THE 2002 HAWKEYE AWARDS (part deux) - Sitcoms Online Message Boards

TJL · 12-29-2002, 12:04 AM

Welcome back folks, to the 74th Annual Hawkeye Awards, honoring the good, the bad and the ugly of 2002!

Now we turn our attention to the world of Movies and Television.
It’s been a fun year in showbiz, kids…well, not that much fun…maybe a little…. Okay, things were really sucky.
But as the song goes, you take the good; you take the bad, so without further ado…

Outstanding Achievement In Television
Ya know, many a times I have daydreamed about what it would be like to give former “Welcome Back Kotter” star Ron Palillo a right cross to the jaw. And once, I sat slumped on a barstool wondering what disgraced skating star and trailer park princess Tonya Harding was up to.
Well, thanks to FOX’s “Celebrity Boxing,” all those horrifying visions have all come true. We salute you FOX, with this years Hawkeye for Outstanding Achievements In TV. Keep those nightmares coming!

Now we move to la cinema, where two unique individuals left horrible, painful scars that will take many years to heal.

This years Hawkeye for Best Actor goes to Eddie Murphy, for “The Adventures Of Pluto Nash.” This mega dud cost one hundred million smackers to make and as of this morning grossed less than five million bucks! Our man Murphy laid quite a few eggs this year, between “Pluto Nash,” “I Spy” and “Showtime.” Let’s hope there’s another talking donkey cartoon in your future, otay Eddie?

Our next award goes to a woman with guts. A woman who despite quite a few cinamatic catastrophes, tries again and again to prove her critics wrong. A fighter, who in her delusional little mind, keeps scratching and clawing her way to movie stardom..
A woman who couldn’t act injured if you pushed her out of a moving car.
For her completely wooden performance as a completely wooden cast away in “Swept Away,” The Hawkeye for Best Actress goes to none other than Madonna, who with husband Guy Ritchie who directed “Swept Away,” are now the Bo and John Derek of the new millennium!

The 83rd Annual Hawkeye Awards will be back right after these words from T Mobile, McDonalds, and Vinnie's House Of Discount Wicker...

Stay tuned kids, the big finale is coming soon!

*Marilyn Monroe* · 12-29-2002, 12:12 AM

Haha! Thanks TJL! These are hilarious!

~*Hannah_Lee*~ · 12-29-2002, 12:14 AM

Keep it coming!!! LOL!!!! I love these awards! The best award show around!

ks · 12-29-2002, 01:09 AM

That 'song' sounds a bit familiar

These are hilarious. Continue on...!

ks

Stormtracker TF · 12-29-2002, 01:14 AM

This is better than the Emmy's!

Add more soon!

DarleneIllyria · 12-29-2002, 01:55 AM

I wish all awards shows were like this. I mean, I'm tired of seeing all these useless award shows on tv. This one rocks!

Mr. Shy Guy · 12-29-2002, 02:04 AM

Kitt · 12-29-2002, 04:45 PM

Tanya Harding beating up Paula Jones was a good idea. If I were a producer I'd schedule that in my 'things to do' list. There is no such thing that I know of as dropping below the sleaze level with shows like Jerry Springer around. At least Tanya and Paula weren't putting us on. And, predictably, Paula was too air-headed to know that Tanya--being the professionally trained competitive athlete that she is--wouldn't come out joking around.

