Favorite Roseanne Quotes? - Sitcoms Online Message Boards

swedeace · 01-18-2004, 02:20 PM

There are so many, but this one comes to mind:

Dan: [yelling at Darlene] I thought you were kidnapped!!

Darlene: I hate this! I wish I really was kidnapped. [walks up the stairs]

Roseanne: Well, maybe if you'll leave your window open tonight, you'll get lucky.

I had some more, but I can't remember at this moment....

I will post when I remember them....

What are yours?

LecyGoransonfan · 01-18-2004, 05:02 PM

I liked it one episode where Roseanne said something like "Go out and play in traffic!" LOL I also love it whenever Becky 1 would scream "Mother!" like in the mall episode where Roseanne says to them teenagers "Hey have you heard the new Pink Nipple album?" and then Becky turns to her with the big eye look and screams "Mother!"

swedeace · 01-18-2004, 11:09 PM

From "Mall Story":

Becky: [moves over from Roseanne when she sits next to her after being rejected from buying the dress she wanted for the school dance]
Roseanne: I was just wondering if you were sitting here thinking what to get me for Mother's Day.

HuntingtonM15 · 01-18-2004, 11:16 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by swedeace
From "Mall Story":

Becky: [moves over from Roseanne when she sits next to her after being rejected from buying the dress she wanted for the school dance]
Roseanne: I was just wondering if you were sitting here thinking what to get me for Mother's Day.

I love that line!

HuntingtonM15 · 01-19-2004, 12:26 AM

Jackie: Hey Roseanne, tell me you're employed!
Roseanne: Hey Jackie, tell me you're married!

DuhDuh539 · 01-19-2004, 01:12 AM

From the Episode "The Dark Ages":
(Dan) : I'm afraid If I leave Darlene and David alone, they'll fool around and make out like Becky and Mark...
(Roseanne) : Don't worry....Mark had a dangerous, sexy, bad boy image..... this is just David.....
(Dan) : Good point...Your right.....

From the episode "Death and Stuff":
(Roseanne) : Did you get the Baklava??
(Darlene) : Yup
(Jackie) : 1 bag of Bak, 1 bag of Lava.
*
( I don't know why, but that quote seems to crack me up...)

From the episode "Workin Overtime"
(Booker) : I have an important announcement
(Roseanne) : What??....That your a woman trapped in a man's body??

From the episode "Lobocop":
(Drunk Man) : You know whats the problem with women today???? They don't know how to read Maps.
(Roseanne) : Oh, that's because only men can understand that one inch equals a hundred miles.

From the episode "Guilt by Dissassociation":
(Muriel) : Sometimes, Vonda is so perky, I just wanna drive a nail right through her head...
(Roseanne) : Well, now I see why your in Personnel.

From "Like, a Virgin":
(Becky) : I was with my boyfriend.....
(Darlene) : Were you kissing him and Making out with him??
(Becky) : Yeah... But you wouldn't know... You are such a virgin.
(Darlene) : Did you get felt up??
(Becky) : No.
(Darlene) : Oh.... I Did!

From "Pretty in Black":
(Crystal) : You Get Orgasms??!!??

From "Toto, We're not in Kansas Anymore"
(Jackie) : Roseanne, I wanna live...
(Roseanne) : .......................THINK IT OVER!!!!

From "Suck up or Shut up":
(Roseanne) : ELIJAH MINELLI

From "The Monday Through Friday Show"
(Jackie) : You know what my idea of the perfect Honeymoon is??
(Roseanee) : Let me guess??.......Mel Gibson and a stick of butter??

From "The Fifties Show":
(Mark) : Tip Toppity!!

From "Single Married Female":
(Roseanne) : You may have noticed I was not in this episode tonight, but have no fear, I will still be paid...

From "We're in the Money"
(Roseanne) : I wasn't that interested into getting layered.

From "Becky Howser M.D.":
(Becky) : I'm too old to go to college... I'm 21 years old...
(Roseanne) : You might be too old to marry Jerry Seinfeld, but you are never too old to go to college!!

