Desi or Gary - Sitcoms Online Message Boards

lucyrules · 12-23-2003, 03:14 PM

I'm sure this topic has probably been discused before so please don't tear me apart here!

I just want everyone's opinions on this. Thanks

crazyredhead · 12-23-2003, 03:27 PM

Well that's a no-brainer! lol DESI!!!!

Amber8611 · 12-23-2003, 06:27 PM

I'm a little confused at the question. Is it which one was a better husband or which one do you like better? The only person that really knows is Lucy, so I'm just going to state my opinions here. I'd almost have to say that Gary was a better husband. Desi let it be known that he cheated on Lucy many, many times and almost seemed to brag about it. I know it was the way he was brought up, but he must have known that it really hurt Lucy and did a lot of damage to her. It's also speculated that Gary may have cheated on Lucy as well, but even if he did, he kept it a secret. I'm not saying that it's any better that way, but Desi embarrassed Lucy by letting it be known.
Desi was a great businessman who made a lot of good career choices for both himself and Lucy. Gary on the other hand may have given Lucy some pretty bad advice. He did tell Lucy to do "Stone Pillow" instead of a Broadway show, so it wouldn't interrupt his golf, but I doubt that he would consciously give her bad advice. They both had good and bad qualities, just like everyone else, so I can't say which one is better. I've never met them and therefore could not give a justifiable opinion of them. Desi was the love of Lucy's life, but I believe that she loved Gary just as much, only in a different way.

lucyrules · 12-23-2003, 07:06 PM

Sorry 'bout the confusion. What I meant was which one was a better husband and made her happier.

MagsLovesLucy · 12-23-2003, 07:08 PM

I'm also a little confused as to what you're asking. Do you mean who we personally like better, who was a better husband, or who we think Lucy "liked better"? Amber said everything very nicely, so I'm just going to state my opinions, too.

Desi was certainly the love of Lucy's life, and although he never wanted to hurt her, he constantly did by cheating on her. Marcella Rabwin once said, "It's one thing to be a philanderer, but it's another thing to be a philanderer and have it known." That kind of stuff gets around quickly, and it really humiliated Lucy. Desi's drinking was also a source of humiliation, and towards the end of their marriage, prevented them from going to a lot of social gatherings. In Lucy's own words, the last 5 years of her marriage were "a living hell." On the other hand, Desi was an astute business man who always kept Lucy's best interests in mind and really knew how to show her off. I believe that he loved Lucy very much (and Lucy loved him), and maybe in some ways regretted the divorce.

Gary, I think, was just the kind of husband that Lucy needed at that point in her life. She wanted a settled, more quiet marriage, and he was able to provide that. Gary's intentions for Lucy career-wise, however, to me, are a little foggy. I personally don't think that he was truly thinking of Lucy first when he made a lot of business decisions, like getting her a movie that almost killed her instead of doing a Broadway show, so he could play golf, or getting her back on TV with "Life with Lucy," when Lucy always said she could never top what she had done. Still, Lucy stayed with him for 28 years, so there must've been something there, unless Lucy didn't want to go through the embarrassment of another divorce if there were actually problems. To give Gary some credit, he seemed like a great stepdad (which I'm sure is a very hard position to be in!) and constantly made Lucy laugh, which I think was something she needed.

To sum it up, Lucy and Desi were the loves of each other's lives, and Gary knew that and in my opinion, was a pretty good sport about it. My personal preference of the two is Desi, and although I'm not a big Gary fan, I'm sure he had his good qualities, too.

lucyrules · 12-23-2003, 07:52 PM

sheesh.... I keep confusing everyone today don't I?

You can state what you think or who you think Lucy liked better! More questions anyone?

MagsLovesLucy · 12-23-2003, 08:05 PM

No, I understand now! You posted what you meant before I had the chance to see it.

crazyredhead · 12-24-2003, 09:57 AM

Errmm..I still think Desi..kinda..bah! I dun't wanna answer this question! *folds arms*

cocopugg · 12-24-2003, 10:44 AM

Since she still loved Desi until the end, I would have to say it was Desi who made her happier, regardless of all the heartaches he caused her. I always felt her marriage to Gary Morton was more a business thing than anything else.

SPLAIN · 12-24-2003, 11:04 AM

No, i don't agree, Lucy had no need for Gary business wise, she married a much younger man who made her happy and gave her peace and quiet which like one of the two young ladies said was just what Lucy needed then. Boy, i just loved what Amber and Maggie said, it's amazing that two such young ladies could know the whole situation so well. My own opinion is that Lucy just couldn't take it anymore with the love of her life, so they lived apart but still had contact with each other which was the second best thing, and she admitted that Gary made her happy and helped her a lot after the demise of her shows. I just wish he had been more focused on HER career than his bank book or golf game.

