June and Ward to Eddie: Oh go blow it out your ear, you big phony B.S. artist.

(But I bet they sure thought it)

Beaver: Boy, Eddie, I can sure count on you for the best ideas!

Eddie to June: what a disgusting sickeningly-sweet get up! Did Gertrude buy it for you?

Beaver: Please pass the Brussels sprouts.

Wally: May I NOT have a hunk of cake!

Beaver: Guys, maybe you're gonna wear those sweatshirts to school, but I'm not.

Mr. Foster to Lumpy: You got the best test paper-a 98!

June: Ward, I'm going to talk to the Beaver about this problem. You just keeping reading your magazine.

Miss Landers to Judy: shut the f### up you annoying little brat!

(But boy...I bet she thought it!)

Ward (to June): Dear, Mrs. Rayburn is on the phone. She wants you to come over to the school right away.

Miss Landers to the Beaver: I just love it when you swear. Say more!

June (on the phone): Dear, stop at Papa John's and get a pizza for dinner. Remember what everyone likes and doesn't, when you order. Salad too, and breadsticks.

Eddie to Mrs. Cleaver: My what a hideous rag of a dress you have on Mrs. Cleaver.

June: More mashed potatoes, Clarence?

Lumpy: No thank you Mrs. Cleaver. I'm full.

Mr. Foster to Lumpy: Thank you for being my daughter’s new boy toy. I’m gonna make sure give you a big fat A in English even though you’re a big fat idiot.

Larry is a neat enough guy to join the Bloody Fives.

June: Beaver, I don’t want you to eat any more green vegetables; you can have all the cookies you want!

Ward: June, my golly, I am sick of you wearing pearls every darn day! Don't you have any rubies or diamonds?!

Beaver: Wally, I'm goin' downstairs an' tell dad what the real problem is. No more beatin' around the bush!

Beaver: Yum yum. Brussels Sprouts sure taste great. Can I have another heap of them Mom?

Beaver: Hey, Gilbert, let's really take my dad's car for a drive.

Judy to Miss Landers: Everyone was great while you were in the hall Miss Landers!

Ward: "I've got make dinner because June has to work late tonight."

Larry: "Don't do it, Beav. You'll get in trouble."

June: I hate wearing pearls!

Ward's phone call to June: "Fred and I are going down to Hank's Place, and maybe to the
Birdcage, tonight after work. Don't wait up, Dear!"

Lumpy: Hey Daddy, I just got an A+ on my History test.

Wally to June: "Mom, I just love this dancehall dress, can you take it in a little more in
the waist?"

Mrs. Rayburn: Let’s go skinny dipping in Metzger’s Lake!

(^LOL on that! Serious issues picturing it!)

Fred: I really appreciate you, son. I love you and Violet.

Miss Landers to Beaver: Shut the f up Theodore. Kids don’t use foul language. Only adults can!

Fred Haskell: Mr. and Mrs. Cleaver, that Siberian military academy accepted my application and we're sending Eddie there first thing in the morning so how about coming over to our place tomorrow night for the celebration?

Eddie: Go shove it you-know-where Mrs. Cleaver. Is young Theodore around?

George Haskell talking to Ward, in Ward's Den: "Why Ward, I didn't know you had such a extensive collection of VooDoo dolls . . . is that Fred Rutherford??"

June: Brussels Sprouts are ghastly. We’re never having them for dinner. Ever.

June: No Jackie Kennedy hairdo for me!

Mrs. Rayburn: Whoopie cushions for all in the Teacher’s Lounge!

^LOL!

Miss Landers: I'm going to the principal's office for a moment--y'all can do anything you want 'til I return.

Larry: I’m not hungry, I’ll just pick!:lol:

Eddie: Mr. Cleaver, you're a jerk. And who needs your stupid kid as a friend?

Beaver to Aunt Martha: NO! I will not where that crazy pants suit you wacky old biddy!

Mr Mundello , singing while driving down the highway:

"Baby, if you've ever wondered
Wondered whatever became of me
I'm living on the air in WKRP ... in Cincinnat-i-i!"

Aunt Martha: I'm getting tired of making stuffed peppers and beet casserole. Tonight I'm going to make some normal-people food.

Aunt Martha: " I think I'll wait at the train station and see that Wallace and Theodore get on the train." :)

Ward to Miss Landers: would you like to split a fifth of bourbon with me and the Missus?

June: "Ward, the boys just went out, without their masks again!"

Gilbert: Don’t do it Beav; you’ll get into trouble!

Beav: Eddie, why should I believe anything you say? You've got the credibility of Nellie Oleson!

