Confessing to Family - Sitcoms Online Message Boards

White_Daisy · 01-13-2003, 06:58 PM

Okay, I talked about this briefly in another post, but I need help in this.

For the past few years, I've been dating a Caucasian man. I'm Indian. My immediate family has always been very upset about that, but they know I'm happy and that's all that matters to them. In about three weeks, I have non-immediate family coming from India. Primarily my super religious, super traditional grandparents who believe an arranged marriage is the only way to go. I'm not against arranged marriage, my parents had one and they're incredibly happy. Now, I want Josh (my boyfriend) to meet my family. I know what's going to happen. My grandma will cry and I will, without a doubt, have the worst fight in my life. She will pray, she will threaten me, she will do everything in the world to stop this. How can I possibly get them to meet each other without my having to worry for Josh's well being.

Honor is a big thing in my family. And I have crazy uncles. I also have a very political, powerful family. We're the Kennedy's of South India. I don't want any fights to happen, but I want them to meet him. What do I do?

Titania · 01-13-2003, 07:14 PM

wow thats a rough situation..i cant quite relate because, gosh the only thing my family would get mad about is if i married someone of scotch-irish descent...
but i think what id do is sit them down and explain it to them BEFORE your bf gets there so if they do get mad he wont be in the middle of it. just be honest with them and how arranged marriage isnt the standard here and you hope they will respect your decision.

good luck, i really hope it works out for you.

dawsongirl · 01-13-2003, 09:39 PM

Boy, that is tough. That fine line between tradition and the new way of thinking bites anyone that tries to cross it.

My family is so untraditional it's scary.

But talking about it with your family beforehand does sound plausable. That way, even if a big fight ensues, Josh won't be smack in the middle of it- physically anyway.

ThomasE · 01-13-2003, 10:04 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by White_Daisy
Okay, I talked about this briefly in another post, but I need help in this.

For the past few years, I've been dating a Caucasian man. I'm Indian. My immediate family has always been very upset about that, but they know I'm happy and that's all that matters to them. In about three weeks, I have non-immediate family coming from India. Primarily my super religious, super traditional grandparents who believe an arranged marriage is the only way to go. I'm not against arranged marriage, my parents had one and they're incredibly happy. Now, I want Josh (my boyfriend) to meet my family. I know what's going to happen. My grandma will cry and I will, without a doubt, have the worst fight in my life. She will pray, she will threaten me, she will do everything in the world to stop this. How can I possibly get them to meet each other without my having to worry for Josh's well being.

Honor is a big thing in my family. And I have crazy uncles. I also have a very political, powerful family. We're the Kennedy's of South India. I don't want any fights to happen, but I want them to meet him. What do I do?

This may sound a little cliche' but you must go with your heart. Plus think about this, who has got to be happy and live with your significant other, you or your family?

-*Forever*- · 01-13-2003, 10:39 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by Titania
wow thats a rough situation..i cant quite relate because, gosh the only thing my family would get married about is if i married someone of scotch-irish descent...

They would get married about?

I know this is hard, but just think, some of us had to tell our parents tha we were gay.

White_Daisy · 01-13-2003, 11:04 PM

Thanks everyone. I really do appreciate this. I'm going to sit down and have a talk with my family (individually) and see what they think about this...that way Josh has time to run if he hears screaming. I'm gonna try to look forward to this, but I can't. Three more weeks as of today...I can do this.

¤I Love Clay Aiken¤ · 01-14-2003, 12:44 AM

Its going to be tough. Do your grandparents have ANY idea? If not, Id tell them BEFORE they met him face to face-- let them prepare. Also, remember-- you cant please everyone. Im sure everything will be alright!!

AnaheimPMWitch · 01-14-2003, 03:26 AM

Believe me White daisy I KNOW where you are coming from My parents are VERY OLD SCHOOL way of thinking and well very STRONG in thier beliefs (they are of Dutch indonesian decent) when I was dating My ex Joe (who was 17 at the time of mine being 21) I had to bring it up HYPOTHETICALLY cause I knew If I say "Hey Mom,Dad I'm dating a 17 year old i'm bringing him home for dinner" THEY WOULD HAVE FREAKED Needless to say when I DID briing it up Hypothetically (basically what I said was "Mom,Dad what would you do if I brought home a 17 year old") they said Well My mom said "I'D BE VERY dissappointed IN YOU YOU HAVE TO MARRY A DUTCH INDONESIAN NOT A WHITE TEENAGER!!"

and My dad just said well to put it nicely he said "I"d cut his private off" (thats not what he said BUT since this is a "R" rated board I cant say what he REALLY SAID so we dated in secret for more then 5 years until HE CHEATED ON ME
anyways all I gotta say is I applaud Your COURAGE and I give you a GREAT BIG

Kay Scarpetta · 01-14-2003, 07:59 AM

Good luck!

Barnabas1 · 01-14-2003, 09:09 AM

Ugh..Tough situation..

Plata · 01-14-2003, 09:56 AM

I think you should go with your heart. If both of you really love each other, your family should be able to respect that. I think it would be very shameful if your parents didn't respect your decision about who you date. Maybe tell them what you see in Josh and hopefully they will accept him. Tell your family it's the inside that counts, not the outside. Good luck.

