Anniversary Waltz Transcript

[Family Ties Forever!]

Family Ties Anniversary Waltz Transcript

Scene I: Livingroom
Alex, Mallory, Jennifer and Steven are present
Alex, Mallory, and Jennifer are looking at a photo album

Mallory: Who's that?
Alex: That's Dad's, Mother's, Mother. Our great-grandmother.
Mallory: Oh.
Jennifer: She had real flabby arms.
Alex: Yeah, it's a nice match with the legs.
Jennifer: Now there's a nice looking guy. Who's that?
Alex: That's Vic Damone. The picture came with the album.
Mallory: (picking up an invitation) Oh look. Mr. & Mrs. Charles Donnelly, annouce the wedding of their daughter Elyse Catherine to Steven Richard Keaton.

Elyse enters the livingroom from the stairs.

Jennifer: Hey Mom, look at your old wedding invitation.
Elyse: 1964, twenty years. Can you believe it Steven?

Elyse tries to get Steven's attention. He is laying on the couch with a newspaper.

Elyse: I guess he can't.
Mallory: Are you guys going to have a party?
Elyse: Well, I'm working on it. But, your father doesn't like to celebrate these things.

Steven: (With a pillow over his head): Of course I do. I love to celebrate these things.

Removes the pillow.

Steven: I just don't like big parties. I happen to think that you can have a party with fewer than 1,000 people.
Elyse: You used to like big gatherings.
Steven: Elyse, this is our anniversary. Not the march on Washington.
Elyse: Actually, you already agreed.
Steven: When did I agree?
Elyse: Last year. Don't you remember? Just the two of us had dinner together.
Steven: Of course I remember, it was very romantic.
Elyse: Well, this year, instead of romance, let's have fun. You know what I mean.
Jennifer: Let's face it Dad, she wants a big party.
Elyse: Well, it's our twentieth, it's a big day. I just feel that there's a lot of people I'd like to share that with.
Steven: Alright, Elyse, if you insist on having a party, I won't stand in your way.
Alex: Sounds like a go to me.
Elyse: This is so exciting, you're going to love it Steven. Where should we have the party?
Steven: Any place you want it is ok with me. You decide, I'm thoroughly amenable.
Elyse: The Banquet Room at Gweedos.
Steven: Not Gweedos.
Elyse: What's the matter with Gweedos?
Steven: Nothing, Gweedos is fine.
Elyse: Ok, I'll keep it small and intimate Steven, I promise.
Steven: What? Just a few other couples then?
Elyse: Well, if we're going to rent a room, and hire a band I think--
Steven: A band!? Ok, ok a band is fine. I'll stay out of this.
Mallory: Sounds like fun Mom. Do you want me to call Gweedos and reserve the room?
Elyse: No, that's ok, I already called them.

Scene II: Kitchen
Elyse is sitting at the kitchen table. Jennifer enters through swinging door.

Jennifer: Hi Mom. What's for dinner?
Elyse: Well, I thought we'd start off with some ordervs. Rumockey, pigs in blankets, things like that, and then chicken floorenteen, zuccini, pastry, and coffee.
Jennifer: Well, I'll have everything, except the coffee, let's eat.
Elyse: Oh honey I'm sorry, I was talking about the party.
Jennifer: Oh, then what are we having tonight?
Elyse: Tonight, we're having Captain Barnacole's take-out fish balls.
Jennifer: Again? I hope they defrosted them this time.

Steven enters through the back door.
Alex and Mallory enter through the pantry area

Steven: Oh, hello everybody.
Mallory: You did,
Alex: I didn't.
Mallory: I know you did Alex.
Alex: No, you think you know I did, but I didn't.
Elyse: Steven, where are the fish balls?
Steven: I couldn't start the car, I had to leave it at work. I had to take the bus home. I'm soaked to the skin. I couldn't get the fish balls.
Elyse: Oh Steven, you couldn't get the fish balls?
Steven: Let me run this by you again Elyse. I couldn't start the car. I had to leave it at work. I took the bus home. I couldn't get the fish balls. Say it with me. I couldn't start--
Mallory: Dad, Alex's been reading my diary. I know, because he's been using words and phrases that I use in it.
Alex: That's not true. Her accusations are totally bogus, and grand to the max.
Mallory: You see, he doesn't talk like that.
Alex: I didn't read her diary ok. I went into her room to look for a book.
Mallory: Ha! What would a book be doing in my room?!
Alex: She's got me there.
Elyse: Steven, I have to talk to you about the arrangements. Now Gweedos is all set for the party.
Steven: Gweedos? How? Oh ok, Gweedos is fine. Whatever you want to do is fine.
Steven: Is it raining in here? Yes, yes it is. I thought we had this fixed?
Elyse: We did. I'll call the roofer.
Mallory: Dad, you have to talk to Alex.
Steven: About what?
Mallory: About reading my diary.
Steven: Alex, read your sister's diary.
Mallory: Dad!
Alex: Look, I didn't read her stupid diary.
Mallory: How would you know my diary was stupid, if you hadn't read it?!
Alex: Mallory, I don't have to stick my hand in water to know it's wet.
Elyse: Ok guys, the roofer can be here Wednesday, after three. Can anyone be here?
Everyone: I can't, I'm busy.
Elyse: Oh! I'll try to be here.
Elyse: Steven, I got to talk to you about these arrangements. I have the guest list here.
Steven: That's the guest list? Why don't you use this guest list (holds up the yellow pages phone book). Fewer people.
Elyse: I'll look through it.
Steven: I bet you will.
Elyse: This is going to be a fun party.
Steven: I'm looking forward to it.
Elyse: Me too.
Alex: Mallory can you put something under this drip?
Mallory: You're a drip Alex! Why don't you spit in it!

