Ralph Kramden, a NY MLB fan? (Part 1) (2024)

[Frank Gannucci]

(The NY Mets beat the Milwaukee Brewers 8-4.)

(Ralph & Ed just watched the game from Target.)

Ed: “That was a sweet game Ralph-ie boy.”

Ralph: “That is true Norton. The Mets did the impossible. They are now one game away from advancing.”

Ed: “They are in Milwaukee.”

Ralph: “I remember when we had the Raccoon National Convention in Milwaukee. Alice was so concerned that I wasn’t going to be able to handle my liquor.”

Ed: “Yes, I remember you attempting to play a pizza pie on the record player.”

(People are startled.)

(Ralph elbows Ed.)

Ralph: “Ain’t he a scream when he is kidding around?” (To Ed, whispers): “I would like to belt you right in the mouth.”

Ed: “Well, maybe we can have a subway World Series after the Yankees win their series.”

Ralph: “I certainly wouldn’t mind it.”

(They both sing a song about a subway World Series.)

(Jackie walks on stage. Crowd cheers.)

Jackie: “Ladies and gentlemen, Art Carney.”

(Crowd cheers as Art comes on stage and shakes Jackie’s hand.)

Jackie: “Good night everyone.”

(Crowd cheers.)

[Frank Gannucci]

Ralph Kramden, a NY MLB fan? (Part 2) (The Milwaukee Brewers beat the NY Mets 5-3.)

(Ralph is sitting at the kitchen table moping.)

(Ed comes down.)

Ed: “The Mets blew a chance at a sweep.”

Ralph: “Now, they have to play one more game. They could’ve taken advantage but they blew it. Now, the chances of us getting a Subway series is getting less.”

Ed: “I understand that you want a Subway series but I don’t.”

Ralph: “Why not?”

Ed: “The 2000 Subway series at the time was the lowest rated series ever because no one outside of NYC cared. Not even the people in Miami Beach.”

(Crowd cheers.)

Ralph: “I want one.”

Ed: “I know of an easier way to get one and you will like it.”

Ralph: “What is it?”

Ed: “Go to Subway and order seven footlong sandwiches for your dinner.”

Ralph (yells): “GET OUT! GEEEEEEET OUT!”

(Ed leaves.)

(Jackie walks on stage. Crowd cheers.)

Jackie: “The Miami Beach crowds are the BEST! GOOD NIGHT!”

(Crowd cheers.)

[Frank Gannucci]

Ralph Kramden, a NY MLB fan? (Part 3) (The NY Mets won the NL Wild Card, 2 games to 3, by beating the Milwaukee Brewers 4-2.)

(Ralph & Ed are celebrating in the Kramden apartment.)

Ed (yells): “THE METS WON RALPH-IE BOY!”

Ralph (as Reggie Van Gleason III, yells): “THEY CAME MMMMMMMMMBACK.”

Ed: “Now they face the Philadelphia Phillies and hopefully they will cream them.”

Ralph: “Yes, I agree.”

(Alice comes out.)

Alice: “I take it that the Mets won.”

Ralph: “You got that Ralph. Tonight, is my night to howl.”

Ed: “Time to spread the word.”

Ralph: “You got that right Ed.”

Alice: “Ralph, what are you gonna do?”

Ralph: “You’ll see.”

(Ralph goes to the window, opens it and sticks his head out.)

Ralph (yells): “LETS CELEBRATE! THE METS WON!”

All (from outside, yell): “SHUT UP KRAMDEN!”

Ralph (yells): “ALL RIGHT!”

(Ralph & Ed go outside. Hours later, Ralph comes back with two black eyes.)

Ralph (yells): “I GOT A BIIIIIIG MOUTH!”

(Jackie walks on stage. Crowd cheers.)

Jackie: “Thank you. GOOD NIGHT!”

(Crowd cheers.)

