Larry: Beav, my parents mentioned your folks having problems with porch pilots. How about we see if can get Captain Jack and his alligators to take care of them?

Wally: "We'll be back, mom and dad, Eddie and I are going to see The Human Centipede."

Eddie: "I like to watch these films to see how medically accurate they are."

Beaver: I'd like to go up in space with Bezos, next time he goes.

BS Artist! Perfect! Eddie's picture should be next to the definition in the dictionary!

June: Ward, I'm checking the "Ring" doorbell. Who is that idiot out there?

Lumpy: I'm hoping Captain Kangaroo will explain what how a netcloud works!

Beaver: Dad, I just got a robocall. The voice said they were automatically renewing my virus protection and billing me $399. They want me to call if I want to cancel it. What do ya think?

Ward: Think it out, Beav. If you don't even know what they're talking about, it's a scam.

^LOL

Beaver: Are we having Spam for dinner tonight? I thought Spam was something on a computer?

Lumpy: Guys, do we know exactly where the Bellport Amusement Park is? Did anybody bring a map?

Eddie: Your dad's right, what a boob you are! We use GPS now.

Lumpy: Stop calling me Lumpy. That's bullying! Be kind!

Eddie: Surely you jest!

Lumpy: Stop calling me Shirley!

Eddie: Hate the game, not the playa.

Eddie, to the barber: Aren't you from Mayberry?

The barber to Wally: Your pug nose makes your hair look thinner.

Barber to Tooey: You look like you're going bald at 13.

Barber to Ward: Ward, Ol' Boy, you would look great with a buzz cut. You could really impress Fred and your boys.

Barber to Beaver: You really do look like a sheepdog. I can take care of that. I can also bleach that peach fuzz over your lip.

June: Do these pearls make my neck look big?

June: I'm sick of these pearls. Plus they're fake.

Ward: I hope the boss puts an end to Casual Fridays.

June: Don't tell me Fred Rutherford wore his Bermuda shorts and golf shirt to work!

Ward: No, he just wore his swimming trunks and glasses.!

Beaver: Aww, gee, mom, nobody wears a suit and tie to church anymore.

Beaver: Forcing me to eat Brussels Sprouts is child abuse. I'm going to report you to the police and find a social worker to help me escape the horror.

Beaver: Dad, you might not know it, but I snapped a picture of you ogling the waitress at Olive Garden. Now are you gonna let me go to the jalopy races?

Ward: No, I'm going to take away your I-Phone.

^ LOL

Ward: Wally, let's have lunch at Hooter's today!

^LOL

Wally: Beaver, I'm not talkin' about a mouse like Peter Gunn--I'm talkin' about the mouse on your computer!

Beaver: Gilbert, are you sure computer mice prefer gouda over American cheese?

Beaver: Thanks for the typewriter, Dad, but I don't think people are using 'em anymore.

Eddie: I have 999 friends on Facebook. Mrs. Cleaver, would you do me the honor of being my 1,000th?

Ward: What's for dinner?

June: I'm nuking some Lean Cuisine tonight.

Beaver: "Hey Dad, I told Judy I thought her pig-tails were ugly and she said she's reporting me to the #MeToo movement.'

Violet: So what happened when you reported Beaver's comment about your pig tails to the Me Too movement?

Judy: The worst! They reported back to me that they AGREED with him about my pigtails and attitude!

Judy: That Miss Landers is such a little snitch. I hate her.

Miss Landers, to the class: Was everyone good when I was with Mrs. Rayburn?

Judy: I wouldn't know. I was, but I don't pay attention to others' behavior.

Judy: Larry is so hot. I'd like to be one of his apples.

June: Larry, here'a a candy bar for you.

Lsrry: No thank you, Mrs. Cleaver. I'm on a diet.

Larry: Mrs. Cleaver, don't you have any Power Bars? I'm turning this extra poundage into muscle!

June: I'm joining the Anti-Carb Movement so stop asking me to bake bread, Ward!

