I Almost Understand Now - Sitcoms Online Message Boards

Chica · 09-05-2001, 12:53 AM

Well,folks, I now can almost understand how Freddie felt when he ended his life. No, I don't have the superstardom that he had,but I do have the knowledge of the disease from which he suffered. Severe depression is nothing to play with. If not treated you get these compulsions to do things that you would not normally do. In my case so far, drug therapy has not had an effect on the "tendancies",but I now know how alone he felt, how confused..It's horrible, and it's just easier to die rather than deal with it alone. He was a very,very tortured soul,and my heart goes out to him wherever he is and to the many others who suffer from this. It's no picnic,believe me. At this point in the game I would rather die than to suffer any more of this horrible "pain" (i.e.fear,hate guilt) I feel like I have been abandoned by everyone around me because they don't understand the nature of the illness. You always get the remarks of "get over it" "I know how you feel" or "oh you just have the blues. they'll go away" 1) If I could get over it, I would.....2) If you knew how I felt you wouldn't stand so close..and 3) If it was just the blues it would be gone in a day or 2... PLEASE....If you know someone in this state of mind,don't abandon them...They need all the support they can get...

[This message has been edited by Chica (edited 09-05-2001).]

Luckymama58 · 09-05-2001, 06:48 AM

Chica, my heart and prayers go out to you at this time. I, too, have suffered with the terrible disease of clinical depression. As a teen I almost took my own life. I was on today's equivalents of metaqualone for my panic attacks which depressed me more. With the help of my family and my faith, I was able to get on the other side of most of the really bad bouts of this. It is not an easy disease to live with because it is so misunderstood. In researching methaqualone for my story "Salvation" I discovered that Freddie and I had a lot in common in this area. I wish every day someone could have helped him the way I was helped. I wish you the best as you learn to deal with this life long disease. It is possible to find ways to cope and live a full life. Please stay with us. You are not alone!

------------------
Cause I'm the mama, that's why!!!

Do not judge a man until you have walked a mile in his moccasins...Old Indian Proverb

Pitooey · 09-05-2001, 09:59 AM

Chica....... I am sorry to hear about what you're going through. There are people I know who have it and they have been through the wringer.

The best advice I can give you is get hobbies, hobbies, hobbies....... Listen to music, reading, gardening, crossword puzzles, go to the movies, painting, computers work, bicycling, roller skating (blading), go to a museum, Look at the sky, smell a flower, visit a museum, read the bible, join a club, join a church, surround yourself with positive things....... You must keep your mind occupied with other things. Or else all you do is think about yourself. Good Luck and take my advice. It works.......

atlangel · 09-05-2001, 10:57 AM

Chica, I am praying for you regarding this disclosure. I am so sorry that you are experiencing this and the uncaring remarks from those who have no concept of what you are going through. I commend you for opening up on this here. I admire your strength and candor. If I can ever be of help, please feel free to write me privately. I agree that it gives me a glimpse of how "Our Prinze" suffered. I will pray for you daily. PLEASE stay with us, keep coming back to our Board and remember that you are not alone. We care and are here for YOU!

hue_mee · 09-05-2001, 03:52 PM

Yes Chica, I understand what your going through. I too have been depressed. This hasn't been a good year for me job wise. Had a job for almost 10 years got permanently layed off for 4 months . Found a job work 2 1/2 months then got layed off again. I was very depressed when I first got layed off and then again. I feel like I'm going no where. I have had some great help though with the friends I've made here at Sitcoms and other clubs. They have offerd to pray for and still continue to do so. I have tried to keep myself busy by writing fan fiction and designing Holiday cards for Christmas. Yes Christmas. That's how board I am. I still have hope that something somewhere will turn around. I will pray for you Chica asking God to give you strength ,courage, guidence and wisdom, to help you through your trying time.

"A friend loves you all the time,and a brother helps in times of trouble". Proverbs 17:17

[This message has been edited by hue_mee (edited 09-05-2001).]

[This message has been edited by hue_mee (edited 09-05-2001).]

LADY LOVES FREDDIE · 09-05-2001, 04:04 PM

Hi Chica.Someone very close to me has been hospitalized for depression.When he got out of the fospital he had many meds.One was prozac and after months of that He got worse again.Now he takes effexor and Im happy to say hes been doing great for over a year.Have you tried different medications?Maybie the ones you have tried arent right for you.I wish you well.

