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12-12-2002, 02:08 PM
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#1 |
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Member
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Join Date: Dec 16, 2001
Posts: 30,406
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Mr. Hankey's Christmas Classics
This might be offensive to some ppl cuz it's offa south park...it's a script from an episode that they sing songs its funnyyyyyy.
~~~~~~~~~~~~ Mr. Hankey: Howdy ho, folks! We're gonna do something a little bit different tonight! Instead of our normal thing, we're just gonna sit back and enjoy some holiday songs! And, if you don't like it, well, I guess you can suck my tiny little balls! So let's start off with a festive Hanukkah song, sung by my favourite jewish person in the whole world! (Kyle's House) Kyle: *sings* Okay, Ike! You're my little brother, so I have to show you how to celebrate Hanukkah! This is called a dreidel! You spin it and see where it lands and you sing this song! ... I have a little dreidel! I made it out of clay! And when it's dry and ready, with dreidel, I shall play! Oh, dreidel, dreidel dreidel! I made you out of clay! Dreidel, dreidel dreidel! With dreidel, I shall play! (Cartman enters) Cartman: Hey! What the hell are you doing! Kyle: Oh! Hey, Cartman! We're playing dreidel! You wanna try?! Cartman: Sure! ... *sings* Here's a little dreidel that's small and made of clay, but I'm not gonna play with it, 'cause dreidel's frickin' gay! Kyle: Hey! Shut your mouth, fatass! Cartman: *sings* Jews play stupid games! Jews! That's why they're lame! Jews play stupid games! Jews! That's why they're lame! Kyle: Oh, dreidel, dreidel dreidel! I made you out of clay! Dreidel, dreidel dreidel! With dreidel, I shall play! (Stan enters) Stan: What's going on?! Oh! It's that Hanukkah thing! Cartman: (sarcastically) It's so amazing! You spin this thing on the ground and it goes round and round, and I could watch it all day! Stan: Let me try! ... *sings* I'll try to make it spin! It fell! I'll try again! I'll try to make it spin! It fell! I'll try again! I'll try to make it spin! It fell! I'll try again! I'll try to make it spin! It fell! I'll try again! Kyle: *sings* Oh, dreidel, dreidel dreidel! I made you out of clay! Dreidel, dreidel dreidel! With dreidel, I shall play! Oh, dreidel, dreidel dreidel! I made you out of clay! Dreidel, dreidel dreidel! With dreidel, I shall play! Oh, dreidel, dreidel dreidel! I made you out of clay! Dreidel, dreidel dreidel! With dreidel, I shall play! Cartman: *sings* Jews play stupid games! Jews! That's why they're lame! Jews play stupid games! Jews! That's why they're lame! (Kyle's mom enters) Shiela: Hello, boys! Kyle: Hi, mom! Shiela: Oh, how precious! You boys are all playing dreidel! Now, you know that dreidel is a time on a tradition for the Hebrew people! Cartman: Yes! We know, Miss Broflovski! It's so very interesting! Shiela: ... *sings* Now when you learn to make the dreidel spin, you'll know our people always win! Keep spinning! Learn to make the dreidel spin! You'll know our people always win! Cartman: *sings* Jews play stupid games! Jews! That's why they're lame! (Kyle's dad enters) Kyle: Oh hi, dad! Gerald: Hello, everybody! Say! Can I join in? Kyle: Sure! ... *sings* I have a little dreidel! I made it out of clay! And when it's dry and ready, with dreidel, I shall EVERYBODY! Dreidel, dreidel dreidel! I made you out of clay! Dreidel, dreidel dreidel! With dreidel, I shall play! Oh, dreidel, dreidel dreidel! I made you out of clay! Dreidel, dreidel dreidel! With dreidel, I shall play! Shiela: *sings* Now when you learn to make the dreidel spin, you'll know our people always win! Keep spinning! Learn to make the dreidel spin! You'll know our people always win! Stan: *sings* Let me try! ... I'll try to make it spin! It fell! I'll try