Ralph Kramden, a NY NBA fan? (Part 1)

[Frank Gannucci]

Ralph Kramden, a NY NBA fan? (Part 1) (The NY Knicks beat the Detroit Pistons 123-112.)

(Ralph & Ed take a taxi home. Crowd cheers.)

Ed: “Boy Ralph, those Knicks showed the Pistons who is the boss.”

Ralph: “Yeah they sure did. I can’t recall the last time the Knicks played the Pistons in the playoffs.”

Ed: “I wonder what it’s like up there in the Motor City.”

Ralph: “I remember when I had a meeting up there with the Gotham Bus Company and I had to take you with me to take care of your sleepwalking.”

Ed: “Too bad the Knicks weren’t playing the Pistons there in Detroit. Hey I heard they are not far from Canada.”

Ralph: “Yes, I wonder what that’s is like. I want to see the look on Garrity’s face and his reaction when the Knicks win the series.”

Ed: “You won’t be able to see it because he will give you a black eye and you will be knocked out and fall THROUGH the floor.”

Ralph (yells): “OK PUT’EM UP! COME ON!”

(Ed runs away while Ralph chases after him.)

(Jackie walks on stage. Crowd cheers.)

Jackie: “Thank you. GOOD NIGHT!”

(Crowd cheers.)

[Frank Gannucci]

Ralph Kramden, a NY NBA fan? (Part 2) (The Detroit Pistons beat the NY Knicks 100-94.)

(Ralph is at the park. Ed comes by. They are feeding the birds.)

Ed: “Hey Ralph!”

Ralph: “Hey Norton! What a bad game last night. The Knicks blew it.”

Ed: “They could’ve went into Detroit with a two game lead.”

Ralph: “I wanted them to sweep the whole playoff season.”

Ed: “It looks like they won’t happen. Look even the birds are upset that the Knicks lost.”

(Ralph rolls his eyes.)

Ralph: “Norton, I think the Knicks will pull though and the city will celebrate. I told my mother-in-law that I wanted to play basketball but I was too short. She said: ‘Are you sure it wasn’t because you would collapse after one second of running.’”

(Ed laughs.)

Ed: “I played basketball for my sewerworkers team. We played the garbagemen team. We were accused of wet ball. Hahaha!”

Ralph: “You are a riot Norton. I think the Knicks will shock people.”

Ed: “If they lose, you will be shocked into a heart attack unfortunately.”

Ralph (yells): “GET OUT! GET OUT!”

(Ed leaves.)

(Jackie walks on stage. Crowd cheers.)

Jackie: “Thank you. GOOD NIGHT!”

(Crowd cheers.)

[Frank Gannucci]

Ralph Kramden, a NY NBA fan? (Part 2) (The Detroit Pistons beat the NY Knicks 100-94.)

(Ralph is at the park. Ed comes by. They are feeding the birds.)

Ed: “Hey Ralph!”

Ralph: “Hey Norton! What a bad game last night. The Knicks blew it.”

Ed: “They could’ve went into Detroit with a two game lead.”

Ralph: “I wanted them to sweep the whole playoff season.”

Ed: “It looks like they won’t happen. Look even the birds are upset that the Knicks lost.”

(Ralph rolls his eyes.)

Ralph: “Norton, I think the Knicks will pull though and the city will celebrate. I told my mother-in-law that I wanted to play basketball but I was too short. She said: ‘Are you sure it wasn’t because you would collapse after one second of running.’”

(Ed laughs.)

Ed: “I played basketball for my sewerworkers team. We played the garbagemen team. We were accused of wet ball. Hahaha!”

Ralph: “You are a riot Norton. I think the Knicks will shock people.”

Ed: “If they lose, you will be shocked into a heart attack unfortunately.”

Ralph (yells): “GET OUT! GET OUT!”

(Ed leaves.)

(Jackie walks on stage. Crowd cheers.)

Jackie: “Thank you. GOOD NIGHT!”

(Crowd cheers.)

[Frank Gannucci]

Ralph Kramden, a NY NBA fan? (Part 3) (The NY Knicks beat the Detroit Pistons 118-116.)