June: Just so you know, Ward, anything I buy will be gluten free. Also I think the boys have a peanut allergy.

And as long as I'm unloading, I have fibromyalgia. So don't touch me, it hurts everywhere--just stay in your single and I'll stay in mine.

Ward: But June, we conceived the boys with my consoling you over your blues and blahs!

June: I need help around the house. Ward, hire me a maid so I can relax more.

Ward: But Minerva did nothing but get on your last nerve and she disappeared after she saw the alligator in the tank!

June: Ward, I'm getting sick of hearing about all your old girlfriends!

Ward: See what I did there? Minerva? Nerve? I'm a riot!

Ward: By the way who names anybody Minerva?

Ward: I'm tired of driving the Plymouth. June, let's get a sports car.

Ward: I'm tired of driving the Plymouth. June, let's get a sports car.

Ward: I'm tired of driving the Plymouth. "June, let's drive Beaver's sports car, we never ever did sell that car !"

I think as the show progressed the parents got hip to Eddie's BS artist bit!

June: This is the last time I'm riding in Wally's back seat. I'm tired of having a spring up my a$$!

smile

^ June: Ward! I warned you about my fibromyalgia! Get that thing outta here!

Ward: June, did you send that spammer money again? You're so dumb! Those are scams!

Ward: June, you're mixing up Spam and spam again. Spam at the store--never buy it--spam in email, never open it.

June: Ward, you speak to me like I'm a complete moron. Show me some respect!

June: Could you just once not lose your temper with the Beaver? He is just a little boy and he's not perfect like you claim to be!

Wally: Eddie, if you don't stop disrespecting my parents, I'm going to have to kill you.

Beaver: Richard, take your family's blankety-blank laundry down to the laundrymat.

Beaver, to Larry: My mom can't tell my dad what to do in here 'cause it's his man-cave.

Wally: Hey, Larry, would it be okay for me to meet your sister because I might want to date her.

Ward: June, get in the bedroom now! I need to let off some steam.

June: Ward--dear--what did I just tell you about my fibromyalgia?

June: Ward! Boys! It's snowing!!

Beaver: Mom, I don't get it. Every time we go outside, the streets are wet. And it didn't rain.

Beaver: Mom, can I go trick or treating?

June: What is that?

Wally: Hey, Mom! Can you take me to the beach so I can go surfing?

Wally: They shouldn't have hired me to be a lifeguard. I can't even doggie paddle.

Wally: My pug nose is so hot, all the girls want me.

Beaver: All the eighth grade girls go ga-ga over my sheepdog look.

Eddie: Theodore, you are adorable!

Beaver: Aw, let that canoe float away. I see trouble if we go after it.

Beaver: I like wearing shoes that don't fit. I don't see the problem with ice skates that don't fit neither.

Richard: Come on out on the ice, Beav.

Beaver: I can't--I fall with these skates. I don't care though--I like 'em.

Wally: Hey, Beav, which state do we live in again? Did they ever tell us?

^ continued

Beaver: You got me--all I know is Mayfield USA. You're goin' for your driver's test in a few days--if ya pass check your license.

^ continued

Beaver: You got me--all I know is Mayfield USA. You're goin' for your driver's test in a few days--if ya pass check your license.

:lol:

Beaver: Miss Landers, will I flunk Geography if I don't know which state we live in?

^Miss Landers: No, Theodore, I'm just a recurring here and I don't know, either. Now, excuse me, I'm going outside for a smoke.

Mrs. Rayburn: Hey, Miss L. wanna join me for a smoke break in the Girl's Bathroom?

Mrs. Rayburn: Theodore, between your tongue sticking out in the picture and that funny sweatshirt, I want to thank you for bringing some laughs to Grant Avenue School!

Beaver: Miss Landers, you are smoking hot!

Miss Landers: Beaver, don't worry about saying that $##/\** bad word.

Beaver: Judy, you are so sweet. Want to be my Valentine?

Eddie: Hey, Beav, wanna be my pal?

