Hilarious brain cramps

[Brent88]

Got this over email this morning, just couldn't resist posting it:
> Brain Cramps
>
> Question: If you could live forever, would you and why? Answer: "I would
not live forever, because we should not live forever, be cause if we were
supposed to live forever, then we would live forever, but we cannot live
forever, which is why I would not live forever," --Miss Alabama in the 1994
Miss USA contest.
> ``````````````````````````````````
> "Whenever I watch TV and see those poor starving kids
> all over the world, I can't help but cry. I mean I'd love to be skinny
like that, but not with all those flies and death and stuff." --Mariah Carey
> ````````````
> "Smoking kills. If you're killed, you've lost a very important part of
your life," --Brooke Shields, during an interview to become Spokesperson for
federal anti-smoking campaign.
> `````````````````````````````````````````````````
> "I've never had major knee surgery on any other part of my
body," --Winston Bennett, University of Kentucky basketball forward.
> `````````````````````````````````````````````
> "Outside of the killings, Washington has one of the lowest crime rates in
> the country," --Mayor Marion Barry, Washington, DC.
> `````````````````````````````
> "I'm not going to have some reporters pawing through our papers. We are
the president." --Hillary Clinton commenting on the release of subpoenaed
documents.
> ````````````````````````````````````````````````````
> "That lowdown scoundrel deserves to be kicked to death by a jackass, and
I'm just the one to do it," --A congressional candidate in Texas.
> ````````````````````````````
> "I don't feel we did wrong in taking this great country away from them.
> There were great numbers of people who needed new land, and the Indians
were selfishly trying to keep it for themselves." - -John Wayne
> ```````````
> "Half this game is ninety percent mental." --Philadelphia Phillies
manager, Danny Ozark
> ``````````````````````````````````
> "It isn't pollution that's harming the environment. It's the impurities in
> our air and water that are doing it." --Al Gore, Vice President
> ```````````````````
> "I love California. I practically grew up in Phoenix." --Dan Quayle
> ``````````
> " It's no exaggeration to say that the undecideds could go one way or
> another"--George Bush, US President
> ``````````````````````
> "We've got to pause and ask ourselves: How much clean air do we
need?" --Lee Iacocca
> ```````````
> "I was provided with additional input that was radically different from
the
> truth. I assisted in furthering that version." --Colonel Oliver North,
from his Iran-Contra testimony.
> `````````````````````````````````````````
> "The word "genius" isn't applicable in football. A genius is a guy like
> Norman Einstein." --Joe Theisman, NFL football quarterback & sports
analyst.
> ````````````````````````````````````````````
> "We don't necessarily discriminate. We simply exclude certain types of
> people."--Colonel Gerald Wellman, ROTC Instructor.
> `````````````````````````````````
> "If we don't succeed, we run the risk of failure." --Bill Clinton,
President
> ``````````````````
> "We are ready for an unforeseen event that may or may not occur." --Al
Gore, VP
> ``````````
> "Traditionally, most of Australia's imports come from overseas." --Keppel
Enderbery
> ```````````````
> "Your food stamps will be stopped effective March 1992 because we received
notice that you passed away. May God bless you. You may reapply if there is
a change in your circumstances." --Department of Social Services,
Greenville, South Carolina
> ````````````````````````````````````````````
> "If somebody has a bad heart, they can plug this jack in at night as they
> go to bed and it will monitor their heart throughout the night. And the
> next morning, when they wake up dead, there'll be a record." --Mark S.
Fowler, FCC Chairman

[Rhiannon]

those are about the funniest things I've seen in a long time.

"Your food stamps will be stopped effective March 1992 because we received
notice that you passed away. May God bless you. You may reapply if there is
a change in your circumstances." --Department of Social Services,
Greenville, South Carolina


LMAO!

[*Pleasant Tomorrow*]

[Brent88]

Originally posted by Vera Wang
those are about the funniest things I've seen in a long time.

"Your food stamps will be stopped effective March 1992 because we received
notice that you passed away. May God bless you. You may reapply if there is
a change in your circumstances." --Department of Social Services,
Greenville, South Carolina


LMAO!

I loved that.

[Rhiannon]

Where did you find those? I think dumb quotes made by famous people are hilarious. On Murphy Brown they used to make fun of Dan Quayle hard- he spelled potato with an e. (P-O-T-A-T-O-E)

[SBTB Geek]

LMAO!!!

[Kay Scarpetta]

Originally posted by Brent88
"We don't necessarily discriminate. We simply exclude certain types of people."--Colonel Gerald Wellman, ROTC Instructor.

grrrrrrr. That gives ROTC a bad name everywhere

[Brent88]

Originally posted by Vera Wang
Where did you find those? I think dumb quotes made by famous people are hilarious. On Murphy Brown they used to make fun of Dan Quayle hard- he spelled potato with an e. (P-O-T-A-T-O-E)

Someone sent them to me on email.

I remember Quayle and the Potatoe.