Weird Newspaper headlines - Sitcoms Online Message Boards

Warm & Fuzzy · 09-27-2002, 11:52 PM

Anybody read any weird newspaper headlines lately?

Truth · 09-27-2002, 11:55 PM

No but theres a site that offers weekly weird news stories...

vienna waits · 09-27-2002, 11:57 PM

"Ketchup For Sale"

Cactus Jack · 09-28-2002, 12:00 AM

"Weird Japanese Man Sees Flying Saucer"

TOKYO,Japan 12:00 noon- It was reported today that somewhere in Japan a weird Japanese man saw a huge flying saucer

THe Japanese man said "A hiyahoyahohohohohohohiayhiyahiyahiyahyahyahyahhya" when he saw the saucer.

He was taking an everyday normal walk down his street wlaking through his neighborhood when the blue sky turned draker he siad in a squealy voice "Aaahh" when the caucer came.

It landed near him, and some alieans came out and said "Take me to your leader" and he said "Aaaaaaaaaaaah!" and started running all through the city with the aliens and tehe saucer

That weird Japanese man was taken into the saucer. He still has alien-phobia

Warm & Fuzzy · 09-28-2002, 12:01 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by JWillhight
No but theres a site that offers weekly weird news stories...

Actually.. that's how I got the idea of this topic.

Saw a few on MSN today.

Truth · 09-28-2002, 12:02 AM

http://www.newsoftheweird.com/

Charlie Max · 09-28-2002, 12:07 AM

Here's another website of weird or wacky headlines.

http://tonightshow.msn.com/headlines/

Warm & Fuzzy · 09-28-2002, 12:07 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by JWillhight
http://www.newsoftheweird.com/

The URL itself is cracking me up..

Cactus Jack · 09-28-2002, 12:08 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by Istillgotit
"Weird Japanese Man Sees Flying Saucer"

TOKYO,Japan 12:00 noon- It was reported today that somewhere in Japan a weird Japanese man saw a huge flying saucer

THe Japanese man said "A hiyahoyahohohohohohohiayhiyahiyahiyahyahyahyahhya" when he saw the saucer.

He was taking an everyday normal walk down his street wlaking through his neighborhood when the blue sky turned draker he siad in a squealy voice "Aaahh" when the caucer came.

It landed near him, and some alieans came out and said "Take me to your leader" and he said "Aaaaaaaaaaaah!" and started running all through the city with the aliens and tehe saucer

That weird Japanese man was taken into the saucer. He still has alien-phobia

This sint a real one, I just made it up

Warm & Fuzzy · 09-28-2002, 12:11 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by Istillgotit

This sint a real one, I just made it up

The sentence structure itself gave that away.

Truth · 09-28-2002, 12:14 AM

Istillgotit..... well I bet some UFOlogists would believe that was a real news story

Cactus Jack · 09-28-2002, 12:16 AM

O OKay I was laughing when I read and when I wrote i thoguth it was sooooooo funy for some reason

Cactus Jack · 09-28-2002, 12:18 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by JWillhight
Istillgotit..... well I bet some UFOlogists would believe that was a real news story

Oh really and well get Mulder and Scully to question that weird Japanese man, huh? lol

Plata · 09-28-2002, 05:33 PM

Here's another one from that News Of The Weird site:

aliens

1993 -- Wesley Nunley, 73, recently declared that the $10,000 concrete slab he built on his property near Dallas was open for business as "UFO Landing Base 1." He said it has been a dream of his "for decades" to have aliens land on his property even though the landing pad is located in a quarry and is surrounded by mud much of the year. Nunley's best friend told the Dallas Morning News that Nunley was "a little off."

1993 -- In November, the New York Board of Regents overruled the state health commissioner and declined to revoke the medical license of dermatologist Stephen Kurzweil, even though Kurzweil has said he believes he was marked with a leg scar by aliens operating near the South Pole. Kurzweil also believes that space aliens gave technology to Nazis to use against Jews and that aliens have been answering his office phone. One board member said there was nothing to suggest that any of Dr. Kurzweil's patients were harmed by his "eccentricity."

1996 -- In October, a jury in Tucson, Ariz., found Robert Joseph Moody, 36, guilty of the 1993 murders of two women despite his claim made while acting as his own attorney that space aliens made him commit the crimes. Moody said, "I know it sounds crazy," but said that the aliens promised Moody they would raise him from the dead in the event he were executed. Before the trial, the judge had scratched several UFO experts from Moody's witness list, as well as Barry Goldwater and presidents Jimmy Carter and Gerald Ford.

