"Won't You Be My Parental Neighbors" (an episode I'm writing)

[Brett Ferino]

I'm writing a Simpsons episode for next season that deals with now that Flanders moves away, Homer's mother escapes and now that Jasper dies, Homer's mother and Grandpa move into the Flanders old house next door.

(outside the retirement castle's bench)
GRANDPA: Good morning, Lisa. Why aren't you in school?
LISA: Well, it's Saturday morning. I had got up and stayed downstairs all night.
GRANDPA: Did you get some sleep?
LISA: Well, yes. I did.
GRANDPA: Oh. I was laying on this bench out here last night.
LISA: Did you get some sleep?
GRANDPA: Well, yes. I did.
LISA: Well, your birthday is coming up and I have something for you.
GRANDPA: Thank-You, Sweetie. What do you got for me?
LISA: Well I got some donuts. I got them at Latinos last night and they were all free.
GRANDPA: Oh. I don't see a single person in there.
LISA: Well, the note that my mom left me before they all left wen't like this. Read it:
GRANDPA: "Lisa, please watch Snowball II and Santa's Little Helper while we go to the hospital".
LISA: Yup. They are going to the hospital. Or I think they're already there.
GRANDPA: Why shouldn't I be there?
LISA: Well, Grandpa. Do you think since you were out here all night last night, they could have a note for you on your door.
GRANDPA: I don't know. I'll have to check. Come on in!
LISA: Alright then.

(while they walk to Grandpa's room)
GRANDPA: So, Lisa should you be really watching your pets.
LISA: I should, but I had to bring the donuts for you.
GRANDPA: That's right. Oh yeah and here's a note. "Jasper is in critical condition. Get to hospital now". Oh god-damn-it. I can't believe this. Come on, Lisa.
LISA: Is it that urgent?
GRANDPA: Yes it is.
LISA: Come on, don't waist your time like a "Yan-Ya"
GRANDPA: I do not think I have ever heard of that word.
LISA: Well now you have.
GRANDPA: I have.
LISA: Yes you have.
GRANDPA: I have.
LISA: LET'S GO!!! DON'T SEE ME ANGRY!!!
GRANDPA: Woaaaah!!!

(at the hospital)
DOCTOR: Everyone from Springfield retirement castle, last night Jasper had a massive heart attack at 1:00AM.
GRANDPA: Oh my god!
HOMER: You have to be serious, Dad.
GRANDPA: I will.
BART: We're not kidding. He really did.
LISA: And you did realize back home it was that serious.
MARGE: And I hope you did, Little Girl. You should be watching Santa's Little Helper and Snowball II while we're here. You can't escape without permission.
LISA: But..
HOMER: No buts. Shut your mouth.
LISA: God please. Jasper should live. He's my grandfather's friend and he deserves to live. Please make him live. Amen.
MARGE: Now that you have said your prayers, go back home.
LISA: Ok.
HOMER: And don't come back! You hear?

(back home)
LISA: I'm sorry. I love both of you. The reason why I wasn't here is beacause I had to really witness something awfully serious.
SANTA'S LITTLE HELPER: (barks slightly)
SNOWBALL II: (meows slightly)

_______________________________________________________________________

(the telephone rings while Lisa is watching television)
LISA: Hello?
HOMER: Hey Lisa! Get to the hospital pronto.
LISA: Why?
HOMER: Just get here.
LISA: Why?
HOMER: NOW!!!!
LISA: But why though?
HOMER: JUST GET YOUR ASS OVER HERE!

(at the hospital)
MARGE: Homer, shut your yap and be nice to my daughter!
HOMER: She's my daughter too, Marge! (Grandpa slaps him in the face)
LISA: Here I am!
DOCTOR: OK. Everyone and God too has confirmed it.
GRANDPA: I gotta clog my ears.
DOCTOR: Jasper Treialvonte is dead.
(everyone says "Awwwww", Grandpa starts crying)

GRANDPA: I'm going to call your mom, Homer.
HOMER: You do that. She should be here.
MARGE: Why? Did she know him?
HOMER: Oh yeah. He was in prision for 25 years with her.
MARGE: I didn't know that.
(Grandpa walks back)
GRANDPA: I forget he number.