Mallory leaves through the swinging door.

Alex: Ok, Mallory bag your face.

Alex leaves through swinging door.

Elyse: Twenty years huh?
Steven: Yeah, seems just like--
Elyse & Steven: Fifty.

Scene III: Livingroom.

Steven is in the livingroom. Enter Elyse through front door.

Elyse: Sorry, I'm late. I stayed at the office, to put the guest list on the computer.
Steven: You forgot about the roofer Elyse.
Elyse: No, I didn't. He's invited.
Steven: I mean you weren't home when he got here.
Elyse: So I forgot the roofer, so what!?
Steven: So, have you been in the kitchen lately?
Elyse: No.
Steven: No? Take a dingy.
Elyse: I had a hard day at work Steven, let's not get into a fight ok?
Steven: Ok, I'm sorry you had such a bab day at work.
Elyse: Well, it wasn't such a bad day. I did have luch with Suzanne and she and Ron are coming.
Steven: At least some of my friends will be there.
Elyse: Well, they can't get here until midnight, and they won't be able to stay very long. I also ran into Bernie Packer.
Steven: Glad he's not invited.
Elyse: Well-
Steven: Elyse!
Elyse: Well, Suzanne assumed he was invited and mentioned it, so I had to invite him. He's a very sweet man. He was very helpful to my mother a few years ago.
Steven: In that case, we should take him in as a border.
Steven: Elyse, the man is a bafune.
Elyse: He's not a bafune. He happens to have a very good sense of humor.
Steven: He's really funny. I especially like the noise he makes.
Elyse: What noise?
Steven: (makes noise)
Elyse: I never noticed that noise.
Steven: How could you not notice a noise like (makes noise).
Elyse: I am aware of the positive things about Bernie.
Steven: (makes noise) Is the most positive thing about Bernie.
Elyse: Look, I know there are some problems here. If you don't want Bernie to come to the party he doesn't have to come to the party. We don't even have to have a party!
Steven: We are having the party. I'm not going to miss my twentieth anniversary because of you.
Elyse: You are having your twentieth anniversary because of me!
Steven: I'm having our twentieth anniversary because of us!
Elyse: There woudn't be any us, if it wasn't for me.
Steven: Or me, so there.

The phone rings. Elyse goes to answer it. Steven goes to hang up his jacket.

Elyse: Hello! Bernie.
Steven: Great say (makes noise) for me.
Elyse: You're coming fabulous. Steven will be so happy. Til then Bern, bye.

Elyse hangs up the phone.

Steven: Ok Elyse, so all your friends are coming, including Bernie, happy?
Elyse: Never happier.

Steven goes through the mail, tossing each piece on the table as he sorts through it.

Steven: I've never been happier either. I'm delearous with glee. Bernie Packer is coming to our party. How much delight can one man possibly stand?

Starts throwing mail everywhere.

Elyse: Would you stop putting down Bernie. I am crazy about Bernie!
Steven: You can spend the whole evening with Bernie. You can just dance with Bernie and (makes noise) your brains out!

Throws the rest of the mail up in the air.
Elyse tries to catch it as it falls to the floor.

Scene IV: Kitchen
Mallory and Jennifer are sitting at the ktichen table and Alex is standing.