Judy: Violet, by tattling on Beaver all the time, that guarantees he'll notice me and maybe want to go out with me!

Ward: June, for goodness sake, do you spend ALL day on Facebook? You haven't even washed the dishes from breakfast yet!!!!

June: Did you notice I unfriended you today?

June: Did you notice I unfriended you today?

:D

Ward: Well, that Fred keeps posting pictures of Lumpy and I don't know how to tell him to stop tagging me or whatever the kids say nowadays. Some of those Lump pics make my eyes bleed.

June: Please, Ward, not while we're eating! Just block his tags. If you don't know how to do it I'll do it for you.

Beaver: Want to see my TikTok?

Beaver: Want to see my TikTok?

Lumpy: Sure. Is yours as big as Grandfather Clock on 'Captain Kangaroo'?

June: Boys, I'm tracking your Instagram, you know.

Wally: Hey, Mom, Facebook is for old folks now. Get with it.

June: Ward, I'm having trouble with all this new stuff, like microwaves and IPads.

Ward: Oh, June, just get Wally to teach you all the new stuff! He's great at it!

June: Beaver, what are you talking about--Whitey's allergic to peanuts? There is no such allergy!

Eddie: Gee, Mrs. Cleaver, first you to try to poison Whitey with peanut butter and now you're trying to murder me with mayonnaise. Psycho much?

Eddie: It's okay to try to do me in with mayonnaise, Mrs. Cleaver since you're wearing a lovely dress!

Ward: In my day kids weren't allergic to peanuts and mayonnaise. We were boys not sissies!

Ward: In my day kids weren't allergic to peanuts and mayonnaise. We were boys not sissies!


:lol:

Wally: Well, Dad, screw you. I'm leaving home!

Wally: Well, Dad, screw you. I'm leaving home!

June: Wally, you can't leave home! You'll get your feet wet and die of pneumonia. You march up to your room for using a 'no-no'word!

Wally: Well, Dad, screw you. I'm leaving home!

Ward: Look, you goody two shoes, you're stayin' here, or I won't recommend you for Alpha Kappa! Now, if you'll excuse me, I gotta go lie down--my rheumatism is getting worse.

:lol::crazy::happyface

June: I'm sick of you boys. I wish you'd grow a pair, Ward! I'm going to go play bridge with Mrs. Rutherford.

Beaver: Wally, how is it we constantly hear bunches of folks laughing after almost every sentence we say no matter wherever we are, but we never SEE them?

Ward: June, something's burning in the kitchen.

June: Well then get your a** out there and turn off the burner.

Beaver:

Don't worry, Mom! I'll call the fire department and they'll send Gus over in plenty of time to put out the fire before I get to be his age. Wally, what's the number for 9-1-1?

Beaver: What's the number for 9-1-1? What's 9-1-1?

Wally: You little goof!!

Beaver: Hey, Wally, what's the number for 9-1-1?

Wally: You idiot! Call 4-1-1 and ask them!

Wally: Beaver, do you know what short-sheeted means?

Eddie: Mrs. Cleaver, do you wear those pearls to bed?

June: That's for Mr. Cleaver to know and you to never find out, Eddie!

Wally: Uncle Billy, gimme a puff of your cigar!

Aunt Martha: Boys, are you SURE your Uncle Billy's not taken?

Aunt Martha: June, you're raising your boys to be little monkeys!

Wally: Uncle Billy, you're telling me you yelled at Beaver for sneaking another kid into the movies? Haven't mom and dad told you what a goof he is? Pick your battles...even I know that!

Uncle Billy: You're getting too big for your britches, Wally! Butt out or I'll clobber you!

Wally: Look who's talkin'! Get a load of that beer belly of yours!

Beaver: When I wear my girl sweater, I feel pretty.

Beaver: I feel like my my high, little kid voice goes well with this sweater. Doncha think, Wally?

Beaver: Next Halloween, I'm going to dress up like Lumpy to scare all the little kids.

Lumpy: I dress as myself every year and NEVER get any Halloween candy!

