Honeymooners Episode Reviews: “The Golfer” & “A Woman’s Work Is Never Done”:

[Frank Gannucci]

Honeymooners Episode Reviews: “The Golfer” & “A Woman’s Work Is Never Done”:

Episode #112. (Syndicated Episode #3)
TV: Half-hour.
VCR: Attached to "Brother Ralph." On some tapes, it is attached to “Funny Money”, “Better Living Through TV”, “Young At Heart” & “ Oh My Aching Back. Also, it can be found on a release that has the I Love Lucy episode entitled: “The Golf Game.” On some tapes, it’s attached to “TV or Not TV” & “Funny Money.”
DVD: Attached to the other first eight classic 39 episodes in the first DVD of the classic 39 episodes box set. The HD Blu-Ray set I believe has the exact same episodes and may include some bonus material. On the Fan Favorites: Best of The Honeymooners, it is attached to “Funny Money”, “TV or Not TV”, “The Sleepwalker”, “Better Living Through TV”, “The Man From Space”, “$99,000 Answer” & “Young At Heart.” On The Honeymooners Christmas Laughter DVD, it is attached to "'Twas The Night Before XMas", "TV or Not TV", "Better Living Through TV", "The Man From Space" & "The $99,000 Answer":
Air Date: Sat. 10/15/55

To see the script, click here: https://www.springfieldspringfield.c...episode=s04e03

Ralph thinks that he has just been promoted to assistant traffic manager, so he tells all the boys in the depot locker room not to tell Norton. Sure enough, when Ed comes in, Ralph tells him. Ed congratulates him. But then word gets around that Ralph didn't get the promotion and that burns him up. Ralph: "I deserve that promotion, Norton." Ralph then says if you don't have any connections as far as a job goes you are dead. Ed disagrees. After all, he didn't need any to get his sewer job. Ralph says when the boss comes in; he will try to influence him. He read a book on how to influence people and one of the things it said in the book was to not talk about you. The boss comes in and Ralph tries to talk to him. The boss asks Ralph if he wants to play golf. Ralph, not knowing the game, says yes. But, the boss then says that he can't make the appointment until a month from now. By that time, Ralph would have gotten so friendly with Mr. Marshall that he would get the promotion and we will say that he got another engagement at the same time that Mr. Marshall asks him to play golf. Ralph is happy.

Here's a link from WFLD TV taken from the 70s before the show was digitally remastered: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kSGQo...eature=channel

At home, Ralph tells Alice the good news. Alice is delighted. The happiness doesn't last long in the household. Ralph gets word that his boss has rescheduled their golf game two days from now. D'oh! Ralph is screwed unless he learns the game in two days.

In 1997, this episode was elected by TV Guide as one of the best TV episodes ever made by any TV show. The following is the scene that made it stand out and it's not hard to understand why.

Ralph practices golf with Ed Norton. Ralph's outfit is loud to say the least but Ed thinks that it is "Diiiiiiiiiiiivine!" Ed mentions that Ralph’s clubs and clothes that he has on are all borrowed. Ed tries to put a pin cushion on the ground. Ralph gets it. Ralph (yells): "OWWWWWWWWW! IT HAS PINS IN IT." Ed: "What did you expect, chicken noodles?" Ed takes the pins out. Ralph tries to swing with the golf club. Every time he does, some background noise is heard. Ed reads the book that tells people how to play golf. At first, he starts to read EVERY word that is on the page he is reading, so Ralph yells at him to stop. Ed then reads what the book says which includes, put the ball down, stand up, plant your feet firmly and address the ball. Ed does the first three instructions and guess what he does as far as addressing the ball goes. He says: "Hello Ball!" When I saw this episode for the first time in 1995 (not knowing anything about this episode), I pretty much guessed that Ed was going to say: "Hello Ball!" That quote was funny. Ralph gets upset. Ed gives more instructions from the book to Ralph. Ralph follows the instructions and hits him in the neck with the golf club. After that, Ed demonstrates what he thinks is the right way to hit the ball which include wiggle your hips and then swing. Ralph tries to swing the same way that Ed did. Ralph thinks that that shot was perfect. Ed says that now is time for hard shots like shooting uphill. Ed gives Ralph a book to put his left foot on so he can practice that he is swinging uphill. Ralph swings the same way as he did before. Ralph doesn’t see the difference. Ed then says that now is the time to practice swinging on a bigger hill. So, he gets a bucket for Ralph to put his left foot on. Ralph swings the same way as he did before. Ralph once again doesn’t see the difference so he practices swinging at the ball on even ground. Alice comes in just as Ralph is wiggling his hips. Ralph: “I was practicing playing golf.” Alice: “Oh is that what it is. I thought it was football the way your backfield was in motion. I am sorry that I went to the movies. I could have seen a better show here.” Alice says that Ralph can’t learn to be a good golfer in one night. Ralph objects. He said so far in this session, he has "hit" the ball correctly in a lot of directions. Alice goes into the bedroom. Ed: “You got to relax.” Ralph (yells): “WELL, I AM RELAXED.” Between Ed’s line and Ralph’s, it looks like a permanent edit job was done. Ed gives instructions from the book to Ralph. Ed: "Make your approach, plant your feet firmly on the ground, head down keep your eye on the ball, relax,…” Ralph now tries to wiggle his hips. Ed continues: “…left arm straight, right arm straight, lower your right shoulder," (yells): "NOWWWWWWWW!" With that, not only does Ralph miss the ball, he manages to hit some other objects in the kitchen with his golf club and in the process accidentally breaks the golf club. I heard that the golf club breaking wasn’t supposed to happen but I think it made the scene funnier.