1strunfan · 01-14-2003, 11:26 AM

Well, I can't say what I'd do, because I've never been in that situation. All I can say is maybe you should have a long talk with your immediate family before you grandparents arrive. See how they feel about telling your grandparents. It would be nice going into a situation like that with at least a few allies. That makes it a little easier to stick with what you feel. And, I'd really try to see things from their perspective and try and explain it to them in terms and conditions they'll be able to accept. Don't come off dissing your heritage or anything. Basically, take the time you have to look over the entire situation, and be smart about what you say, and don't let your emotions about Josh over-run your mouth when your family arrives. Good Luck!

White_Daisy · 01-14-2003, 06:52 PM

I took your advice. I called my grandparents and asked them if I could take them out to dinner two days before they meet Josh. They don't know why, but this is good. I've left them in suspense, they think I'm pregnant. So when I tell them I have a boyfriend, they won't be....that upset

¤I Love Clay Aiken¤ · 01-14-2003, 06:59 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by White_Daisy
I took your advice. I called my grandparents and asked them if I could take them out to dinner two days before they meet Josh. They don't know why, but this is good. I've left them in suspense, they think I'm pregnant. So when I tell them I have a boyfriend, they won't be....that upset

o0o..pregnant. Yah, theyd be a lot more relieved to know that youre not! Anyways.. good luck! Im sure theyll understand!

White_Daisy · 01-14-2003, 07:03 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by ¤MsConanOBrien¤

o0o..pregnant. Yah, theyd be a lot more relieved to know that youre not! Anyways.. good luck! Im sure theyll understand!

Oh, I would be so dead if I were pregnant. I'd might as well kill myself because it would save them the trouble. I love it that my mom is overprotective and gives Josh the evil eye everytime she sees him and my older brother, as much of an idiot as he is, has threatened to set the varisity football team on him. But I don't like superficial reasons to be so overprotective. Like my non-immediate family's reasons.

01-13-2003, 06:58 PM	#1
White_Daisy blank Senior Member Join Date: Oct 22, 2002 Posts: 2,374	Confessing to Family Okay, I talked about this briefly in another post, but I need help in this. For the past few years, I've been dating a Caucasian man. I'm Indian. My immediate family has always been very upset about that, but they know I'm happy and that's all that matters to them. In about three weeks, I have non-immediate family coming from India. Primarily my super religious, super traditional grandparents who believe an arranged marriage is the only way to go. I'm not against arranged marriage, my parents had one and they're incredibly happy. Now, I want Josh (my boyfriend) to meet my family. I know what's going to happen. My grandma will cry and I will, without a doubt, have the worst fight in my life. She will pray, she will threaten me, she will do everything in the world to stop this. How can I possibly get them to meet each other without my having to worry for Josh's well being. Honor is a big thing in my family. And I have crazy uncles. I also have a very political, powerful family. We're the Kennedy's of South India. I don't want any fights to happen, but I want them to meet him. What do I do?
	__________________ <marquee>I love you, Potsie Webber</marquee> <center> "H14...My favorite letter, my favorite number"</center> <center>http://www.obeygiant.com/stickers/bo...happy-days.gif</center> <center>They Call it Potsie Love</center> <center>http://www.tvlinksonline.com/boards/...&postid=549343</center> <center>Warren "Potsie" Webber</center> <center> To me, Fonzie is what everyone wants to be, Richie is kind of what everyone wants her son to be. And Potsie, I think, is what everyone is - Anson Williams </center>

01-13-2003, 07:14 PM	#2
Titania a part of that Forum 3000 Club Member Join Date: Sep 04, 2000 Posts: 3,694	wow thats a rough situation..i cant quite relate because, gosh the only thing my family would get mad about is if i married someone of scotch-irish descent... but i think what id do is sit them down and explain it to them BEFORE your bf gets there so if they do get mad he wont be in the middle of it. just be honest with them and how arranged marriage isnt the standard here and you hope they will respect your decision. good luck, i really hope it works out for you.
	__________________ I don't mean to put on any pressure, but I know what a thing is right. and I spend every day reconfiguring my senses. I'll give you stars and the moon and a soul to guide you and a promise I'll never go I'll give you hope to bring out all the life inside you and the strength that will help you grow. myspace Last edited by Titania; 01-14-2003 at 06:06 PM.

