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Old 07-23-2003, 01:48 AM   #1
Chad22
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Default Chad Vs The US Postal Service

*One Early Morning, 4 AM To be precise The secret headquarters of an Underground Secret Agency Known only as Secret Agent Guys AKA S.A.G Is shown. Inside Chief Johnson Is shown when Agent Morillo Walks In*

Agent Morillo: Chief I Have the Information You were looking for.

Chief: Great what is it?

Agent Morillo: You Were right sir. The US Postal Service Is involved in a Scandal. You Know those Birthday Cards you get every year without the money in them?

Chief: Know of them? I DESPISE Them. My Grammy Stopped putting money in mine *Looks Sad*

Agent Morillo: Oh No She Didnt Chief. Turns Out they DO Put the money In....But the postal workers read all the mail and take the money before putting it in the Main Mail Box

Chief: THOSE CREEPS. HOW DARE THEY MAKE ME THINK MY GRAMMY STOPPED LOVING ME?

Agent Morillo: Because Sir....Their EVIL. We have to send someone good in for a case like this.

Chief: I Got just the Man.....Agent Farson!

Agent Morillo: Hes On Vacation...

Chief: Agent Delaney?

Agent Morillo: He died 3 years ago sir.

Chief: JAMES BOND!

Agent Morillo: Hes A Fictional Character Sir....

Chief: Of Course. What kind of idiot do you take me for? I Was Just...Joking

Agent Morillo: Oh Of Course Sir...So who are we going to send?

Chief: Well If All the good agents are gone im afraid we have no choice but to call...

Agent Morillo: No Sir...You Dont Mean?

Chief: Im Afraid So Morillo. Send In.....*Sighs* Agent Doody

*20 Minutes Later The Chief Walks Into his Office after a brief break to eat When he walks up to his desk his chair swirls around and Chad Doody is sitting In it.*

Chad: Good Morning Chief...I See you had an appetite. I Have an appetite too......An Appetite For DANGER!

Chief: Yeah Yeah Doody this is a serious case.

Chad: Serious Huh? Im Very honored that you chose me sir

Chief: Your the only Agent left thats not on a case Doody...

Chad: Thats Good Enough for me!

*Chad gets up from the chair and trips on the garbage can*

Chief: *Whispering To Himself* We're All Doomed

*Chad quickly gets back up*

Chad: So whats the case?

Chief: Well Its Regarding the US Postal Service.

Chad: Isnt it always sir?

Chief: Yes Yes....Well theyve been taking the money out of birthday cards before they get to the main mail box

Chad: THOSE CREEPS....THEY MADE ME THINK MY GRAMMY STOPPED LOVING ME

Chief: Thats Enough Doody. Now just listen. Your Mission Isnt going to be easy....But If you pull it off. I MAY Give you more missions in the future instead of getting coffee for us.

Chad: Your Kidding? This is the break ive been waiting for!

Chief: Well Anyways heres the Mission. You see if you can slip One christmas card past them and into the main mailbox behind the post office....Than they would have already failed and will no longer steal money from Birthday Cards......Probably...

Chad: So My job is to...

Chief: Exactly

*The Chief pulls out an Envelope*

Chief: Your job is to do exactly as i just said. Get past them to the main mailbox behind the Post Office and put this letter in it. Im counting on you Agent Doody.

Chad: Do Not worry Sir, I Will not let you down. I Have been waiting YEARS To go on a mission like this.

Chief: You Live an Extremely sad life Doody...

Chad: I Know Sir...I Know.

Chief: You Have 24 Hours. Just please get it done as quickly as possible and dont fool around,

Chad: You got it sir. Ill get it done quickly and fast.

*Chad walks out the door And Bumps his head*

Chad: Im Ok....Just a little Bump....

*Chad walks out as The Chief looks worried*

Chief: Well i better start looking for a new Coffee Boy. Those postal Workers are gonna tear him apart...

*Outside Chad is walking*

Chad: Just like Cheif said...No Goofing around.