------------------

catcopy18 · 09-05-2001, 04:28 PM

Chica - there must be a lot of us on this message board who have suffered with this terrible disease. I have also had horrible bouts with severe depression and anxiety and I thought I was going out of my mind. I never felt suicidal because honestly, I am afraid to die!!!! I have been to counselling and on several different medications. I finally found one of the old tricyclic antidepressants very helpful. Doctors are so eager to try these new ones, and really they are wonderful drugs, but sometimes you have to go back to the old ones if you need to. I had depression/anxiety so bad that I couldn't eat, sleep, work, or hardly function. The scarey point was that I DID NOT know why I was depressed. My family was fine and nothing depressing was going on. My counsellor told me that it's just a chemical imbalance and some people have a tendency towards depression just like some have a tendency towards diabetes, etc. Life can seem hopeless and the things you liked to do before no longer seem worthwhile - right? I'm so sorry you're going through that now. Have you gotten professional help at all Chica? Please don't give up on life
because this WILL pass. I know it's easy to say now when I'm not dealing with it at this time, but I never know when it will come back again. They say sometimes trauma will cause the depression to reoccur. We are all pulling for you and please feel free to e-mail me anytime if you want to. You have a lot of friends here and I'd like to think that Freddie taught us all what we SHOULD NOT do! Hang in there girl and keep us all posted on how you're feeling - please.

Pitooey · 09-05-2001, 09:55 PM

Chica - Everyone has given you good advice..... Maybe a change of medication will help. Someone on the board mentioned that. I've suffered from drepression, anxiety and panic attacks. It's an awful feeling but, ask your doctor to help you. Don't do it alone.

Cheryl Harrell · 09-06-2001, 05:29 PM

I can well sympathize with ya'll cuz I think I may be suffering from Depression some. First in 1994 my hubby was diagnosed with diabetes & being legally blind from undiagnosed diabetes having diabetic retinopathy (Bledding Retinas) in his eyes. I got depressed about that & then in Nov 1998 I got diagnosed with diabetes my self. FOrtunately I am on pills & not on insulione like my hubby but I got really depressed about it. My hubby can't drive anymroe due to his legal blindness so I have to do all the driving now. No more enjoying the sites as I ride.

Deal with the stress of traffic instead. I also got neuropathy in my feet from the diabetes as well as heel spurs & that causes pain in my feet now. & then I now have bad allergies too. After finding out I had the diabetes I got really depressed over it. I feel really depressed sometimes. Fortunately it's not bad enough to kill myself or anything. Between the diabetes, allergies & depression, alot of times I don't feel like doing much of anything & have a great lack of energy. alot of times the only things I can muster enough energy to do is to get on the puter, watch a little tv, fix dinner, drive us to wherever we have to go, go shopping some & go & see my friend Arlo the singer when he does shows anywhere within driving distance of VA. I'll know I need to do housework around the house but even tho I want to do it, just can't seem to get up the get up & go to do it. I want to sleep alot which isn't good. Folks think I'm lazy but if only they knew... Maybe that's why I took to Freddie so well this yr. Maybe I found a kindred soul in him. I think he would've understood what I was going through. My hubby is sooo lucky cuz he isn't a bit depressed about his diabetes & legal blindness from it. I get sooo tired of feeling so bad all the time. Sorry to go on & on like that but I just wanted to let those of you going thru depression know that I understand how ya feel & how Freddie felt. Except I do know people love me & sadly Freddie never realized who loved him...

[This message has been edited by Cheryl Harrell (edited 09-06-2001).]

Pitooey · 09-06-2001, 07:51 PM

Cheryl - Believe it or not you have exactly the same symptoms my hubby has including the heel spurs and the pill taking....... that he has to do too. He also does not take insulin. I'm rooting for you too!

Chica · 09-07-2001, 12:18 AM

Thanks for the support,but right now I really have no idea what is going to come of all of this. It just seems to me it would be the best for everybody if I would just get out. I have nothing to lose.I have no kids,no husband,and nothing that I can really call my own...So really I have nothing to lose but all this pain and to me that would be a good thing.

Chica · 09-07-2001, 12:51 AM

Life it seems will fade away, drifting further every day
Getting lost within myself Nothing matters,no one else
I have lost the will to live,simply nothing more to give
There is nothing more for me
Need the end to set me free

Things are not what they used to be
Missing one inside of me
Deathly lost,this can't be real
Can't stand this hell I feel
Emptiness is filling me,to the point of agony
Growing darkness taking dawn,I was me but now he's gone

No one but me can save myself,but it's too late
Now I can't think,think why I should try

Yesterday seems as tho it never existed
Death greets me warm
Now I will just say good-bye,good-bye

~~metallica~~

Cheryl Harrell · 09-07-2001, 03:22 AM

Thanks for the support! That foot pain is awful so I know how your hubby is feeling. Yikes!

