Potter: "If you ain't where you are, you're no place."

Hawkeye: "I've seen that look in every Hitchcock movie."

Charles: "Be it ever so crumbled, there's no place like home."

Potter: "All that good whiskey, shot to hell."

Well, what's the slop du jour? - Hawkeye

Charles: "There are two of you, Pierce? God help us all."

Hawkeye: "You could set your clock by this war."

Sidney Freedman: "Ladies and Gentleman, take my advice. Pull down your pants and slide on the ice."

Henry Blake: "I gave a discharge to a sheep."

Hawkeye: "This must be our Kim-Lucky day."

Charles: (Seeing the camp for the 1st time) "A charming place, an inflamed boil on the buttocks of the world."

Trapper: (hearing about his boxing opponent) "Hawkeye, this guy knocks out jeeps."

Frank: "There's a war on, and we've no time for violence!"

Margaret: (After discussing a prosperous ex-boyfriend she turned down) "I'd have loved him if I had known."

Charles: "The cruelties of war continue to amaze me."

Hawkeye: "To Goldie, the waitress at Barney's Bar and Grill."

Hawkeye: "She's no fun when Donald's relaxed."

All it needs is a little salt.... pepper.... mustard, catchup, sauce, flavour. -- Trapper

Hawkeye: "I don't believe in atheism."

This is Frank Burns, one of our best surgeons. A real killer. -- Henry

Zale: "If we had to burn every louse in this cap, we'd have to burn this camp."

Do you know that you look just like my father before he died? - Margaret

Trapper: "I hate loud generals."

Henry: "I'm losing my mind."

https://i.pinimg.com/736x/51/fd/a1/51fda13ea705f8fd33cbca795866899b--mash-tv-mash-.jpg

Marriage is probably the chief cause of divorce. -- Frank

Henry: "I mean, you can carry friendship, not to mention latrines, a bit far."

Klinger: "Don't ask. It's the code of the desert."

Potter: "I always knew he had the larceny in him."

Carlye: (to Hawkeye)"The third casualty of war has to be fidelity."

Henry, you are bursting with something, your face could open a branch smile! -- Hawkeye

Henry: "I wish the Army would tell time like everybody else."

What? He changed to psychiatry? That's crazy! -- Radar

Hawkeye: "The hardest part was explaining the beach sand in my tuxedo."

B.J.: (to Margaret)"What'll it be? Gin, or gin?"

Due to the number of people bored last Sunday, next Sunday will be canceled. -- PA

Frank: "I'm one of those who believes that marriage is the headstone of society."

Potter: "...HOLY HEMOSTAT! We're in for it now."

Nurse: (to Radar)"Wing it, stud."

Colonel Potter: “The Pentagon. Weird-looking building. Four walls and a spare. Monument to Murphy’s Law.”

Frank: (to Sidney)"I happen to believe in the sanctity of marriage. No matter how ugly or disgusting it gets."

Winchester: "I do one thing at a time, I do it very well, and then I move on."

B.J.: "What say you, Ferret Face?"

Oh go practice your putts! -- Frank

Hawkeye: "I'm so hungry I could eat a horse. Saddle, rider, and all."

It's Mrs. Colonel, your wife, sir. -- Radar

B.J.: "Compared to the way I feel, Rip Van Winkle was an insomniac."

General Steele: "'MASH' means Mobile! Army Surgical Hospital! And mobile you shall be."

Hawkeye: "Pulveriiized citrus. These maniacs will stop at nothing."

Radar: "Last call for coffee before it hardens."

B.J.: (sarcastically)"So unlike the army to make a mistake."

This is the best thing that ever happened to me since I did my first strangulated hernia. -- Henry

B.J.: "Remember, he heard it here last."

Frank: "Geronimo!"

Henry: "One more time!"

B.J.: "I was invited to the goof ball, but I didn't have a thing to wear."

Frank: "I'm a supervisor. I don't have to be useful."

Hawkeye: "The Geneva Convention prohibits the killing of our taste buds!"