PracTz · 12-24-2003, 05:22 PM

Who do I think Lucy liked more? Gary
Who do I think Lucy loved more? Desi

I think Gary did the best he could to try to make her happy but I believe one source of her unhappiness in her last years was the lingering sadness that she and the love of her life couldn't live with each other or be more than friends.
According to Lucie Arnaz, Lucy's last words to the dying Desi were "I love you, Desi! I LOVE you, Desi! I love YOU, Desi! I love you, DESI!'. . .".and one has to wonder what her words would have been had fate had her tend to the dying Gary. ..

Ricardos4ever · 12-24-2003, 05:51 PM

You guys pretty much summed it up great. Just a few more thoughts: I don't think that Desi was husband material. Or, at least, American husband material. His ideas about what a marriage should be were totally different. As much as I'm no fan of Gary, I believe that he was a better husband. He was still not what Lucy truly deserved, but at least he didn't cheat (or if he did, it wasn't known). He gave her the peace that she needed.

But, was she truly happy? No. I remember Candy Moore saying that she once went to visit Lucy on the weekend. Gary was out playing golf, and Lucy seemed lost and unhappy the whole weekend. She was very off when she wasn't at work, and yes, it is understandable that Gary would want to go and have some fun playing golf, but if he knew that his wife was miserable when she wasn't working, wouldn't he want to be there to keep her company? Also, the fact that he drove many of her friends away from her was unfortunate. It seems very selfish on his part. But, when I weigh all of that over the cheating and alcoholism that Lucy had to put up with during her first marriage, I would certainly rate Gary as the better husband.

With that being said, it does seem that Desi and Lucy shared a connection that went way deeper than anything that she ever had with Gary. She certainly loved him more than Gary. If she didn't, than she probably wouldn't have continued to long for him the way she did for the rest of her life. And Desi probably felt the same way. I was watching "A Home Movie" the other day, and it has those clips of Lucy and Desi on talk shows. The way he speaks about Lucy is so sweet; his love for her really shines through. You can see it in his book, too.

With Desi, it seemed like the high points in the marriage were way higher than the high points she shared with Gary, but the lows were much lower. That is probably why she still continued to love Desi very much, yet still felt a lot of anger towards him. I suspect that Desi was the one that she really wanted to be with, but she couldn't, so Gary was a decent person to be married to instead. After Desi, she vowed never to be married again, but who wants to go through life alone? That was probably a big part of her reasoning when she married Gary.

So I must conclude that although Gary was the better husband, Desi was the better person for Lucy to be WITH. That probably makes no sense, but that's the only way that I can think to say it right now.

crazyredhead · 12-24-2003, 06:33 PM

Very good R4E! You get an A+. lol

SPLAIN · 12-26-2003, 04:50 PM

Yep, you summed it all up perfectly, as usual! You are the fairest person i have ever known.

Gidget · 01-03-2004, 02:03 AM

I just had to state my opinion. Desi was Lucy's true love and even though they had a lot of problems, I don't think she was REALLY, truely happy without him. You can tell that their love was as deep as an ocean because even after their divorce, they still continued to talk and see eachother. How many people can you say that about? I believe this can be summed up with Gary's own words after Lucy's death "She's happy now, she's with Desi."

12-23-2003, 03:14 PM	#1
lucyrules Member Occasional Poster Join Date: Dec 17, 2003 Posts: 83	Desi or Gary I'm sure this topic has probably been discused before so please don't tear me apart here! I just want everyone's opinions on this. Thanks

12-23-2003, 03:27 PM	#2
crazyredhead Seniorita Forum Regular Join Date: Aug 13, 2003 Location: DIZZY LAND Posts: 715	Well that's a no-brainer! lol DESI!!!!
	__________________ *BEKAH* But uf coss I cahn spik purfuctly good Amurecun. Ethel: "Ring the bell." Fred: "What for?" Ethel: "They don't know we're comin up and people would like a little privacy." Fred: "These aren't people, they're Ricky & Lucy."