(The girls are playing poker at the Kramden apartment.)

Alice: “You know Trixie, our boys are gonna come home all hooting and hollering that the Knicks won.”

Trixie: “They will be claiming that the Knicks are gonna win the NBA title.”

(The boys arrive. Crowd cheers.)

Ralph: “Hi girls! The Knicks did it. They beat Detroit again and now have a 2-1 advantage. Two games away from advancing.”

Ed: “Those Pistons ran out of gas.”

Ralph: “The atmosphere when the Knicks win the NBA title at MSG, it will be electric. Last time was when the San Antonio Spurs beat the Knicks in 1999. Ugh! I still am angry about that.”

Trixie: “I’m sure that Garrity will be upset.”

Ralph: “Oh he will. I made a bet that says if the Knicks lose their chances of winning the NBA title, he can dunk me in a dunk tank at the Raccoon Festival. That will never happen. If the Knicks win the NBA title and they will, Garrity will get dunked.”

Ed: “You will probably break the seat.”

Ralph (yells): “GET OUT! GEEEEEEET OUT!”

(The Nortons leave.)

(Jackie walks on stage. Crowd cheers.)

Jackie: “Thank you. GOOD NIGHT!”

[Frank Gannucci]

Ralph Kramden, a NY NBA fan? (Part 4) (The NY Knicks beat the Detroit Pistons 94-93.)

(The boys just got finished listening to the game on radio while sitting on the stoop of the apartment building.)

Ralph: “What a great game Norton.”

Ed: “May I echo those words?”

Man: “The Knicks won. Now maybe you will turn down that radio. You had that radio on too loud.”

Ralph: “Pay no attention to that bum. Obviously he is jealous that his team is not in the playoffs.”

Man: “No, Im not sir. You two acted obnoxious for the whole game.”

Ralph: “You are jealous that’s all and do you know why? Because this time tomorrow, the Knicks will be on the front page of every newspaper in the country.”

Man: “So will mine. For killing you.”

Ralph: “Oh you are asking for it bub. How about taking this on the street?”

Man: “Ok.”

(Hours later. The boys along with Alice return home.)

Ralph: “You gottta admit Alice. This was one confrontation with a person other than Norton that I didn’t emerge with a black eye and/or my clothes soiled.”

Alice: “Nope. All you did was get a jail sentence.”

(Jackie walks on stage. Crowd cheers.)

Jackie: “Thank you. Have a good night.”

(Crowd cheers.)

[Frank Gannucci]

Ralph Kramden, a NY NBA fan? (Part 5) (The Detroit Pistons beat the NY Knicks 106-103.)

(The boys come home depressed. Ralph’s Knicks jersey doesn’t even fit him. The girls see them.)

Alice: “I take it that the Knicks lost.”

Ed: “It was a dark, dark day.”

Alice: “Ralph, what’s up with that jersey?”

Ralph: “It doesn’t fit me.”

Ed: “You’re right. They don’t make jerseys in XXXXXXXXL.”

Ralph: “Ooooooh, you are gonna get it Norton. I was just about to celebrate with the Knicks toniht and that lost had to happen.”

Trixie: “I am willing to bet that you two boys were hooting and hollering.”

Ralph: “Yes we were.”

Ed: “At least they got a two game cushion. They could still win this.”

Ralph: “You are right Norton.”

Alice: “Ralph, I hope you didn’t get made fun of for wearing that jersey.”

Garrity (from upstairs, yells): “HEY KRAMDEN, GREAT JERSEY. YOU LOOK LIKE AN ELEPHANT.”

(Ed laughs.)

Ralph (yells): “GEEEEEEEEEEET OUT!”

(Jackie walks on stage. Crowd cheers.)

Jackie: “Thank you. Good night!”

(Crowd cheers,)

[Frank Gannucci]

Ralph Kramden, a NY NBA fan? (Part 6) (The NY Knicks win the Eastern Conference Quarterfinals, 4 games to 2, by beating the Detroit Pistons 116-113.)