We're all rooting for ya Chica & in support of each other. Please no one try what Freddie did. There are people out there who care. God cares & people care too.

Because Freddie ended his life so many people are sad today. A mother is griefstricken cuz she no longer has her son, a son feels upset & bad cuz he never had a father, a almost ex-wife feels guilty over almost divorcing him & lots of fans are heartbroken because they will never get to personally know a legend & true star who they care for. Fortunately there are support groups & message boards out there on the ineternet. I belong to some on diabetes.

I know it seems dark & lonely sometimes. Sometimes you wonder why are you allowed to suffer thru all this pain. Right now I have to deal with the fact that once my hubby & parents die, I am left all alone with no one & that is really hard for me to deal with. But do know there are folks out there who care & who are rooting for you. Hang on we're all here for you! Sending out hugs to you & eveyone else on here who needs it.

atlangel · 09-07-2001, 10:27 AM

Cheryl, beautifully said and so true on all points. Bless you and everyone here.

Pitooey · 09-07-2001, 12:03 PM

Chica! Cheryl said it all....... Don't hurt yourself...... We do care you know. We're Freddie's family here. I was heartbroken when "Our Prinze left us". Please don't do anything to yourself......... Seek help or come here and speak to us....

09-05-2001, 12:53 AM	#1
Chica Member Frequent Poster Join Date: Apr 08, 2001 Location: Roanoke,Va USA Posts: 165	I Almost Understand Now Well,folks, I now can almost understand how Freddie felt when he ended his life. No, I don't have the superstardom that he had,but I do have the knowledge of the disease from which he suffered. Severe depression is nothing to play with. If not treated you get these compulsions to do things that you would not normally do. In my case so far, drug therapy has not had an effect on the "tendancies",but I now know how alone he felt, how confused..It's horrible, and it's just easier to die rather than deal with it alone. He was a very,very tortured soul,and my heart goes out to him wherever he is and to the many others who suffer from this. It's no picnic,believe me. At this point in the game I would rather die than to suffer any more of this horrible "pain" (i.e.fear,hate guilt) I feel like I have been abandoned by everyone around me because they don't understand the nature of the illness. You always get the remarks of "get over it" "I know how you feel" or "oh you just have the blues. they'll go away" 1) If I could get over it, I would.....2) If you knew how I felt you wouldn't stand so close..and 3) If it was just the blues it would be gone in a day or 2... PLEASE....If you know someone in this state of mind,don't abandon them...They need all the support they can get... [This message has been edited by Chica (edited 09-05-2001).]

09-05-2001, 06:48 AM	#2
Luckymama58 Math Geeks Unite! Senior Member Join Date: Mar 18, 2001 Location: In my rock and roll fantasy Posts: 2,553	Chica, my heart and prayers go out to you at this time. I, too, have suffered with the terrible disease of clinical depression. As a teen I almost took my own life. I was on today's equivalents of metaqualone for my panic attacks which depressed me more. With the help of my family and my faith, I was able to get on the other side of most of the really bad bouts of this. It is not an easy disease to live with because it is so misunderstood. In researching methaqualone for my story "Salvation" I discovered that Freddie and I had a lot in common in this area. I wish every day someone could have helped him the way I was helped. I wish you the best as you learn to deal with this life long disease. It is possible to find ways to cope and live a full life. Please stay with us. You are not alone! ------------------ Cause I'm the mama, that's why!!! Do not judge a man until you have walked a mile in his moccasins...Old Indian Proverb

09-05-2001, 09:59 AM	#3
Pitooey Member Forum Star Join Date: Feb 15, 2001 Location: Rocking in Transylvania. Posts: 15,042	Chica....... I am sorry to hear about what you're going through. There are people I know who have it and they have been through the wringer. The best advice I can give you is get hobbies, hobbies, hobbies....... Listen to music, reading, gardening, crossword puzzles, go to the movies, painting, computers work, bicycling, roller skating (blading), go to a museum, Look at the sky, smell a flower, visit a museum, read the bible, join a club, join a church, surround yourself with positive things....... You must keep your mind occupied with other things. Or else all you do is think about yourself. Good Luck and take my advice. It works.......