1994 -- In Las Vegas, Nev., four undocumented aliens were deported to Mexico in July after being turned in by the customer for whom they were installing carpet. The customer was Arthur Strapp, head of the local office of the U.S. Immigration and Naturalization Service (INS). Said Strapp, "Out of 900,000 people in Las Vages, they picked my house." And in March, a Haitian woman who had just landed illegally in St. Croix, the Virgin Islands, was arrested when she hailed what she thought was a taxicab but which turned out to be an official INS car.

1997 -- In August 1996, News of the Weird reported on a group of New York City police officers who had availed themselves of expensive and hokey tax-resistance kits that would allow them to be regarded as nontaxable aliens while still being law-enforcement officers. Six subsequently pleaded guilty, but in January 1997, in the first case to go to trial, Officer Adalberto Miranda testified that he owed no tax because New York was merely a geographic area, not a government entity, and a short ways into his testimony, Miranda took it upon himself to disqualify Federal Judge Denny Chin because Chin seemed "upset," and then to "arrest" Chin from the witness stand and to give Chin his "Miranda (no relation) warning."

1996 -- Chiropractors in the News: In July, the Massachusetts board that regulates chiropractors considered revoking the license of Ronald Goldstein after testimony from former patients that he touched them sexually during examinations, tried to market a hypnosis service for breast enlargement, and talked to them about his having been abducted by space aliens. And in October, Dr. John Schuett, 36, was charged with battery in Waukesha, Wis., after he allegedly ordered a woman into his office, grabbed her, put his mouth over her right eye, sucked on it, stabbed her in the neck with an acupuncture needle, and began reading aloud from the Bible.

http://www.newsoftheweird.com/cgi-bi.../newsweird.cgi

Sitcomwriter · 09-28-2002, 07:46 PM

"Suzanne Somers dies of Breast Cancer"

LOL! Sorry if I scared you there for a moment!

09-27-2002, 11:52 PM	#1
Warm & Fuzzy Member Forum Fanatic Join Date: Feb 02, 2001 Posts: 10,254	Weird Newspaper headlines Anybody read any weird newspaper headlines lately?
	__________________ "To the world, you may be one person, but to one person, you may be the world." ~Unknown

09-27-2002, 11:55 PM	#2
Truth •°·Alien Believer·°• Forum 3000 Club Member Join Date: May 15, 2001 Posts: 3,463	No but theres a site that offers weekly weird news stories...
	__________________ Justin (I am an Alien Believer ) (A Seattle Mariner Fan) (And Down with Spyware!) R.I.P John Ritter

09-27-2002, 11:57 PM	#3
vienna waits avatars are stupid. Forum Superstar Join Date: May 18, 2001 Location: Ravenclaw Common Room Posts: 29,859	"Ketchup For Sale"
	__________________ Me: Did you see Dunkleman in the audience at the finale? Crystal: No! Me: Yeah, that's because he wasn't invited.

09-28-2002, 12:00 AM	#4
Cactus Jack RonFingSwanson Forum Idol Join Date: Dec 09, 2001 Location: Santa Rosa Beach,FL Posts: 103,099	"Weird Japanese Man Sees Flying Saucer" TOKYO,Japan 12:00 noon- It was reported today that somewhere in Japan a weird Japanese man saw a huge flying saucer THe Japanese man said "A hiyahoyahohohohohohohiayhiyahiyahiyahyahyahyahhya" when he saw the saucer. He was taking an everyday normal walk down his street wlaking through his neighborhood when the blue sky turned draker he siad in a squealy voice "Aaahh" when the caucer came. It landed near him, and some alieans came out and said "Take me to your leader" and he said "Aaaaaaaaaaaah!" and started running all through the city with the aliens and tehe saucer That weird Japanese man was taken into the saucer. He still has alien-phobia
	__________________ Id Love to help you Tracy, but I cant have sex with a black guy, Id lose my endorsement deal with NASCAR-Jenna Maroney,30 Rock April 17,2009 9:02 PM : 100,000th post!

