A Honeymooners New Year’s Day:

[Frank Gannucci]

A Honeymooners New Year’s Day:

(Due to the faulty computer system that Ralph bought that was gonna make the ball drop in Brooklyn, the ball got stuck and fell on to a cop car. No one got hurt.)

Ed: “Ralph, this reminds me of that Korbel commercial from 1995 when the ball got stuck. Boy, you literally dropped the ball.”

Ralph: “Oooooh.”

(Cops come.)

Cop: “Which one of you is Kramden?”

Ed: “He’s Kramden. I’m clean.”

(Ralph angerily elbows Ed.)

(On New Year’s Day, the Nortons and Alice and her parents arrive at Ralph’s jail cell. They bail him out.)

Alice: “Ralph…”

Ralph: “Are you all finished with the ‘I told you sos?’ Are you finished with those? It’s not my fault Alice.”

Alice: “No it wasn’t. It wasn’t your fault that you didn’t listen to me. It wasn’t your fault that you are naive. It also wasn’t your fault that you literally dropped the ball this time.”

Alice’s Mom: “What a way to ring in the New Year. You are the same fat failure.”

(Ed laughs.)

(Ralph starts a physical fight with them with cops trying to break it up by sending Ralph back to jail.)

(Jackie walks on stage. Crowd cheers.)

Jackie: "Time to introduce the cast. First: Jean Kean."

(Audience cheers as Jean Kean comes on stage.)

Jackie: "Audrey Meadows."

(Audience cheers as Audrey comes on stage.)

Jackie: "Art Carney."

(Audience cheers as Art comes on stage.)

Jackie: "Let's all sing. Are you ready Sammy Spear?"

All (sing): "Should auld acquaintance be forgot,
And never brought to mind?
Should auld acquaintance be forgot,
And days o’ lang syne!
For auld lang syne, my dear
For auld lang syne,
We’ll tak a cup o’ kindness yet
For auld lang syne!
We twa hae run about the braes,
And pu’d the gowans fine,
But we’ve wander’d mony a weary foot
Sin’ auld lang syne.
We twa hae paidl’t in the burn
Frae morning sun till dine,
But seas between us braid hae roar’d
Sin’ auld lang syne.
And there’s a hand, my trusty fiere,
And gie’s a hand o’ thine,
And we’ll tak a right guid willie-waught
For auld lang syne!
And surely ye’ll be your pint’ stoup,
And surely I’ll be mine!
And we’ll tak a cup o’ kindness yet
For auld lang syne!"

Jackie: "Happy New Year. The Miami Beach crowds are the BEST! GOOD NIGHT!"

(Crowd cheers.)