*Chad is shown later walking out of a gadget store with a bunch of useless high tech stuff*

Chad: This Mail Man Finder will be sure to get the job done

*Chad Looks down and sees the Mail Man Finder sticker coming off revealing The words "Metal Detector"*

Chad: Those Jerks Ripped Me Off.....Well i could always use this to search for spare change around the house but no time for that now. What I need is a sidekick for this Mission...And i Know just the guy!

*Chad thinks a minute*

Chad: Oh yeah James Bond isnt real.....I Need a backup Plan

*Chad sits for a minute thinking*

Chad: I GOT IT! Mailman's worst enemy...

*Chad is shown walking out of Animal Shelter with Big Vicious looking dog*

Chad: Ok Killer....You have a job to do.....FIND THE MAILMAN!

*Chad lets the dog loose and the dog begins chasing after a clown that just walked out of a Little Kids Birthday aprty. The Kids are all laughing as Chad innocently whistles and walks away*

Chad: This stuff isnt working...I Need a plan. I Must know of something...All that training

*Chad thinks back to training days when he ran with the Old man (His Traner) Up a set of stairs*

Chad: Oh wait that Was Rocky.....Hmmm.....

*Chad is sitting in a living room drinking Lemonade with an Old Man*

Chad; So You See Mr Trainer...I Need someone to help me in this case. I Need someone to train me to be a Lean Mean Mailman Beating Machine!

Old Man: Kid Did you even bother to read the sign? Im A COMPUTER Trainer. I Train people to work electronics i know nothing about fighting postal workers.

Chad: Oh....Sorry bout that.

Old Man: What is the Post Office doing anyway?

Chad: Well keep this under your hat but....

*Chad whispers to Old Man*

Old Man: THOSE CREEPS! THEY MADE ME THINK MY GRAMMY DIDNT LOVE ME....SHE DIED 30 YEARS AGO AND I DIDNT EVEN GO TO HER FUNERAL BECAUSE OF THIS.

Chad: Sorry Sir...

Old Man: KID...WE HAVE SOME POSTAL WORKERS TO ANNIHALATE!

*Rocky Theme Plays as Old Man makes Chad run up stairs of his house, Chad falls back and the Old Man runs off but isnt fast enough and gets hit*

Old Man: I Think we need anouther plan....

*Later the Old man and Chad are shown by a computer*

Chad; Ok so what are you doing again?

Old Man: Im Hacking In the US Postal Database. Maybe it will help us out a little.

Chad; Gotcha.

Old Man: Ok Chad....I Have a plan but it wont be easy.

Chad: Wont Be Easy is my middle Name...Well actually Lawrence is But Wont Be Easy Is My Nickname....At least i wish it was.

Old Man: Yeah Yeah....Listen. The Only way to get to the back alley of the Post Office is to actually go through the Post office and into the back room. Im going to use My computer to turn out all the lights and distract them while you Sneak into the back room. Back their you will find a door, That door leads to the back alley. From their it should be simple.

Chad: Simple Is My Nickname.....You Know....When im not using the other one.

Old Man: Im going to do it from here. Now if my calculations are right you have about 30 seconds to pull this off before they fix the fuse box turning the lights back on. Other than that Your on your own.

Chad: On Your Own Is My Nickna....

Old Man: WILL YOU JUST GO!

*Old Man hands Chad a remote*

Old Man: Click this button when you get to the bank. That will be my signal to turn off the lights. Got It?

Chad: Got It.

*When Chad gets to the bank hes about to hit the button when he suddenly drops it. He goes to pick it up but anouther person walks off with it dangled to his shoe and accidently hits off the button. Chad trys to get the remote but than realizes he has to work fast. He runs into the back room and almost gets to the door when the lights go back on and 3 Mail Men are standing their*

Mail Man: Going Somewhere?

Chad: Ah.....Yeah Im gonna go...empty the trash

Mail Man: Oh Ok....HEY....WE DONT HAVE A TRASH CAN OUT THEIR. GET HIM!