[Frank Gannucci]

Ralph Kramden, a NY MLB fan? (Part 4) (The NY Mets beat the Philadelphia Phillies 6-2.)

(Ralph & Ed are on the subway listening to the radio broadcast. They are celebrating along with the rest of the patrons.)

Ed (yells): “THOSE METS WON AGAIN!”

Ralph (yells): “YOU GOTTA BELIEVE.”

Man (yells): “YOU CAN SAY THAT AGAIN MAN!”

Ralph: “With the Mets winning, they can win the World Series. Either them or the Yankees.”

Man: “How about a Subway World Series?”

Ralph: “That would be great. I would love a Subway…” (to Ed): “Don’t you dare say it.”

Man: “It does look like you would eat a million subway sandwiches.”

(Ed laughs.)

Ralph (yells): “ALL RIGHT! LETS GO!”

(A big huge brawl develops in the Subway. Later on, Cops come and arrest Ralph. Alice later bails him out.)

Alice: “What do you got to say for yourself?”

Ralph: “I got a BIIIIG mouth.”

(Jackie walks on stage. Crowd cheers.)

Jackie: “Thank you. GOOD NIGHT!”

(Crowd cheers.)

[Frank Gannucci]

Ralph Kramden, a NY MLB fan? (Part 5) (The NY Yankees beat the KC Royals 6-5.)

(Ralph meets Ed by the doorstep of the building.)

Ralph: “The Yanks beat the Royals last night Royally.”

(Ralph laughs.)

Ed: “They certainly made the Royals look like court jesters.”

(Ralph laughs.)

Ralph: “The Yankees are going to show the Royals that they are the Kings of their castle. Kings Norton! They rule their kingdom. The Royals are nothing more than lowly privates.”

Ed: “You always say that you are the King of your castle Ralph.”

Ralph: “Yes I do.”

Ed: “But with your reputation, in the eyes of many people, you are the court jester.”

Ralph (yells): “OK NORTON! LETS GO! PUT ‘EM UP!”

(Ed runs away from Ralph.)

(Jackie walks on stage. Crowd cheers.)

Jackie: “The Miami Beach crowds are the BEST! GOOD NIGHT!”

(Crowd cheers.)

[Frank Gannucci]

Ralph Kramden, a NY MLB fan? (Part 6) (The Philadelphia Phillies beat the NY Mets 7-6.)

(Ralph comes home all upset.)

Alice: “Hello Ralph! I understand that your Mets lost.”

Ralph: “Don’t rub it in Alice. I wanted another Subway World Series.”

Alice: “Just so you can order a million $5 footlongs?”

Ralph: “Ooooh, you’re a riot Alice. A regular riot. You’re just like Norton with all the fat jokes.”

Alice: “Ralph, the Mets and Phillies are tied at one game a piece. There is still a chance.”

(Ed comes down and blows his nose out of sadness.)

Ed: “It was a dark, dark day Alice. The Mets lost. I think that Ralph is upset.”

Ralph: “Youre so right. But I think that every New Yorker wants a Subway World Series.”

Ed: “Except for me. Think of the lack of TV ratings.”

Ralph: “Oh shut up. That reminds me. Garrity doesn’t want one too.”

(Ralph goes to the window and sticks his head out.)

Ralph (yells): “GARRITY, WE ARE GETTING A SUBWAY WORLD SERIES. I WANT ONE.”

Garrity (from upstairs, yells): “SO YOU CAN EAT A MILLION $5 FOOTLONGS?”

(People outside laugh. So does Ed.)

Ralph (yells): “GET OUT!”

(Ed leaves.)

(Jackie walks on stage. Crowd cheers.)

Jackie: “Thank you. GOOD NIGHT!”

(Crowd cheers.)

[Frank Gannucci]

(The KC Royals beat the NY Yankees 4-2.)

(Ralph just watched the game on TV in Ralph’s apartment with Ed.)

Ralph: “What a lousy game Ed.”

(Ed blows his nose out of sadness.)