Lumpy: I'm so handsome. I'm surprised Wally isn't more jealous of me than he is. He's probably hiding it.

Larry: I'm sick of marbles. I think you lost your marbles, Beaver.

June: Ward, let's go out to Pizza Hut.

Ward: Doesn't Mayfield have a Porridge Hut instead?

June: Ward, really? Porridge? Our son is named Beaver, not Oliver Twist.

June: Psst, Wally, got a cigarette? I need one and I'm out.

Wally: Hey, Dad, do you and Mom sleep in the same bed?

Ward: No, your mother and I don't actually SLEEP in the same bed. That's how you two boys got here!

Wally: Ewwwwwwwwwwwwwwww! You guys had sex twice!

Eddie: "Hey Mrs. Cleaver, can I hock your pearls to bail my folks out of jail? They got caught smokin' weed again."

June: Why didn't your parents just buy their own pearls with the proceeds?

Mrs. Rayburn: You know, June, you might want to try wearing gold jewelry occasionally for a change from pearls.

Mrs. Rayburn: You know, June, you might want to try wearing gold jewelry occasionally for a change from pearls.

June: No can do. I married a diver NOT a miner!

Mrs. Rayburn: You know, June, you might want to try wearing gold jewelry occasionally for a change from pearls.

Thank you for the advice, Cornelia, but I'll stick with pearls or Ward might clam up on me.

Mrs. Rayburn: June, if you're tired of Ward could I give him a whirl?

Mrs. Rayburn: June, if you're tired of Ward could I give him a whirl?

June: It wouldn't work. He's too big to fit into any washing machine!

Mrs. Thompson (in the school hall, to June): You have the husband who doesn't DO anything.

June: I wouldn't say that, or I wouldn't be here at the school!

Ward: I want to punch Fred in the face!

Ward: I want to punch Fred in the face!

Gwen Rutherford: Take the next number behind me!

Fred: Gwen, why can't you look as nice as June Cleaver always does? You're a hot mess.

Fred: Gwen, you're always changing your "look." Sometimes I think I keep changing wives. I swear, I even think your name was Geraldine a few years ago.

Lumpy: With a name like mine, you know I could grow up to be a serial killer, Daddy.

Lumpy: With a name like mine, you know I could grow up to be a serial killer, Daddy.

Fred: At least you'd be doing something for me to write up for our family's Christmas newsletters instead of just staying a blah lump!

Ward, to June: So what if Wally likes the cleaning woman's daughter? Don't be a snob! You're acting just like when Beaver went over to the garbage man's house.

Ward, to June: So what if Wally likes the cleaning woman's daughter? Don't be a snob! You're acting just like when Beaver went over to the garbage man's house.

June- Wasn't it enough for our family that I married beneath me?!

Ward: WHO bought you those pearls?

Ward: WHO bought you those pearls?

June: They came with the Cracker Jack box!

Ward: Huh, that's better than the tie you gave me for Christmas that came from Woolworth's.

June: Don't you dare go down that rode War Cleaver ! If it were not for my family connections getting you your job we'd be no better than off than those people Beaver met that collect our trash !

Ward: Look, if you wanna get down in the trenches, why don't you finish that story about the French girl Aunt Martha started? Or is it too much of a stain on the Bronson name?

Wally: Mom and Dad, you guys are trashy! Yikes!

June:
Wally, the only trashy things in this house were those old girly magazines I found under your mattress while snooping around your room ! Your grounded to your room, and I burned those crusty old magazines in the fireplace ! You cleaned up the ashes with Margie Manners !

Wally: Well, Mom. If you're going to be such a B-----, I'll just go live at Eddie's. His mom is cool.

Beaver: Gee Wally, you would be better off at Mary Ellen Rogers house, her dad has the electric trains set up ! Besides Eddy is a sneaky creep !

Beaver: Gee Wally, you would be better off at Mary Ellen Rogers house, her dad has the electric trains set up ! Besides Eddy is a sneaky creep !

Wally: I'd have better luck getting Mrs. Rayburn to put me up in her garage!