Jennifer: Please, we got to talk about Mom and Dad's present.
Alex: Speaking of talking Jennifer. Did you know that Mallory is afraid to talk to Kirk McMillen.
Mallory: The only way you'd know that Alex, is if you read my diary.
Jennifer: That's not true, he could have easedropped like I did-
Alex: Maybe this whole discussion is academic. I mean the way they're arguing, they're probably going to call the party off anyway.
Mallory: Look, just on the off chance that they do make up, we have to get them something. Now what do they need?
Alex: They need a lawyer.
Jennifer: I hope they make up. I don't want to wind up in some home for wafes.
Mallory: Now ok, what should we get them?
Alex: I say we get them a new set of tires.
Mallory: I have a much better idea. We can get them matching sweater and slacks outfits. It'll be great.
Alex: Mallory, we're shopping for our parents here, not Ken and Barbie.
Mallory: Alex, are you going to shoot down every good idea I have?
Alex: Mallory, the day you get a good idea, let me know.
Mallory: I will!
Alex: Ok!
Jennifer: Will you two stop fighting! We have to work this out.

Steven enters the kitchen.

Mallory: Shhh.

Mallory: I disagree. I think we can learn a lot from Einstein.

Steven: Talking about the anniversary?
Jennifer: Is there still going to be one?
Steven: Why woudn't there be one?

Enter Elyse from pantry area.

Elyse: I've been looking all over the house for this. (Picks up something green)

Elyse exits through pantry area.

Steven exits through pantry area.

Jennifer: Look, I have no doubt in my mind that they will make up before the party tomorrow night. If not, I'm calling a family meeting.

Scene V: Kitchen
Everyone is in the kitchen sitting at the table, except Jennifer is standing.

Jennifer: This family meeting is here by called to order. Will the secretary please read the minutes of the last meeting?
Mallory: You are the secretary Jennifer.
Jennifer: You're out of order. I know I'm the secretary Mallory. I'm just trying to be official here.
Alex: Jennifer, you're about to read the minutes of the last meeting, can you get to it please? I for one want to hear them.
Jennifer: You can't. I was getting to that. See, I was reading them last night in the bathtub, and well the rest is history.

Elyse raises her hand.

Jennifer: The chair recognizes Mommy.
Elyse: I would just like to point out that we are supposed to be at Gweedos in twenty minutes so if we don't proceed with this meeting we will all miss the party.
Steven: Suits me just fine.
Elyse: I had the floor. You're out of order!
Alex: She's right Dad, technically you're out of order.
Jennifer: Now, you're out of order Alex.
Alex: How can I be out of order when I'm telling him that he's out of order.
Jennifer: You're out of order again Alex. Listen, the whole point of this meeting is to discuss all the fight that's been going on. I'm tired of it.
Steven: So am I.
Elyse: Me too. I don't understand why you and your sister can't get along better.
Jennifer: Pardon me from pointing it out Mom. But you and Dad haven't exactly been Ozzie and Harriet.
Steven: Kids your Mother and I don't need a meeting like this to settle our little differences.
Alex: Really? The two of you haven't slept in the same room for the past three nights.
Elyse: I haven't been tired.
Jennifer: I don't like it when you fight. It's scary. Sounds like you two don't like each other.
Elyse: We don't mean to scare you.
Jennifer: So are you ready to make up?
Steven: I think the first thing that has to happen here, proceedurely speaking is, for Alex and Mallory to end their fight. How about it?
Mallory: I will make up with Alex, if he promises to never read my diary again.
Alex: I didn't read it in the first place.
Mallory: Prove it.
Alex: For one thing Mallory, it has a lock on it.
Mallory: How would you know?
Alex: I've admired it from a distance.
Mallory: I'll bet.
Alex: Look, I promise alright? But, you have to promise to stay away from my records.
Mallory: Alright. I'm sorry for all the names I called you.
Alex: Like wise.
Mallory: Say I'm sorry.
Alex: (very softly) I'm sorry.
Mallory: Louder.
Alex: (softly) I'm sorry.
Mallory: Louder.
Alex: Mallory!
Mallory: Alright.
Steven: Very, very nice. Now, how about you two shake hands and make up.

Alex and Mallory shake hands.

Elyse: That was very nice.
Steven: Well, I guess that takes care of everything.

Steven and Elyse try to stand up.

Jennifer: Not so fast! What about you and Dad making up?

Elyse: I'm willing if he is?

Steven: I am.

Elyse: I consider us, made up. (snaps fingers)

Jennifer: What about a hug?

Elyse and Steven hug Jennifer.

Jennifer: A hand shake?

Steven and Elyse shake hands.

Steven: it was a stupid fight.

Elyse: Very.

Steven and Elyse hug.

Elyse: Oh honey, we really should hurry, I told Bernie Packer we'd give him a ride to the party.

Steven: Get him a mule.

Elyse: Steven!

Steven: Elyse, you know I don't like the man.

Elyse: But, it was raining, what was I going to do? Tell him to take a bus?