LisaM34 · 01-19-2004, 01:58 AM

"Pretty In Black"

This line got me....

Jackie: Her 16 birthday. You guys are going to do something special for her aren't you..

Roseanne: You mean pushing her big head through my loins wasn't enough.

Dan's reaction was also very funny!!!!

db108108 · 01-19-2004, 03:11 AM

I love that tag with Roseanne where she says that! This show has the best tags.ost shows go with a simple tag involving plot afterthoughts, but Roseanne went all out and make it hilarious and special. Some episodes, it was the best thing.

bubblegum · 01-20-2004, 05:12 PM

In The Dark Ages
After Power goes out
Roseanne: Well middle class was fun

Darlene: Mom wants me to go on the pill because Becky had sex.
Dan: I don't think that'll work.

In Lies
Roseanne:I'm going to the big house Dan

In Let them Eat Junk
Jackie: Smartass high school dropout, Tralier Trash, Dark Clothes wearing, Boyfriends in the basement, to soon sex doing, four letter wording, hoodlum oreos eaters. Thats what you all are the whole family and you, you are the oreoist.

In My name is Bev
Jackie: We can't go in there, she's in there!...Bev! ...Beverage!... Non-alcoholic Beverage is in there!

Christmas Snow · 01-20-2004, 10:53 PM

Episode: "Be My Baby"

Bev: Whenever I'd get frustrated when I was pregnant with you two, I would just have a little whine.

Jackie: Can you believe she drank while she was pregnant with us?

Roseanne: Oh relax Jackie, after a few months in there we probably needed a couple of shots!

Episode: "Labor Day"

Jackie: Whatcha laughin at DJ?

DJ: Oh nothing. Its just that Grandma says your baby is gonna be a bastard!

Episode: Not sure but I think its Season 1

Darlene: You guys think that we don't get your corny little sex jokes!

Roseanne: You kids are our corny little sex jokes!

Episode: I don't know

Roseane: Dating is like hunting, you get lucky you go home early!

doodosh · 01-22-2004, 02:48 AM

the episode where Roseanne wants to spend time with D.J. after she fired him from the Lunchbox.

Roseanne: Now you know I don't approve of sex and violence in movies so your going to have to pick one or the other.

Sosafan21 · 01-22-2004, 05:44 AM

The show where Roseanne/Jackie and friends are playing truth or dare, and Roseanne has to go out to the garage and flash Dan but he is visiting with their new neighbor who sees her topless and says...

"You sure know how to make a guy feel welcome"

bubblegum · 01-22-2004, 05:13 PM

In Punch and Jimmy
Dan: Thats a really good horse drawing.
David: Well it supposed symbolize the inner spirit inside everyone that they don't show.
Dan: Do he have a name?

Saiyan ChiChi · 01-22-2004, 07:50 PM

In the tornado episode.

Roseanne: (To Darlene) You're grounded until menopause.
Darlene: Yours or mine?
Roseanne: Your father's.

sniffmagikmarkrs · 02-03-2004, 01:09 AM

dj

talking about vcr) I can't get this damn thing to work!
Roseanne: where did you get language like that, it's called a VCR

01-18-2004, 02:20 PM	#1
swedeace Member Forum Fanatic Join Date: Sep 22, 2003 Posts: 9,009	Favorite Roseanne Quotes? There are so many, but this one comes to mind: Dan: [yelling at Darlene] I thought you were kidnapped!! Darlene: I hate this! I wish I really was kidnapped. [walks up the stairs] Roseanne: Well, maybe if you'll leave your window open tonight, you'll get lucky. I had some more, but I can't remember at this moment.... I will post when I remember them.... What are yours?