Hawkeye: "Bossy boots."

Hawkeye: "Fence builder."

Frank: "Can the balloon juice, Pierce."

She's offered her body to science. Time and time again. -- Hawkeye

Potter: "...without the nasal appraisal."

Hawkeye: "What would Hippocrates say? What would Socrates say?"

Hot Lips: "Oh, Frank. You're so above average."

Hawkeye: "I'll look like a tall Irish setter!"

That's what I understand from a very reliable gossip! -- Frank

I don't chew my cabbage twice. -- Frank

Trapper: "Playing Greek bingo, Frank?"

Frank: "You know what he used to call me; my own brother? 'Ferret Face'."

Money is far down on my list, major. It comes second or third...... Second. -- Margaret

Hawkeye: "Would I do anything to disgrace this uniform?"

I don't chew my cabbage twice. -- Frank

Hawkeye: "It's fun waking up without the wrath of grapes."

Let's shoot him and put him out of our misery -- Hawkeye

Radar: "I'm ready. Let's go."

Hawkeye: "Good bye, Radar."

Klinger: "At your service, sir."

"All hail mighty Caesar."

Hawkeye: "Fellow jokers, we are in the presence of greatness."

Duke Forrest: What's going on, Frank? That lesson one?

Hawkeye: (sarcastically)"A simple 'thank you' would've sufficed."

Patient: (to Hawkeye)"Can the hot air, doc."

I don't mind eating if it's possible to make a martini sandwich. -- Hawkeye

Potter: "The man knew talent when he saw it."

What in the name of beelzibub -- Potter

Money is far down on my list, major. It comes second or third...... Second. -- Margaret

Hawkeye: "This is where the Ritz hit the fan."

Mulcahy: "Humor, too, is one of His creations."

Henry: "I'll take vodka."

General Steele: "Not now, Marjorie, I'm inspecting the troops."

Are you eating breakfast cereal or is that just a bad telephone line? -- Klinger

Hawkeye: "I don't do that well in my dreams."

Frank Burns: What I don't understand is why do people take an instant dislike to me? Captain John McIntyre: It saves time, Frank.

Marine: "Hey, Radar. You and your mouse are okay."

Charles: "This is a joke. I refuse to take my case to a lower species."

Korean locals: (on cue from Hawkeye)"You tell him, Ferret Face."

Radar

Up a tree without a paddle

Hawkeye: "It's getting so a man can't talk to his own shrub around here."

Hawkeye: "Tough, ambitious, yet greasy Major Houlihan."

Major Charles Emerson Winchester III: "Coffee is not supposed to be a solid!"

Trapper: "My daily bread's four days old."

Mulcahy: Jocularity! Jocularity!

Mulcahy: "...under the direction of Colonel Henry Blake!"

Father Francis Mulcahy: What time is it in Iowa?

Hawkeye: "That's enough from the hurt parade."

"A big red bird with fuzzy pink feet."

Hawkeye: Everybody I know is married. It's the second biggest industry after bubblegum.

Charles: "Television is a passing fancy."

B.J.: "Klinger, do you realize how many zoots had to be killed to make that suit?"

Potter: Did I fall down?

B.J.: "You may now ignore the bride."

Mulcahy: Jocularity! Jocularity!

P.A. System: "And now, back to the Korean War. Because youuu asked for it."

Hawkeye: Good, I'll have a corn beef on rye with mustard.

Frank: "This whole place is off its rocker."

Colonel Potter: “The Pentagon. Weird-looking building. Four walls and a spare. Monument to Murphy’s Law.”

Klinger: "Maybe I can get out for bravery. I'm sure not makin' it for nutsery."

Father Francis Mulcahy: What time is it in Iowa?
Major Charles Winchester: 1882.

Frank: "Oh, stop dreaming and go back to sleep."

In the first place, I do not sweat; I perspire. In the second place, I never perspire.
--Winchester

Hawkeye: "To peace, and the American way of plumbing."

Hawkeye: "You're right, Radar. He's got a lot to learn about anatomy."