(Ralph just watched the game at home.)

Ralph (yells): “YES, THE KNICKS WON THE ROUND. THEY BEAT DETROIT.”

Alice: “All right Ralph! Put down the vodka.”

Ralph: “That means that I won’t get the dunk tank treatment and Garrity will.”

(Ed comes down.)

Ed: “Hey Ralph-ie boy! The Knicks will face the Celtics next week.”

Ralph: “Too bad it’s not the Magic.”

Ed: “We would’ve traveled to Orlando just to meet Mickey Mouse.”

Ralph: “It also means that Garrit will be dunked in the dunk tank.”

Ed: “Uh Raloh, the deal was that if the Knicks WON the NBA TITLE, Garrity would be dunked and if the Knicks lose, YOU would be dunked.”

Alice: “You were saying Ralph.”

Ralph: “Well, the Knicks are 25 percent there. They would win it all. I’m not sitting on a dunk tank.”

Alice: “You would break the seat.”

(Ed laughs.)

(Ralph goes to the window and sticks his head out.)

Ralph (yells): “GARRITY, GET SET TO GET WET. THE KNICKS WILL WIN IT ALL. YOU BIG MOUTH.”

(Garrity douses Raloh with water. Alice and Ed laugh.)

Ralph (yells): “SHUT UP!”

(A still drenched Jackie walks on stage and crowd cheers.)

Jackie: “Thank you. GOOD NIGHT!”

(Crowd cheers.)

[Frank Gannucci]

Ralph Kramden, a NY NBA fan? (Part 7) (The NY Knicks beat the Boston Celtics 108-106.)

(Ralph & Ed just watched the game at Fascination Bar & Grill.)

Ed: “What an exciting game Ralph. The Knicks got first blood.”

Ralph: “In overtime and in Boston no less. That means they can win the series at home.”

Ed: “They certainly need to win game 2 on Wednesday.”

Ralph: “Yes otherwise this win would be meaningless.”

Ed: “I agree.”

Ralph; “The Knicks haven’t won an NBA title in 52 years. I remember watching the movie Crooklyn which was based on 1973 Brooklyn. The movie was made in 1994. 21 year difference. It is now 31 years from 1994. Feel old yet?”

Ed: “I do.”

Ralph: “It’s by time that the kids see a NY Knick title win.”

Ed: “We are such sweet kids. You Ralph, are a big Knick fan. You are probably the BIGGEST Knick fan.”

(They sing a song about the kids seeing a NY Knick title win.)

(Jackie walks on stage. Crowd cheers.)

Jackie: “Thank you. GOOD NIGHT!”

(Crowd cheers.)

[Frank Gannucci]

Ralph Kramden, a NY NBA fan? (Part 8) (The NY Knicks beat the Boston Celtics 91-90.)

(Ralph comes home all happy.)

Ralph (yells): “ALICE! ALICE!”

Alice: “Your Knicks won?”

Ralph: “You betcha. The Knicks have got a two game advantage going onto their home turf. The Celtics are in real trouble.”

Alice: “The Celtics are down but they are NOT OUT.”

Ralph: “What are you talking about Alice? That series win is a lock.”

Alice: “Remember, I think you said that the Yankees ALCS series win was a lock after the Yankees won the first three games against Boston. Look what happened.”

Ralph: “That was a fluke.”

Ed: “Hey Ralph-ie boy. Those Knicks have the series won. They are practically in the third round now. Let’s go out and tell the news.”

(They do and they come back hours later sporting huge black eyes.)

Ralph (yells): “I HAVE A BIIIIIIG MOUTH.”

(Jackie walks on stage. Crowd cheers.)

Jackie: “The Miami Beach crowds are the BEST! GOOD NIGHT!”

(Crowd cheers.)

[Frank Gannucci]

Ralph Kramden, a NY NBA fan? (Part 9) (The Boston Celtics beat the NY Knicks 115-93.)

(Ralph is sitting on the stoop of 328 Chauncey Street. Ed joins him.)

Ed: “What a bad game Ralph. The Knicks blew it.”