Ed: “That’s true Ralph. Now the series is tied.”

Ralph: “The nerve of the other team calling themselves the Royals. Har-har-hardee-har-har. They know nothing about being Royal. They are not a king like me Norton. I’m the king of my castle.”

Ed: “Yes. I know of what restaurant a person like you would eat at.”

Ralph: “Which one?”

Ed: “Burger King. I think you would set the record for eating the most whoppers in a single sitting.”

Ralph (yells): “GET OUT!”

Ed (yells): “YOU RULE.”

(Ed leaves.)

(Jackie walks on stage. Crowd cheers.)

Jackie (yells): “GOOD NIGHT EVERYONE.”

(Crowd cheers.)

[Frank Gannucci]

Ralph Kramden, a NY MLB fan? (Part 8) (The NY Mets beat the Philadelphia Phillies 7-2.)

(Ralph & Ed come home.)

Ed (yells): “WHAT A GAME!”

Ralph: “You can say that again.”

(Alice comes out.)

Alice: “Hi boys! I take it the Mets won.”

Ralph: “Yes they did.”

Ed: “You should’ve seen Ralph. He was bursting with joy. With his size, I thought he was gonna get a heart attack.”

Ralph: “Nobody can spoil my mood. The Mets have won and they are one game away from playing a California team. Boy, I can’t wait. Them playing the Padres or the Dodgers.”

Ed: “Especially the Dodgers since they LEFT Brooklyn.”

(Ed cries in hilarious fashion.)

Ralph: “Oh come on Norton. You got to believe that the Mets will win.”

(They all sing: “You Got To Believe.”)

(Jackie walks on stage. Crowd cheers.)

Jackie: “Thank you. The Miami Beach crowds are the BEST! GOOD NIGHT!”

(Crowd cheers.)

[Frank Gannucci]

(The NY Mets win the NLDS, 3 games to 1,by beating the Philadelphia Phillies 4-1.)

(Ralph & Ed just watched the game at a pizzeria.)

Ralph (yells): “YES, THEY DID IT. THEY WON.”

Ed (yells): “IT WAS GREAT. NOW, THE METS CAN GO TO CALIFORNIA.”

Ralph: “Who would’ve thought?”

Ed: “Not me. This is great.”

(Harvey & George come in.)

Ralph: “There’s that BUM Harvey and his pal George.”

(Harvey & George come by.)

Harvey: “I see that your Mets have won. It was a fluke. They will lose in the next round.”

Ralph: “Oh yeah? Well, we will see about that. Come on Norton.”

(Ralph & Ed leave. Behind Harvey & George’s back, Ralph gets a piece of pizza.)

Ralph (whispering to Ed): “Im go8ng to hit Harvey behind his back with this. He won’t know what hit him.”

Ed: “You won’t be able to run away Ralph. Your speed is nowhere near the speed of a roadrunner.”

Ralph: “Don’t start.”

Ed (as Ralph throws the pizza): “Don’t hit Harvey with the pizza Ralph.”

(Harvey turns around and catches Ralph red-handed. A huge pizza fight develops. The two get jailed. Ed goes to bail him out.)

Ed: “Why Ralph did you have to do that?”

Ralph (yells): “OK NORTON! PUT ‘EM UP!”

(Ralph gets jailed,again.)

(Jackie walks on stage. Crowd cheers.)

Jackie: “Thank you.” (yells): “GOOD NIGHT!”

(Crowd cheers.)

[Frank Gannucci]

Ralph Kramden, a NY MLB fan? (Part 10) (The NY Yankees beat the KC Royals 3-2.)

(Ralph meets Ed at his manhole.)

Ralph: “What a Yankee game last night Norton. The Yankees really beat up those Royals.”

Ed: “I heard Ralph. The Yankees are ONE win away from advancing.”

Ralph: “It’s only game 4. The Yankees have a one game advantage. This city needs another subway series. It’s been 24 long years.”

