Marsha Warfield's Mom Didn’t Want Her to Come Out Until She Was Dead & Defends Patti - Sitcoms Online Message Boards

TMC · 12-28-2017, 09:48 PM

...LaBelle

https://www.lipstickalley.com/thread...belle.1372603/

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Comedian Marsha Warfield weighed in on Patti LaBelle’s recent disclosure that Luther Vandross was gay and the black community’s tried-and-true embrace of “Don’t ask, don’t tell.”

The actress, best known for her stint as the stink-faced, no-nonsense bailiff on the ’80s sitcom Night Court, posted a note on Facebook on Saturday saying that when she came out to her own mother, her mom said that she knew, but then requested that her daughter not come out publicly until she was in the ground.

The entire Facebook post reads:

Quote:

When I told my mother I was gay, she said she knew, and had known all my life.

Then, she asked me not to come out publicly while she was alive.

I agreed, even though the request and her admission were hurtful in ways I couldn’t put my finger on then, and probably haven’t completely worked through now.

But, everybody who knew me, knew I was gay.

The people I didn’t tell knew anyway, and tacitly agreed to pretend that the unacknowledged had been acknowledged and accepted.

Like I’m sure is true for millions of other glass door closeted people.

When I went to bars, which was frequently, I never tried to hide who I was.

So, it was an open secret.

Had I never come out publicly, many, many people would have known.

It would not then have ever really been a betrayal of trust to “spill the beans.”

Because it wasn’t a secret, it was an uncomfortably kept promise to my mother.

But, it was also not the only reason I didn’t come out swinging when she passed.

The fear of the judgment of strangers and their holier-than-thou “shoulds” was at least as big of a burden to bear.

But the “shoulds” that “should” matter don’t.

Nobody should have to hide their sexuality.

No parent should ask their child to.

There should be no shame in being gay.

And, I ain’t mad at Patti LaBelle.

I’m mad at the people who are.

Last week, LaBelle said on Andy Cohen’s Watch What Happens Live that Vandross didn’t come out in deference to his mother and his female fans.

Celebrities such as Wendy Williams and others condemned Miss Patti because she supposedly “outed” Vandross, and the debate spilled onto social media. But in my eyes, LaBelle’s words were tempered with love and obvious affection for her “best, best friend.” She said that being closeted was “hard for him.”

As Warfield writes: “Nobody should have to hide their sexuality. No parent should ask their child to. There should be no shame in being gay. And, I ain’t mad at Patti LaBelle. I’m mad at the people who are.”

Warfield is touching on that classic truth: that black people hate when dirty laundry is aired in public. The military doesn’t have **** on us when it comes to “Don’t ask, don’t tell.” We know, but we act like we don’t know.

We know that the “passa” likes to rub on women’s legs in the congregation, but we smile in his wife’s face. We know that the well-dressed organist at the church has a male roommate, but walk around like, “If they didn’t say it, it’s not true.”

It is our shame, our deep and abiding disdain for public ridicule, that is sometimes so strong that we would ask our grown children to sacrifice their truth so that we feel more comfortable. This is a form of emotional dishonesty and mendacity. And the thing about dirty laundry is that it begins to fester in the dark and stink up the place.

We need to reckon with that. Like Warfield said, the real shame is that gay people have to play this game for other people’s comfort.

MA · 12-29-2017, 06:58 AM

So Marsha Warfield is a lesbian? I did not know that.

MA · 12-29-2017, 07:19 AM

I know that when Nathan Lane came out to his mother, she wanted him dead also.

He said this. “I knew you would say that”.

Heenan Fan · 02-05-2019, 12:54 AM

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Originally Posted by MA

So Marsha Warfield is a lesbian? I did not know that.

Really?

dee2364 · 07-21-2019, 05:30 PM

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Originally Posted by Heenan Fan

Really?

I had no idea, either, until I saw this thread.

CJMD03 · 03-15-2020, 01:14 AM

Ummmmm.....it’s really obvious she’s gay, but who cares? I feel bad for her after what her mom did. I mean, MW wasn’t exactly a huge celebrity and it really wouldn’t have been a scandal.

MA · 03-16-2020, 11:59 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by dee2364

I had no idea, either, until I saw this thread.

Same here.

kentrout0 · 10-01-2020, 06:43 PM

Must have been terrible going through that for the majority of your life.

12-29-2017, 06:58 AM	#2
MA Member Moderator Forum Idol Join Date: May 20, 2017 Location: New Hampshire Posts: 127,138	So Marsha Warfield is a lesbian? I did not know that.
	__________________ ~-Mikaela-~

12-29-2017, 07:19 AM	#3
MA Member Moderator Forum Idol Join Date: May 20, 2017 Location: New Hampshire Posts: 127,138	I know that when Nathan Lane came out to his mother, she wanted him dead also. He said this. “I knew you would say that”.

03-15-2020, 01:14 AM	#6
CJMD03 Member Frequent Poster Join Date: Mar 18, 2018 Posts: 412	Ummmmm.....it’s really obvious she’s gay, but who cares? I feel bad for her after what her mom did. I mean, MW wasn’t exactly a huge celebrity and it really wouldn’t have been a scandal.

10-01-2020, 06:43 PM	#8
kentrout0 Member Occasional Poster Join Date: Sep 29, 2020 Location: PA Posts: 58	Must have been terrible going through that for the majority of your life.