again! I'll try to make it spin! It fell! I'll try again! Cartman: *sings* Jews play stupid games! Jews! That's why they're lame! Jews play stupid games! Jews! That's why they're lame! Gerald: *sings* Courtney Cox, I love you! You're so hot on that show! Courtney Cox, I love you! You're so hot on that show! Courtney Cox, I love you! You're so hot on that show! Kyle: Dad?! Gerald: Courntey Cox,... Kyle: Dad?! Gerald: I love... Kyle: We're singing about a dreidel! Shiela: We'll talk about this later, Gerald! Gerald: *sings* Courtney Cox, I love you! You're so hot on that show! Courtney Cox, I love you! You're so hot on that show! Shiela: *sings* Now when you learn to make the dreidel spin, you'll know our people always win! Keep spinning! Learn to make the dreidel spin! You'll know our people always win! Stan: *sings* Let me try! ... I'll try to make it spin! It fell! I'll try again! I'll try to make it spin! It fell! I'll try again! Cartman: *sings* Jews play stupid games! Jews! That's why they're lame! Jews play stupid games! Jews! That's why they're lame! Kyle: *sings* Oh, dreidel, dreidel dreidel! I made you out of clay! Dreidel, dreidel dreidel! With dreidel, I shall play! Oh, dreidel, dreidel dreidel! I made you out of clay! Dreidel, dreidel dreidel! With dreidel, I shall play! (Mr. Hankey's place) Mr. Hankey: Woo hoo! Golly! That sure was fun! But now for our next song! Hold on to your boot straps, 'cause we're gonna descend down into Hell! (Hell) Hitler: *cries* Oh, tannenbaum! Oh, tannenbaum! Die teil chi hein blatter! Oh, tannenbaum! Oh, tannenbaum! Die teil chi hein blatter! Too groo chnid doo noot zamadine! Die knack umvie teri neshenstein! Oh, tannenbaum! Oh, tannenbaum! Die teil chi hein blatter! (Satan enters.) Satan: Hey! Hitler! What's the matter, little guy?! Hitler: Oh, Satan! Tu tannenbaum die teil chi hein blatter! Satan: Aaaw! You don't have Christmas Tree?! Hitler: Nootint dien dien reetint minintstein! Satan: *sings* Well, I tell you what! Maybe we'll have ourselves a little Christmas right here! C'mon, everyone! Gather 'round! ... String up the lights and light up the tree! We're gonna make some revelry! Spirits are high, so I can tell it's Christmas time in Hell! Demons are nicer as you pass them by! There's lot's of demon toys to buy! The snow is falling and all is well! It's Christmas time in hell! There goes Jeffrey Dahmer wiht a festive Christmas ham! After he has sex with it, he'll eat up all he can! And there goes John F. Kennedy caroling with his son! Reunited for the holidays! God bless us everyone! Everybody has a happy glow! Let's dance in blood and pretend it's snow! Even Maw Tse Tung is under the spell! It's Christmas time in hell! ... Aldolf, here's a present for you! Hitler: Oh! (opens it. It's a Christmas tree.) UND TANNENBAUM! Satan: *sings* Yes! Und tannenbaum! ... God cast me down from heaven's door to rule in hell forevermore! But now I'm kinda glad that I fell, 'cause it's Christmas time in hell! Here's a rack to hang the stockings on! We still have to shop for Genghis Khan! Michael Landon's hair looks swell! It's Christmas time in hell! There's Princess Diana holding burning mistletoe over poor Gene Siskel's head to watch his weenie grow! For wone day we all stop burning, and the flames are not so thick! All the screaming and the torture stops as we wait for ol' Saint Nick! So, string up the lights and light up the tree! We're damned for all eternity, but for just one day, all is well! It's Christmas time in hell! Gather close together and make it quick! We gotta make room for Andy Dick! Wake his mother and ring the bell! It's Christmas time! Christmas time! It's Christmas time in hell! James Stewart: Merry Christmas, movie house! (Mr. Mackey's House. He's dressed as a bell.) Mr. Mackey: *sings* Uh, Hark! Hear the bells! Sweet silver bells all seem to say, ding dong, m'kay! Christmas is here! Bringing