Wanted: ADVICE

[ISmellFine]

I have a problem, but I'm not sure what to do about it. My problem is, my school is so small. There are about 150 students in grades 6-12, so that means about 26 in my grade (10th). In my class, there are 3 basic groups: Preppy, Cheerleaders, and...well...the Dorks. I'm not a prep because I don't act snotty and wear A&F, I'm not a cheerleader because...well, I'm not all hyper, bouncy, blonde and outgoing, and I'm not a dork because I don't wear glasses and pocket protectors...I'm just me. Jeans, funky t-shirts, tennis shoes and some funky bracelets. I'm not a loudmouth, either. My mom said, "Basically, if you're not a loud mouth, people forget about you."...so, needless to say, I'm left out of everything. It didn't use to be that way. I use to have a best friend, but she became a cheerleader and decided she didn't have time for me anymore, when I was the one who was there for her when her other friends ditched her, I was the one who took her in...I know that sounds selfish, and it probably is. I don't know if I should just change schools, or just try to be friends with some of them. But if they don't like me for who I am, then they're not going to want to be my friend. My mom said I could switch schools, and I'm beginning to think it's a good idea. But I'm scared that if I do, I'll be too shy to say anything, and then I'll still be without friends.

...help?

[vienna waits]

I think maybe you should switch to public school... you could meet so many more people that way. I can't believe you only have like 26 ppl in your class.. mine has 550!! But I think it would be hard too to make friends with only 26 people.

[Warm & Fuzzy]

Well, I'm not gonna try to sound like some counselor, or anything, but it really doesn't matter what others think of you; although that's what you might think.

If you change schools, you may encounter even more problems than just fitting in.. There are countless others. Plus, school just started; why not give it some more time? Pretty soon, you’ll find some friends. Someone else may be feeling the same way you are. I’m sure it isn’t just you.

[InspectorExstead]

Well, sorry about your best friend. I know what you're talking about.

Like Jenny said, it doesn't matter what ppl think of you. But, if you're not comfortable, then maybe you should switch. Why don't you give it a couple of more days and then if you really can't stand it another day, then switch. like jeff said, if you switch to public you'll meet new friends.

[Swimfan85]

just trying talking to ones that seem a little cool and try to befriend them or when tv starts again be like "did anyone catch that ER?" and try and talk bout common interest if you really wanted to switch to public, its a lot different...but there you would sure to make plenty friends because their are so many induviduals and everyone has friends...if all else fails get a pocketprotector!!!!!!!!!!

[AllIWantIsYourClutch]

Originally posted by Maura Tierney
I use to have a best friend, but she became a cheerleader and decided she didn't have time for me anymore

That's exactly what happened to me...


Anywayz...start your own group! Be the jeans-funky t-shirts-tennis shoes-funky bracelets group!

[ks]

Yeah, start your own group, Mac 'N Cheese...be your own person.











ks

[TibbyTibby2]

be yourself!

[MrsGarrettRocksMySocks]

at least you have net friends!

Besides, sometimes, like what happened with me this year, kids will come over from other schools, and not be in any 'group.' I don't really have a group because the people i hang out with (with the exception of the new kids that just came to the school) all hate each other...it's like a mutal thing..we all hate each other...but we hang out together, cause...we dont' fit into a "group" but now, with the kids from the other school, I'm finding some friends...give it time...it'll be aight...All else fails...become a loud mouth...lol...it's not that difficult...drum majors do it all the time!

[Kay Scarpetta]

Well I had the same problem as you and I switched to public school. I went to a private one but.... trust me. You might make more friends if you switch to public

[Blair85]

Try to do whatever makes u happy. Whatever your gut feeling is. If you have the option to go to another school, & u wanna go, try it out. You'd probably eventually get used to it, & not be shy, & at the school you are now, there's not much of a variety of people for ya. You could try to befriend them, but a lot of people that age have already got their "groups" & the friends they want, & there's no reason for u to have to bend over backwards to get in w/ people u don't really have anything in common with. Are u on jr. high or high school? It sucks that u have to deal w/ this kind of thing in school when u should be having fun. Well, like at my school (more in jr. high) there were basically 3 groups-the preps, skaters (most everyone called them skanks), & hillbillys. Well, I don't fit in any of those groups (U all would probably think I'm a hillbilly lol) so, I just mingle w/ everyone, but there's about 400 students in my high school, but still there's not much of a variety. and blah, blah, blah

[Hollow]

-

[DarleneIllyria]

This has to be one of those gut instincts category. If things are really bad at the school you go to, and you think that transferring would be the best thing to do- go with the gut instinct.