(back at home)
HOMER: I'm gonna miss Jasper. My father deserved a good sidekick where he is.
BART: I bet he'll always be with him.
HOMER: Yeah.
MARGE: I wonder what Grandpa is doing right now.
(doorbell rings and it's Grandpa)
GRANDPA: Can I move in, son?
HOMER: Oh yeah. We have an extra room.
GRANDPA: Where?
HOMER: Well, I actually mean we have an extra house.
GRANDPA: Where is that extra house?
HOMER: Next door.
GRANDPA: Where's Ned and his family going?
HOMER: Well, The Flanders moved already and they didn't tell us.
GRANDPA: Oh. Can I come?
HOMER: No but you can move into the house next door?
(doorbell rings again)

MARGE: Oh my god we have company again! I wonder who it is!
HOMER: Mommy! Long time no see.
GRANDMA: I escaped from the African jail.
HOMER: That's not where you were. Mr. Burns said yesterday he wants you back!
KIDS: Grandma!!
MARGE: MOTHER SIMPSON!!!
HOMER: Well were you alloud to escape Mother?
GRANDMA: Oh yeah. I'm here now! I'm moving next door.
HOMER: Let's go next door and check your new house!
GRANDPA: The good times are rolling again!
(everyone jumps up and down and Grandpa falls and gets upset)
GRANDMA: Abe, why are you upset?
GRANDPA: I'll tell you why. Now I'll forget about the funeral.

(sitting down reading the newspaper with Grandma in the Simpsons kitchen)
GRANDMA: So where did everyone go now?
GRANDPA: They wen't to the funeral. I'm sure they'll tell Jasper to say goodbye for me. I aint with him no more.
GRANDMA: Who's Jasper?
GRANDPA: Well he was my good friend. Who was with me for years at the Retirement Castle.
(the telephone rings)
GRANDMA: Hello?
MARGE: Mother Simpson, the funeral is starting I think you and Grandpa should come right this minute.
GRANDMA: Okily-Dokily.
GRANDPA: Hey Mona, somebody else used to say that.
GRANDMA: I did not even know that, Abe.
GRANDPA: Well, Mona. Homer's old neighbor used to say that. You don't know him.


_______________________________________________________________________

(at the funeral outside the church)
MARGE: Grandpa, I didn't know you were gonna show up.
GRANDPA: I was going to introduce Mona to Jasper.
MARGE: He's dead now.
GRANDPA: Oh yeah.
MARGE: Well...

(near Jasper's coffin)
GRANDPA: Good-bye, friend. I'll always remember you.
(everyone walks by)

REV. LOVEJOY: We are all here to say a nice goodbye to a man Springfield knew. Grandpa Simpson will speak now.

GRANDPA: Well, Springfield. The end is here for a man like him. We know that there's one thing that goes like this:
We Do Not Choose To Be Born,
We Do Not Choose Our Parents,
We Do Not Choose Our Historical Epoch Or the country of our birth,
Or the immediate circumstances of upbringing
We do not, mose of us choose to die, nor do we chose the time conditions of our death

But within all this realm of choicelessness,
We do choose how we shall live
Courageously or in cowardice
Honorably or dishonorably
With purpose or adrift
We decide what is important and what is trivial in life
We decide that what makes us significant is either what we do or what we refuse to do.

But no matter how indifferent the universe may be to our choices,
These choices and decisisions are ours to make
We decide. We choose
And as we decide and choose so our lives formed.
In the end, forming our own destiny is what ambition is about.

REV. LOVEJOY: Thank-you. Mr. Abraham Simpson.

(at Grandpa's new house)
GRANDPA: Well, Mona. Now that a good companion of mine had died, I have you.
GRANDMA: I'm glad, Abe. I really missed you.
GRANDPA: I did too.
GRANDMA: Let's have some donuts!
GRANDPA: Oh yeah!
GRANDMA: We shall do it.
GRANDPA: That is correct.
GRANDMA: We'll celebrate forever!
GRANDPA: You got it!

(the song "Time Of My Life" by Bill Medley and Jennifer Warnes plays during the credits.)