Great One Liners!!! - Sitcoms Online Message Boards

RJ · 08-01-2003, 02:17 AM

Can everyone post a Great One Liner from Fred cuz I wanna post something really funny as my screen name on my msn messenger and get peoples attention, post hilarious ones! thanks!

jekouptown · 08-01-2003, 09:04 AM

Rollo: a jokes a joke but how come everytime i come here mr sanford you treat me like a criminal.
Fred: cause i want you to feel at home

Fred talking to Julio: why don't you take this junk back where it came from....your bedroom.!

teddybare · 08-01-2003, 02:04 PM

Fred sitting in front of the door looking outside- Pop what are you doing? Im pretending Im watching television Lamont-What are you watchibf Fred- Right now Im watching the wide world of junk

Fred in Courtroom- Officer How come you dont arrest any white drivers? Theres enough ******s in here to make a tarzan movie

Fred- If I die I hope its during the Roller Derby

Fred talking to lamont- Before tonight you were just a plain dummy after tonight you'll be a broke dummmy

Lamont talking to frd- Bubba had a dream too pop Fred-you call that a dream anybody who dream about trimming christmas trees in september is a born loser

Fred- We sure could use some rain YOU FIRED

Junkoligist · 08-01-2003, 04:12 PM

You wouldn't want to walk on an old Persian rug with those heavy boots, would you?

Fred; Listen with these heavy boots i'll walk on an old Pearsian

sylvia · 08-02-2003, 10:39 AM

Fred (to Gus) You have spent the night here, you have had your continental breakfast, now it's checkout time!"

Fred _ "Chinese food make me burp"

Fred " That's the flush of victory."

Esther (to Fred) Fred Sanford, look at you, pants all baggy, face all dirty you are just a messy fool!! Fred (to Esther) "And you are just a cessypool!"

Fred to Lamont " I will help you unload on May 1st.
Lamont "What is May 1st?"
Fred "The opening of the hernia festival."

Junkoligist · 08-02-2003, 05:22 PM

If you spraying for cockroaches, you aint gone get um up there, our cockroaches aren't airborne there infantry

teddybare · 08-08-2003, 05:05 AM

This is one of the funniest one liners from the show. It was from the episode called Carol
Fred talking to Carol in the bank
Fred-Carol they're gonna laugh you right outta this bank Carol- I told you I couldnt spell Fred- but this is ridiculous Dear Bank Manger Put All The Money In A Brown Piper Bug Or I'LL Short Your Herd Off

robtadrian · 08-08-2003, 09:44 PM

when they audition for the movie..
Fred on Aunt Esther.."her mouth is so big you can put your head in
it with your hat on"
My favorite is when Fred goes to the retirement home and he
comments on the decorations..
Bubba-"Fred, if you want I have a picture of Jesus where the eyes follow
you around the room"
Fred (eating the ribs Bubba brought him).."Nah... I don't want that, Bubba"

Junkoligist · 08-09-2003, 10:12 AM

Fred talking about Bubba, Skillet and Leroy eating

"Everytime their elbow bends their mouth flies open"

teddybare · 08-09-2003, 12:15 PM

Fred talking to Lamont in Group Therapy episode. Frec- You can say this and You can say that But I still say that broad was fat

Fred talking to skillet in the pool table episode fred- Skillet Skillet take your belly off the table less you want a pool cue in your navel

jatm27 · 08-11-2003, 11:35 AM

Fred: "Esther, I can stick your face in some dough and make some gorilla cookies"

StarshipTrooper · 08-16-2003, 01:37 PM

Esther: "That's just a clear piece of plastic."
Fred: "Put it up next to your face. That's your Halloween mask."

Fred(to Esther): "I could throw some tracing paper over your head, and draw me a moose face."

ricardo/mertz · 08-17-2003, 12:44 AM

This isn't word for word but, Fred was mad at Lamont and Fred tells Lamont to go upstairs and brush his teeth and Lamont asks why and Fred replies, I don't want to get my hand dirty when I bust you.

StarshipTrooper · 08-18-2003, 09:25 PM

Here's another that I thought of:
Fred: "Do you have eyes, but see not? Which would come in handy in the case of Esther!"

glenny · 08-20-2003, 09:25 AM

"You should trade those eyes that see not for some lips that swell not.!!"

08-01-2003, 02:17 AM	#1
RJ #1 Makaveli Fan! Occasional Poster Join Date: Jul 28, 2003 Location: America Posts: 89	Great One Liners!!! Can everyone post a Great One Liner from Fred cuz I wanna post something really funny as my screen name on my msn messenger and get peoples attention, post hilarious ones! thanks!
	__________________ "Once people take the time to find out the person I really am...You'd be suprised" ~2Pac~

08-01-2003, 09:04 AM	#2
jekouptown Member Forum Regular Join Date: Apr 01, 2003 Location: welcome to NEW YORK CITY Posts: 844	Rollo: a jokes a joke but how come everytime i come here mr sanford you treat me like a criminal. Fred: cause i want you to feel at home Fred talking to Julio: why don't you take this junk back where it came from....your bedroom.!
	__________________ We the people gotta get over before we go under.....

