The Facts Of Life Movie!!!!

[ABlairican Pie]

FADE IN:

EXT. NEW YORK SKYLINE - DAY

We see the wide view of New York, the Empire State Building, tall skyscrapers, etc., sprawling all the way to the waters in the b.g.

EXT. PARK AVENUE TOWER

A towering gray building pierces the blue above.

INT. DRUMMOND PENTHOUSE APARTMENT - KITCHEN

We see a petite redheaded woman in an apron, EDNA GARRETT,
50s-ish, bustle about preparing a meal, sprinkling a little bit of this and adding a pinch and dash of that to a casserole dish on the stovetop. She HUMS a cheerful tune as a tall black boy, WILLIS, 15-ish, steps in through the front door.

GARRETT
Willis! Glad you're home in time for
my scrumptious dinner!

WILLIS
(inhaling deeply)
Ah, that smells awesome, Missuz Gee.
Too bad I won't be around to have some.
I got some things going down.

GARRETT
"Going down"?

WILLIS
I mean going ON. You know --guy stuff.

GARRETT
Oh. I see.

A short, young black boy, 10-ish, in scruffy jeans and t-shirt, ARNOLD, shuffles in, snacking on a Slim Jim stick. Slumps on the sofa in front of the t.v., flips it on with the remote.

GARRETT
Arnold! I bet YOU'D like a good hot meal.

ARNOLD
I'm not hungry.

GARRETT
Not hungry? I've spent all afternoon chopping
and slicing and dicing for the whole family--and
none of you are hungry?

ARNOLD
Maybe later, Missuz Gee. It's almost time for
"COPS" on Channel Eight. I might be on this
episode.

GARRETT
Oh, Arnold, why would you want to watch such
violent programming? Tonight, why don't we
have some more Family Fun Time?

He shoots her an incredulous look.

ARNOLD
And miss me being a big star on t.v.? You only
go around once in life.

A thin, half-elegant, half-trashily dressed teenage girl in a very sheer silk gown, KIMBERLY, struts into the room in high heels, carrying a stylish purse.

GARRETT
Kimberly! I'm sure you'd love to sit down to a
good nourishing supper.

KIMBERLY
Great! I'm starved.

She sits down and places a single crouton from the salad bowl onto her plate. She quickly devours it and rises.

KIMBERLY
Mm, that was delicious. I'm stuffed.

[ABlairican Pie]

GARRETT
Kimberly, I don't wish to complain, but--

KIMBERLY
Then don't.

GARRETT
I am concerned that not only is your diet a
little on the lean side, but your clothing is
rather transparent.

KIMBERLY
Could we have this conversation later? I've
got a photo shoot for DILLETANTE magazine.

She exits. A tall, dapper, middle-aged man, PHIL DRUMMOND, enters, adjusting a bowtie.

DRUMMOND
Good evening, Missus Garrett. My nose detects
you have prepared a sumptuous feast.

GARRETT
Would you like to sit down and enjoy the fruits
of my labor?

He turns, glances at a mirror on the wall.

DRUMMOND
Can't. Hot date tonight.

He exits to a room off the dining room. The DOORBELL RINGS.

GARRETT
Coming!

She bustles across the room toward the door. Willis, sitting next to Arnold watching television, bolts up and lunges for the door.

WILLIS
I'll get it!

She returns to the dining room as he opens the door. A shifty MAN IN A TRENCHCOAT, cap and sunglasses, stands there.

WILLIS
(in hushed tones)
You got the stuff?

TRENCHCOAT
If you got the green.

Willis reaches into his pocket and pulls out a wad of dollar bills. The man then pulls out a gun and points it at him.

TRENCHCOAT (COP)
Freeze! You're under arrest, Drummond!

WILLIS
Say what?

Willis whips out a gun when two more OFFICERS leap into the room. Willis jumps for cover behind the sofa as GUNFIRE is exchanged. Arnold stoically sits there immersed in his program.

ARNOLD
Would you guys keep it down? I'm trying
to watch t.v. here.

Dishes on the table SHATTER. Mrs. Garrett steps out and ducks under it. Kimberly steps out into the crossfire.

