorah.

A fake house in the________

A fake house in the parking space

I just walked by there, and that ___ is gone.

A fake house in the parking space

I just walked by there, and that ___ is gone.

I just walked by there, and that Endora's box is gone.

I couldn't make the trasition from _______ to sex

I couldn't make the transition from doorman to sex.

His father hated all the commercial religious aspects of _______.

His father hated all the commercial religious aspects of Cinco de Mayo.

Is there a real ______ in the back?

Is there a real tuna fish in the back?

I grab their ______ and I chuck it into the ocean.

I grab their Urban Sombrero, and I chuck it into the ocean.


They're only comfortable with their ________

They're only comfortable with their side order of fruit.

That finger was meant for ____.

That finger was meant for Poppie.

His whole life revolves around Superman and _______

That finger was meant for Poppie.

His whole life revolves around Superman and _______

His whole life revolves around Superman and Stacy Keach.

Look at that guy's dog. I hate it when their ears get ________ like that.

Look at that guy's dog. I hate it when their ears get preposterous like that.

So a Maestro tells you to put a ______ on and you do it?

So a Maestro tells you to put a puffy shirt on and you do it?

Elaine dates Tony only because he is _______.

Elaine dates Tony only because he is a rock climber.

You're not having any of your _______ parties?

You're not having any of your screen door parties?

I need somebody to go with me to Mr. Lippman's son's ________.

I need somebody to go with me to Mr. Lippman's son's sex romp.

He thinks he can lift more than_________

He thinks he can lift more than Keith Hernandez.

Vandelay Industries is a made-up company that makes _______ products.

Vandelay Industries is a made-up company that makes bogus products.

I think they may have sutured that thing to your_______

I think they may have sutured that thing to your big salad.

You should see his ______, man. It's all silk.

You should see his Sombrero, man. It's all silk

And now the search for the right __________ begins

And now the search for the right IQ test begins.

Our specials are tacos, _______ and franks and beans.

Our specials are tacos, muffin tops and franks and beans.

There's nothing finer than being in your_______

There's nothing finer than being in your La-Z-Boy recliner.

Janine, who the hell runs the _______?

Janine, who the hell runs the mental hospital?

Are we just proud of anything that comes out of ________

Are we just proud of anything that comes out of a relaxation cassette?

The man on the tape tells me to say, "______ now."

The man on the tape tells me to say, " Botticelli's now."

You know, your funkifing the entire________

You know, your funkifying the entire water pressure.

Not that there's anything ________ with that.

Not that there's anything optional with that.

Yeah you make good _______

Yeah you make good franks and beans.

I hear ____ owns a couple racehorses.

I hear Slippery Pete, owns a couple racehorses.

I have forty pairs of_______

I have forty pairs of keys.

It's like the pigeons decided to ______ me.

It's like the pigeons decided to decorate me.

She said ______ weren't even that important to her

She said rat hats weren't even that important to her.

And I saw _______ last night for the fourth time.

And I saw Golden boy last night for the fourth time.

He was moving on her like the Storm troopers into________

He was moving on her like the Storm troopers into the parking garage.

Your underwear was sticking out of your shorts during ____ class.

Your underwear was sticking out of your shorts during TV guide class.

I'm not having him look at my_______

I'm not having him look at my Johnson rod!

I got about fifty feet out and suddenly the great ______ appeared before me.

I'm not having him look at my Johnson rod!

I got about fifty feet out and suddenly the great ______ appeared before me.

I got about fifty feet out and suddenly the great halibut appeared before me.

Next Stop _______

Next Stop The Hamptons

You think you're gonna sell those old crappy ______?

You think you're gonna sell those old crappy Sombrero's?

I'm much more happy _______ people behind their back

I'm much more happy kissing hello to people behind their back.

So I reached my hand in, felt around, and pulled out the _____.

So I reached my hand in, felt around, and pulled out the bra.

Boy these are really _____ details

Boy these are really snugly details.

Whitey Fisk, the guy who snuck you into ___________.

Whitey Fisk, the guy who snuck you into the Dairy Queen.

I've got a good feeling about this_______

I've got a good feeling about this Frogger.

Boy, a month in Europe with Elaine. That guy's coming home in a _________!

car!!!

He listens to __________ all day!!

He listens to Pearl Jam all day!!

I've Yada Yada'd ____.

