Hayden's best one-liners - Sitcoms Online Message Boards

highloon · 12-02-2002, 04:14 AM

I'm curious if anybody has some favorite Hayden lines. Maybe it's one of his bald jokes to Howard or one of his digs at Judy. I'd love to hear the ones you like the most! Here are a few favs of mine:

Judy peeks her head into Hayden's office and asks Dauber to come see her. He agrees. She says, "I'm in my office." Hayden replies, "Wow. Then your neck stretches all the way to my office!"

Howard enters Hayden's office and says, "Hayden, can I see you?" Hayden replies, "Yeah, and if you bend down, I can see me, too."

After Howard gets caught with a bottle of Minoxydil, he lies to Hayden and says, "It's just my mint drops." Hayden replies, "Then you're gonna be growing hair on your tongue."

Now, it's your turn!

Janice · 12-04-2002, 12:27 AM

I wish I could rattle off some great one-liners, but the truth is, there are just so many. Each one of them is hilarious, but they fly out of my head right after I hear them.
This isn't a one-liner, but it stuck with me. It was a recent episode where Luther is furious that Hayden is the guest of honor at a Bachelor Roast. Luther wanted to throw him a bachelor party. Of course, Luther publicly embarrasses Hayden at the Roast by telling him off.
The final scene in Hayden's office was great. Hayden was angry at him for ruining "one of the biggest nights of my life". Luther was explaining to Hayden how "This is the way it works....after all these years, you don't know that"....and all sorts of twisted logic. Hayden went into the, "Let me get this straight..." thing. His expression as he's trying to understand what Luther's saying was priceless. He finally 'got it', so to speak, and he stopped being angry at Luther. It made sense in a crazy sort of way.
Anyone who saw this episode knows what I'm trying to say. It was classic.

Pisto Pete · 12-07-2002, 03:38 AM

I do remember that episode ending like that, another classic.

highloon · 12-08-2002, 04:03 AM

Hi Pisto Pete,

Being the fanatic that I am, I would like to share my favorite part of the scene you and Janice are referring to. Maybe it's yours, too. Hayden asks Luther, "You WANTED to humiliate me?" Luther replies, " Yeah, so apologize." And then the classic response from Hayden, "Well as logical a next step as I'm sure that is in your mind, I would like to go around the track one more time. So here I go..." Great stuff! Keep posting, guys! This is alot of fun.

Janice · 12-08-2002, 11:16 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by highloon
Hi Pisto Pete,

Being the fanatic that I am, I would like to share my favorite part of the scene you and Janice are referring to. Maybe it's yours, too. Hayden asks Luther, "You WANTED to humiliate me?" Luther replies, " Yeah, so apologize." And then the classic response from Hayden, "Well as logical a next step as I'm sure that is in your mind, I would like to go around the track one more time. So here I go..." Great stuff! Keep posting, guys! This is alot of fun.

There's another funny line from the scene. When Hayden asked Luther, "You wanted to publicly humiliate me?", Luther said, "Well, it's no fun humiliating you in private." Then he went into the apology bit.
I'm pretty sure this is how it went. It was to me, one of those memorable scenes of Hayden's acceptance of Luther's illogical thinking. It even ended with a hug.

highloon · 12-09-2002, 03:44 AM

Janice, thanks for continuing this thread and sharing your favorite part from the bachelor roast episode. I agree that it was great seeing Hayden realize that Luther's twisted logic is a big part of their friendship, and just accepting that. And you're right. It does end with a hug, that is until stubborn Luther asks, "So when you do want to have your bachelor party?" Hayden can never win!

