Fave Dialogue and One Liners

[Viola_Fuss]

Hi all!

What are some of your favorite bits of dialogue or one-liners from the show? Rattle and prattle!!!

-----------------

G: "You know something Michael....I may be sick....but you're SICK!!!"

~~~~~
"I'll have no more remembering to take the PILL...no IUD's no NOTHING! If you're so concerned about not bringing anymore children into the world then DO something about it!! Get a VASECTOMY!!! :::::: kick :::::

~~~~~

Edith: "Gloria...you're not thinkin what I think you're thinkin....not havin' it????

G: "That's exactly what I'm sitting here thinking about!.......don't you think a woman has the right to do what she wants with her own body??"

E: Well...when I'm listening to them women...talkin' about it on television...yeah. But when I'm sittin' here with my own daughter....who's carryin' my own GRANDCHILD....oh....I'm already in LOVE with that baby!!!"

G: Well...so am I. But....the baby isn't here...and Michael IS...and I DON'T WANNA LOSE MY HUSBAND WAAAAAAAAAH!!"

--------

G: (in labor in the Mount Vesuvius Restaurant) "OOOOOOOoooooooooo....not "ooooo" for wine...."Oooooo" for the baby!"

M: Yah mean he kicked yah?

G: Not exactly!

M: Whh-what exactly??

G: Oh Michael...I didn't wanna spoil our evening together...but I just had another contraction! "

M: Annnnn--nuuuther...contrac...that means you had...one before...when was the first one??

G: About 20 minutes ago!

M: 20 minutes...that means the uh contractions are coming about

G: "....about 20 minutes apart!"

--------------

M: "MY WHOLE FAMILY's STUCK IN A PHONE BOOTH!!!!

[Viola_Fuss]

Bumping this up just in case someone wants to add to it.

[KayEn78]

These quotes are on my AITF Favorite Episodes site: http://www.geocities.com/lennon4080f...fepisodes.html
To see more episodes and quotes, visit the web address above.

Edith: "Archie, what if I was to tell you that I think you're going to have the little boy you always wanted."

Archie (stares at Edith and gives her a look): "Holy cow, Edith, can't you do nothing right?!"

Gloria: "Daddy, it's not Mom who's expecting, it's me!"

Edith: "Yeah, Gloria's going to have a baby."

Archie doesn't know what to think because he knows that Mike can't support her without a job.

Archie (to Mike): "Your whole generation does nothing but think with its glands!"

***

After Archie insists that he can serve Sammy the coffee, instead of Edith, Archie says to Sammy:

"Mr. Davis, do you take cream and sugar in your eye?"

Edith: "Mr. Davis, It's really my fault, you see Archie thought I was going to say something about your eye."

Archie: "Edith, please!"

***
Louise: "Darling, those are a couple of swingers!"

Edith: "Oh, I know, they won a trophy in the Harvest Moon Dance Contest."

Louise: "No, they are wife-swappers."

Edith: "Wife-swappers? What's that?"

Louise: "They're here to change partners...but not for dancing."

After thinking a few moments...

Edith: "You mean, they want Archie and me to..." (Louise nods) "...Oh my!!"

After seeing revealing pictures of Ruth....

Archie: "I don't want no creepos, weirdos, or sexos in my house!"

***

Edith (singing): "Happy Birthday to you, Happy Birthday to you, Happy Birthday dear Gloria, Happy Birthday to you!"

Gloria: "Oh, Ma--"

Edith (yelling): "I don't wanna talk to you no more!!"

Archie is trying to sleep, but Edith keeps tossing, turning, and sighing.

Archie: "Hey, Edith."

Edith: "Not now, Archie! I ain't in the mood!"

***
Archie: "Edith, let me tell you something about beer. You can never buy beer, you can only rent it." (Archie laughs)

***
Gloria: "When I was fourteen, I thought the Beatles' hair was beautiful."

Edith: "Gloria, what's wrong?"

Gloria: "...I don't stimulate him (Mike) anymore!"

Edith: "What?"

Gloria: "I mean mentally, Ma!"

Gloria: "...I'm not smart enough for Michael."

Edith: "Gloria, you should never talk like that. There's lots of ways of being smart. There's book smart and there's people smart. And sometimes, people smart is a lot more important."

***

Russell: "A guy's gotta look for, you know, greener pastures. After twenty-five years, marriage is like a box of Cracker Jacks with no surprise."

Archie: "Whatsa matter with just the Cracker Jacks?"

Archie: "Listen, I ain't lookin' for greener pastures because Edith is green enough for me!"

Amelia: "It's been months since Russell and I have been...together."

Edith: "You was together in Hawaii."

Amelia: "No, I mean...together."

Edith: "Oh....I'll get you some more coffee."

Amelia: "Edith, how do you do it?"

Edith: "I just use a new filter."

Amelia: "Of all the people I know, you're practically the only person with a happy marriage."

Edith: "Me and Archie? Oh, thank you..."

Amelia: "You must be doing something right when you go to bed at night."

Edith: "We go to sleep!"

Amelia: "No, no, Edith...nothing more?"

Edith: "Well...nothing more than we've been doing since the minister said we could."

