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Freakshow
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Forum Icon Join Date: Feb 01, 2008
Location: Brooklyn, NY
Posts: 56,951
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Wild Wild West (1999)
Not even a slammin’ theme song could save this wacky Will Smith Western, a manic parade of spider robots and… well, that’s all you really need to know. Baywatch (2017) No one would ever accuse the original syndicated lifeguard drama of being “smart”, but it still deserved better than the sheer stupidity of this big-screen adaptation. Sure, there was plenty of skin to go around — which probably contributed to the film’s box-office success — but no one was surprised by its five Razzie Award nominations, including one for Worst Movie. Dudley Do-Right (1999) Whereas 2000’s The Adventures of Rocky & Bullwinkle successfully catapulted its decades-old characters into the modern era, Brendan Fraser’s titular Mountie didn’t have quite as smooth a transition. Then again, when does anything go smoothly for that lovable dolt? Masters of the Universe (1987) Though it’s managed to achieve cult status in the decades since its initial release, this Dolph Lundgren-fronted epic was largely considered to be all style and no substance. Dubbed a “Conan–Star Wars hybrid ripoff” by Variety, the movie was panned overall as a “colossal bore.” The Brady Bunch in the White House (2002) The Brady Bunch Movie (1995) and A Very Brady Sequel (1996) will forever be remembered as spot-on parodies of the beloved family sitcom. That’s what made this third installment — for which only Gary Cole and Shelley Long returned to reprise their roles as Mike and Carol Brady — such a disappointment. That said, “President Mike Brady” doesn’t sound quite as ridiculous as it might have, say, four years ago? Fantasy Island (2020) Given the supernatural storylines in the original Aaron Spelling drama — about a private island where invited guests’ fantasies come at… a price! — it made perfect sense for Blumhouse to adapt the title into a horror movie. At least in theory. The finished product was a convoluted mess of thin storylines and cheap scares. Dragonball Evolution (2009) Whitewashed casting, a lackluster script and a reckless disregard for its source material rendered this anime-inspired movie completely unwatchable. Not even the "Shameless" combination of Emmy Rossum and Justin Chatwin could salvage this unmitigated disaster. If we ever find ourselves in possession of all seven Dragon Balls, we’ll be sure to wish this movie out of existence. The Dukes of Hazzard (2005) Maybe we were crazy for expecting more out of Jessica Simpson’s big-screen debut, but this adaptation of the classic comedy was simply not the business. Early-2000s staples Johnny Knoxville (Jackass) and Seann William Scott (American Pie) did what they could as the Duke boys, but outside of a few high-speed chase sequences, there was very little fun to be had. (At least The General Lee got a few more miles on it!) The Honeymooners (2005) We love the idea of reframing this iconic sitcom from a more diverse perspective. And the casting — Cedric the Entertainer, Mike Epps, Gabrielle Union and Regina Hall — was unquestionably inspired. If only these powerhouse comedians had been given material worthy of their talents. My Favorite Martian (1999) Whatever charm the original series had was lost in this emotionless (yet surprisingly star-studded!) modernization, courtesy of the House of Mouse. “Loud, busy and altogether pointless!” Variety raved at the time. Ćon Flux (2005) Charlize Theron starred in this live-action adaptation of Peter Chung’s popular action ‘toon, though the original creator wasn’t involved in the film’s production. Let’s just hear what he has to say, shall we? “The movie is a travesty,” he said in an interview. “I was unhappy when I read the script four years ago; seeing it projected larger than life in a crowded theatre made me feel helpless, humiliated and sad.” The Avengers (1998) Uma Thurman and Ralph Fiennes starred in this poorly reviewed big-screen reboot of the long-running British spy drama, whose original cast included the late Diana Rigg (Game of Thrones’ Lady Olenna). In addition to “lackluster” performances from it stars, the film was also harshly criticized for failing to update the source material in any meaningful way. The Last Airbender (2010) Fans of Nickelodeon’s "Avatar: The Last Airbender" were thrilled — then subsequently horrified — by the idea of the beloved animated series getting the live-action treatment. Uninspired dialogue, unnecessary story alterations and questionable performances were among the film’s most egregious sins. As far as live adaptations are concerned, The Last Airbender was such a hard swing and miss, it actually makes Dragonball Evolution and Ćon Flux feel like home runs. The Mod Squad (1999) This big-screen adaptation of ABC’s classic crime drama was slammed by Variety as “one of the lamest films [MGM] ever has foisted upon the world.” Claire Danes, Giovanni Ribisi and Omar Epps filled in for the TV series’ crimefighting trio, but they were no match for an uninspired script. McHale's Navy (1997) Tom Arnold assumed the role of Lt. Commander Quinton McHale in this ill-conceived military action comedy, which also starred the likes of David Alan Grier, Debra Messing and Tim Curry. Heck, even original series star Ernest Borgnine agreed to appear, officially giving the film his blessing. But that blessing wasn’t enough, apparently. Here’s what producer Sidney Sheinberg said of the film in 1997: “McHale’s Navy was a disaster. I’m not pretending it wasn’t a disaster.” https://tvline.com/lists/worst-movie.../mchales-navy/ |
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