Father Mulcahy: Klinger, I thought you were an atheist?

Klinger: Gave it up for Lent.

Frank: "Not on your nellies."

Radar: Hey, we got rain here. You too?

Radar: "It's the only way I'd do it, sir."

Mulcahy: Jocularity!

Frank: "I'm sure in a dull part of the war."

Radar: "I'll be in my thirties. That's almost dead."

That's not my department, sir

- Frank Burns

Hawkeye: "That's because he has a hangover that would kill his horse."

Colonel Potter: “The Pentagon. Weird-looking building.”

Winchester: "I do one thing at a time, I do it very well, and then I move on."

Hawkeye: "Recruiting office got their money's worth out of this guy."

Trapper: Sending it out to be waxed?

Hawkeye: "Dream forgery is a felony."

Air Force Sergeant: "The bigger they are, the weirder they are."

Klinger: "Now that's tasteful without being gaudy."

Henry: "Radar, these guys took your dog home in a people bag."

In the first place, I do not sweat; I perspire. In the second place, I never perspire.
--Winchester

Nurse: "In your ear."

Potter: "In the immortal words of Napoleon, deal me in."

Colonel Flagg: You're dumb Freedman, very dumb

Potter: "As of now, the pharmacy is closed!!"

Father Francis Mulcahy: What time is it in Iowa?

Hawkeye: "Now I know why they shoot people at sunrise."

Oh, go salute yourselves! - Margaret

Radar: "Serves you right!"

Potter: "You know, it sounds a little better."

Spearchucker' Jones: I don't hear nothin'.

Hawkeye: (to Charles)"You're pompous, arrogant, conceited and a total bore. But you're all right."

Hawkeye: Ha, I wasn't born yesterday!

B.J.: "What is this? Take a cadaver to lunch day?"

Trapper: "Yes, but with a song in our hearts."

Klinger, I thought you were an atheist?

Hawkeye: "This may take a minute. I'm used to doing this in the dark."

Hawkeye: Pardon me, Henry, uh... isn't that your desk?

Hawkeye: "Forwarrrd, drink!"

Henry, you have no idea what it's like sharing a tent with a guy who thinks he's all twelve disciples! ~ Hawkeye

Winchester: "I do one thing at a time, I do it very well, and then I move on."

Frank Burns: It's nice to be nice... to the nice.

Klinger: Sir, I've had a lot of experience in these matters.

Hawkeye: "Comes from eating too many bullets."

Frank: (to Margaret)"Don't you dare mention the word 'friend' to me, you-you nurse."

Hawkeye: War isn't Hell. War is war, and Hell is Hell. And of the two, war is a lot worse.

Father Francis Mulcahy: What time is it in Iowa?

Frank: "...we're doctors. We're trained to ignore people's pain."

Capt. 'Spearchucker' Jones: I don't hear nothin'.

General Steele: "The Irish were rotten Indian fighters."

“Frank, it’s after six, you can stop being snotty!”
Henry Blake

Hawkeye: "Looking for a sympathetic shoulder to laugh on?"

"Go mail a bear!"

Im just a wreck without you. The only thing that keeps me going are the letters from my wife! (Frank speaking to Margaret who is away at the time)

Potter: Did I fall down?

Hawkeye: "The Marquis de Sade school of bedside manner."

Hawkeye: "The story of my love life."

Klinger: "We Meditteraneans have a lot of respect for holy men."

Charles: "I take it the winning hand had a gun in it."

Charles: "We're all in our places with dull grumpy faces."

Henry: "Sid's the best."

Hawkeye: Remind me to order more straws.

Frank: "Takes one to know one."

Charles: "Please....Mozart."

Murrhardt: It's reliable, though.

Hawkeye: "To World War None."

Frank Burns: It's nice to be nice...

Hawkeye: To your nose!

Frank: "Have you no respect for the dead?"

Trapper: Oh, that's awful sloppy.

Frank: "Oh,nerts to you!"