June: the heck with pearls! I’m gonna wear scarves like Isadora Duncan.

June: Beaver, I'm not giving you haircut money. Have Wally do it.

Beaver: I’m so glad my new sweater is a girl’s sweater. I always wanted to dress up in mom’s clothes!

Eddie: Mrs. Cleaver, your kitchen stinks and your dress is ugly!

Gus to Beaver: Darned if I know how to fix this!

Wally: Mom, you want to go see Psycho with me and the Beav?

June: I’m going to wear a dirty ripped dress and go slumming with Gus!

Ward: June, I got you a turquoise necklace at the gas station because I'm sick of you always wearing pearls.

Mrs. Rayburn: Let all the children play hooky for two weeks!

Miss Landers: Chewing gum is now allowed in the classroom.

Mrs. Rayburn: Discipline sucks! Anarchy rules!

June: Eddie, just come in anytime-you don't even need to knock.

Gus: Haven’t a clue how to fix it Beav.

Eddie: Beav, I like you. Let's hang out.

Lumpy: Hey I just got an A+ on my Physics quiz.

June: "Ward, let's have Mr. Fletcher, the trashman, and his wife over for Bridge!"

June: I’m going to wear a mini skirt to the Beaver’s PTA meeting.

Ward: Wally, you need to start dating some older women.

June to painter: I just made a pitcherful of martinis, would you like some?

Ward: June, put your shortest skirt on tonight. We're going dancing!

Gus: Don't slide down the pole, Beaver.

Eddie: I havr no idea who Sam and Gertrude are.

June: "Ward, did you hear? Mrs Mundello just entered Metzgars Field's 25K Run."

Miss Landers to Judy: YOU’re the best classroom spy ever!

Eddie: I'm dating two girls at the same time and their names are Gertrude and Samantha.

Ward to Eddie: Give it a rest, you unctuous full of sh## weasel.

June: "Ward, you're not starting to tape your ears down at night, again, are you?"

Gilbert: Don’t do it Beav! You’ll get into big trouble.

(After Marlene tries kissing Wally)

Wally: Golly

Marlene: Is there something wrong?

Wally: Yeah, you taste like a dirty ashtray.

Aunt Martha: we’re having steak and potatoes for dinner!

Any Cleaver: Aunt Martha, could you make your egg plant casserole again?

June: "Sorry, Ward, I didn't feel like cooking dinner tonight. You're on your own, dear. I already ate."

June: We are having McDonald's tonight. I'm too tired to stand in that hot kitchen all day to cook.

Fred: Glad you got the corner office, Ward. Your ad campaigns are much better than mine.

Aunt Martha: I just bought a snazzy pair of jeans for you Theodore.

Eddie: Mrs. Cleaver, your son Wallace has such a cute pug nose. He gets his good looks from you!

Eddie to June: Awww, cut it out with the squeaking Gertrude! Stop being so prim and proper and let Wally and the Squirt have some fun.

Ward: June! My goodness! Take that stick out of your buns for once!

Aunt Martha: To heck with the sissy pant-suit Theodore, I’m going to buy you a hazmat suit—so you don’t catch anything when you fish at Metzger’s Pond.

Aunt Martha to Uncle Billy: How about I invite you for dinner and you finish telling me your stories over breakfast?

Aunt Martha: I’m serving comfort food tonight: macaroni and cheese and Domino’s pizza!

June: Boys, I'm never going to force you to eat green vegetables again. You'll grow big and strong by eating junk food anyway!

Eddie: Good afternoon Mrs. Cleaver. Go blow it out your ear and shove it! Haha gotcha.

Larry: Apple's are disgusting

Beaver: chocolate cake sucks! Can I have a third helping of Brussels Sprouts mom?

Wally: Hey, Beav, psssst....can you hide this big hunk of cake so I don't have to eat it? I don't want Mom to feel bad I don't like her cake.

June to Beaver: I LOVE your taste in blouses! You must come shopping with me next time.

Ward: June, would you try to dress more casually sometimes? You look so prim and proper all the time and it's unnerving.

Miss Landers to Judy: Judy, thanks for letting me know Larry and the Beaver were giggling while I was taking a smoke break outside. Let’s see, that’s two days of detention for Larry and Beaver, and one week for you Judy for being such a brown-nose snitch. And TEN extra credit points for whoever first decks Judy during recess! :lol:

:lol:

Beaver: Yes, Larry, the jungle movie was really good. But there were too many apes and not enough kissing.

:lol:

Now that would have been FUN to see!

Judy: Miss Landers, while you were out in the Hall with Mrs. Rayburn everyone behaved beautifully. Beaver even picked up some books that fell off my desk.