Beaver: Gee Wally - Where the heck do we live in the United States ?

Wally: Golly Beaver you're a dumb kid. It's Mayfield USA.

Beaver: Hey, Dad? Larry asked me what kind of cookies are on the laptop. He thinks they're chocolate chip. I think he's stupid.

Beaver: Gee Wally, there are 21 places named Mayfield in America ! Which one are we ?

Wally: I got to do everything for you ? Go figure it out!

Beaver: How can I figure it out when these rotating writers give inconsistent info in our story lines ?

Wally: That's Show Biz Beav !

Ward: Laptop? June, get me the Websters!

Beaver: Hey, Dad? Larry asked me what kind of cookies are on the laptop. He thinks they're chocolate chip. I think he's stupid.

Ward: He sure is! They're butter pecan! How can he see the cookies I have on the plate that I've set on my lap anyway?

June: Laptop, Ward--get with the program! Look it up on Wikipedia.

Ward: Is that anything like the Mercury program?

June: We're not talking thermometers. Why don't you take some Geritol and see if it clears your mind a little?

Wally : Mom, why do you store the Geritol in the spice cabinet next to the vanilla extract instead of the medicine chest?

June: Because I enjoy a swig of one or the other or both when I'm thawing out TV dinners.

Beaver: Gee, Mom, many chocolate milk shakes do you plan to make to use up all those Maraschino cherries on the other side of the vanilla extract?

June: i believe in telling kids the truth, Beaver--and the truth is I use those when I mix my martinis--they make a nice addition. By the way can you reach me a toothpick over there?

Beaver: You mean, you trimmed last year's Christmas tree into a toothpick instead of having Santa taking it back to the North Pole after New Year's Day like Dad said?

Beaver: Hey, Wally, where do babies come from huh? Help a kid out.

Wally: Watch the cartoons on Saturday morning. The stork brings 'em.

Wally: Watch the cartoons on Saturday morning. The stork brings 'em.

Beaver: Wally, the stork doesn't bring cartoons. The television set DOES!

Wally: What a stupid kid you are! Where do ya think the cartoons come from? Thru the air?

Beaver: Wally, what is social media and how do I get on it?

Wally: Don't ask me. I'm still trying to find out where the sex revolution is and how to get there!

June: Boys, I'm still trying to get Ward to find my G spot but it seems futile. (sigh)

Beaver (whispering): Psst, Wally, what's mom talkin' about?

Wally: She's talkin' about music notes. He doesn't play as good as he used to.

Beaver: I sucked at the clarinet. And Dad sucks at playing Mom?

Wally: Golly, Beaver, you're a stupid kid. It's about his old sax in the attic. Now shut up and do your fractions.

June: Ward, why is that these days you've done fractions of attic sax compared to before we had the boys?

Beaver: We have an attic?

June: I didn't even know we had a sax. I know we don't even have...uh, never mind.

Wally: Mother! Watch your mouth in front of the Beav!

Beaver: Thanks for the short pants, Aunt Martha! I can't wait to wear them with my flip-flops so everything from my feet to knees gets air-conditioned in school!

Ward: Aunt Martha, your beet casserole is the pits.

Beaver: Gee Wally how come we never see mom's dainties on the clothes line ?

Richard, to Beaver: See all that stuff on the clothes line? Let's play dress-up.

June: What clothes line? We've had a dryer ever since Harriet Nelson helped get our Hotpoint for a song!

Ward: Speaking of Harriet Nelson, didn't she also get you some Listerine?

Ward: Speaking of Harriet Nelson, didn't she also get you some Listerine?

June: Yes, I used it to clean those old paint brushes you had in the garage!

June: Yes, I used it to clean those old paint brushes you had in the garage!

Ward: And I used it to try and get tree sap off my hunting jacket. But it burned a hole in it. They really need to make something besides that yellow stuff--maybe someday...