I've Yada Yada'd bad details.

His whole life revolves around Superman and _______

His whole life revolves around Superman and the doorman.

Have you noticed? People don't use _____ as much as they used to.

Have you noticed? People don't use napkins as much as they used to.

I got rejected by a ______ woman.

I got rejected by a very tall woman.

Wonder what _______ was like in the 1860s.

Wonder what cleavage was like in the 1860s

.The wheels are in ______

The wheels are in front of the pinky toe.

I'm so tired. I'm gonna fall asleep on that _____.

I'm so tired. I'm gonna fall asleep on that fancy fire

.We are friends of a serial ________

We are friends of a serial Babu Bhatt killer.

Well, maybe the test was gender-biased. You know, a lot of questions on hunting and _______.

Well, maybe the test was gender-biased. You know, a lot of questions on hunting and equipment.

Oh, I can't wait to get a fellow and make my own_______

Well, maybe the test was gender-biased. You know, a lot of questions on hunting and equipment.

Oh, I can't wait to get a fellow and make my own_______

Oh, I can't wait to get a fellow and make my own big salad.

You should've just had ______ with him tonight and gotten it over with.

You should've just had soup with him tonight and gotten it over with

.All right, but your _______ needs a lot of work

All right, but your kiss hello needs a lot of work.

Miranda thinks I'm a _____.

Miranda thinks I'm a Superman.

What you are about to go through is punishment enough

What you are about to go through is punishment enough at Viking Press.

You think Shelly's upset that I made a big deal about the ______?

You think Shelly's upset that I made a big deal about the pee party?

It was the pride of______

It was the pride of the flyboy.

I was in the locker room showering, and I ___________.

I was in the locker room showering, and I need some oxygen.

Mediaeval sexual ______

Medieval sexual gymnastics team in high school

What person who runs a ______ store gets involved in people's lives?

Medieval sexual gymnastics team in high school

What person who runs a ______ store gets involved in people's lives?

What person who runs a vintage pants store gets involved in peoples lives?

You know you're getting to be an annoying little ________ yourself in people's lives?

You know you're getting to be an annoying little Artie Schumann yourself in people's lives?

Artie Schumann from Camp ________?

Artie Schumann from Camp Bizarro

.I sit around all day pretending I'm_______

I sit around all day pretending I'm the doorman.

l packed my rod and reel. Thirty hours later, lost in the _____

l packed my rod and reel. Thirty hours later, lost in the Biosphere.

My boys need a______

My boys need a cabin.

Kramer offers Jerry a method to get a refund on his ______.

Kramer offers Jerry a method to get a refund on his Taxes.

I have a lot of _______ with you people

I have a lot of misadventures with you people.

George is dating a woman with a big _____.

George is dating a woman with a big salad.

I put it on last night and ________ in it

I put it on last night and had a sexual encounter with a Chinese woman in it.

I'm the one who should've called the police. They stole my ______.

I'm the one who should've called the police. They stole my Fusilli

What the hell I'll just eat some______

What the hell I'll just eat some big salads.

Not only didn't you love her, you didn't even _____ her.

Not only didn't you love her, you didn't even pleasure her.

Yes I'm _____ but I'm still a good person

Yes I'm bald but I'm still a good person.

I had the idea of a cologne that makes you smell like you just came from the _____.

I had the idea of a cologne that makes you smell like you just came from the manure!

I can't wait to get a fellow and make my own _______

I can't wait to get a fellow and make my own puffy shirts.

Silvio threatens to evict Newman for his ______.

Silvio threatens to evict Newman for his pants.

I know how to press those _______ buddy

I know how to press those cotton Dockers buddy.

George meets a Chinese lady lawyer who thinks he is really ______.

George meets a Chinese lady lawyer who thinks he is really The Devil.

I'm the one responsible for those ________ circles

I'm the one responsible for those red dot circles.

Generally speaking, you don't need any extra incentive to murder a _______.

Generally speaking, you don't need any extra incentive to murder a clown.

Is there any ______ in your house?"

Is there any ______ in your house?

____'s been in Mexico for six weeks.

Is there any drawings of naked Lois Lane in your house?

We made love on the floor like two ________

We made love on the floor like two clowns.

Wouldn't it be great if Farbman designed ______?

Wouldn't it be great if Farbman designed Post Office?

I can't get into the _________