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Old 04-09-2022, 02:32 PM   #361
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Spence, nice bowling tonight, cutie. Gosh, the man can't run, he can't jump.
He can barely walk, but, damn it, he can roll a ball.
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Old 05-05-2022, 07:34 AM   #362
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Spence Olchin:
We should've robbed this house 45 minutes ago.

Danny Heffernan:
I had to get my allergy shot.

Spence Olchin:
We're not robbing a cat!
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~-*Mikaela*-~
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Old 07-06-2022, 09:21 AM   #363
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“Ah, Paris. I haven't been back there since we liberated her in '44. The City Of Lights knew peace once more. I also got the clap, but that's another story for another time.”
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Old 07-06-2022, 01:20 PM   #364
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Hey, you want some breakfast? In a surprising twist, I actually made more than I can eat.
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Old 07-06-2022, 05:21 PM   #365
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Carrie Heffernan:
[on machine] It's me. Listen, real quick, there's a pie in the fridge. It's for my book club, please don't touch it. Doug... please.
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Old 07-09-2022, 09:21 PM   #366
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They're clean, reasonably presentable.

I know, and they don't even smell.

And we're downwind.
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Old 07-11-2022, 03:15 PM   #367
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Joe Heffernan:
You're out of your mind!

Arthur Spooner:
I've never been more in my mind!
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Old 07-11-2022, 04:32 PM   #368
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Arthur Spooner. Remember me?

I filled in for your archery
instructor at camp wigwam.

Oh, for God's sakes,
I mentored you!

Fine. See you in hell!
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Old 07-11-2022, 07:05 PM   #369
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Carrie: Somebody called you fatty Mcbutter pants?
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Old 07-14-2022, 06:36 AM   #370
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Carrie Heffernan:
Bad news ...

Doug Heffernan:
If it's about being out of mini-donuts, I'm aware, and I am not happy.
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Old 10-09-2023, 01:20 PM   #371
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Wow. They broke up a
****-fighting ring in Brooklyn.

Now they're gonna have to put
all the chickens to sleep.

That makes me kind of sad.

And yet you can
suck on a drumstick

till it sparkles.
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Old 03-30-2024, 03:15 PM   #372
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[Arthur is moving up to sleep in the room next to Carrie and Doug's bedroom]
Arthur Spooner: Well, hello there, neighbor!
Doug Heffernan: Hello. Why did he call me neighbor?
Carrie Spooner Heffernan: I'm moving him up here tonight, the basement was freezing.
Doug Heffernan: How freezing?
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