09-05-2001, 10:57 AM	#4
atlangel Member Forum Regular Join Date: May 02, 2001 Location: Lawrenceville, GA, USA Posts: 523	Chica, I am praying for you regarding this disclosure. I am so sorry that you are experiencing this and the uncaring remarks from those who have no concept of what you are going through. I commend you for opening up on this here. I admire your strength and candor. If I can ever be of help, please feel free to write me privately. I agree that it gives me a glimpse of how "Our Prinze" suffered. I will pray for you daily. PLEASE stay with us, keep coming back to our Board and remember that you are not alone. We care and are here for YOU!

09-05-2001, 03:52 PM	#5
hue_mee Remembering Freddie Senior Member Join Date: Jan 28, 2001 Location: Grateful for a voice from our angel's friend Posts: 2,266	Yes Chica, I understand what your going through. I too have been depressed. This hasn't been a good year for me job wise. Had a job for almost 10 years got permanently layed off for 4 months . Found a job work 2 1/2 months then got layed off again. I was very depressed when I first got layed off and then again. I feel like I'm going no where. I have had some great help though with the friends I've made here at Sitcoms and other clubs. They have offerd to pray for and still continue to do so. I have tried to keep myself busy by writing fan fiction and designing Holiday cards for Christmas. Yes Christmas. That's how board I am. I still have hope that something somewhere will turn around. I will pray for you Chica asking God to give you strength ,courage, guidence and wisdom, to help you through your trying time. "A friend loves you all the time,and a brother helps in times of trouble". Proverbs 17:17 [This message has been edited by hue_mee (edited 09-05-2001).] [This message has been edited by hue_mee (edited 09-05-2001).]

09-05-2001, 04:04 PM	#6
LADY LOVES FREDDIE Member Frequent Poster Join Date: Jul 26, 2001 Location: California Posts: 312	Hi Chica.Someone very close to me has been hospitalized for depression.When he got out of the fospital he had many meds.One was prozac and after months of that He got worse again.Now he takes effexor and Im happy to say hes been doing great for over a year.Have you tried different medications?Maybie the ones you have tried arent right for you.I wish you well. ------------------

09-05-2001, 04:28 PM	#7
catcopy18 Member Frequent Poster Join Date: Apr 08, 2001 Location: Indiana Posts: 413	Chica - there must be a lot of us on this message board who have suffered with this terrible disease. I have also had horrible bouts with severe depression and anxiety and I thought I was going out of my mind. I never felt suicidal because honestly, I am afraid to die!!!! I have been to counselling and on several different medications. I finally found one of the old tricyclic antidepressants very helpful. Doctors are so eager to try these new ones, and really they are wonderful drugs, but sometimes you have to go back to the old ones if you need to. I had depression/anxiety so bad that I couldn't eat, sleep, work, or hardly function. The scarey point was that I DID NOT know why I was depressed. My family was fine and nothing depressing was going on. My counsellor told me that it's just a chemical imbalance and some people have a tendency towards depression just like some have a tendency towards diabetes, etc. Life can seem hopeless and the things you liked to do before no longer seem worthwhile - right? I'm so sorry you're going through that now. Have you gotten professional help at all Chica? Please don't give up on life because this WILL pass. I know it's easy to say now when I'm not dealing with it at this time, but I never know when it will come back again. They say sometimes trauma will cause the depression to reoccur. We are all pulling for you and please feel free to e-mail me anytime if you want to. You have a lot of friends here and I'd like to think that Freddie taught us all what we SHOULD NOT do! Hang in there girl and keep us all posted on how you're feeling - please.

09-05-2001, 09:55 PM	#8
Pitooey Member Forum Star Join Date: Feb 15, 2001 Location: Rocking in Transylvania. Posts: 15,042	Chica - Everyone has given you good advice..... Maybe a change of medication will help. Someone on the board mentioned that. I've suffered from drepression, anxiety and panic attacks. It's an awful feeling but, ask your doctor to help you. Don't do it alone.