good cheer to young and old! Drinkin' a bowl! Ding, dong, ding, dong! That is their song! This joyful ring! All caroling! One seems to hear words of good cheer, from everywhere, filling the air! Oh, how they pound, raising their sound! Oh, here and there, telling their tale! Gaily, they ring while people sing songs of good cheer! Christmas is here! Merry, Merry, Merry, Merry Christmas! Merry, Merry, Merry, Merry Christmas! Joyful they sing! All without end! Their lovely hum to everyone! Hark! Hear the bells! Sweet silver bells all seem to say, ding dong, m'kay! On do they sing, on without end! Their joyful toungue to every home! Ding, dong, ding, dong! M'kay! ... M'kay! (Mr. Hankey's place) Mr. Hankey: Well, that was a nice little song! Wasn't it?! But, let's not forget that for some people, Christmas is about the birth of Jesus! So now, here's a more serious Christmas song sung by Eric Cartman! (Bethlehem.) Cartman: *sings* And ... O holy night! The stars are brightly shining! It is the night of our dear saviour's b-b-b-birth! O holy night! The, something, something, descend! It is the night with the Christmas trees and pie! Jesus was born and so I get presents! Thank you, Jesus, for being born! Fall on your knees and hear the angels, something! O night divine! O night when I get presents! O night divine! O night, o night divine! (Mr. Hankey's place) Mr. Hankey: Oh, boy! That was a super song! And now, let's hear from the school teacher, Mr. Garrison! (school.) Mr. Garrison: Okay, children! Let's take our seats! Today, we're gonna learn how different cultures around the world celebrate the holiday season! Kids: Aaaaaaaw! Mr. Garrison: Now, pay attention! Ahem! ... *sings* I heard there is no Christmas in the silly Middle East! No trees! No snow! No Santa Clause! They have different religious beliefs! They believe in Muhahmad and not in our holiday! And so, every December, I go to the Middle East and say! Hey there, Mr. Muslim, Merry ****in' Christmas! Put down that book, the Koran, and hear some holiday wishes! In case you haven't noticed, it's Jesus's birthday! So get off your heathen Muslim ass and ****in' celebrate! There is no holiday season in India, I've heard! They don't hang up their stockings, and that is just absurd! They've never read a Christmas story! They don't know what Rudolph is about! And that is why, in December, I'll go to India and shout! Hey there, Mr. Hinduist, Merry ****in' Christmas! Drink egg nog and eat some beef and pass it to the Mrs.! In case you haven't noticed, it's Jesus's birthday! So get off your heathen Hindu ass and ****in' celebrate! Now, I heard that in Japan, Everyone just lives in sin! They pray to several gods and put needles in their skin! On December 25th, all they do is eat a cake! And that is why I go to Japan and walk around and say! Hey there, Mr. Shintoist, Merry ****in' Christmas! God is gonna kick your ass, you infidelic pagan scum! In case you haven't noticed, there's festive things to do! So let's all rejoice for Jesus! Merry ****in' Christmas to you! On Christmas day, I travel 'round the world! Taoists, Krushnas, Buddhists, and all you atheists too, Merry ****in' Christmas to you! (Mr. Hat claps) Uh, thank you, Mr. Hat! (Mr. Hankey's place.) Mr. Hankey: Golly, that sure was swell! I'd say my Christmas special is going super fantastic! But now, it's time to hear from perhaps the two most important people of the whole season! (Cut to McKemicks. A Host is on stage) Host: Hello, everyone, and welcome to McKemicks! Now, please put your hands together and welcome Saint Nicholaus and Jesus Christ! Santa: Hello, everybody! Jesus: How y'all doin' tonight! Santa: You know, Jesus, there've been so many wonderfull songs written about us over the years! Jesus: That's right, Santa, and we love each and everyone of them! Like this one! ... Joy to the world, for I have come! Let Earth recieve...me! Let every