12-24-2003, 05:51 PM	#12
Ricardos4ever Henna-rinsess Frequent Poster Join Date: Jan 28, 2002 Location: Somewhere in the middle of the world's longest Conga line Posts: 473	You guys pretty much summed it up great. Just a few more thoughts: I don't think that Desi was husband material. Or, at least, American husband material. His ideas about what a marriage should be were totally different. As much as I'm no fan of Gary, I believe that he was a better husband. He was still not what Lucy truly deserved, but at least he didn't cheat (or if he did, it wasn't known). He gave her the peace that she needed. But, was she truly happy? No. I remember Candy Moore saying that she once went to visit Lucy on the weekend. Gary was out playing golf, and Lucy seemed lost and unhappy the whole weekend. She was very off when she wasn't at work, and yes, it is understandable that Gary would want to go and have some fun playing golf, but if he knew that his wife was miserable when she wasn't working, wouldn't he want to be there to keep her company? Also, the fact that he drove many of her friends away from her was unfortunate. It seems very selfish on his part. But, when I weigh all of that over the cheating and alcoholism that Lucy had to put up with during her first marriage, I would certainly rate Gary as the better husband. With that being said, it does seem that Desi and Lucy shared a connection that went way deeper than anything that she ever had with Gary. She certainly loved him more than Gary. If she didn't, than she probably wouldn't have continued to long for him the way she did for the rest of her life. And Desi probably felt the same way. I was watching "A Home Movie" the other day, and it has those clips of Lucy and Desi on talk shows. The way he speaks about Lucy is so sweet; his love for her really shines through. You can see it in his book, too. With Desi, it seemed like the high points in the marriage were way higher than the high points she shared with Gary, but the lows were much lower. That is probably why she still continued to love Desi very much, yet still felt a lot of anger towards him. I suspect that Desi was the one that she really wanted to be with, but she couldn't, so Gary was a decent person to be married to instead. After Desi, she vowed never to be married again, but who wants to go through life alone? That was probably a big part of her reasoning when she married Gary. So I must conclude that although Gary was the better husband, Desi was the better person for Lucy to be WITH. That probably makes no sense, but that's the only way that I can think to say it right now.
	__________________ ELVIS LIVES ***** "They had one of those historical marriages, like Napoleon and Josephine, Richard and Liz--destined to be trouble but destined for them to never find anyone as passionate or as fabulous." -- Lucie Arnaz on her parents, Lucille Ball and Desi Arnaz

12-23-2003, 06:27 PM	#3
Amber8611 Member Frequent Poster Join Date: Aug 21, 2003 Location: Connecticut Posts: 188	I'm a little confused at the question. Is it which one was a better husband or which one do you like better? The only person that really knows is Lucy, so I'm just going to state my opinions here. I'd almost have to say that Gary was a better husband. Desi let it be known that he cheated on Lucy many, many times and almost seemed to brag about it. I know it was the way he was brought up, but he must have known that it really hurt Lucy and did a lot of damage to her. It's also speculated that Gary may have cheated on Lucy as well, but even if he did, he kept it a secret. I'm not saying that it's any better that way, but Desi embarrassed Lucy by letting it be known. Desi was a great businessman who made a lot of good career choices for both himself and Lucy. Gary on the other hand may have given Lucy some pretty bad advice. He did tell Lucy to do "Stone Pillow" instead of a Broadway show, so it wouldn't interrupt his golf, but I doubt that he would consciously give her bad advice. They both had good and bad qualities, just like everyone else, so I can't say which one is better. I've never met them and therefore could not give a justifiable opinion of them. Desi was the love of Lucy's life, but I believe that she loved Gary just as much, only in a different way.

12-23-2003, 07:06 PM	#4
lucyrules Member Occasional Poster Join Date: Dec 17, 2003 Posts: 83	Sorry 'bout the confusion. What I meant was which one was a better husband and made her happier.