09-06-2001, 05:29 PM	#9
Cheryl Harrell I Love You Mike 4-Ever Forum Veteran Join Date: Mar 23, 2001 Location: Pixley!!!! Actually VA--USA LOL! Posts: 6,192	I can well sympathize with ya'll cuz I think I may be suffering from Depression some. First in 1994 my hubby was diagnosed with diabetes & being legally blind from undiagnosed diabetes having diabetic retinopathy (Bledding Retinas) in his eyes. I got depressed about that & then in Nov 1998 I got diagnosed with diabetes my self. FOrtunately I am on pills & not on insulione like my hubby but I got really depressed about it. My hubby can't drive anymroe due to his legal blindness so I have to do all the driving now. No more enjoying the sites as I ride. Deal with the stress of traffic instead. I also got neuropathy in my feet from the diabetes as well as heel spurs & that causes pain in my feet now. & then I now have bad allergies too. After finding out I had the diabetes I got really depressed over it. I feel really depressed sometimes. Fortunately it's not bad enough to kill myself or anything. Between the diabetes, allergies & depression, alot of times I don't feel like doing much of anything & have a great lack of energy. alot of times the only things I can muster enough energy to do is to get on the puter, watch a little tv, fix dinner, drive us to wherever we have to go, go shopping some & go & see my friend Arlo the singer when he does shows anywhere within driving distance of VA. I'll know I need to do housework around the house but even tho I want to do it, just can't seem to get up the get up & go to do it. I want to sleep alot which isn't good. Folks think I'm lazy but if only they knew... Maybe that's why I took to Freddie so well this yr. Maybe I found a kindred soul in him. I think he would've understood what I was going through. My hubby is sooo lucky cuz he isn't a bit depressed about his diabetes & legal blindness from it. I get sooo tired of feeling so bad all the time. Sorry to go on & on like that but I just wanted to let those of you going thru depression know that I understand how ya feel & how Freddie felt. Except I do know people love me & sadly Freddie never realized who loved him... [This message has been edited by Cheryl Harrell (edited 09-06-2001).]

09-06-2001, 07:51 PM	#10
Pitooey Member Forum Star Join Date: Feb 15, 2001 Location: Rocking in Transylvania. Posts: 15,042	Cheryl - Believe it or not you have exactly the same symptoms my hubby has including the heel spurs and the pill taking....... that he has to do too. He also does not take insulin. I'm rooting for you too!

09-07-2001, 12:18 AM	#11
Chica Member Frequent Poster Join Date: Apr 08, 2001 Location: Roanoke,Va USA Posts: 165	Thanks for the support,but right now I really have no idea what is going to come of all of this. It just seems to me it would be the best for everybody if I would just get out. I have nothing to lose.I have no kids,no husband,and nothing that I can really call my own...So really I have nothing to lose but all this pain and to me that would be a good thing.

09-07-2001, 12:51 AM	#12
Chica Member Frequent Poster Join Date: Apr 08, 2001 Location: Roanoke,Va USA Posts: 165	Life it seems will fade away, drifting further every day Getting lost within myself Nothing matters,no one else I have lost the will to live,simply nothing more to give There is nothing more for me Need the end to set me free Things are not what they used to be Missing one inside of me Deathly lost,this can't be real Can't stand this hell I feel Emptiness is filling me,to the point of agony Growing darkness taking dawn,I was me but now he's gone No one but me can save myself,but it's too late Now I can't think,think why I should try Yesterday seems as tho it never existed Death greets me warm Now I will just say good-bye,good-bye ~~metallica~~

09-07-2001, 03:22 AM	#13
Cheryl Harrell I Love You Mike 4-Ever Forum Veteran Join Date: Mar 23, 2001 Location: Pixley!!!! Actually VA--USA LOL! Posts: 6,192	Thanks for the support! That foot pain is awful so I know how your hubby is feeling. Yikes! We're all rooting for ya Chica & in support of each other. Please no one try what Freddie did. There are people out there who care. God cares & people care too. Because Freddie ended his life so many people are sad today. A mother is griefstricken cuz she no longer has her son, a son feels upset & bad cuz he never had a father, a almost ex-wife feels guilty over almost divorcing him & lots of fans are heartbroken because they will never get to personally know a legend & true star who they care for. Fortunately there are support groups & message boards out there on the ineternet. I belong to some on diabetes. I know it seems dark & lonely sometimes. Sometimes you wonder why are you allowed to suffer thru all this pain. Right now I have to deal with the fact that once my hubby & parents die, I am left all alone with no one & that is really hard for me to deal with. But do know there are folks out there who care & who are rooting for you. Hang on we're all here for you! Sending out hugs to you & eveyone else on here who needs it.

09-07-2001, 10:27 AM	#14
atlangel Member Forum Regular Join Date: May 02, 2001 Location: Lawrenceville, GA, USA Posts: 523	Cheryl, beautifully said and so true on all points. Bless you and everyone here.

09-07-2001, 12:03 PM	#15
Pitooey Member Forum Star Join Date: Feb 15, 2001 Location: Rocking in Transylvania. Posts: 15,042	Chica! Cheryl said it all....... Don't hurt yourself...... We do care you know. We're Freddie's family here. I was heartbroken when "Our Prinze left us". Please don't do anything to yourself......... Seek help or come here and speak to us....