The Andy Griffith Show Quotes & Funny Lines - Page 25 - Sitcoms Online Message Boards

MA · 05-05-2025, 08:55 AM

Barney Fife: Andy, I've this one dead to rights! Otis was drunk. I even gave him a test. I drew a line on the sidewalk and told him to walk it. You know what he said?
Andy Taylor: What?
Barney Fife: He asked me what line. I've got this one right, Andy. Otis was drunk!
Andy Taylor: That right, Otis? Did you ask Deputy Fife what line?
Otis Campbell: Yeah; but I didn't have my specs on and drunk or sober, I can't see much without my specs.
Andy Taylor: Otis, three hours ago when Deputy Fife arrested you were you drunk?
Otis Campbell: I don't know; I wasn't wearin' my glasses.

Ohio8 · 05-06-2025, 11:55 PM

Aunt Bee: "A little of Roger goes a long way."

Ohio8 · 05-06-2025, 11:56 PM

Barney: "Of all the times."

Ohio8 · 05-06-2025, 11:58 PM

Otis: (drunk)"In this country, a man takes care of his horse first."

MA · 05-07-2025, 08:09 AM

Barney Fife: Well, I guess to sum it up, you could say, there's three reasons why there's so little crime in Mayberry. There's Andy, and there's me, and
[patting gun]
Barney Fife: baby makes three.

Ohio8 · 06-21-2025, 06:53 PM

Gomer: (to Barney)"What's maximum security?"
Barney: "That's keys in the drawer."

Barney: (to Andy)"What do you take us for? A couple of fools?"

MA · 07-11-2025, 07:56 AM

Barney Fife: Now, men, here at the rock we have two main rules. Remember them so you can say them in your sleep. Rule number one: obey all rules. Secondly do not write on the walls as it is very difficult to remove writing off of walls.

Schmo · 08-28-2025, 02:15 PM

Barney: “Six dollars a week, and what do I get? Heartaches! Nothing but heartaches!”

MA · 08-30-2025, 09:38 AM

"Being sorry is not the magic word that makes everything right again." - Sheriff Andy Taylor

05-05-2025, 08:55 AM	#361
MA Member Moderator Forum Idol Join Date: May 20, 2017 Location: New Hampshire Posts: 128,672	Barney Fife: Andy, I've this one dead to rights! Otis was drunk. I even gave him a test. I drew a line on the sidewalk and told him to walk it. You know what he said? Andy Taylor: What? Barney Fife: He asked me what line. I've got this one right, Andy. Otis was drunk! Andy Taylor: That right, Otis? Did you ask Deputy Fife what line? Otis Campbell: Yeah; but I didn't have my specs on and drunk or sober, I can't see much without my specs. Andy Taylor: Otis, three hours ago when Deputy Fife arrested you were you drunk? Otis Campbell: I don't know; I wasn't wearin' my glasses.
	__________________ ~-Mikaela-~

05-06-2025, 11:55 PM	#362
Ohio8 Member Forum Star Join Date: Jul 29, 2003 Location: Wherever you aren't. Posts: 18,969	Aunt Bee: "A little of Roger goes a long way."
	__________________ "Shorter of breath and one day closer to death." -- Pink Floyd

05-06-2025, 11:56 PM	#363
Ohio8 Member Forum Star Join Date: Jul 29, 2003 Location: Wherever you aren't. Posts: 18,969	Barney: "Of all the times."

05-06-2025, 11:58 PM	#364
Ohio8 Member Forum Star Join Date: Jul 29, 2003 Location: Wherever you aren't. Posts: 18,969	Otis: (drunk)"In this country, a man takes care of his horse first."

05-07-2025, 08:09 AM	#365
MA Member Moderator Forum Idol Join Date: May 20, 2017 Location: New Hampshire Posts: 128,672	Barney Fife: Well, I guess to sum it up, you could say, there's three reasons why there's so little crime in Mayberry. There's Andy, and there's me, and [patting gun] Barney Fife: baby makes three.

06-21-2025, 06:53 PM	#366
Ohio8 Member Forum Star Join Date: Jul 29, 2003 Location: Wherever you aren't. Posts: 18,969	Gomer: (to Barney)"What's maximum security?" Barney: "That's keys in the drawer." Barney: (to Andy)"What do you take us for? A couple of fools?"

07-11-2025, 07:56 AM	#367
MA Member Moderator Forum Idol Join Date: May 20, 2017 Location: New Hampshire Posts: 128,672	Barney Fife: Now, men, here at the rock we have two main rules. Remember them so you can say them in your sleep. Rule number one: obey all rules. Secondly do not write on the walls as it is very difficult to remove writing off of walls.

08-28-2025, 02:15 PM	#368
Schmo Member Frequent Poster Join Date: Aug 24, 2013 Posts: 466	Barney: “Six dollars a week, and what do I get? Heartaches! Nothing but heartaches!”

08-30-2025, 09:38 AM	#369
MA Member Moderator Forum Idol Join Date: May 20, 2017 Location: New Hampshire Posts: 128,672	"Being sorry is not the magic word that makes everything right again." - Sheriff Andy Taylor