01-18-2004, 05:02 PM	#2
LecyGoransonfan Member Frequent Poster Join Date: Sep 21, 2002 Location: Philadelphia Posts: 213	I liked it one episode where Roseanne said something like "Go out and play in traffic!" LOL I also love it whenever Becky 1 would scream "Mother!" like in the mall episode where Roseanne says to them teenagers "Hey have you heard the new Pink Nipple album?" and then Becky turns to her with the big eye look and screams "Mother!"
	__________________ *Sean* Lecy Goranson's #1 fan [img]http://www.wgnradio.com/steve/photos/goransonSC.jpg[img]

01-19-2004, 01:12 AM	#6
DuhDuh539 IT IS OH SO QUIET... Frequent Poster Join Date: Jan 17, 2004 Posts: 276	From the Episode "The Dark Ages": (Dan) : I'm afraid If I leave Darlene and David alone, they'll fool around and make out like Becky and Mark... (Roseanne) : Don't worry....Mark had a dangerous, sexy, bad boy image..... this is just David..... (Dan) : Good point...Your right..... From the episode "Death and Stuff": (Roseanne) : Did you get the Baklava?? (Darlene) : Yup (Jackie) : 1 bag of Bak, 1 bag of Lava. * ( I don't know why, but that quote seems to crack me up...) From the episode "Workin Overtime" (Booker) : I have an important announcement (Roseanne) : What??....That your a woman trapped in a man's body?? From the episode "Lobocop": (Drunk Man) : You know whats the problem with women today???? They don't know how to read Maps. (Roseanne) : Oh, that's because only men can understand that one inch equals a hundred miles. From the episode "Guilt by Dissassociation": (Muriel) : Sometimes, Vonda is so perky, I just wanna drive a nail right through her head... (Roseanne) : Well, now I see why your in Personnel. From "Like, a Virgin": (Becky) : I was with my boyfriend..... (Darlene) : Were you kissing him and Making out with him?? (Becky) : Yeah... But you wouldn't know... You are such a virgin. (Darlene) : Did you get felt up?? (Becky) : No. (Darlene) : Oh.... I Did! From "Pretty in Black": (Crystal) : You Get Orgasms??!!?? From "Toto, We're not in Kansas Anymore" (Jackie) : Roseanne, I wanna live... (Roseanne) : .......................THINK IT OVER!!!! From "Suck up or Shut up": (Roseanne) : ELIJAH MINELLI From "The Monday Through Friday Show" (Jackie) : You know what my idea of the perfect Honeymoon is?? (Roseanee) : Let me guess??.......Mel Gibson and a stick of butter?? From "The Fifties Show": (Mark) : Tip Toppity!! From "Single Married Female": (Roseanne) : You may have noticed I was not in this episode tonight, but have no fear, I will still be paid... From "We're in the Money" (Roseanne) : I wasn't that interested into getting layered. From "Becky Howser M.D.": (Becky) : I'm too old to go to college... I'm 21 years old... (Roseanne) : You might be too old to marry Jerry Seinfeld, but you are never too old to go to college!!
	Last edited by DuhDuh539; 01-20-2004 at 11:52 PM.

01-20-2004, 10:53 PM	#10
Christmas Snow The original blonde Forum Regular Join Date: Jul 20, 2003 Location: From Fresno, but now I live in Santa Monica with my best friends, Jack and Janet! Posts: 662	Episode: "Be My Baby" Bev: Whenever I'd get frustrated when I was pregnant with you two, I would just have a little whine. Jackie: Can you believe she drank while she was pregnant with us? Roseanne: Oh relax Jackie, after a few months in there we probably needed a couple of shots! Episode: "Labor Day" Jackie: Whatcha laughin at DJ? DJ: Oh nothing. Its just that Grandma says your baby is gonna be a bastard! Episode: Not sure but I think its Season 1 Darlene: You guys think that we don't get your corny little sex jokes! Roseanne: You kids are our corny little sex jokes! Episode: I don't know Roseane: Dating is like hunting, you get lucky you go home early!
	__________________ JENNIFER YOUR MY AMERICAN IDOL BABE!!