Amelia: "But Edith, do you see pinwheels, skyrockets, and fireworks...like the Fourth of July?"

Edith (with her head down and a huge grin on her face): "With me and Archie, it's more like Thanksgiving!"

***
Edith: "I can be a Sunshine Lady if I wanna be....and I wanna be!"

Edith runs upstairs sobbing and Archie shouts that he's not having dinner at home, but at Kelcy's. Edith runs downstairs.

Edith: "Oh, no you don't! You ain't gonna slam the door in my face because this time it's gonna be your face and I'm gonna be the slammer!!!"

***
Archie: "How come you didn't think of the other way around? Archibald Stanislaus Stivic?"

Gloria: "Awww, Daddy, you wouldn't want your grandchild to have those initials."

Mike: "Well, it would fit the American grandfather."

Archie: "Are you callin' me an ass!"

The name Stanislaus continues to erupt an argument between Mike, Gloria, and Archie. Edith ends up pushing Mike and Gloria out of the house, so Archie could have peace and quiet, like the doctor told him to.

Archie (to Edith): "You just threw your own pregnant daughter out of the house."

Edith: "I know."

Archie and Edith relax..

Archie: "You're a good wife, Edith."

Edith: "And you're a good husband."

A moment of silence.

Edith: "You wanna go upstairs?" (meaning to rest)

Archie: "In the daylight, Edith?"

Edith: "Oh...Archie! I didn't mean that!"

Archie: "I know, I know. Do you wanna?"

Edith smiles, nods and they head upstairs.

***
Archie (holding Joey over the holy water): "...I'm gonna do this, Lord, because I don't want my little grandson growing up without religion in this rotten world of yours. ....Now don't worry, Joey, 'cause see this here thing ain't gonna make you holler, like that other thing they done to you. Now, Lord, this is Joseph Michael Stivic here, a Christian. Joseph Michael Stivic, I baptize thee in the name of the Father, Son and the Holy Ghost."

Archie breathes a sigh of relief, kisses Joey and says:

"I hope that took, Lord, because they're gonna kill me when I get home."

***

Archie (to Edith): "Was you doin' any talkin' to the Meathead about, uh, you and me, and you-know-what?"

Edith: "You know what-what?"

Archie: "Help me, Lord. Help me, Lord. Give me a word. Privaties, the uh, privaties of the, uh, bedroom."

Edith: "Ohhh."

Archie: "Ohhh, ding, ding, ding, ding!"

Edith: "No! I'd never talk to Mike about that. Gloria talked--"

Archie: "Gloria! Now I understand the roundabouts of the whole thing! She was over here and you had a woman-to-woman talk with your daughter, yeah!"

Edith: "Oh, I never--"

Archie: "And she went home and had a woman-to-man talk with her husband, then he trots down to Kelcy's and forces me into a man-to-Meathead conversation with him!"

Edith: "I don't know what you're talkin' about."

Archie: "Yeah, but you never talked the woman-to-man thing with your husband, huh?"

Edith: "Oh, I'd love to do that, Archie, but you never wanna listen. Would you?"

Archie "No! ...We will have no discussions between you and me about between you and me! I will not let you talk ever about our sex life! What the hell's wrong with it?!"

Edith: "Nothing...I think."

Archie: "What do you mean, 'you think?' Ain't I always there...when you're...in the mood?"

Edith (blushing and smiling): "Oh, yeah, Archie...even when I ain't."

***
Mike (yelling): "Your father was wrong!"

Archie: "Don't tell me my father was wrong! Let me tell you somethin'! The father who made you--wrong? The father, the breadwinner of the house there? The man who goes out and busts his butt to keep a roof over your head and clothes on your back, you call your father wrong? Hey, hey, your father, your father, that's the man who comes home bringin' you candy. Your father's the first guy ever to throw a ball to you. And take you for walks in the park, holding you by the hand. My father held me by the hand...oh, he had a hand on him now, I tell you. He busted that hand once, and he busted it out on me, to teach me to do good. My father, he shoved me in closet for seven hours, to teach me to do good....'cause he loved me! He loved me. Let me tell you something, you're supposed to love your father...because your father loves you." Archie taps Mike on the shoutder. "Now, how can a man who loves you, tell you anything wrong?"

***

Mike: "I know you always thought I hated you....but I love you, Arch." (he hugs Archie)

Archie: "Hey, uh, you be sure and send postcards every now and then 'cause...because your mother-in-law, she's one that...she's gonna wanna know" (Archie puts his arm around Mike) "you're alright, you know?"

***

Edith (brushing away Archie's tears): "You know somethin', Archie? You're a pip....a real pip."

That's it for now.
-Kristi

[Viola_Fuss]

That was awesome Kristi! Thanks!!

[KayEn78]

You're welcome.
-Kristi

[storrs19]

I can't recall the episode as I haven't seen it in years but this line always sticks with me because the one time I went there it was exactly that way !!!

Archie: "California, the land of fruits and nuts.
Where every fruit is a little nutty, and every nut is a little fruity."

I attended a conference in San Francisco a few years ago and everyone I saw on the streets seems to look fruity or nutty.
But then, I'm very conservative and from a small midwestern town originally, so I was very much out of place there.

Chad