Things You’d Never Hear on FKB

[Tankeryanker]

Betty, with her heart pounding in her chest, leaves her room looking for Doyle: Marge, have you seen Doyle?

Marge: I think I saw him in the community center. Why?

Betty: No reason. I think we had a misunderstanding and I want to see if I can clear anything up. Thanks.

[stevea]

Betty spots Doyle in the Over-21 Campus Lounge. She joins him at the bar. She summons up her sexist voice.

Betty: Hello, Doyle.

Doyle: Oh, Betty, I'm so sorry about the other night. Could we try the moonlit walk again?

[Tankeryanker]

Betty: What about going to the spring fling concert in the park tonight instead? I hear Bobby Darin will be there singing Dream Lover.

[stevea]

Doyle: Anything for you, dear Betty.

[Tankeryanker]

Betty: Well, let me get a blank to place on the grass. Would you like me to bring some food or beverages to the park?

Oh, before I forget. Do you know anybody in the insurance industry? I am trying to find out if my dad had a secret insurance plan and I don't want to ask the company he worked with.

Dream lover, where are you? With a love, oh, so true...

[stevea]

Doyle: Anything you bring would be fine with me, my sweet!

Oh, and my brother is an insurance agent. He could probably have his main office put a tracer on your father's name; James, isn't it?

[biffbronson]

[Tankeryanker]

Kathy: I forgot. Is mommy still alive? Things change so much so quickly.
You guys should have gone to the Mother Daughter Tea. It was so nice, and everything was done so pretty.

[stevea]

Kathy: This is so nice, learning to be a girl. (Doorbell rings. Kathy answers.)

Margaret: I'm back! How's my gill?

Kathy: Mommy! I'm learning how to be a girl; uh, gill.

Margaret: Close your eyes, Kathy. (she does.) OK, open!

Kathy: Daddy!

Margaret: No, Kathy. I met this gentleman in Hollywood. Meet Dr. Marcus Welby.

June appears, and shoves Kathy aside: How DO you do, Doctor!

[Tankeryanker]

June: Say, you look familiar. Why, you went to school with Ward and me. Ward, Ward, come to the door, you will not believe who has showed up with Margaret.

Ward: Well, I'll be, is it really you, Marcus? How long has it been? Would you like to stay for dinner? It would be wonderful to have a chance to catch up and relive old times. You need to meet our boys.

The Cleavers continue to take over the sad little lives of what's left of the Andersons...

[stevea]

Kathy: Mommy, why don't you just go back to Hollywood with Dr. Welby? And leave me here with the Cleavers. Betty and Bud are at the University and Betty will probably marry Doyle, and I hear Joyce is now there and she'll probably hook up with Bud.

June: Hook up? What in heaven's name does that mean?

Kathy: Just that's they'll probably marry one day.

June: Whew! It's nice to have you here, Kathy. I like your plan.

Margaret: Sounds like a great plan to me! Au revoir!

[Tankeryanker]

Goodbye Andersons. You were a family who couldn't keep up with the Cleavers.

Your eldest daughter is a mess and needs a good smacking.

Your son is a nut and has physical and mental problems.

Your youngest child is still too young to find out if it will turn out okay.

Your wife knows how to drive one moment and the next she doesn't.

Jim, your house coat is ugly and it makes no sense why you wear it. A sweater would have been better.

It was nice knowing you and we are both done playing the Sims with the Andersons.

You were eventually a drag to write about and now your future depends on someone else writing about you.

[biffbronson]

Betty: "Father, I'm dreaming of a big wedding, with a huge reception and hundreds of guests..."

Jim Anderson: "Well Princess, I hope your new in-laws will be picking up the tab, because I'm flat broke...!"