*Eye Of The Tiger plays as Chad runs out of the post office in slow motion being chased by Disgruntled Mail Men with machine guns*

MUUUUUUUUUST GEEEEEEEET TOOOOOO MAAAIIIIIIIIIILBOOOOOOOX TOOOOOOOOOO MAAAIIIIIIIIIIL LETEERRRRRRRRRR

*Runs even slower*

AHHHHHHHHHHH

*Chad slips as letter goes flying and lands on the side of the mailbox about to go in*

Mail Man: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

*Chad grabs Mail Man's Machine Gun and shoots at letter in slow motion as it goes in mailbox and Chad celebrates in slow motion*

*Mail Box blows up*

Chad: NOOOOOOOO

Mail Man: Now your letter will NEVER Be delivered. HAHAHAHAHA

Chad: WHYYYYYYY COULDNT IT HAVE BEEN MEEEE?

*Man on roof looks down*

Man: NO SO FAST

*Chad Looks up to see UPS Delivery man*

UPS Man: I Was able to save all of the mail before you evil doers exploded the mailbox. Dont you people know tampering with the mail is a federal defence? For that you must PAY

*UPS Man takes out Machine Gun*

UPS Man: Feelin Lucky....Punks

*UPS Man shoots like Crazy as the Mail Men run off.*

Chad: Thanks UPS Man

UPS Man: Just doing my job son. And if you dont mind me seeing so, That was MAIL-O-RIFIC!

*UPS Man and Chad laugh histerically at Joke. Later On Chad is shown back in S.A.G Headquarters shaking the Chiefs Hand*

Chief: Well i gotta admit Doody....You pulled it off.

Chad: All With Help from our friendly Neighborhood UPS Man

Chief: Ah....Yeah.....Well I Have some good news. Your being promoted to fulltime agent!

Chad: I AM? THATS LIKE THE COOLEST THING EVER! IM GONNA GO GET THE CHICKS AND ACT ALL SAUVE AND ALL THAT!

Chief: Yes Yes....Just be careful on your future Missions Agent Doody. Its hard work you know.

Chad: Oh I Know Boss. Hard Work is my Nickname!

Chief: I Thought your nickname was Cofee Boy.

Chad: That was My OLD Nickname

Chief: Ah Yes. Well Enjoy your new office here.

Chad: I Sure will sir!

*Chad sits at office as Chief walks out. Chief than gets scared look and walks back in*

Chief: I FORGOT TO TELL YOU DOODY DONT HIT THE READ BUTTON ON THE DESK OR YOULL.....

*Chad is shown Sparking with his hair all up*

Chief: ....Set off the Security System....

Chad: Thanks......Ch Ch Chieffff

*Chad Faints as Chief laughs*

Last edited by Chad22; 03-02-2004 at 10:18 PM.
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Old 07-23-2003, 01:55 AM   #2
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Boy you crazy!!
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Old 07-23-2003, 01:56 AM   #3
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Quote:
Originally posted by ¤MsConanOBrien¤
Boy you crazy!!
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Old 07-23-2003, 02:11 AM   #4
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Old 07-23-2003, 04:49 PM   #5
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This is the single greatest fanfic EVER.
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Old 07-23-2003, 04:57 PM   #6
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Id Love to help you Tracy, but I cant have sex with a black guy, Id lose my endorsement deal with NASCAR-Jenna Maroney,30 Rock








April 17,2009 9:02 PM : 100,000th post!


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Old 07-23-2003, 10:33 PM   #7
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Three Words:



I Loved It.
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you're velvet on a red cupcake
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Old 07-23-2003, 11:30 PM   #8
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Old 10-23-2003, 07:49 PM   #9
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Richie:Your lucky this is your jacket because next time its gonna be you!

The Fonz:Tell me something Dean...how did he get his jacket inside the bed?

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Old 10-24-2003, 07:27 PM   #10
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- so when does agent Doody get his next assignment?
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Old 10-25-2003, 08:55 AM   #11
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Omg, this is too funny!!!
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Old 03-02-2004, 08:42 PM   #12
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Never did get to do the Credits for this.

Chad Doody - Himself
Chief Johnson - Dana Elcar
Old Man (Chad's Trainer) - Christopher Lloyd
Agent Morillo - Michael Shanks
UPS Man - Kurt Angle
Digruntled Mailman Number 1 (The One that speaks) - Tom Wilson
Disgruntled Mailman Number 2 - Doug Basham
Disgruntled Mailman Number 3 - Danny Basham


Sequel Coming Soon!
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