June: Ward ,don't you know Listerine was developed as a famine douse but it busted out, so they re-introduced it as mouth wash - (true story)

Ward: Wow, that stuff sure makes the rounds! Wonder who thought of that change. Say, I wonder what it'd do for Wally's athlete's foot.

Ward: Wow, that stuff sure makes the rounds! Wonder who thought of that change. Say, I wonder what it'd do for Wally's athlete's foot.

Wally: But if I soaked my socks in Listerine, wouldn't I get a cold from wet feet or would the Listerine overcome the wet?*

* [until the US Federal Trade Commission ordered the company to cease doing so in 1976, the makers of Listerine advertised that it was supposed to prevent and remedy sore throats and colds]

Ward: Wally, I think you've been around Beaver too much--he's rubbing off on you. Now cool it with the stupid comments--why don't you go over to Julie's?

Ward: June, all you do all day is eat bon bons and watch The Secret Storm. Could you manage to pick up a broom for once?

June: Wrong again. I also watch Love of Life, and that title is something you make really difficult.

^ :)

Ward: Stuff it, June! I'm staying on Fred's couch tonight.

Beaver, to Wally, both listening on the stairs: They're both gettin' in some good ones.

Lumpy: Eddie, Mr. Cleaver stayed over at my house last night. Wait til you hear what I overheard him tell Daddy!

Eddie (after hearing): OK Lump, I'm goin' in on this 'cause you don't know what to do. You go to Mr. Cleaver, make sure you're alone, tell him what you heard, an' then you tell him you could either go to Mrs. Cleaver an' tell her, or give you a hundred bucks. Then we split it 50-50.

Lumpy: But if we tore a 100 Dollar bill in half, how would it turn into two 50 Dollar bills?

Eddie: I gotta admit, you're right once in awhile. Get 2 50s from him.

Beaver: Darn it. I ordered a train set but that porch pirate took it before I could get it.

Eddie: I gotta admit, you're right once in awhile. Get 2 50s from him.

Later on. .

Lumpy: Eddie, Mr. Cleaver immediately coughed up these two 50s just like you suggested and I think he called me a 'chum'. These bills sure are cute with the pictures of houses and choo-choo locomotives on them! And the best part is that Mr. Cleaver said that we'd be richer than all the other players whenever someone would break out a Monopoly game!

Eddie: You stupid oaf! And he must've said CHUMP! OK here's what you do--take both our 50s to the store, and ask them to give you two twenties and and a ten for each one. (Lumpy starts to leave). See ya (door closes)...in about 10 years.

Eddie: You stupid oaf! And he must've said CHUMP! OK here's what you do--take both our 50s to the store, and ask them to give you two twenties and and a ten for each one. (Lumpy starts to leave). See ya (door closes)...in about 10 years.

Lumpy: Eddie,that sure was easy! The guy at the toy store was happy to exchange the two 50s for four 20s and two 10s- and they all have those little houses and choo-choo locomotives on them! Now, we'll REALLY be ready to have an edge any time someone breaks out the Monopoly boards! Time sure flew fast, it doesn't seem like ten years instead of a half hour!

Eddie: Go watch Captain Kangaroo. I give up!

Eddie: Go watch Captain Kangaroo. I give up!

A few minutes later. ..

Lumpy: Eddie forgot his 50! Oh well, next time we play Monopoly, I'll have a hundred extra smackeroos! And to think, I learned how to outflank him from watching Bunny Rabbit wear down Captain Kangaroo for extra carrots!

Lumpy (watching): Boy, Mr. Green Jeans is cool!

Eddie:

not as cool a dancing bear !

Beaver: Hey, Wally, what's a virgin?

Wally: I think it has to do with those Bloody Marys mom makes with JUST tomato juice when the minister comes over to discuss bake sales.

Beaver: Ha! Wally, i was just testin' ya. When I asked the lady with the crystal ball, she looked in the future and said it was a record label in the next century.

Beaver: When I grow up, I'm going to marry Judy because she makes the best Brussels Sprouts Casserole in the world.

Wally: You little goof, how can you talk about marryin' Judy? She'd still be tellin' on you!

