Wicked Stepsisters Fight Back on ‘Survivor’

[Brett Ferino]

LOS ANGELES (Zap2it.com) - At the beginning of the Thursday night (May 1) episode of "Survivor: The Amazon" it looks like Rob is finally about to get his comeuppance. With his encyclopedia knowledge of "Survivor" strategy, Rob has seemed to be a reality show Rainman. Somehow, though, he failed to realize that if you break a different alliance every week, eventually your double-dealings will come back to bite you in the tuchas like so many spiders, alligators or carnivorous tree sloths.

Rob's most recent defection destroyed the show's strongest recognizable alliance, spawning an entire episode dedicated to watching players scramble to find new strategies. In true "Survivor" style, the contestant ultimately voted off isn't the most vulnerable, but the one who displayes the most confidence at tribal council.

The show begins just moments after Rob's latest flip-flop sent Alex home. In what high school English teachers like to refer to as pathetic fallacy, storm clouds are brewing in the heavens as well as in the Jacare camp.

As lightening flashes across the sky, harsh words are spoken.

"We hate him. Me and Heidi cannot ever forgive him," says Jenna.

"I've never felt so manipulated, cheated and hurt all at the same time in my entire life," Heidi maintains.

"It's Jenna and Heidi who are going to have to kiss some serious a** in the next couple days to ensure that one of them makes it," Rob leers, in what appears to be an example of pathetic "phallacy."

The next morning, everyone is wet and miserable. They're also frantically trying to reorganize. Heidi tries to take charge by bringing Christy into an all-girl alliance. Interestingly, neither Jenna nor Heidi realizes just how much Christy hates them. They're 31 days into their adventure and it's unclear if Jenna has said a single word to Christy yet.

Then Rob pulls Christy aside and attempts to feed her animosity for the girls.

"I personally have to decide is it better to win a million dollars or is it better to be the final girl that kicks butt," Christy muses. It's clearly a tough decision for her.

The reward challenge is a game involving buried paddles, Amazon trivia, canoeing and a puzzle that resembles the coiled "Don't Tread on Me" snake. The prize, a visit from a loved one, instantly reduces Jenna and Heidi to tears.

Matt is the easy winner. Host Jeff Probst gives him the opportunity to trade the chance to see his mother so that everybody else can get their visit. Without any hesitation, Matt steps aside, earning a bony hug from Heidi.

Butch's wife, Christy's boyfriend, Rob's mom, Heidi's mom and Jenna's dad come running out as the music swells and tears flow. Matthew stands on the outside looking serene, though he later admits to the camera that the whole thing made him feel just a bit like God.

Of course, no good deed goes unrewarded and as the other visitors leave, Matt's mom shows up in a canoe and they go off to a "traditional" Amazonian meal in a "traditional" Amazonian village. As their meal ends, out of nowhere a group of "tribespeople" come out, dance, play flutes and bow before Matt and Mom. With their designer headdresses, funky face paint and obsequious manner, the tribe people have all the authenticity of an attraction on the Disneyland Jungle Cruise. Fortunately there are no animatronic hippos to be seen.

Meanwhile, back at Jacare, the tribe is giddy from their visits and from the large quantity of wine that apparently accompanied them. Unfortunately, drunken revelry in Jacare only means Rob in a Speedo jabbering drunk and singing.

The next day, Rob runs around trying to get anybody at all to join him in a new alliance, realizing that he’s in greater jeopardy than even thanks to Matt's new-found sanity. Rob has burnt too many bridges and Jenna and Heidi yell at him for ten minutes, sending him back to Butch and Matt for solace. Naturally, this part of the episode features even more cutaways to stock footage of snakes than usual.

The immunity challenge begins with marbles and slingshots, progresses to plate breaking and then into shuffleboard. None of the immunity challenges this season seem to have any internal logic. They’re just five or six different "Price is Right" games glued together. On the challenge's final play, Jenna wins immunity by sliding her Plinko tile across an air hockey table covered with sand onto an "X," or something like that. She's jubilant as Heidi looks on with concern.

Rob is nervous. He says he needs vodka, Maalox, and cigarettes. In panic, he goes around frantically recruiting. Again. Christy, convinced that she's this week's swing vote, is hesitant to commit to any particular strategy. She's hemming and hawing, but Rob is an impatient man and instantly goes to Heidi to try to vote Christy off.

Heidi sees a way to get rid of a more sympathetic competitor and jumps on it.

After Christy gives in to hubris at tribal council and declares that she feels really confident, Jenna passes the immunity necklace to Heidi and the voting begins. In perhaps the final cohesive act of the former "cool kids" alliance, Christy is sent to the jury.

Unlike Deena and Alex, who took their recent dismissals with resignation, Christy is upset and vows revenge on the "freakin' wicked stepsisters" who voted her off

So, now what? How much longer before Rob gets his? Talk about it on the Zap2it message boards
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