08-01-2003, 02:04 PM	#3
teddybare Member Forum Regular Join Date: Feb 13, 2003 Location: Martinsville Virginia Posts: 744	Fred sitting in front of the door looking outside- Pop what are you doing? Im pretending Im watching television Lamont-What are you watchibf Fred- Right now Im watching the wide world of junk Fred in Courtroom- Officer How come you dont arrest any white drivers? Theres enough ******s in here to make a tarzan movie Fred- If I die I hope its during the Roller Derby Fred talking to lamont- Before tonight you were just a plain dummy after tonight you'll be a broke dummmy Lamont talking to frd- Bubba had a dream too pop Fred-you call that a dream anybody who dream about trimming christmas trees in september is a born loser Fred- We sure could use some rain YOU FIRED
	__________________ Sanford & Son Fanatic

08-02-2003, 10:39 AM	#5
sylvia Member Occasional Poster Join Date: Jun 29, 2003 Posts: 29	One liners Fred (to Gus) You have spent the night here, you have had your continental breakfast, now it's checkout time!" Fred _ "Chinese food make me burp" Fred " That's the flush of victory." Esther (to Fred) Fred Sanford, look at you, pants all baggy, face all dirty you are just a messy fool!! Fred (to Esther) "And you are just a cessypool!" Fred to Lamont " I will help you unload on May 1st. Lamont "What is May 1st?" Fred "The opening of the hernia festival."

08-08-2003, 09:44 PM	#8
robtadrian Member First Time Poster Join Date: Aug 08, 2003 Posts: 1	From when F,L and R get locked up... when they audition for the movie.. Fred on Aunt Esther.."her mouth is so big you can put your head in it with your hat on" My favorite is when Fred goes to the retirement home and he comments on the decorations.. Bubba-"Fred, if you want I have a picture of Jesus where the eyes follow you around the room" Fred (eating the ribs Bubba brought him).."Nah... I don't want that, Bubba"

08-02-2003, 05:22 PM	#6
Junkoligist Member Frequent Poster Join Date: Jul 18, 2003 Location: Texas Posts: 196	If you spraying for cockroaches, you aint gone get um up there, our cockroaches aren't airborne there infantry

08-08-2003, 05:05 AM	#7
teddybare Member Forum Regular Join Date: Feb 13, 2003 Location: Martinsville Virginia Posts: 744	This is one of the funniest one liners from the show. It was from the episode called Carol Fred talking to Carol in the bank Fred-Carol they're gonna laugh you right outta this bank Carol- I told you I couldnt spell Fred- but this is ridiculous Dear Bank Manger Put All The Money In A Brown Piper Bug Or I'LL Short Your Herd Off

08-09-2003, 10:12 AM	#9
Junkoligist Member Frequent Poster Join Date: Jul 18, 2003 Location: Texas Posts: 196	Fred talking about Bubba, Skillet and Leroy eating "Everytime their elbow bends their mouth flies open"

08-09-2003, 12:15 PM	#10
teddybare Member Forum Regular Join Date: Feb 13, 2003 Location: Martinsville Virginia Posts: 744	Fred talking to Lamont in Group Therapy episode. Frec- You can say this and You can say that But I still say that broad was fat Fred talking to skillet in the pool table episode fred- Skillet Skillet take your belly off the table less you want a pool cue in your navel

08-11-2003, 11:35 AM	#11
jatm27 Member Occasional Poster Join Date: Aug 11, 2003 Location: New York Posts: 32	Fred: "Esther, I can stick your face in some dough and make some gorilla cookies"

08-16-2003, 01:37 PM	#12
StarshipTrooper Member Occasional Poster Join Date: Apr 29, 2002 Location: Durham,NC Posts: 44	Esther: "That's just a clear piece of plastic." Fred: "Put it up next to your face. That's your Halloween mask." Fred(to Esther): "I could throw some tracing paper over your head, and draw me a moose face."

08-17-2003, 12:44 AM	#13
ricardo/mertz Member Frequent Poster Join Date: Aug 22, 2002 Posts: 454	This isn't word for word but, Fred was mad at Lamont and Fred tells Lamont to go upstairs and brush his teeth and Lamont asks why and Fred replies, I don't want to get my hand dirty when I bust you.
	__________________ http://www.mortysmall.com/lucy/i_lov...color_cast.jpg

08-18-2003, 09:25 PM	#14
StarshipTrooper Member Occasional Poster Join Date: Apr 29, 2002 Location: Durham,NC Posts: 44	Here's another that I thought of: Fred: "Do you have eyes, but see not? Which would come in handy in the case of Esther!"

08-20-2003, 09:25 AM	#15
glenny Member Forum Regular Join Date: Dec 21, 2001 Location: New Jersey Posts: 951	"You should trade those eyes that see not for some lips that swell not.!!"