Beaver: Lissen, Wally, if there's two things about me you should know, it's I love Brussels sprouts, and keepin' my hair neat.

Wally: What's your hair got to do with it?

Beaver: Nothin', I just added it.

Beaver: I think I'll combine my two favorite things and make a magic hair potion. If I mix Brussel Sprouts with my hair gel, my hair is going to be so glossy and thick.

Beaver: I think I'll combine my two favorite things and make a magic hair potion. If I mix Brussel Sprouts with my hair gel, my hair is going to be so glossy and thick.

Beaver: Plus maybe if I rub it on my freckles, they'll go sway.

Wally: Brussels sprouts in hair gel will smell so bad that it'll only get the neighborhood rats to run for the hills.

Beaver: But it might get Judy interested in me!

Beaver: I can use the extra hair gel to feed my pet rat.

Lumpy: Beaver, can I get some of your hair gel? Mommy wants it to feed our own pet rat!

Beaver: I'm never going to marry a woman who forces me to eat my vegetables.

Ward: Beaver, zip your lip or I'll bust your chops.

Beaver: I'm never going to marry a woman who forces me to eat my vegetables.

Ward: I once thought I could hold out on that issue but then I realized that that wasn't the hill to die on since I'm not cut out to be a hermit.

Wally: Sure, Dad. We all know you needed sex so you forced yourself to eat Mom's vegetable casseroles. What a sell-out.

Wally: Sure, Dad. We all know you needed sex so you forced yourself to eat Mom's vegetable casseroles. What a sell-out.

June: Hmmph! He only ate two servings of them!

June: Hmmph! He only ate two servings of them!

Wally: Gee, Mom, I didn't know you were that easy! :lol:

June: Wally, with your father I takes what I can gets. I feel like that poor lady on Three's Company. Or so the lady with the crystal ball told me.

Beaver to Larry: "What you talkin bout Willis ?"

June to Aunt Martha, "MARTHA, MARTHA, MARTHA!"

Aunt Martha to June: Missed it by THAT much!

June to Ward: You just blew my mind!

Ward to June: Babe, you're the GREATEST!
June: Happy Valentine's Day!

June: Let's push the beds together tonight.

Ward: The boys won't be home for a few hours, and I got off early....

June: Did you buy the handcuffs I asked you to get?

June: Did you buy the handcuffs I asked you to get?

Ward: Oh no! Last time you lost the key and we had to tell the boys I had thrown out my back trying to move the bedpost while you had to cover me up with a blanket since I couldn't fit any clothes on afterward in that position until the Christmas holiday was over and we could summon the locksmith!

June: Good times!!

June: Good times!!

Ward: Even how you had to deal with the inevitable when I was unable to wash my hands, et cetera for two days? I don't think so!

June: At least the locksmith got his laugh for the day.

Ward: Hey, if you're up for it June, how about we invite Mrs. Rutherford to join in our games next time? I'll ask her when Fred is out of town. Fred won't be into it.

Ward: Hey, if you're up for it June, how about we invite Mrs. Rutherford to join in our games next time? I'll ask her when Fred is out of town. Fred won't be into it.

June: I'd rather invite the locksmith!

Ward: June, you trollop!

Beaver: Wally, why was Dad trying to move their bedpost Christmas morning and why would he have just had that blanket on to do so?

Beaver: Wally, why was Dad trying to move their bedpost Christmas morning and why would he have just had that blanket on to do so?

Wally: Ask me in ten years.

Wally: Ask me in ten years.

Beaver: In other words, you're totally clueless,too, Wally, but think Dad will give you the nitty gritty between now and then!

Wally: Well, yeah...............but I'm not as clueless as you.

Wally: Well, yeah...............but I'm not as clueless as you.

Beaver: You ARE about why Dad was naked under the blanket as I was in that baby picture for the whole Christmas Day!

Wally: Look ----- Beaver ------ get it thru that thick little skull of yours--I'm NEVER as clueless as YOU are!