Ed: “Too bad the networks won’t feel the same way.”

Ralph: “That’s just too bad. Who cares if they lose millions of dollars? Who cares if the ratings go down? A million dollars is a mere bag of shells.”

Ed: “That’s right.”

Ralph: “ A million dollars is…is…”

(Ralph faints.)

Ed (yells): “SOMEONE HELP. I NEED TO REVIVE A WHALE.”

(Ed runs away to get help.)

(Jackie walks on stage. Crowd cheers.)

Jackie: “Thank you. Good night everyone.”

(Crowd cheers.)

[Frank Gannucci]

Ralph Kramden, a NY MLB fan? (Part 11) (The NY Yankees won the ALDS, 3 games to 1, by beating the KC Royals 3-1.)

(Ralph & Ed just watched the game from the bowling alley.)

Ed (yells): “ANOTHER YANKEE WIN RALPH.”

Ralph: “With both NY teams in their respective championship series this year, we just may have a Subway series.”

Ed: “I bet that the people at Fox would hate it.”

Ralph: “That is true. But tough luck for them.”

Ed: “Always a compassionate human you are Ralph. You are a sweet kid.”

Ralph: “Boy, I can’t wait to see that Garrity’s face tonight because he was rooting for the Royals. He says that I drive everybody in the building crazy. He’s just jealous that’s all and do you know why because my picture will be in the front page of every paper in the country when either the Mets or the Yankees win. His response was: ‘So will mine for killing you.’”

Ed: “Just think of the rest of North America, they won’t care for this series.”

Ralph: “Except for the people in Miami Beach. They are the greatest crowds in the world.”

(Crowd cheers.)

Ralph: “Whether you like it or not, it’s time for a Subway series.”

(Ralph sings a song about a Subway series.)

(Jackie walks on stage. Crowd cheers.)

Jackie: “Thank you.” (Yells): “GOOD NIGHT!”

(Crowd cheers.)

[Frank Gannucci]

Ralph Kramden, a NY MLB fan? (Part 12) (The LA Dodgers beat the NY Mets 9-0.)

(Ralph & Ed are at Ed’s manhole.)

Ed: “What a BLOUTZ. We lost by nine runs.”

Ralph: “I saw that Pat Sajak was in the crowd. He probably caused our Mets team to spin Bankrupt so to speak. That sneak.”

Ed: “Well, it’s just the first game Ralph. They can still win.”

Ralph: “I know. I just want a Subway World Series. Because of that Pat Sajak, the Mets lost.”

Ed: “I know that when he got into Dodger Stadium to buy something, he didn’t buy a vowel.”

(Pat Sajak enters. Crowd cheers.)

Pat: “Hiya gentlemen. Did you see last nights game?”

Ralph: “Huminahumina. Huminahumina.”

Ed: “Ralph, did you just call this guy a sneak for causing the Mets to lose?”

Pat: “What? I’m glad that you were never on my show when I was hosting. Ryan Seacrest would have you.”

Ralph: “Huminahumina. Huminahumina.”

Pat: “You wanna fight sir?”

(Later on, Ralph & Ed go to the bus depot. Ralph has a black eye from Pat.)

Ed: “You got humiliated by a game show host. Why?”

Ralph (to Ed, yells): “GET OUT! GEEEEEEET OUT!”

(Ed leaves.)

(Jackie walks on stage.)

Jackie: “Ladies and gentlemen, our special guest. Mr. Wheel of Fortune, PAT SAJAK.”

(Crowd cheers as Pat cones on stage and shakes Jackie’s hand.)

Jackie: “And Art Carney.”

(Crowd cheers as Art cones on stage and shakes Jackie’s hand.)

Jackie (yells): “GOOD NIGHT!”

(Crowd cheers.)

[Frank Gannucci]

Ralph Kramden, a NY MLB fan? (Part 13) (The NY Mets beat the LA Dodgers 7-3.)