heart prepare me room... Santa: ...and heaven and nature sing! Jesus: ...and heaven and nature sing! Santa: ...and heaven and nature sing! Jesus: ...and heaven and nature sing! Santa and Jesus: ...and heaven and heaven and nature sing! Santa: You know, Jesus, that is a nice song! But I like this one! ... Up on the house top, raindeer paws, out jumps good ol' me! Down through the chimney with lots of toys! All for the little one's Christmas joys! Santa and Jesus: Ho, ho, ho! Who wouldn't go! Ho, ho, ho! Who wouldn't go! Santa: Oh, up on the house top! Click, click, click! Down through the chimney with good ol' me! Jesus: You get away! Santa: Go away?! Jesus: GET away! Santa: WHERE away?! Jesus: Away in the manger, no crib for my bed! That's where cute little ol' me-e lay down my sweet head! The stars in the sky look down where I lay! Cute little eight pound me-e asleep in the hay! Oh come all ye faithful, joyful, and triumphant! Oh come ye to bethlehem to see-ee me! Santa: Here's one! Jesus: Hark the harold angels sing! Stana: It's my turn! Jesus: Glory to-o me-e-e! Silient night! Santa: Uh...! Jesus: Holy night! Santa: Santa, uh! Jesus: All is calm! All is bright! 'Round yon virgin mother and me! Santa: Saint Nicholaus! Jesus: Holy me-e-e, tender and mild! Sleep in heavenly peace! Sleep in heavenly peace! Santa: Okay, Jesus! Here's one you might remember! ... Her name is Rio and she dances on the sand, just like that river twistin' through the dusty land! Jesus: Uh, Santa! Santa! Santa! That's not a Christmas song! But I... Santa: I know, but there's like three hundred Jesus Christmas songs and only four ****ing Santa ones! It's not fair! Just do it yourself! I'm leaving! Jesus: Oh c'mon, Santa! You can't leave! Santa: No! **** you, Jesus! Jesus: But, Santa! ... The weather outside is frightful... Santa: No! Jesus: ...But the fire is so delightful! Santa: ...Well, since I've no place to go...! Santa and Jesus: Let it snow! Let it snow! Let it snow! Jesus: It doesn't show signs of stopping! Santa: But I brought some corn for poppity-popping! Jesus: The lights are turned way down low! So... Santa and Jesus: Let it snow! Let it snow! Let it snow! The fire is slowly dying! Santa: And, my dear, we're still good-bah-bee-bying! Jesus: But, as long as you love me so,... Santa and Jesus: Let it snow! Let it snow! Let it snow! Santa: Her name is Rio and she dances on the sand! (Applause from the audience.) |
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Last edited by Hollow; 12-12-2002 at 02:12 PM. |
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12-12-2002, 04:39 PM
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#2 |
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Member
Forum Celebrity
Join Date: Jul 15, 2001
Posts: 20,757
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 I just d/l'ed a few of the songs.
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12-12-2002, 09:01 PM
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#3 |
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Defy Gravity 8.26.05
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Join Date: Jul 04, 2001
Location: La Vie Boheme
Posts: 28,013
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oh my Gawd....oh my gawd those are hillarious. I gotta d/l some
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12-13-2002, 01:04 AM
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#4 |
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Banned
Banned!!
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Join Date: Dec 13, 2002
Location: Sunnydale, California --- and I actually registered at sitcomsonline July 25th, 2001
Posts: 260
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haha! I watched that episode on Comedy Central last nite! They showed a buncha South Park christmas episodes...
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