Ward, to Beaver: Go anywhere you want, just be back by suppertime.

Ward to Miss Landers: So glad to hear the Beaver is acing Arithmetic.

Fats Flanaghan:"Miss Landers, I'd appreciate it if you would accompany me to the Mayfield Founders Dance, we'll be double-dating with Uncle Billy and Miss Marlene Holmes."

June: Look how you turned out, Eddie! My compliments to your parents!

June - I love that Eddie Haskell. He said mayonnaise upsets his stomach, so I’m putting roasted garlic on his sandwich instead. He's worth the extra time and effort.

Ward to Fred: Fred, your boy Lumpy is one smart dude!

Eddie to Ward "you were a little rough on the Beaver last night"

Judy: Beaver you are the coolest boy ever!

Larry to Judy: Your pigtails are so cute!

Miss Landers: Go stuff it Judy!

Eddie: That Mrs. Rayburn is really a hot number!

Mrs. Rayburn (in return): C’mere Eddie, you hot little number!

:) LOL

Mary Ellen Rogers: That Clarence Rutherford is adorable!

Beav to Larry "How come your 1/2 eaten apple never turns brown ?"

Beaver: Dad, Mrs. Rayburn wants to see you and Mom in her office tomorrow! She must want to tell you some good news!

Beaver: Eddie you’re the smartest guy I know & I love it when you play dirty tricks on me.

Wally: I'm going to nominate Lumpy for Class President because he is the smartest guy I know!

Miss Landers: Judy you’re the most diabolical snitch ever. I’m nominating you as a Junior CIA intern.

Miss Landers: Judy you’re the most diabolical snitch ever. I’m nominating you as a Junior CIA intern.

CIA = diabolical

100% agree

June: Ya know Ward, I better stop snooping in the boys room ...

Judy to Miss Landers: I think Beaver is the coolest boy I know.

Miss Landers: Today is my last day teaching here so I want to thank all my students for all your support and friendship down the years and I hope we all can keep in touch. Everyone except for, you Judy Hinsler. You're nothing but a snitch & snotty creep and I never want to see or hear from you again as long as you live!

Beaver: I think a guy wearing a girl’s sweater is really cool.

Ward to Wally: Mrs. Donaldson is smoking hot!

Wally: "Beaver ripped my dress."

Oh wait...

Wally: Hey Beav, you are NEVER EVER a little goof!

Beaver calls his father a "Big Dope".

Judy: I am the most gullible kid in the class.

Mrs. Rayburn: Mr. and Mrs. Cleaver, wondering what your son Theodore will pull next on my watch is the joy of my life!

Miss Landers: Oh Judy, please shut the f### up!

Judy to Larry: You are such a hunk, Lawrence!

Miss Landers: Judy, Mrs. Rayburn is so grateful to you for all your tattling. You’ve saved her a ton of money not having to bug all the classrooms. Here’s a $20 gift certificate .

Judy: Wow, Beaver, you're the best baseball player I've ever seen!

Lumpy to his father: Hey daddy guess what, I got an A+ in remedial reading.

Gus: I can't talk to you now! I've gotta help put out a FIRE!

Ward to Eddie: I love the way you doctored Beaver’s report card. Do you think you could forge an extra zero on much oaycheck?

Miss Rayburn to Gus: You set my heart afire!!

Beaver to Wally: I love getting the business-especially from Eddie.

June: That Judy is so polite. I wish you would invite her over for dinner, Beaver.

Judy: No Miss Landers I have no idea who put that Whoopie cushion on your chair. And even if I did, I would never snitch on one of my classmates.

Eddie: Judy, I know I'm a few years older, but if we ever got married, not only would we wipe out the Cleavers but our children would wipe out Mayfield!

Larry: Mother, stop giving me apples. Could you give me a peach or pear occasionally?

Judy: Miss Landers, everyone behaved perfectly in class this month. I have nothing to report.

Beaver: Gilbert, all of your schemes end up getting me into trouble so NO WAY WILL I GO WITH YOU THIS TIME.

Mrs. Rayburn to Beaver: I love the way you fudged your book report. Could you show my granddaughter how to do it?

Mrs. Rayburn to Gus: As flattered as I am by your interest, I think it's safe to say that even your grandson would be too old for me!

Miss Landers: I love it when I see you boys fighting in the halls; I’d never send you to Mrs. Rayburn because of it.

Gus: Beaver, wanna ride with me as I drive to that big fire across town?!

Gus: darned if I know how to fix that typewriter!

Gus: Of course I'm not too old to be a firefighter? Why do you ask?