(Ralph & Ed just watched the game at Fascination Bar & Grill. Ralph is still sporting that black eye due to Pat Sajak punching him out in the previous skit (Part 12) https://www.sitcomsonline.com/boards...d.php?t=475735)

Ralph: “Now the Mets have evened the series. They showed LA who’s the boss. Hahaha!”

Ed: “You got that right Ralph.”

Ralph: “Only seven more wins until NY gets its subway series.”

Ed: “You really want this Ralph.”

Raloh: “So does any smart New Yorker who is a baseball fan.”

Ed: “I don’t want one Ralph.”

Ralph: “I know your reasoning is dumb. It’s because Fox is going to lose ratings. That’s no excuse Norton. I don’t care about ratings.”

Ed: “You would if you were a network executive.”

Ralph: “Yeah, I would but I am not. I am a bus driver. I am a BIG baseball fan.”

(Ed opens his mouth.)

Ralph (yells): “DON’T YOU DARE SAY IT.”

Ed: “I won’t.”

Ralph: “You better not.”

Ed: “I will say that you are a biiig baseball fan who is a bus driver.”

Ralph (yells): “GET OUT! GET OUT!l GEEEEEEEET OUT!”

(Ed leaves.)

(Jackie walks on stage. Crowd cheers.)

Jackie: “The Miami Beach crowds are the BEST! GOOD NIGHT!”

(Crowd cheers.)

[Frank Gannucci]

Ralph Kramden, a NY MLB fan? (Part 14) (The NY Yankees beat the Cleveland Guardians 5-2.)

(Ralph & Ed meet at the Gotham Bus Company.)

Ralph: “Another NY win. The Yankees are now three games away from the World Series.”

Ed: “It looks like Cleveland’s drought of World Series titles will continue.”

Ralph: “They haven’t won a World Series since ‘48.”

Ed: “76 years ago.”

Ralph: “I hope that Joe Fenstablau doesn’t come here and mope.”

(Joe does.)

Joe: “Looks like we may have a Subway series guys. That’s a shame for me.”

Ralph: “I take it that you still are not a fan of our teams.”

Joe: “No I am not. The Yankees have won enough.”

Ed: “They haven’t won a World Series since 2009.”

Ralph: “If the NY teams don’t win, I will be a great loser.”

Joe: “You need to be a good winner and a good loser.”

Ed: “When I beat Ralph at cards, he is always a good loser especially since I have always beat him.”

Ralph (yells): “GET OUT! WILL YOU GET OUT OF HERE!”

(Ed leaves.)

(Jackie walks on stage. Crowd cheers.)

Jackie: “Thank you. GOOD NIGHT!”

(Crowd cheers.)

[Frank Gannucci]

Ralph Kramden, a NY MLB fan? (Part 15) (The NY Yankees beat the Cleveland Guardians 6-3.)

(Ralph & Ed come into the Kramden apartment.)

Ralph (yells): “WHAT A GAME!”

(Alice & Trixie come out.)

Trixie: “I take it that the Yankees won.”

Ed: “You bet they did Trixie. NY just keeps winning.”

Ralph: “Now we are five games away from a Subway series. Now the Mets have to beat the LA Dodgers at home. Those Dodgers are gonna get a rude awakening.”

Ed: “You bet they will.”

Ralph: “I wonder how that Garrity is taking it. I bet he is pulling his hair out. Hahaha!”

Alice: “Ralph, don’t rub it in Garrity’s face.”

Ralph: “Alice, I am not gonna do anything dumb.”

(Later on, Ralph comes home with a pie in the face. Alice greets him.)

Alice: “Ralph, did you rub it in Garrity’s face? If you did, it looks like you had your pie and eat it too.”

Ralph (yells): “DON’T START ALICE!”

(Jackie comes on stage. Crowd cheers.)

Jackie: “Thank you. GOOD NIGHT!”

(Crowd cheers.)