However, if you do decide to stick it out for awhile- don't change for them. Just be yourself. People will see you more as a person instead of a follower. I had those all in my school. I was a follower in middle school, and I just got sick of it. In high school, I branched out on my own and did my own thing. I was more comfortable doing that, and just hanging out with the people that I came across that had the same interests as I did.

Believe me, I was painfully shy when I was younger. As I got older, I kind of came out of my shell a bit more than usual. It only takes a few seconds to strike up a conversation. It could be something as simple as "Your shoes look cool. Where did you get them?" I think during my high school years, I got a bit bolder. I was friendly to any certain group, and just ignored the people that pissed me off.

Whatever decision you make, I wish you luck on it.

Edited- I still wouldn't recommend changing yourself in order to make friends. That's a bad way to go. I did that myself, and I was miserable the whole time. Be yourself.

People probably saw me as a hippie or something because I liked older stuff and dressed like a hippie. I can verify that we didn't have too many of those in the school. Be yourself. Don't change for anybody.

[Titania]

Originally posted by ~°~RockAngel89~°~
Last year the only ppl i fitted in with were the 8th grade boys.

Boy can I relate to that one...like my best friends have always been "the guys", i totally cant relate to the girls at my school since 98% of them fit into the catagories of: the cheerleaders, the prissy wimps, the athetes, the dorks. Im not into team sports, I despise cheerleaders, the dorks i just dont belong with, and the rest of the girls i shocked to death because i say whats on my mind and am not going to spend my life waiting for mr. football player to ask me out. Since the time I decided to stop faking it and really been myself Ive switched groups of friends quite a bit but you really do learn who your real friends are and that you dont have to give yourself a label.

Dont change yourself to fit in. Its better to be a loner or have a few close friends than to have a ton of friends who think you're something you arent.
A bigger school might make things easier and give you the feeling of a fresh start but really thats your choice.
As for the loud mouth thing, as a self-proclaimed loud mouth a dont know how much help ill be.....but you dont have to be "a loudmouth" just dont be afraid to talk to people or try to blend in because thats the easiest way to be left behind.

good luck w/ everything!!!!

[Bootsy Whoosh]

Having been in both situations, the one you are currently facing, and the one you are considering, I'm hoping that maybe I can offer you an "insider" perspective, since I've been there, done that.

The single best advice I can give you would be an echo of what most everyone here has said: do not change yourself to fit in. You WILL find your niche, even if it isn't anytime soon, which it may not be.

I went to a small Catholic school from K-8th grade. There were only about 60 kids in my class (still a far cry from only 26 though!) I went through many sets of friends while attending there, and didn't think I'd found any real friends until 7th grade (turns out, however, my "real" friend turned out to be not-so-great-a-friend in high school).

For high school, I went to the local public school, with about 500 people in each grade. Quite a big jump. But it was not the solution to all my problems. Sure I had acquantances, people I could talk to. But I never really had a "group" I could really belong to. For this reason I would caution you against assuming that a bigger school is automatically the solution to your problems. I think in some ways, going to a bigger school with not many friends makes you feel even worse, because you feel like "there's so many people here, and no one wants to be my friend. So what's wrong with me?" I spent many a lunch hour eating in the library because I was too embarrassed to eat in the lunchroom at a table all by myself. (In retrospect, of course, eating in the library made it even harder on myself to meet new friends).

You know when I met and made my best friends? The end of my senior year in high school. I hung out with a group of people I had just met at our school's after-prom, and despite going off to different colleges, we are still good friends. So I would advise you not to worry to much or be in too big of a hurry. You will make friends eventually, and sometimes trying to force things or rush the process can make it even worse.

Another piece of advice I would give, is really, being a "dork" or being thought of as a "dork" isn't always bad. I've never ever fit in with most "normal" girls, and hence was always thought of as being a "nerd" or something. But I've made and kept plenty of great guy friends, and the few female friends I have are truely odd like me. That's another thing: I don't know if you've thought about it or not, but guys make great friends. I find it loads easier to get along with men than with women, most of the time at least. Sure your mom may flip out that you only hang out with guys (mine did), but she'll get over it (mine did).

Well I guess that's about all I have. Good luck with whatever you decide.

P.S.: Great pic of Maura in your siggy! That was a great episode!