Benjie: Beaver, you and Larry are full of sh##; no way Beaver is a rock!

Gus: Why do I still come to the fire station? My grandfather's the fire captain!

Eddie Haskell- "Gee Mrs. Cleaver your dress looks horrible."

Larry: I would never take advantage of you. Eager!

Eddie: Hey, Ward, Ol' Boy, how's it hanging?

June to Beaver: I love the ”Parisienne” blouse you gave me for my birthday. I will wear it EVERYWHERE!

June: Now, Ward, Beaver has the common sense and maturity to deal with any issue.

Benjie to adults: What a crock! Beaver’s not a rock. He’s a butterfly now silly.

June (to herself) : I'm going to smother Eddie's sandwich in mayonnaise and see if he has a reaction.

June to Eddie: Hellp Eddie, you big phony b.s. artist.

Ward: Honestly, June, I'm sick of your dinners. Can't we get some of that take-out pizza across town?

June: I’m tired of wearing pearls around my neck; from now on I’m wearing oysters.

Larry: My father caught me eating apple pie in bed, and he brought me another slice.

Beaver (to June): I told dad I tried to do a handstand on the Piedmont Street bridge, but couldn't balance, and he told me to go try it again. OK, Mom?

June: OK, Beav. Good luck! Just try not to fall in the river--it's been dredged and it's pretty deep at the bridge.

Beaver: Thanks, Mom. After that the guys 'n' me are gonna get our feet jiggled.

June: From now on the only vegetable I’m serving is French fries.

Beaver: Mom, can you make me Brussels Sprouts for lunch please? Please??!!??

Judy: Miss Landers, I think Theodore Cleaver is the finest boy I know. And my mentor, Edward Haskell, also thinks young Theodore is a fine little fellow.

Mrs. Rayburn: Eddie Haskell is such a good boy. He's so great in school, he gets A+ in every class. And now he's reading to blind kids at the orphanage!

Mrs. Mondello to Larry: No I will not tell your father about this; I’ll whoop your butt myself!

Wally: "Dad, where's mom?"

Ward: "She's upstairs digging through your trash."

Larry: I don't know why I always eat apples, Beaver. I really should start eating ice cream sandwiches instead; they're better!

Ward: Beaver, your composition on me was lousy.

June to Ward: I never worry about Beaver dear.

Ward: June, you sure could lose some weight.

Ward: Of course Wally buy Myra that orchid. In fact buy her two and buy an extra one for your Mom.

June: No, Beaver, you don't have to eat your vegetables ever again. Just eat more cake to make up for it.

Beaver to Penny: You are the cutest girl ever! Let’s go on a date.

Lumpy: I've studied my history and I'm gonna get a nice big Asey-Wayse.

June: I’m wearing cut-off dungarees today.

June: Ward, would hand me my mini-skirt? I want to wear it to the PTA meeting along with the ooh-la-la blouse.

June: Beaver that Paris blouse is great. I’m going to wear it everywhere.

June: Ward, I want one of those monster sweatshirts Beaver bought.

Wally: I’m looking forward to dressing up as a girl for the play!

Lumpy: Yes, Daddy! I got straight A's on all my tests and I'm thinking about studying to become a rocket scientist.

Beaver: I think the house on Cooper street is really cool. Not scared of it at all.

Lumpy: I'm going to go on a strict diet of salad and veggies so people will stop calling me Lumpy.

Larry: (lol) and I’m going to follow Lumpy’s example too!

Mr Mondello to Mrs Mondello: "Marjorie, the next time I go to Cincinnati, I'm taking you with me!"

Mrs. Mondello to Larry: To heck with your father—I’m going to whoop you myself!

Lumpy: Freckles, I'll pay YOU to wash my car.

Miss Landers to Judy: shut your face you little brown-nosed snitch!

Beaver: Wally, would you throw that walkie-talkie out, so we can focus on the A-Story, me looking like a jerk in the school picture?

Miss Landers at recess: Children, let’s enact a scene from The Lottery by Shirley Jackson. Judy you picked the “winning” sheet, so....everyone let’s start throw pebbles at her!

Eddie: Ever since Clarence cut out sweets and started working out, we've been calling him 'Ripped' instead of 'Lumpy'.

"Beaver and Chuey":

Beaver: Dad, why did Eddie tell me to say that bad thing to Chuey in Spanish?
Ward: It's all because of systemic racism, Beaver.

"Mothers' Day Composition":

Mrs. Rayburn: Can anyone suggest a topic for our composition?
Whitey: How about submarines?
Mrs. Rayburn: I don't think that would be fair to the girls.
Judy: Now, that's a sexist remark if I ever heard one, Mrs. Rayburn!