Sitting down, Ralph admits that he has a big mouth. Ralph (yells): "I HAVE A BIIIIIIG MOUTH!" He should have declined his boss' invitation for a golf game. So when he gets word that his golf game with his boss is now off, he is happy. But, his boss replaces himself with someone else. That makes Ralph upset.

Episode #113 (Syndicated Episode #4)
TV: Half-hour.
VCR: Attached to "Dial J For Janitor." On some tapes, it is attached to “A Matter of Life & Death” & “The Sleepwalker.” On some tapes, it is attached to “Hello Mom”, “A Matter of Record”, “Here Comes The Bride” & “‘Twas The Night Before XMas.”
DVD: Attached to the other first eight classic 39 episodes in the first DVD of the classic 39 episodes box set. The HD Blu-Ray set I believe has the exact same episodes and may include some bonus material.
Air Date: Sat. 10/22/55

To see the script, click here: http://www.springfieldspringfield.co...episode=s04e04

Ralph comes home to find out that his Hurricanes Bowling Jacket has the last "S" not sewed in. Ralph complains since he is going bowling tonight and if he doesn't wear this jacket, people won't know what team he is on. Ralph: "How will the people know what team I am on?" Alice: "Just open your mouth." Ha! Ralph complains of all the work that Alice hasn't done for him. Ralph: "Every time Alice that you don't do something that I want you to do, you get one demerit and do you know what happens if you get 10 demerits?" After that, it looks like the tape of the episode has been cut, because Alice responds to Ralph's complaining. We don't even hear of what Ralph saying: "What will happen if Alice gets 10 demerits." In the Honeymooners Companion Book, the original script had Alice saying "Shut up" at Ralph 10 times. Alice has had enough of doing housework. She says that Ralph works a 12 hour shift and that she works 24/7 and holidays are a double-header. She says that they are going to get a maid. Ralph, of course objects. Ralph: "I can't afford you (Alice), let alone a maid." Alice says that she will get a job and have it "easy." Alice goes into the bedroom. Ralph: "You have just decided for me Alice. I am going on the $64,000 Question and my category that I will pick is 'Aggravation.'"

At Brooklyn Housekeeping Services, Ralph says to Alice to try to act like we never had a maid before and that they are big shots. Sure, they are. The boss comes in and asks Ralph where they live to which Ralph responds: "728 Chauncey Street." Isn't the address 328 Chauncey Street? Ralph coughs because of the cigar that he is smoking and says: "It pays to buy the best." We hear that Alice's job is a jelly donut stuffer. The maid they get is Thelma. Her demands are great. Some of them are: "After parties, I get paid double-time and have the next day off and I don't clean up after midnight snacks and by the looks of it, it looks like this boy (Ralph) has had plenty of them." Alice doesn't care. She is happy that she is getting a maid. Ralph cares though. Thelma can't pick up her suitcase because it is heavy and she is weak. Ralph tries to pick it up, but he is having a harder time then Thelma had picking it up.

At home, Thelma says: "If this is the servant's quarters, I quit." She gets changed. Ed comes in and Ralph tells him that the maid they got looks like she invented the bathtub. Ralph also says that all she has to do is ring the bell and she comes running. Ralph rings the bell and after a few times, Thelma comes in. Thelma: "If that is the Good Humor Man, give me an ice cream cone." Ralph orders Thelma to make him and his guest some coffee. Thelma says: "Okay." Ralph: "Stop saying: 'Okay.'" Thelma: "Okay." Ed rings the bell and asks for one lump in his coffee. Thelma: "You keep ringing that bell and you will get one lump." Ralph and Thelma then have an argument and Thelma quits. Ralph orders for her to come back and Ed rings the bell, hoping she will come back. She doesn't.

The next day, Ralph is in an apron that is suitable for a maid. Ed comes in. Ralph tells him of all the maids they have had that quit in a few days. One of them just saw a mop and quit. Ralph asks Ed to help out by ironing. Ed charges some money for the job. Ralph obliges. Ed irons one of Ralph's jackets and when Ralph asks Ed to help him lift up the bureau, Ed leaves the burning iron on the jacket. They can't lift up the bureau because the drawers are filled with junk. So Ed has a solution. Take the drawers out. Ed does that and puts them ON TOP of the bureau. They then lift up the bureau with no problem. How is that possible when they couldn't do it when the drawers were in the bureau? Ralph: "Ed, you got one idea all year and you got to make a Federal Case out of it." When I saw this episode for the first time and not knowing much about it, I laughed when Ralph and Ed did this and I think it would have been funnier if Ed or Ralph accidentally knocked the drawers that were on top of the bureau out the window and into the street. The bureau lifting scene would be repeated again in a Honeymooners ABC Special in the 70s entitled: “The Honeymooners XMas Special.” Ralph and Ed go to the ironing board and see the burnt jacket. Ralph: "Is this your idea of a joke Norton?" Ed: "No, that's my idea of a burn." Ralph doesn't blame Ed for his mistake though. He says when Alice comes in to compliment her so she can stop working and go back to being a housewife. Sure enough, Alice comes in and gets buttered up by Ralph. Alice got a promotion. She is now a jelly donut taster. Ralph: "Norton, what is Marilyn Monroe doing here?" Ed: "Where? Where? Where?" Ed leaves. Ralph says to Alice that she has got to come back to being housewife and he's sorry. Alice obliges. Then, Ed comes in to reveal that he hired a new maid. Guess who the maid is? Thelma.

Credit I think goes to (the original) Bill's 'Mooners Archives, eBay.com, the now defunct tv.com, Honeymooners Lost Episodes Book, tvguide.com, honeymooners.net, Honeymooners Lost Episodes DVD booklet, Wikipedia.org, the now defunct Yahoo Groups You're A Riot! & Amazon.com.