09-28-2002, 12:07 AM	#7
Charlie Max Say it with Music Frequent Poster Join Date: Jul 07, 2002 Location: In the Northwest Mountains Posts: 263	Here's another website of weird or wacky headlines. http://tonightshow.msn.com/headlines/
	__________________ "Music is the art of thinking with sounds." ~Jules Combarieu~

09-28-2002, 12:02 AM	#6
Truth •°·Alien Believer·°• Forum 3000 Club Member Join Date: May 15, 2001 Posts: 3,463	http://www.newsoftheweird.com/

09-28-2002, 12:14 AM	#11
Truth •°·Alien Believer·°• Forum 3000 Club Member Join Date: May 15, 2001 Posts: 3,463	Istillgotit..... well I bet some UFOlogists would believe that was a real news story

09-28-2002, 12:16 AM	#12
Cactus Jack RonFingSwanson Forum Idol Join Date: Dec 09, 2001 Location: Santa Rosa Beach,FL Posts: 103,099	O OKay I was laughing when I read and when I wrote i thoguth it was sooooooo funy for some reason

09-28-2002, 05:33 PM	#14
Plata Member Senior Member Join Date: May 16, 2001 Location: Regina,Saskatchewan, Canada Posts: 1,201	Here's another one from that News Of The Weird site: aliens 1993 -- Wesley Nunley, 73, recently declared that the $10,000 concrete slab he built on his property near Dallas was open for business as "UFO Landing Base 1." He said it has been a dream of his "for decades" to have aliens land on his property even though the landing pad is located in a quarry and is surrounded by mud much of the year. Nunley's best friend told the Dallas Morning News that Nunley was "a little off." 1993 -- In November, the New York Board of Regents overruled the state health commissioner and declined to revoke the medical license of dermatologist Stephen Kurzweil, even though Kurzweil has said he believes he was marked with a leg scar by aliens operating near the South Pole. Kurzweil also believes that space aliens gave technology to Nazis to use against Jews and that aliens have been answering his office phone. One board member said there was nothing to suggest that any of Dr. Kurzweil's patients were harmed by his "eccentricity." 1996 -- In October, a jury in Tucson, Ariz., found Robert Joseph Moody, 36, guilty of the 1993 murders of two women despite his claim made while acting as his own attorney that space aliens made him commit the crimes. Moody said, "I know it sounds crazy," but said that the aliens promised Moody they would raise him from the dead in the event he were executed. Before the trial, the judge had scratched several UFO experts from Moody's witness list, as well as Barry Goldwater and presidents Jimmy Carter and Gerald Ford. 1994 -- In Las Vegas, Nev., four undocumented aliens were deported to Mexico in July after being turned in by the customer for whom they were installing carpet. The customer was Arthur Strapp, head of the local office of the U.S. Immigration and Naturalization Service (INS). Said Strapp, "Out of 900,000 people in Las Vages, they picked my house." And in March, a Haitian woman who had just landed illegally in St. Croix, the Virgin Islands, was arrested when she hailed what she thought was a taxicab but which turned out to be an official INS car. 1997 -- In August 1996, News of the Weird reported on a group of New York City police officers who had availed themselves of expensive and hokey tax-resistance kits that would allow them to be regarded as nontaxable aliens while still being law-enforcement officers. Six subsequently pleaded guilty, but in January 1997, in the first case to go to trial, Officer Adalberto Miranda testified that he owed no tax because New York was merely a geographic area, not a government entity, and a short ways into his testimony, Miranda took it upon himself to disqualify Federal Judge Denny Chin because Chin seemed "upset," and then to "arrest" Chin from the witness stand and to give Chin his "Miranda (no relation) warning." 1996 -- Chiropractors in the News: In July, the Massachusetts board that regulates chiropractors considered revoking the license of Ronald Goldstein after testimony from former patients that he touched them sexually during examinations, tried to market a hypnosis service for breast enlargement, and talked to them about his having been abducted by space aliens. And in October, Dr. John Schuett, 36, was charged with battery in Waukesha, Wis., after he allegedly ordered a woman into his office, grabbed her, put his mouth over her right eye, sucked on it, stabbed her in the neck with an acupuncture needle, and began reading aloud from the Bible. http://www.newsoftheweird.com/cgi-bi.../newsweird.cgi

09-28-2002, 07:46 PM	#15
Sitcomwriter Member Forum Veteran Join Date: Feb 27, 2001 Posts: 7,356	"Suzanne Somers dies of Breast Cancer" LOL! Sorry if I scared you there for a moment!