Lumpy: Daddy, guess what: I just got a 96 on my Nuclear Physics test by Mr. Foster

Fred Rutherford: No teeing off this week, Ward. I got a hernia trying to lift Clarence's lightest barbell!

Fred: Clarence, if you don't get out of my hair, I'll make you disappear like your older brother!

Judy: Miss Landers, everyone behaved beautifully when you went outside to speak to Mrs. Rayburn, and Beaver cleaned your eraser.

June: Ward, let's do something really goofy tonight. I'm tired of being so stiff.

Violet: Rats? Eewwwwww...

Beaver: Ice cream again tonight, Mom? I wanted Brussels sprouts, my favorite!

Beaver: Eddie, bring Wolf on in. He won't hurt Puff Puff.

Beaver: Eddie you’re the smartest guy I know!

June: Hi, guys! Here's something new this morning: Carnation Instant Breakfast--drink up!

June: I think Brussels Sprouts are disgusting and unhealthy. I’ll never serve them here.

June: Wally, stop trying to carve the roast. You're too young to do that--you couldn't even handle Beaver's swearing in school.

Lumpy: Hey Daddy do you have a book on Existential Philosophy I can read?

Fred: Clarence, my boy, it doesn't matter that you got a D in mathematics. The important thing is that you are trying.

Miss Landers to Judy: Go sit on the corner, you little obnoxious brown-nosing snitch!

Miss Landers to Angela Valentine: Nobody seems to know you. Assert yourself!

June: Ward ! Mix me up a good stiff drink like the old days when I was a Gin Joint Dancer !

Eddie: Hey everyone: I’m going into the fertilizer business with Sam and Gertrude!

June: Beaver, I can't lie--that ooh-la-la blouse is horrible. I'd rather have one with pictures of Texas oil wells.

Chuckie: I promise NEVER to throw a temper tantrum to get something I want!

Mrs. Rayburn: Angela Valentine, thank you for wearing that wig to salute our First Lady, Mrs. Kennedy!

June: No more green vegetables, ever.

June: You boys are so stupid sometimes. I guess you take after your father!

Eddie: you are quite the babe Mrs. Cleaver!

Benjie: I never believed Beaver was a rock. I was just foolin' around.

Mrs. Rayburn: Theodore, your goofy face really spiced up our dreary schoolbook.

Fred (leaving the Langley wedding): Take your time getting our car, Wally. We're in no rush.

Beaver and Larry: we can hardly wait to go to dance class!

Larry: I'm always eating apples but I never lose weight.

Gilbert: Hey Beaver, let’s not do anything that’ll get either of us in trouble.

Gilbert: I'm the LAST person who would ever do anything wrong!

Mrs. Rayburn: Let’s all get down and boogie!

June: Ward, take me with you to the dump next time you go.

Eddie to Ward and June: Stuff it, you uptight old prigs.

Eddie to Ward and June: Stuff it, you uptight old prigs.

prig
/priɡ/

noun
plural noun: prigs

a self-righteously moralistic person who behaves as if superior to others.

June: Cut it out, Eddie. You'll always be a loser.

Principal to Lumpy: Congratulations Lawrence, You’re going to be our valedictorian.

Ward: Beaver, keep away from that firehouse. Gus is just an old coot who doesn't know anything.

Ward: Eddie, what a fine sincere young man you are. Of course you can go upstairs and play with Wallace and young Theodore.

Wally: Wow, Beav, your Paul Revere poster is really great--it should win the prize!

Larry: ice cream sundaes? Yecch! Can I have boiled liver please?

Larry: My mom keeps giving me apples but I want popcorn balls. Life sucks.

June: Wally, I love the fact that you’re getting a driver’s license. Just be sure do never drive below 60!

Beaver: I'm not stupid enough to join a record club.

Wally: I love giant women!

Ward: Stop talking, you little goof, and let me repair this lamp in peace. Also you can take that pencil and shove it!

Eddie: You’re a hot ol’ broad June!

June (ripping off her pearls): I'm tired of pearls. Ward, buy me emeralds or rubies tonight!

June: You know Ward, that Eddie is such a sincere young man. :lol:

Ward: Beaver, you don't need that fireman's help. Just come to me when you need your typewriter oiled.

June to Eddie: No, young Theodore and Wallace are not home, you big phony b.s. artist!

Wally: Beaver, you never bug me. Follow me around as much as you want.

Miss Landers: You are the best spy ever Judy! So tell me, who misbehaved while I took my smoke break?

Beaver: That Judy sure is cute!

Beaver to Miss Landers: go blow it our your ear Alice!