KIMBERLY
Hey! Whoa! If I have a hair out of place, I'm
gonna clobber all of you!

Willis' gun CLICKS. A cop pounces on him and cuffs him.

WILLIS
I was framed! I'm gonna waste all you pigs!

COP
Come along with us, Drummond. Don't think your
rich dad can spring you this time.

WILLIS
Little brother! Help me out!

Arnold jumps up, rushes to the commotion at the door.

ARNOLD
Why don't you guys lay off? Don't you have
any doughnut shops to knock over?

COP
You'd better keep your big yap shut
or we're locking you in the glove compartment
of the squad car, pipsqueak.

Arnold looks at him with a steely stare.

ARNOLD
What'choo talkin' 'bout, pig?

[ABlairican Pie]

Arnold punches him in the gut. The cop doubles over. The other officers cuff Arnold as he struggles. All three officers exit, dragging the two cuffed brothers out the door. Kimberly, huddled behind the sofa, rises and reaches into her purse to check a compact mirror.

KIMBERLY
I broke a nail! Why tonight?

She heads for the bathroom.

DRUMMOND (O.S.)
By the way, Missus Garrett--

Mrs. Garrett pokes her head up from the debris of the bullet-riddled room, with dishes and table settings scattered about. Her
hair is frazzled, her face ashen.

DRUMMOND
What's for dessert?

CUT TO:

[MrsGarrettRocksMySocks]

Mr. Drummond's name was Phillip...but, I can't offer any more comment till you post more...

[ABlairican Pie]

You're right!!!!! Mr. Drummond's first name WAS Phil!!!!! Where'd I come up with "Henry"??? I'll go back and change it now....

[MrsGarrettRocksMySocks]

Originally posted by Captain ABlairica
Where'd I come up with "Henry"???

Maybe you were thinking of the guy that asked Mrs. Garrett to marry him on FOL...his name was Henry...

[JDS84]

This is good

[ABlairican Pie]

INT. PARKING GARAGE - NEXT DAY

Mrs. Garrett loads suitcases into her tiny yellow Volkswagen Rabbit. Mr Drummond stands by the car holding bags.

DRUMMOND
I can't convince you to hold off on
your vacation till next month?

She shakes her head.

DRUMMOND
It'll take some getting used to not
having you around for five weeks.

GARRETT
You'll manage. I just need to get
away and go to the country for
a while.

DRUMMOND
I understand, Missus Garrett. Have a
good rest. We'll be looking forward to
seeing you when you get back.

He shakes her hand, then leaves. She stares off sullenly.

GARRETT
"When"...?

She climbs in and REVS up the car. She drives off.


EXT. COUNTRY HIGHWAY - RURAL UPSTATE NEW YORK - DAY

The banana-colored Rabbit speeds along the picturesque landscape with trees in various dappled shades of green.

SERIES OF SHOTS

Hotels, motels, inns, etc. all bearing NO VACANCY signs.

CUT TO

EXT./INT. RABBIT
Mrs. Garrett shaking her head in appalled frustration.

CUT TO

INT. DINER

Mrs. Garrett sits at a table in a bustling restaurant, scans over maps and travel guides. A WAITRESS in a sky-blue dress and apron steps up with a coffee pot and pours her a cup.

WAITRESS
Still trying to decide?

GARRETT
I can't tell whether I'd like to try the
Snowflake Inn on Route Six or the
Maple Leaf Lodge in Mahopac--it's
more expensive, but secluded.

The waitress shakes her head, smiles, taps at the menu open on the table.

GARRETT
I'm sorry--yes. The Country Breakfast
Special. Eggs sunnyside up.

(cont'd)

[ABlairican Pie]

WAITRESS
Snowflake's closed for the season.
Maple Leaf's booked up. You won't
find much out here, it gets busy.

GARRETT
Isn't there anyplace I can go?

The waitress writes on her tablet, TEARS off a sheet and hands it to her.

WAITRESS
I wouldn't recommend this one, but you
try it if you're desperate.

Mrs. Garrett looks over the paper.

GARRETT
Is there anything wrong with it?

WAITRESS
Remember the Berkeley Riots?

Mrs. Garrett shrugs.