12-29-2002, 12:04 AM	#1
TJL Suburbanite Extrordinaire Forum Star Join Date: Dec 29, 2001 Location: New Jersey - the cradle of civilization Posts: 16,588	THE 2002 HAWKEYE AWARDS (part deux) Welcome back folks, to the 74th Annual Hawkeye Awards, honoring the good, the bad and the ugly of 2002! Now we turn our attention to the world of Movies and Television. It’s been a fun year in showbiz, kids…well, not that much fun…maybe a little…. Okay, things were really sucky. But as the song goes, you take the good; you take the bad, so without further ado… Outstanding Achievement In Television Ya know, many a times I have daydreamed about what it would be like to give former “Welcome Back Kotter” star Ron Palillo a right cross to the jaw. And once, I sat slumped on a barstool wondering what disgraced skating star and trailer park princess Tonya Harding was up to. Well, thanks to FOX’s “Celebrity Boxing,” all those horrifying visions have all come true. We salute you FOX, with this years Hawkeye for Outstanding Achievements In TV. Keep those nightmares coming! Now we move to la cinema, where two unique individuals left horrible, painful scars that will take many years to heal. This years Hawkeye for Best Actor goes to Eddie Murphy, for “The Adventures Of Pluto Nash.” This mega dud cost one hundred million smackers to make and as of this morning grossed less than five million bucks! Our man Murphy laid quite a few eggs this year, between “Pluto Nash,” “I Spy” and “Showtime.” Let’s hope there’s another talking donkey cartoon in your future, otay Eddie? Our next award goes to a woman with guts. A woman who despite quite a few cinamatic catastrophes, tries again and again to prove her critics wrong. A fighter, who in her delusional little mind, keeps scratching and clawing her way to movie stardom.. A woman who couldn’t act injured if you pushed her out of a moving car. For her completely wooden performance as a completely wooden cast away in “Swept Away,” The Hawkeye for Best Actress goes to none other than Madonna, who with husband Guy Ritchie who directed “Swept Away,” are now the Bo and John Derek of the new millennium! The 83rd Annual Hawkeye Awards will be back right after these words from T Mobile, McDonalds, and Vinnie's House Of Discount Wicker... Stay tuned kids, the big finale is coming soon!
	Last edited by TJL; 12-29-2002 at 09:35 AM.

12-29-2002, 12:12 AM	#2
Marilyn Monroe Diamonds... Forum 4000 Club Member Join Date: Aug 24, 2001 Location: Where gentlemen actually prefer brunettes Posts: 4,811	Haha! Thanks TJL! These are hilarious!
	__________________ That certain night, the night we met. There was magic abroad in the air. There were angels dining at the Ritz. And a nightingale sang in Berkeley Square.

12-29-2002, 12:14 AM	#3
~Hannah_Lee~ Let's dance in style Forum Veteran Join Date: Apr 09, 2002 Location: Alabama Posts: 7,358	Keep it coming!!! LOL!!!! I love these awards! The best award show around!
	__________________ Some are like water, some are like the heat Some are a melody and some are the beat. Sooner or later they all will be gone. Why don't they stay young? It's so hard to get old without a cause. I don't want to perish like a fleeing horse. Youth is like diamonds in the sun, And diamonds are forever. Forever young, I want to be forever young. Do you really want to live forever?

12-29-2002, 01:09 AM	#4
ks Certifiably Insane Forum Veteran Join Date: Dec 21, 2000 Location: I live in my hole... Posts: 5,501	That 'song' sounds a bit familiar These are hilarious. Continue on...! ks
	__________________ "Ya gotta have a little faith." C.D. DeLerenzo

12-29-2002, 01:14 AM	#5
Stormtracker TF Happy Easter! Moderator Forum Idol Join Date: Jul 19, 2002 Location: Detroit, Michigan Posts: 102,598	This is better than the Emmy's! Add more soon!
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12-29-2002, 01:55 AM	#6
DarleneIllyria Gone Forum Star Join Date: Oct 15, 2000 Posts: 19,086	I wish all awards shows were like this. I mean, I'm tired of seeing all these useless award shows on tv. This one rocks!

12-29-2002, 02:04 AM	#7
Mr. Shy Guy Member Forum Veteran Join Date: Oct 30, 2001 Location: Massachusetts Posts: 7,871
	__________________ Det. Butler: Are you on any type of medication Mr. Bean? Mr. Bean: Not that I'm aware of... Det. Butler: Well...you could certainly use some...

12-29-2002, 04:45 PM	#8
Kitt James Dean Forum Veteran Join Date: Aug 16, 2001 Location: California Dreamin' Posts: 6,115	Tanya Harding beating up Paula Jones was a good idea. If I were a producer I'd schedule that in my 'things to do' list. There is no such thing that I know of as dropping below the sleaze level with shows like Jerry Springer around. At least Tanya and Paula weren't putting us on. And, predictably, Paula was too air-headed to know that Tanya--being the professionally trained competitive athlete that she is--wouldn't come out joking around.