Frank: "it's nice to be nice...to the nice."

Major Charles Emerson Winchester III: "Coffee is not supposed to be a solid!"

Hawkeye: Everybody I know is married.

Hawkeye: "I"ll wait for the books to come out."

Charles: "I stand, as always, rejected."

Hawkeye: Doesn't matter, they're interchangeable.

Hawkeye: (to martini) "Darling, we're about to make each other very happy."

Charles: "One cannot rob an empty safe."

Hawkeye: "That's entertainment."

“We all know it’s brutal up there at the front, especially those of us at the rear.”
Frank Burns

Oh, pedal your petunias! -- Frank

Frank: "Fight, you bums!"

Henry Blake: Will you stop saying what I'm thinking?

“Klinger, it’s my considered opinion that no one is going to believe you are pregnant.”
Henry Blake

I am going to live through this even if it kills me. -- Klinger

Hawkeye: "...we're not the only malcontents in this tent."

Potter: "The work of sorcerers, that radio."

Col. Samuel Flagg: Now read that back to me.

Radar: "Wow, wow. Hot lips."

“I’d sooner share my toothbrush with a Democrat”
Charles Emerson Winchester III

Hawkeye: "Everybody needs a hobby."

A device is yet to be invented that will measure my indifference to this remark. -- Hawkeye

Trapper: "It's a propaganda bomb!"

Hawkeye: (listening) Dr. Frank Burns is doing a bit of dilatation and curettage.

I can take umbrage, I can take the cake, I can take the A-train. I can take two and call me in the morning, but I cannot take this sitting down.

Hawkeye

Charles: "Live! That's an order!"

It's nice to be nice to the nice.-- Frank

General Steele: "It was waste defeated Hannibal at the Battle of Zama."

Hawkeye: "...in 25 dirty words or less."

Major Charles Emerson Winchester III: "Coffee is not supposed to be a solid!"

Halloran (Flagg) to Klinger: “hey up close your a guy”

Klinger: “far away too”

Radar-"I have a message...Lt.Col...Henry Blakes plane...was shot down...over the Sea of Japan...it spun in...there were no survivors."

Potter to Frank: “nothing comes after Amen”

Frank: “we used to sing”

Frank writing a note to Father Mulchay :

“Father. Dear Father, Father dear Father come home with me now......silly goose”

Father Mulcahy: Klinger, I thought you were an atheist?

Klinger: Gave it up for Lent.

Hawkeye: "I think he washed out of kamikaze school."

Hawkeye: "Scrub in!"

Corporal, deform the men. -- Frank

Winchester: "I do one thing at a time, I do it very well, and then I move on."

Driver: "I guess anywhere you live is home."

Hawkeye: "Thank you, Daddy Warbucks."

Hawkeye: To your nose!

Potter: That's a half a one!

Hawkeye: "I thought I was celebrating, but I was really drinking in anger."

Frank: "Cinch-ariiino!"

Hawkeye: "Frank, I'm glad you're here. Go get a doctor."

A device is yet to be invented that will measure my indifference to this remark. -- Hawkeye

All it needs is a little salt.... pepper.... mustard, catchup, sauce, flavour. -- Trapper

Potter: "Preferrably in a cold rain!"

Insanity is just a state of mind. -- Hawkeye

Henry: "Radar, Radar, Radar."

Hawkeye: (to Capt. Casey)"Next to you, Frank Burns is an alterations lady."

Radar: "Here's a mover and a groover, and it ain't by Herbert Hoover."

You are the 10 most boring people I know -- Trapper to Frank

Hawkeye: "Here's to survival."

Margaret: (to Charles)"Oh, blow it out your Champ-Elysees, Pierre."

Hawkeye: "Genuine American antique desk."

Hawkeye: "It really added a touch of class to our charity no-talent night."

Insanity is just a state of mind. -- Hawkeye

Trapper: "It saves time, Frank."

You know you're beautiful when he's angry -- Hawkeye

Klinger: "Please, please! An artiste cannot be rushed."