Janice · 12-09-2002, 09:31 PM

I heard a clever one-liner on Coach. It was the recently aired, Burden of the Burleighs. Howard and Shirley were trying to befriend Hayden and Christine, but just bulldozing over them. After a tortuous Saturday evening of being entertained by showtunes from the Burleighs, they were looking forward to sleeping in on Sunday.
Of course, at the crack of dawn, the Burleighs come a knocking. Hayden storms out of his bedroom in his robe to answer the door, while whining, "They're baaaaaack."
In addition to being a funny line, I'm sure this was a reference to the 1982 movie, Poltergeist, which catapulted Craig T. Nelson to fame. The famous catch-phrase, 'They're baaaaack', of course was from that movie.

highloon · 12-10-2002, 05:59 PM

That's an interesting point, Janice! I never made the Poltergeist connection, before. I wonder if that was intentional. This episode is a great example of Hayden one-liners, don't you think?
Another one of my favorites is when he and Christine are discussing how she's too nice to the Burleighs:

Christine: "I'm through being nice! The next time they ask to get together, I'm going to say, 'No way!'"

Hayden: "Personally, I would use the words, 'No way in hell.' It's just a style choice."

By the way, how do you know the titles of these episodes? Does Nick at Nite list them or something? Just curious.

Janice · 12-10-2002, 06:15 PM

Sure, no problem. Here's the link.
http://epguides.com/Coach/

For episode information on other shows, when you log onto Sitcoms Online, don't click on Message Boards on the left. Instead, directly underneath, is Sitcom Links and Theme Songs.
Underneath that, click on the letter of the show you want to find episode guides and other information.

highloon · 12-10-2002, 06:35 PM

Thanks, Janice. I will check that out. We must've been online at the same time. Just posted that reply a few minutes ago!

catlover79 · 09-14-2008, 11:58 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Janice

I heard a clever one-liner on Coach. It was the recently aired, Burden of the Burleighs. Howard and Shirley were trying to befriend Hayden and Christine, but just bulldozing over them. After a tortuous Saturday evening of being entertained by showtunes from the Burleighs, they were looking forward to sleeping in on Sunday.
Of course, at the crack of dawn, the Burleighs come a knocking. Hayden storms out of his bedroom in his robe to answer the door, while whining, "They're baaaaaack."
In addition to being a funny line, I'm sure this was a reference to the 1982 movie, Poltergeist, which catapulted Craig T. Nelson to fame. The famous catch-phrase, 'They're baaaaack', of course was from that movie.

Yep, I got that connection right away. That whole episode was hilarious, especially when Christine finally loses her temper in the movie theater.

12-02-2002, 04:14 AM	#1
highloon Member Occasional Poster Join Date: Nov 30, 2002 Posts: 82	Hayden's best one-liners I'm curious if anybody has some favorite Hayden lines. Maybe it's one of his bald jokes to Howard or one of his digs at Judy. I'd love to hear the ones you like the most! Here are a few favs of mine: Judy peeks her head into Hayden's office and asks Dauber to come see her. He agrees. She says, "I'm in my office." Hayden replies, "Wow. Then your neck stretches all the way to my office!" Howard enters Hayden's office and says, "Hayden, can I see you?" Hayden replies, "Yeah, and if you bend down, I can see me, too." After Howard gets caught with a bottle of Minoxydil, he lies to Hayden and says, "It's just my mint drops." Hayden replies, "Then you're gonna be growing hair on your tongue." Now, it's your turn!

12-08-2002, 04:03 AM	#4
highloon Member Occasional Poster Join Date: Nov 30, 2002 Posts: 82	My favorite part of that scene... Hi Pisto Pete, Being the fanatic that I am, I would like to share my favorite part of the scene you and Janice are referring to. Maybe it's yours, too. Hayden asks Luther, "You WANTED to humiliate me?" Luther replies, " Yeah, so apologize." And then the classic response from Hayden, "Well as logical a next step as I'm sure that is in your mind, I would like to go around the track one more time. So here I go..." Great stuff! Keep posting, guys! This is alot of fun.