Ralph: “They certainly did Norton.”

Ed: “At least they have a one game lead.”

Ralph: “Yes but tomorrow, I have to deal with Alice’s mother who is gonna run it in my face that the Knicks lost. Oh boy. I would like to belt her.”

Ed: “I have to deal with a Celtics fan in the sewer who is gonna wash it in my face that the Knicks lost.”

(Ralph rolls his eyes.)

Ralph: “Norton, you are a character. You come up with all of these sewer references.”

Ed: “They hold water.”

(Ralph rolls his eyes.)

Ed: “But the Knicks will have luck on their side. You got to have luck.”

Ralph: “You do.”

(They sing a song about luck.)

(Jackie walks on stage. Crowd cheers.)

Jackie: “Thank you. GOOD NIGHT!”

(Crowd cheers.)

[Frank Gannucci]

Ralph Kramden, a NY NBA fan? (Part 10) (The NY Knicks beat the Boston Celtics 121-113.)

(Ralph & Ed just walked into the subway station.)

Ralph (yells): “THE KNICKS RULE!”

Ed (yells): “I AGREE!”

Ralph (yells): “THEY REALLY SHOWED THE CELTICS.”

Ed (yells): “THE CELTICS ARE SCREWED.”

Man (yells): “HEY MAN, SHUT UP.”

Ralph (yells): “IT IS NEW YORK’S NIGHT TO HOWL. THE KNICKS ARE IN THEIR WAY TO WINNING THE NBA TITLE.”

Ed (yells): “YOU CAN BET ON IT.”

Man (yells): “IF YOU TWO DO NOT SHUT UP, ME AND MY GANG WILL ROUGH YOU UP. I JUST WANT TO RILE UP THE PHILLSBURY DOUGH BOY HERE.”

(Ed laughs.)

Ralph (yells): “SHUT UP NORTON.”

Man (yells): “YOU WANNA FIGHT?”

Ralph (yells): “WE WILL. I ONCE KNOCKED OUT A GUY BIGGER THAN HARVEY THE POOL HUSTLER.”

Ed (yells): “WITH RALPH’S WEIGHT, WE HAVE THE WEIGHT ADVANTAGE.”

(Hours later, the wives take the battered husbands home. They heard the whole story.)

Alice: “You two idiots got destroyed and bloodied within a few seconds due to you and your big mouths. What do you gotta say?”

Ralph (yells): “WE GOT BIIIIG MOUTHS.”

(Jackie walks on stage. Crowd cheers.)

Jackie: “Thank you. How sweet it is.”

(Crowd cheers.)

Jackie: “All that yelling hurts your voice. Hehehe. The Miami Beach crowds are the BEST! GOOD NIGHT!”

(Crowd cheers.)

[Frank Gannucci]

Ralph Kramden, a NY NBA fan? (Part 11) (The Boston Celtics beat the NY Knicks 127-102.)

(Ralph is gonna go to bed in the Kramdens bedroom.)

Ralph: “What a lousy game. The Knicks got owned.”

Alice: “Ralph, will you stop talking about the game? The Knicks still have a chance to win.”

Ralph: “I just hsve a feeling that the Knicks will collapse. I am still thinking about the Yankees loosing the 2004 ALCS after winning the first three games. They lost the series against the Red Sox.”

Alice: “Don’t harp on the negatives Ralph. Look at the plate half full.”

Ralph: “You are right.”

(Ed comes down the fire escape and enters.)

Ed: “Whaddaya say Kramdens? I hope the Knicks win it all Ralph. They could easily lose the following two games. What do you think?”

Ralph (yells): “COME ON NORTON! PUT ‘EM UP!”

(Ralph chases after Ed on the fire escape. The fire escape breaks and Ralph falls. A splash is heard.)

Ed (from upstairs, yells): “GOOD THING YOU LANDED IN THAT MAKESHIFT SWIMMING POOL THAT IS FOR THE KIDS IN HERE. THEY MAY THINK YOU ARE A WHALE.”

(Jackie walks on stage. Crowd cheers.)

Jackie: “Thank you. GOOD NIGHT!”