WAITRESS
I was there. Daycare compared to
this joint.


EXT. SCHOOL DRIVEWAY

Mrs. Garrett drives up past a sign reading EASTLAND SCHOOL FOR GIRLS--Molding Young Minds For Excellence. She slowly pulls up to an old spacious building with ivy vines draped around its antiquated architecture. She gets out and stares at the wide
green campus. She then strides up to the main entrance.

INT. HEADMASTER'S OFFICE

At a large oak desk, a 40-something man with a bad hairpiece, MR. PARKER, pulls a liquor bottle from one of the drawers and pours himself a shot. Shaking heavily, he takes a feverish swig when Mrs. Garrett enters. He quickly sticks the bottle back in
the drawer.

PARKER
Er--may I help you?

GARRETT
I was actually looking for a motor
lodge, but I think I got lost.

PARKER
This is a private school for girls. I'm
not sure if you'd find the accommodations
to your liking.

GARRETT
I should just head back out. I'm sorry
to have bothered you.

She turns to leave. Parker rises and follows.

PARKER
If you don't mind, I'd be happy to show
you around the facilities.

He holds out her hand to shake. She does heartily.

PARKER
Charles Parker. Headmaster of
Eastland School.

GARRETT
Edna Garrett. Former housekeeper
of Park Avenue.

He adjusts his hairpiece with a nudge. They exit.

(cont'd)

[MrsGarrettRocksMySocks]

good...

[ABlairican Pie]

I know what you're thinking--"But Greg, Mr. BRADLEY was the one who adjusted his hairpiece all the time!! Mr. Parker didn't have one!!" I was thinking about that, and I decided when I first wrote this a few years ago, I'd stick with Mr. Parker because most people were more familiar with him and he was around a lot longer, even though Mr. Bradley was most known for the hairpiece-nudging gestures. In a t.v.-based movie, you can get away with things like this. Mr. Parker wasn't really known for too many quirks other than that he drove Mrs. Garrett crazy a lot. These things add to the character even though they aren't strictly adhering to the original series.

[ABlairican Pie]

INT. HALLWAY

They stroll past empty classrooms as Parker points and gestures.

PARKER
For the past century Eastland has
carried on the noble tradition of
nurturing and developing young
women to become productive and
well-rounded citizens of the new
millenium, and...

She stops, stares curiously at a room with a sign reading
RECREATION HALL.

PARKER
Nothing in there. Come, let me
show you our library.

She hustles back to him. They amble on. She glances back.

PARKER
In the Eastland School Library, we
have works of the finest literary giants
in history--Shakespeare, Dickens, John
Steinbeck--which provide our students
with a plethora of knowledge--

GARRETT
Excuse me, but I need to use the little
girls' room.

She turns to exit.

PARKER
Sure. Two doors down to your left.
Hurry back, I'm about to show you
our revolutionary improvements on
the Dewey Decimal System.

She pokes her head over an adjoining corridor. She hurries down the hall, approaches the RECREATION HALL. Flings open the door--

[Ryanmo97]

Originally posted by Captain ABlairica
I know what you're thinking--"But Greg, Mr. BRADLEY was the one who adjusted his hairpiece all the time!! Mr. Parker didn't have one!!"

I hate to spilt hairs (no pun intened) But the headmaster who adjusted his hairpiece all the time was the one who was between Mr. Bradley and Mr. Parker. I can't remember his name right now but as far as I know the only time he was showen was in the 2nd season episode where Mrs. G gets her eyes "diluted" and Tootie thinks Mrs. G is drunk.

[Jo/Blair_fan]

Originally posted by Ryanmo97


I hate to spilt hairs (no pun intened) But the headmaster who adjusted his hairpiece all the time was the one who was between Mr. Bradley and Mr. Parker. I can't remember his name right now but as far as I know the only time he was showen was in the 2nd season episode where Mrs. G gets her eyes "diluted" and Tootie thinks Mrs. G is drunk.

I think his name was Mr. Harris. but great job anyways

[james_baby87]

Originally posted by Jo/Blair_fan


I think his name was Mr. Harris. but great job anyways

Pretty Sure your right 'bout that one Great Job!!!! Love the story