The Andy Griffith Show Quotes & Funny Lines - Sitcoms Online Message Boards

AB · 04-26-2016, 04:36 PM

Post your favorite quotes and funny lines from The Andy Griffith Show.

Andy & Otis quotes/lines:

AB · 04-26-2016, 04:37 PM

An Andy & Barney quote/line:

AB · 04-27-2016, 04:09 PM

A Barney Fife quote:

AB · 04-27-2016, 04:10 PM

Another Barney quote:

AB · 04-28-2016, 05:07 PM

An Ernest T. Bass & Andy Taylor quote/line:

Ernest T. Bass: I'm no account, Andy. I'm no-count.
Sheriff Andy Taylor: You're not no-count, Earnest. You're just... ignorant, that's all.
Ernest T. Bass: Aw, you're being kind.

AB · 04-28-2016, 05:08 PM

An Ernest T. Bass & Helen Crump quote/line:

Helen Crump: [in front of the 5th grade class] Mr. Bass, return to your seat!
Ernest T. Bass: Okay. Can I tell you somethin' before I do?
Helen Crump: What is it?
Ernest T. Bass: I *love* you.

Ohio8 · 05-29-2016, 11:18 PM

Briscoe Darling: "You got time to breathe, you got time for music."

Andy: "If you ask me, this Ernest T. Bass is a strange and weird character."
Briscoe: "Juuuust plaaain ornery is what he is."
Barney: "I think he's a nut."

AB · 07-14-2016, 07:02 PM

Ernest T. Bass - "I'm a little mean, but I make up for it by being real healthy."

Ohio8 · 07-31-2016, 10:01 PM

Barney (to Andy): "...they're hick songs. And this is a hick town, and I'm a hick deputy doin' a hick job in a hick jail."

Andy: "When a man carries a gun all the time, the respect he thinks he's gettin' might - might really be fear. So I don't carry a gun because I don't want the people of Mayberry to fear a gun. I'd rather they would respect me."

Ohio8 · 02-18-2017, 11:45 PM

Otis: "I'm in the twilight zone."

dragline · 05-01-2017, 02:07 PM

Gomer: "My cousin Goober ain't stupid. He's ugly, but he ain't stupid."

AB · 05-01-2017, 04:06 PM

Sheriff Taylor - "Now I'm warning you, if you throw one more rock...."
Ernest T. Bass - "I promise you Sheriff, I won't throw one more rock."
(Andy walks away)
Ernest T. Bass - "Didn't say nothin' 'bout no brick!"

dragline · 05-04-2017, 06:36 PM

Barney Fife: Why don't you go set in the grocery store so we can all know you are the big cheese?

AB · 05-05-2017, 06:21 PM

Barney: "That's my trigger finger, you damage that and I might as well quit the business."

treky · 05-07-2017, 02:54 AM

Ernest T. Bass: "HOW DO YOU DO MISS-US WI-LEY?"

Briscoe Darling: "Got time fer breathin' ya got time fer music."

04-26-2016, 04:36 PM	#1
AB Member Eternal Member Forum Icon Join Date: Dec 26, 2006 Location: The South Posts: 59,428	The Andy Griffith Show Quotes & Funny Lines Post your favorite quotes and funny lines from The Andy Griffith Show. Andy & Otis quotes/lines: Attached Images

04-26-2016, 04:37 PM	#2
AB Member Eternal Member Forum Icon Join Date: Dec 26, 2006 Location: The South Posts: 59,428	An Andy & Barney quote/line: Attached Images

04-27-2016, 04:09 PM	#3
AB Member Eternal Member Forum Icon Join Date: Dec 26, 2006 Location: The South Posts: 59,428	A Barney Fife quote: Attached Images

04-27-2016, 04:10 PM	#4
AB Member Eternal Member Forum Icon Join Date: Dec 26, 2006 Location: The South Posts: 59,428	Another Barney quote: Attached Images

05-29-2016, 11:18 PM	#7
Ohio8 Member Forum Star Join Date: Jul 29, 2003 Location: Wherever you aren't. Posts: 18,969	Briscoe Darling: "You got time to breathe, you got time for music." Andy: "If you ask me, this Ernest T. Bass is a strange and weird character." Briscoe: "Juuuust plaaain ornery is what he is." Barney: "I think he's a nut."
	__________________ "Shorter of breath and one day closer to death." -- Pink Floyd Last edited by Ohio8; 06-17-2019 at 04:46 PM.