(Crowd cheers.)

[Frank Gannucci]

Ralph Kramden, a NY NBA fan? (Part 12) (The NY Knicks won the Eastern Conference Quarterfinals, 4 games to 2, by beating the Boston Celtics 119-81.)

(Ralph & Ed just listened to the game on radio on the front step of the apartment building.)

Ed: “119-81. That wasn’t a blitz. That was a BLOUTZ.”

Ralph: “You can say that again Norton. The Knicks ADVANCED. Now they are gonna play either Indianapolis or Cleveland.”

Ed: “If Cleveland advances, I wonder if Drew Carey will be pulling for them. I wonder what he determines what the RIGHT PRICE will be for tickets.”

(Both laugh.)

Ralph: “This reminds me of the 1994 movie Crooklyn that was set in 1973 Brooklyn. A 21 year difference. It is now a 31 difference between 2025 and 1994. Man do I feel old.”

Ed: “I remember one seen when a bunch of boys are on a little girls stoop and she poured a bucket of hot water on one of the boys.”

Ralph: “That boy yelled and ran off. Well, we know that Garrity will be steaming.”

(Garrity, ftom upstairs, pours a bucket of hot water over Ralph.)

Ralph (yells): “ARRRRRRRRGGGH! OWWWWW!”

(Ralph runs away.)

Garrity (yells): “SHUT UP ABOUT THE KNICKS.”

Ed: “I didn’t think Ralph can ran that fast. A big elephant can run faster than him.”

(A still wet Jackie walks on stage. Crowd cheers.)

Jackie: “Thank you. GOOD NIGHT!”

(Crowd cheers.)

[Frank Gannucci]

Ralph Kramden, a NY NBA fan (Part 13) (The Indiana Pacers beat the NY Knicks 138-135.)

(Ralph and Ed come in all angry. Raloh slams the door.)

Alice: “Ralph, it’s 12a.”

Ralph: “I don’t care. The Knicks were robbed.”

Ed: “The Pacers were winners at the end of regulation. That Pacers player hit a 2-pointer and his foot did not touch the 2 point line and it counted.”

Ralph: “Yes, that took the wind out of the Knicks sails. It was a real travesty that those BUM referees were so biased. I’ll show you what happened Alice.”

(Ralph goes to the window and draws a line.)

Ralph: “This line is the two point line. His foot was not touching it. He jumped and made the shot.”

(Ralph jumps and falls through the floor.)

Ralph (yells): “DUOOOOOOOOOOO!”

(Crash!)

Alice (yells): “RALPH, ARE YOU ALL RIGHT?”

Ed (yells): “RALPH, I AM SURPRISED THAT YOU DID NOT FALL INTO THE SEWER.”

Ralph (from below, yells): “OH, YOU ARE GONNA GET IT NORTON.”

(Jackie walks on stage. Crowd cheers.)

Jackie: “Thank you. GOOD NIGHT!”

(Crowd cheers.)

[Frank Gannucci]

Ralph Kramden, a NY NBA fan? (Part 14) (The Indiana Pacers beat the NY Knicks 114-109.)

(Ralph & Ed just watched the game from the Raccoon Lodge.)

Ralph: “What a lousy game. Now the Knicks are down by TWO games.”

Ed: “What beasts are the Pacers?”

(Freddie Muller comes by.)

Fred: “I see that the Knicks lost.”

Ralph: “You got that right Fred. I sooo wish that the Knicks came back and win.”

Fred: “The Knicks are down…but NOT OUT.”

Ed: “He’s right Ralph. The Knicks are knocked down but everyone who gets knocked down unless they are dead or seriously hurt can come back.”

Ralph: “You are right Norton.”

Ed: “Also unless they are you because when you get knocked down, you can’t get up.”

Ralph (yells ): “LETS GO NORTON. FIGHT!”

(Everyone tries to separate them.)

(Jackie walks on stage. Crowd cheers.)

Jackie: “Thank you. The Miami Beach crowds are the BEST! GOOD NIGHT!”

(Crowd cheers.)