12-09-2002, 03:44 AM	#6
highloon Member Occasional Poster Join Date: Nov 30, 2002 Posts: 82	Thanks for continuing this thread Janice, thanks for continuing this thread and sharing your favorite part from the bachelor roast episode. I agree that it was great seeing Hayden realize that Luther's twisted logic is a big part of their friendship, and just accepting that. And you're right. It does end with a hug, that is until stubborn Luther asks, "So when you do want to have your bachelor party?" Hayden can never win!

12-09-2002, 09:31 PM	#7
Janice Retired Admin - Hollywood Swingin' Forum Legend Join Date: Aug 03, 2001 Location: Beantown Posts: 36,388	Can't be a coincidence... I heard a clever one-liner on Coach. It was the recently aired, Burden of the Burleighs. Howard and Shirley were trying to befriend Hayden and Christine, but just bulldozing over them. After a tortuous Saturday evening of being entertained by showtunes from the Burleighs, they were looking forward to sleeping in on Sunday. Of course, at the crack of dawn, the Burleighs come a knocking. Hayden storms out of his bedroom in his robe to answer the door, while whining, "They're baaaaaack." In addition to being a funny line, I'm sure this was a reference to the 1982 movie, Poltergeist, which catapulted Craig T. Nelson to fame. The famous catch-phrase, 'They're baaaaack', of course was from that movie.
	Last edited by Janice; 12-09-2002 at 10:13 PM.

12-10-2002, 05:59 PM	#8
highloon Member Occasional Poster Join Date: Nov 30, 2002 Posts: 82	Interesting observation! That's an interesting point, Janice! I never made the Poltergeist connection, before. I wonder if that was intentional. This episode is a great example of Hayden one-liners, don't you think? Another one of my favorites is when he and Christine are discussing how she's too nice to the Burleighs: Christine: "I'm through being nice! The next time they ask to get together, I'm going to say, 'No way!'" Hayden: "Personally, I would use the words, 'No way in hell.' It's just a style choice." By the way, how do you know the titles of these episodes? Does Nick at Nite list them or something? Just curious.

12-04-2002, 12:27 AM	#2
Janice Retired Admin - Hollywood Swingin' Forum Legend Join Date: Aug 03, 2001 Location: Beantown Posts: 36,388	I wish I could rattle off some great one-liners, but the truth is, there are just so many. Each one of them is hilarious, but they fly out of my head right after I hear them. This isn't a one-liner, but it stuck with me. It was a recent episode where Luther is furious that Hayden is the guest of honor at a Bachelor Roast. Luther wanted to throw him a bachelor party. Of course, Luther publicly embarrasses Hayden at the Roast by telling him off. The final scene in Hayden's office was great. Hayden was angry at him for ruining "one of the biggest nights of my life". Luther was explaining to Hayden how "This is the way it works....after all these years, you don't know that"....and all sorts of twisted logic. Hayden went into the, "Let me get this straight..." thing. His expression as he's trying to understand what Luther's saying was priceless. He finally 'got it', so to speak, and he stopped being angry at Luther. It made sense in a crazy sort of way. Anyone who saw this episode knows what I'm trying to say. It was classic.

12-07-2002, 03:38 AM	#3
Pisto Pete Member Occasional Poster Join Date: Jul 09, 2001 Posts: 5	I do remember that episode ending like that, another classic.

12-10-2002, 06:15 PM	#9
Janice Retired Admin - Hollywood Swingin' Forum Legend Join Date: Aug 03, 2001 Location: Beantown Posts: 36,388	Sure, no problem. Here's the link. http://epguides.com/Coach/ For episode information on other shows, when you log onto Sitcoms Online, don't click on Message Boards on the left. Instead, directly underneath, is Sitcom Links and Theme Songs. Underneath that, click on the letter of the show you want to find episode guides and other information.

12-10-2002, 06:35 PM	#10
highloon Member Occasional Poster Join Date: Nov 30, 2002 Posts: 82	Thanks for the tip! Thanks, Janice. I will check that out. We must've been online at the same time. Just posted that reply a few minutes ago!