Patrick Stewart says he still has therapy to come to terms with domestic violence...

[TMC]

he witnessed in his childhood

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/tvshowbiz...-violence.html

'I'm still searching myself, still asking questions of myself, and that is certainly the case when I try to recall what it felt like to be in the middle of violence, and there being nothing I can do.'

The veteran actor grew up convinced he had the same streak of rage inside himself that his father had which he fought to keep hidden – admitting he thought he'd once kill his headmaster when he was falsely punished as a teenager.

Patrick told how he was beaten with a cane by his teacher aged 14 when he was completely innocent, adding that if he had retaliated, he doubted his headmaster 'would have made it out.'

The repercussions of his violent upbringing constricted the star's ability to show emotions, with Patrick revealing he would 'fake' extreme anger and fury during acting jobs due to fear over what would happen if he allowed his feelings out.

Patrick told how he was beaten with a cane by his teacher aged 14 when he was completely innocent, adding that if he had retaliated, he doubted his headmaster 'would have made it out.'

The repercussions of his violent upbringing constricted the star's ability to show emotions, with Patrick revealing he would 'fake' extreme anger and fury during acting jobs due to fear over what would happen if he allowed his feelings out.

'What I only learned about a few years ago was that he had suffered what the newspapers described as severe shell shock. Of course he was never treated for it - what we now call PTSD.

Sir Patrick continued to describe his humble abode in Yorkshire being ripped apart: 'He was a weekend alcoholic and it was partly brought about because of his transformation from Regimental Sergeant Major to basically a semi-skilled labourer with no authority at all.

'Monday through Friday he was dedicated to his work, he brought in a modest income. On Friday nights he would bath in front of the fire, he would get himself dressed up and he would drink for most of the weekend.

'He would come home from the pub or the working men’s club. We would hear him singing. He loved to sing. The kind of songs he was singing would give us an advance warning of the mood he was in.'

He further detailed the chilling time in his life: 'Very often it was bad. He would initiate arguments and then those arguments advanced into something more extreme – violence.'

Patrick confessed that the abuse directed towards his mother took its toll: 'We [he and his brother] became experts in something children should never, ever have to deal with, which was listening to the argument and judging when the argument would transform into violence.

'At those moments we would go in, we would just try and put our bodies between our mother and our father,' he heartbreakingly remembered.

Admitting he didn’t seek help, he said: 'Not at that time no. One of the problems of domestic violence is that shame attached to it – for everybody, for the victim and the abuser and the children, too.'

Sir Patrick continued: 'He never abused his children. It was all directed at my poor mum. If we could have done, yes [we would have taken the blows]. Standing between them would stop it, he [his father] would stand back.'

Patrick has previously said he used acting as a way of escaping the terror at home.

The X-Men star credits his English teacher Cecil Dormand with starting his career by putting him a play at the age of 12.