01-22-2004, 07:50 PM	#14
Saiyan ChiChi Anime Fan Occasional Poster Join Date: Jan 13, 2004 Posts: 75	In the tornado episode. Roseanne: (To Darlene) You're grounded until menopause. Darlene: Yours or mine? Roseanne: Your father's.
	__________________ "I am your sheath, I am destined to stand with you no matter what," -Himura Tomoe- (Samurai X/Rurouni Kenshin)

01-18-2004, 11:09 PM	#3
swedeace Member Forum Fanatic Join Date: Sep 22, 2003 Posts: 9,009	From "Mall Story": Becky: [moves over from Roseanne when she sits next to her after being rejected from buying the dress she wanted for the school dance] Roseanne: I was just wondering if you were sitting here thinking what to get me for Mother's Day.

01-19-2004, 12:26 AM	#5
HuntingtonM15 That Bothers Me Moderator Forum Star Join Date: Jun 20, 2003 Location: Metro Detroit Posts: 11,060	Jackie: Hey Roseanne, tell me you're employed! Roseanne: Hey Jackie, tell me you're married!

01-19-2004, 01:58 AM	#7
LisaM34 Member Occasional Poster Join Date: Sep 27, 2003 Posts: 27	"Pretty In Black" This line got me.... Jackie: Her 16 birthday. You guys are going to do something special for her aren't you.. Roseanne: You mean pushing her big head through my loins wasn't enough. Dan's reaction was also very funny!!!!

01-19-2004, 03:11 AM	#8
db108108 Teacher (for now) Senior Member Join Date: Mar 20, 2003 Location: 2 hours north of Detroit, 2 hours south of Toronto Posts: 1,023	I love that tag with Roseanne where she says that! This show has the best tags.ost shows go with a simple tag involving plot afterthoughts, but Roseanne went all out and make it hilarious and special. Some episodes, it was the best thing.

01-20-2004, 05:12 PM	#9
bubblegum Roseanne Fan Frequent Poster Join Date: Aug 25, 2003 Posts: 432	In The Dark Ages After Power goes out Roseanne: Well middle class was fun Darlene: Mom wants me to go on the pill because Becky had sex. Dan: I don't think that'll work. In Lies Roseanne:I'm going to the big house Dan In Let them Eat Junk Jackie: Smartass high school dropout, Tralier Trash, Dark Clothes wearing, Boyfriends in the basement, to soon sex doing, four letter wording, hoodlum oreos eaters. Thats what you all are the whole family and you, you are the oreoist. In My name is Bev Jackie: We can't go in there, she's in there!...Bev! ...Beverage!... Non-alcoholic Beverage is in there!

01-22-2004, 02:48 AM	#11
doodosh Member Occasional Poster Join Date: Jul 30, 2003 Posts: 5	the episode where Roseanne wants to spend time with D.J. after she fired him from the Lunchbox. Roseanne: Now you know I don't approve of sex and violence in movies so your going to have to pick one or the other.

01-22-2004, 05:44 AM	#12
Sosafan21 Member Occasional Poster Join Date: Feb 07, 2003 Location: n/a Posts: 36	The show where Roseanne/Jackie and friends are playing truth or dare, and Roseanne has to go out to the garage and flash Dan but he is visiting with their new neighbor who sees her topless and says... "You sure know how to make a guy feel welcome"

01-22-2004, 05:13 PM	#13
bubblegum Roseanne Fan Frequent Poster Join Date: Aug 25, 2003 Posts: 432	In Punch and Jimmy Dan: Thats a really good horse drawing. David: Well it supposed symbolize the inner spirit inside everyone that they don't show. Dan: Do he have a name?

02-03-2004, 01:09 AM	#15
sniffmagikmarkrs meant to be Frequent Poster Join Date: Jan 08, 2004 Location: Lanford, Illinois Posts: 131	LOL djtalking about vcr) I can't get this damn thing to work! Roseanne: where did you get language like that, it's called a VCR
	__________________ Darlene: (to DJ) You're about to become a strange smell in the attic Darlene: David we're through, I'm breaking up with you David: Gee, can we still not have sex