Things you learned from watching 7th Heaven - Sitcoms Online Message Boards

TMC · 04-13-2022, 01:01 AM

Taken from the old Television Without Pity forums:
• If a child bears no resemblance to her father, mother or siblings and in fact appears to be of another race entirely, ignore this factor completely.
• If one or more of your children appear to have a serious learning disorder, ignore this as well.
• Stalking is good! Eavesdropping is fun! There will be no consequences for either action!
• If you decide to stalk your offspring (and a good parent would know that you should), a good cover story is to say you are going to pick up ice cream.
• If your children grow up and move away, allow random children to move in and take their place. You earn bonus points if they are homeless!
• If you want to keep a secret, tell the youngest child in the house.
• Forgetting your underage children at home is funny and completely without consequences!
• Premarital sex is very, very bad.
• Even though the act of premarital sex is very, very bad, talking about it incessantly is fine.
• Smoking is even worse.
• Drinking a half-beer is the worst offense of all. If your child does this, send them across the country whether they like it or not.
• Chocolate cake is an aphrodisiac.
• If you mow down someone in your car and the person dies, the person probably deserved it because he was an evil pot smoker.
• Get engaged as many times as possible. You earn bonus points for breaking up and canceling your expensive wedding while everyone is gathered there.
• A girl is nobody without a boyfriend, but a guy can stand alone.
• If a couple argues, then the male is always right.
• Medical tests are useless; use your instincts and feelings to determine whether you might be healed from certain death, pregnant or the son of a nutty motorcyclist.
• If the downtown area is deserted, then go to your minister’s house.
• Talking about your parents’ or children’s sex life is not embarrassing or uncomfortable at all! (As long as they are married—premarital sex is still bad! It is okay to get married just for sex, though.)
• You need not actually apply for college or even have knowledge of someone filling out the application for you to be accepted to college and to earn a scholarship.
• If you need to get into college to escape town and quickly, then a PowerPoint presentation about your family will do the trick!
• If someone gives you an RV free and clear, you need not worry about expensive gasoline, food or other would-be necessities. Gathering up all the cash in the house, using your credit cards and bankcards will be enough money to last a long, long time. (But if your independently wealthy son-in-law decides to bring along a paper sack full of cash, you’ll let him.)
• If your parents, your surrogate parents, your mentor or even someone you have never met decides to take off on a long, undetermined road trip, then feel free to invite yourself along.
• If you are pregnant and concerned about leaving town on an extended vacation, invite a friend who is conveniently engaged to an OB-GYN! Invite them not really because you want them to come on the trip, but for your safety.
• If the RV sleeps eight people, feel free to invite at least fifteen people, three dogs and two hamsters to go on the trip with you. However, make sure each person only brings one suitcase and three special items to conserve space. Do not worry about making arrangements for any jobs you may be walking away from; after all, your place of employment will figure it out eventually.
• Valley of the Dolls, a novel that explores drugs, sex and Hollywood that is well known for its sleaziness, is an excellent selection of reading material when traveling with two (and a half) ministers!
• If you meet a man you have never seen in life before but he resembles your guardian angel from your dreams, invite him to take a long, undetermined vacation with you!

JO Sweet Heart · 05-02-2022, 12:06 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by TMC

• A girl is nobody without a boyfriend, but a guy can stand alone.

I disagree. During one episode after Lucy started getting involved with Habitat For Humanity, Eric said to her, "Lucy, you have a life with or without a guy."

God bless you always!!!

Holly

04-13-2022, 01:01 AM	#1
TMC Member Forum Idol Join Date: Jan 09, 2001 Posts: 125,077	Things you learned from watching 7th Heaven Taken from the old Television Without Pity forums: • If a child bears no resemblance to her father, mother or siblings and in fact appears to be of another race entirely, ignore this factor completely. • If one or more of your children appear to have a serious learning disorder, ignore this as well. • Stalking is good! Eavesdropping is fun! There will be no consequences for either action! • If you decide to stalk your offspring (and a good parent would know that you should), a good cover story is to say you are going to pick up ice cream. • If your children grow up and move away, allow random children to move in and take their place. You earn bonus points if they are homeless! • If you want to keep a secret, tell the youngest child in the house. • Forgetting your underage children at home is funny and completely without consequences! • Premarital sex is very, very bad. • Even though the act of premarital sex is very, very bad, talking about it incessantly is fine. • Smoking is even worse. • Drinking a half-beer is the worst offense of all. If your child does this, send them across the country whether they like it or not. • Chocolate cake is an aphrodisiac. • If you mow down someone in your car and the person dies, the person probably deserved it because he was an evil pot smoker. • Get engaged as many times as possible. You earn bonus points for breaking up and canceling your expensive wedding while everyone is gathered there. • A girl is nobody without a boyfriend, but a guy can stand alone. • If a couple argues, then the male is always right. • Medical tests are useless; use your instincts and feelings to determine whether you might be healed from certain death, pregnant or the son of a nutty motorcyclist. • If the downtown area is deserted, then go to your minister’s house. • Talking about your parents’ or children’s sex life is not embarrassing or uncomfortable at all! (As long as they are married—premarital sex is still bad! It is okay to get married just for sex, though.) • You need not actually apply for college or even have knowledge of someone filling out the application for you to be accepted to college and to earn a scholarship. • If you need to get into college to escape town and quickly, then a PowerPoint presentation about your family will do the trick! • If someone gives you an RV free and clear, you need not worry about expensive gasoline, food or other would-be necessities. Gathering up all the cash in the house, using your credit cards and bankcards will be enough money to last a long, long time. (But if your independently wealthy son-in-law decides to bring along a paper sack full of cash, you’ll let him.) • If your parents, your surrogate parents, your mentor or even someone you have never met decides to take off on a long, undetermined road trip, then feel free to invite yourself along. • If you are pregnant and concerned about leaving town on an extended vacation, invite a friend who is conveniently engaged to an OB-GYN! Invite them not really because you want them to come on the trip, but for your safety. • If the RV sleeps eight people, feel free to invite at least fifteen people, three dogs and two hamsters to go on the trip with you. However, make sure each person only brings one suitcase and three special items to conserve space. Do not worry about making arrangements for any jobs you may be walking away from; after all, your place of employment will figure it out eventually. • Valley of the Dolls, a novel that explores drugs, sex and Hollywood that is well known for its sleaziness, is an excellent selection of reading material when traveling with two (and a half) ministers! • If you meet a man you have never seen in life before but he resembles your guardian angel from your dreams, invite him to take a long, undetermined vacation with you!