12-23-2003, 07:08 PM	#5
MagsLovesLucy For being a friend.. Frequent Poster Join Date: Aug 13, 2003 Posts: 307	I'm also a little confused as to what you're asking. Do you mean who we personally like better, who was a better husband, or who we think Lucy "liked better"? Amber said everything very nicely, so I'm just going to state my opinions, too. Desi was certainly the love of Lucy's life, and although he never wanted to hurt her, he constantly did by cheating on her. Marcella Rabwin once said, "It's one thing to be a philanderer, but it's another thing to be a philanderer and have it known." That kind of stuff gets around quickly, and it really humiliated Lucy. Desi's drinking was also a source of humiliation, and towards the end of their marriage, prevented them from going to a lot of social gatherings. In Lucy's own words, the last 5 years of her marriage were "a living hell." On the other hand, Desi was an astute business man who always kept Lucy's best interests in mind and really knew how to show her off. I believe that he loved Lucy very much (and Lucy loved him), and maybe in some ways regretted the divorce. Gary, I think, was just the kind of husband that Lucy needed at that point in her life. She wanted a settled, more quiet marriage, and he was able to provide that. Gary's intentions for Lucy career-wise, however, to me, are a little foggy. I personally don't think that he was truly thinking of Lucy first when he made a lot of business decisions, like getting her a movie that almost killed her instead of doing a Broadway show, so he could play golf, or getting her back on TV with "Life with Lucy," when Lucy always said she could never top what she had done. Still, Lucy stayed with him for 28 years, so there must've been something there, unless Lucy didn't want to go through the embarrassment of another divorce if there were actually problems. To give Gary some credit, he seemed like a great stepdad (which I'm sure is a very hard position to be in!) and constantly made Lucy laugh, which I think was something she needed. To sum it up, Lucy and Desi were the loves of each other's lives, and Gary knew that and in my opinion, was a pretty good sport about it. My personal preference of the two is Desi, and although I'm not a big Gary fan, I'm sure he had his good qualities, too.

12-23-2003, 07:52 PM	#6
lucyrules Member Occasional Poster Join Date: Dec 17, 2003 Posts: 83	sheesh.... I keep confusing everyone today don't I? You can state what you think or who you think Lucy liked better! More questions anyone?

12-23-2003, 08:05 PM	#7
MagsLovesLucy For being a friend.. Frequent Poster Join Date: Aug 13, 2003 Posts: 307	No, I understand now! You posted what you meant before I had the chance to see it.

12-24-2003, 09:57 AM	#8
crazyredhead Seniorita Forum Regular Join Date: Aug 13, 2003 Location: DIZZY LAND Posts: 715	Errmm..I still think Desi..kinda..bah! I dun't wanna answer this question! folds arms

12-24-2003, 10:44 AM	#9
cocopugg Member Occasional Poster Join Date: Nov 30, 2003 Posts: 15	Since she still loved Desi until the end, I would have to say it was Desi who made her happier, regardless of all the heartaches he caused her. I always felt her marriage to Gary Morton was more a business thing than anything else.

12-24-2003, 11:04 AM	#10
SPLAIN I Love Lucy Forum 4000 Club Member Join Date: Mar 04, 2002 Location: MONTREAL, CANADA Posts: 4,563	No, i don't agree, Lucy had no need for Gary business wise, she married a much younger man who made her happy and gave her peace and quiet which like one of the two young ladies said was just what Lucy needed then. Boy, i just loved what Amber and Maggie said, it's amazing that two such young ladies could know the whole situation so well. My own opinion is that Lucy just couldn't take it anymore with the love of her life, so they lived apart but still had contact with each other which was the second best thing, and she admitted that Gary made her happy and helped her a lot after the demise of her shows. I just wish he had been more focused on HER career than his bank book or golf game.

12-24-2003, 05:22 PM	#11
PracTz Member Senior Member Join Date: Jul 14, 2002 Location: United States of America [Happily Living in the 20th Century] Posts: 2,711	Who do I think Lucy liked more? Gary Who do I think Lucy loved more? Desi I think Gary did the best he could to try to make her happy but I believe one source of her unhappiness in her last years was the lingering sadness that she and the love of her life couldn't live with each other or be more than friends. According to Lucie Arnaz, Lucy's last words to the dying Desi were "I love you, Desi! I LOVE you, Desi! I love YOU, Desi! I love you, DESI!'. . .".and one has to wonder what her words would have been had fate had her tend to the dying Gary. ..

12-24-2003, 06:33 PM	#13
crazyredhead Seniorita Forum Regular Join Date: Aug 13, 2003 Location: DIZZY LAND Posts: 715	Very good R4E! You get an A+. lol

12-26-2003, 04:50 PM	#14
SPLAIN I Love Lucy Forum 4000 Club Member Join Date: Mar 04, 2002 Location: MONTREAL, CANADA Posts: 4,563	Yep, you summed it all up perfectly, as usual! You are the fairest person i have ever known.

01-03-2004, 02:03 AM	#15
Gidget Just Like Lucy Frequent Poster Join Date: Apr 11, 2003 Location: Wherever I can watch my classic tv! Posts: 100	I just had to state my opinion. Desi was Lucy's true love and even though they had a lot of problems, I don't think she was REALLY, truely happy without him. You can tell that their love was as deep as an ocean because even after their divorce, they still continued to talk and see eachother. How many people can you say that about? I believe this can be summed up with Gary's own words after Lucy's death "She's happy now, she's with Desi."