01-14-2003, 12:44 AM	#7
¤I Love Clay Aiken¤ MISS APRIL Forum Addict Join Date: Jul 19, 2001 Location: Parsonsfield ME Shaws - Screwing my way up the employment ladder! Posts: 68,780	Its going to be tough. Do your grandparents have ANY idea? If not, Id tell them BEFORE they met him face to face-- let them prepare. Also, remember-- you cant please everyone. Im sure everything will be alright!!
	__________________ DAVID COOK FOR AMERICAN IDOL

01-14-2003, 03:26 AM	#8
AnaheimPMWitch AKA CaitlinMoore2002 Forum 4000 Club Member Join Date: May 08, 2002 Location: in the Las Vegas Crime Lab hangin with Nick and Sara Posts: 4,973	Believe me White daisy I KNOW where you are coming from My parents are VERY OLD SCHOOL way of thinking and well very STRONG in thier beliefs (they are of Dutch indonesian decent) when I was dating My ex Joe (who was 17 at the time of mine being 21) I had to bring it up HYPOTHETICALLY cause I knew If I say "Hey Mom,Dad I'm dating a 17 year old i'm bringing him home for dinner" THEY WOULD HAVE FREAKED Needless to say when I DID briing it up Hypothetically (basically what I said was "Mom,Dad what would you do if I brought home a 17 year old") they said Well My mom said "I'D BE VERY dissappointed IN YOU YOU HAVE TO MARRY A DUTCH INDONESIAN NOT A WHITE TEENAGER!!" and My dad just said well to put it nicely he said "I"d cut his private off" (thats not what he said BUT since this is a "R" rated board I cant say what he REALLY SAID so we dated in secret for more then 5 years until HE CHEATED ON ME anyways all I gotta say is I applaud Your COURAGE and I give you a GREAT BIG
	__________________ "We're not dating , We just go to Movies"-Sara Sidle CSI "Now all I can think about is someone took my Doll and Now I want him back so I can Play with him HER Well you know what I mean"-Reggie on Becker "Just in case I'm not enough of a Freak already LETS add a Tiara"-Mia Princess Diaries

01-14-2003, 07:59 AM	#9
Kay Scarpetta Defy Gravity 8.26.05 Forum Superstar Join Date: Jul 04, 2001 Location: La Vie Boheme Posts: 28,013	Good luck!
	__________________ The people who think they know everything about Broadway make me laugh. They've never seen a Broadway play in their life. "oh mi godddd RENT's a mooovie! lyke 525600 minuuuuuuutes!" No. To be a Broadway Freak, you must live, eat, sleep, study, devout, think, obsess, dream, believe Broadway. You must know original & revival casts, soundtracks, performance runs, dates, theatres, numbers, how many Tony Awards A Chorus Line won. You must be Broadway. That's right bitches. I AM Broadway.

01-13-2003, 09:39 PM	#3
dawsongirl Member Forum Icon Join Date: Jan 04, 2001 Posts: 53,140	Boy, that is tough. That fine line between tradition and the new way of thinking bites anyone that tries to cross it. My family is so untraditional it's scary. But talking about it with your family beforehand does sound plausable. That way, even if a big fight ensues, Josh won't be smack in the middle of it- physically anyway.

01-13-2003, 11:04 PM	#6
White_Daisy blank Senior Member Join Date: Oct 22, 2002 Posts: 2,374	Thanks everyone. I really do appreciate this. I'm going to sit down and have a talk with my family (individually) and see what they think about this...that way Josh has time to run if he hears screaming. I'm gonna try to look forward to this, but I can't. Three more weeks as of today...I can do this.

01-14-2003, 09:09 AM	#10
Barnabas1 Member Forum 4000 Club Member Join Date: Dec 01, 2001 Posts: 4,598	Ugh..Tough situation..
	__________________ My favorite shows :: I Love Lucy, Dark Shadows, Leave it to Beaver, The Munsters, Chico and the Man, and Get Smart. Formerly Babalu and agsfan

01-14-2003, 09:56 AM	#11
Plata Member Senior Member Join Date: May 16, 2001 Location: Regina,Saskatchewan, Canada Posts: 1,201	I think you should go with your heart. If both of you really love each other, your family should be able to respect that. I think it would be very shameful if your parents didn't respect your decision about who you date. Maybe tell them what you see in Josh and hopefully they will accept him. Tell your family it's the inside that counts, not the outside. Good luck.

01-14-2003, 11:26 AM	#12
1strunfan FOL Forum Regular Join Date: Oct 26, 2002 Location: Oklahoma Posts: 817	Well, I can't say what I'd do, because I've never been in that situation. All I can say is maybe you should have a long talk with your immediate family before you grandparents arrive. See how they feel about telling your grandparents. It would be nice going into a situation like that with at least a few allies. That makes it a little easier to stick with what you feel. And, I'd really try to see things from their perspective and try and explain it to them in terms and conditions they'll be able to accept. Don't come off dissing your heritage or anything. Basically, take the time you have to look over the entire situation, and be smart about what you say, and don't let your emotions about Josh over-run your mouth when your family arrives. Good Luck!
	__________________ Kat with a "K" It's so much more romantic. What is greater than God, More evil than the devil, The poor have it, The rich need it, And if you eat it, you'll die? I asked God for all things that I might enjoy life. God said, No. I will give you life, so that you may enjoy all things.

01-14-2003, 06:52 PM	#13
White_Daisy blank Senior Member Join Date: Oct 22, 2002 Posts: 2,374	I took your advice. I called my grandparents and asked them if I could take them out to dinner two days before they meet Josh. They don't know why, but this is good. I've left them in suspense, they think I'm pregnant. So when I tell them I have a boyfriend, they won't be....that upset