Steven: Of course not. He can ride in our car, I'll take the bus.

Elyse: Fine.

Steven: Ok.

Jennifer: This meeting is called because of rain.

Scene VI: Gweedos

Everyone is present.

Steven: Thank you, thank you.

Elyse: Truly, our best.

Alex: (with camera; takes picture): Wow, Mom, Dad, perfect, that's a keeper.

Kyle: Congratulations, and my love to the both of you, on this day of days.

Elyse: Thank you Kyle.

Steven: Thank you Kyle.

Akeyla: I often say to Kyle, Steven and Elyse have two hearts that beat as one.

Steven: Thank you Akeyla.

Kyle: I've never heard you say that Akeyla.

Alex: (takes picture): Wow, guys. Perfect, that's a keeper.

Bernie: (makes noise, and covers Steven's eyes with his hands): Guess who?

Steven: That's a tough one, Bernie Packer.

(Bernie takes his hands off Steven's eyes)

Bernie: How'd you know?

Bernie: Steven, how many years has it been now? Eight, nine? Hey, Gweedos, huh? Nice place. It's a lot like you Steve, luxury on a budget. What's for supper, or gee was I supposed to bring a bag lunch? (makes noise)

Bernie: Oh, there she is, there's the little bride.

Elyse: Bernie, nice to see you.

Bernie: This is so great, isn't it guys? Tell you what, you two lucky kids are going to spend a week, that's seven days, and five nights at my condo in Lake Erie. Shh. It's just because I love you guy. (makes noise)
Elyse: Bernie, Steven doesn't like to let on, but he feels the same way about you. Once and awhile, he gets this far away look in his eye, and I say what is it sweetie and he says, Elyse, I miss Bernie Packer.
Alex: Ok, they have to be out there somewhere. Yes, there they are the anniversary couple and our hosts for the evening will you come out to the dance floor, Steven and Elyse Keaton.

Alex, Mallory and Jennifer all clap.

Mallory: Yay!

Steven and Elyse start dancing.

Steven: I'm surprised you wanted to dance with me.
Elyse: I wasn't going to make a scene.
Steven: That's sweet.
Elyse: That's sweet? You know, living with you the last week hasn't exactly been a trip to the beach.
Steven: Speaking of the beach, we now have a beach in the kitchen thanks to you by the way.
Elyse: Now, I'm responsible for the rain?
Steven: You're certainly not responsible for the sunshine.
Elyse: That's it Steven, this dance is over!
Steven: Good, then get off my feet.

Elyse gets off Steven's feet.

Alex: Excuse me, I hate to break up the festivities, but if I could have your attention, my sisters and I would like to make a toast.
Jennifer: Twenty years ago tonight, they decided they couldn't live without each other, and we're so glad they felt like that.
Alex: When Sherry Sharferd dumped me for the captain of the football team, Dad taught me how to throw a spiral, and Mom taught me how to tackle.
Mallory: They took me ice skating and held me up when my ankles turned, and Mom was seven months pregnant with Jennifer.
Jennifer: When no one would buy my girl scout cookies, Mom and Dad bought them all.
Alex: They allowed the Young Repulican's Club to meet at our house.
Mallory: Though they probably wanted to, they didn't say anything when Johnny Holmstead took me out. He has blue hair and an ear ring.
Alex: But, most important of all, the way they respect each other, the way they're open to each other's feelings and needs. Has taught us the values by which we live our lives.
Mallory: And we love them.
Alex: Mom, Dad--
Alex, Mallory, and Jennifer: Happy Anniversary.

Everyone claps.

Kyle: Speech, speech.

Elyse: I'm embarrassed and proud at the same time.
Steven: Me too.
Elyse: I think we should tell you that Steven and I have been fighting all week.
Steven: We have been fighting about all kinds of things. About the roof leaking, about this party-

Bernie Packer makes a noise.

Steven: About everything. Thank you Alex, Mallory, and Jennifer for showing your Mother and I how foolish we've been.
Elyse: I think we just forgot how much we care about each other.
Steven: How much we need each other.
Steven: I'm sorry Elyse.
Elyse: I'm sorry too Steven.
Elyse: I love you.
Steven: I love you too.
Elyse: Happy anniversary.
Steven: Happy anniversary.

Everyone claps.

Alex and Mallory go over and hug Elyse and Steven.

Jennifer: (waves arms): Wait, wait! No, it's not over. Hit it boys (points to the band)

Music starts

Jennifer: (singing): Oh how we've danced, on the night-

Jennifer goes and dances with Mallory and Alex, while Steven and Elyse dance together.

Everyone (singing) We were well, we don't on to the…

A picture is taken.

The End.

[Family Ties Forever!]

Transcript