A Honeymooners Income Tax Day:

[Frank Gannucci]

A Honeymooners Income Tax Day:

(Ralph comes home.)

Alice: “Hiya Ralph!”

Ralph: “Guess what bus job I have to do at 10p on Income Tax Day? I have to drive all of those procrastinators to the IRS so they can get their taxes done. The nerve of some people to do that.”

Alice: “You did that at times.”

Ralph: “Don’t change the subject. Anyway I got the whole fastest route right here.”

(He shows it.)

Alice: “Ralph, that isn’t the fastest route.”

Ralph: “It most certainly is Alice.”

Alice: “Ralph, I’m telling you it’s not.”

Ralph (yells): “AND I SAY IT IS. I AM THE ONE IN THIS FAMILY WITH IT UP HERE.”

(Points toward his brain.)

Alice (yells): “YOU GOT PLENTY OF IT DOWN THERE TOO.”

(Ed, from upstairs, laughs.)

(Ralph goes to the window, opens it and sticks his head out.)

Ralph (yells): “SHUT UP NORTON.” (To Alice): “I will show you.”

(Ralph arrives home at 12:30a on April 16. He sees Alice.)

Alice: “Ralph, how did your route go?”

Ralph (yells): “THANKS TO MY ROUTE, PEOPLE ARRIVED LATE. I FELT LIKE A LOSER.”

Garrity (from upstairs, yells): “WHAT ELSE IS NEW KRAMDEN?”

(Ralph goes to the window and slams it down. It breaks. Ralph is even more upset.)

(Jackie walks on stage. Crowd cheers.)

Jackie: “Thank you. GOOD NIGHT!”

(Crowd cheers.)