04-28-2016, 05:07 PM	#5
AB Member Eternal Member Forum Icon Join Date: Dec 26, 2006 Location: The South Posts: 59,428	An Ernest T. Bass & Andy Taylor quote/line: Ernest T. Bass: I'm no account, Andy. I'm no-count. Sheriff Andy Taylor: You're not no-count, Earnest. You're just... ignorant, that's all. Ernest T. Bass: Aw, you're being kind.

04-28-2016, 05:08 PM	#6
AB Member Eternal Member Forum Icon Join Date: Dec 26, 2006 Location: The South Posts: 59,428	An Ernest T. Bass & Helen Crump quote/line: Helen Crump: [in front of the 5th grade class] Mr. Bass, return to your seat! Ernest T. Bass: Okay. Can I tell you somethin' before I do? Helen Crump: What is it? Ernest T. Bass: I love you.

07-14-2016, 07:02 PM	#8
AB Member Eternal Member Forum Icon Join Date: Dec 26, 2006 Location: The South Posts: 59,428	Ernest T. Bass - "I'm a little mean, but I make up for it by being real healthy."

07-31-2016, 10:01 PM	#9
Ohio8 Member Forum Star Join Date: Jul 29, 2003 Location: Wherever you aren't. Posts: 18,969	Barney (to Andy): "...they're hick songs. And this is a hick town, and I'm a hick deputy doin' a hick job in a hick jail." Andy: "When a man carries a gun all the time, the respect he thinks he's gettin' might - might really be fear. So I don't carry a gun because I don't want the people of Mayberry to fear a gun. I'd rather they would respect me."

02-18-2017, 11:45 PM	#10
Ohio8 Member Forum Star Join Date: Jul 29, 2003 Location: Wherever you aren't. Posts: 18,969	Otis: "I'm in the twilight zone."

05-01-2017, 02:07 PM	#11
dragline Member Occasional Poster Join Date: Apr 28, 2017 Posts: 85	Gomer: "My cousin Goober ain't stupid. He's ugly, but he ain't stupid."

05-01-2017, 04:06 PM	#12
AB Member Eternal Member Forum Icon Join Date: Dec 26, 2006 Location: The South Posts: 59,428	Sheriff Taylor - "Now I'm warning you, if you throw one more rock...." Ernest T. Bass - "I promise you Sheriff, I won't throw one more rock." (Andy walks away) Ernest T. Bass - "Didn't say nothin' 'bout no brick!"

05-04-2017, 06:36 PM	#13
dragline Member Occasional Poster Join Date: Apr 28, 2017 Posts: 85	Barney Fife: Why don't you go set in the grocery store so we can all know you are the big cheese?

05-05-2017, 06:21 PM	#14
AB Member Eternal Member Forum Icon Join Date: Dec 26, 2006 Location: The South Posts: 59,428	Barney: "That's my trigger finger, you damage that and I might as well quit the business."

05-07-2017, 02:54 AM	#15
treky star trek fan Eternal Member Forum Fanatic Join Date: Feb 25, 2002 Location: Conshohocken, pennsylvania Posts: 14,490	Ernest T. Bass: "HOW DO YOU DO MISS-US WI-LEY?" Briscoe Darling: "Got time fer breathin' ya got time fer music."
	__________________ the Clampetts are in a fancy Beverly Hills jewelry store. Granny points to a tray of rubies. Granny: "How much fer one o' them red diamonds?" clerk: "Madam, those are rubies." Granny: "OK ask her kin we buy one offa her." clerk: " The ruby I am talking about is not a lady." Granny: "Lissen, how she got them diamonds is her business. I'm just sayin' ask her kin we buy one from her."