Was I in the wrong for cussing her out? :/

[River Jordan]

So, on a certain Website, there was tension between me and an Admin. I was being ragged and dragged, and I saw that she was an Admin. I asked her for help and she threatened to ban ME. I was confused and stunned. Even other Posters were like,"That's REALLY fuced up that the Admin threatened to ban the VICTIM who was being ragged and dragged and asked her for help!



There was a thread about a guy who said he saw someone win a Jackpot in a Casino. The guy said something like,"This guy pulled out his Player's Club Card and offered me to split $4000 with him if I switched seats with him and claimed I was the Winner, not him and filled out paperwork. We made the switch and the Casino Staff came by and I gave my personal information, got paid, and gave him $2,000 when the Casino Staff left. I am now wondering if I should have declined to claim I was the Winner, because it is a bit shady this complete Stranger offered me $2,000 to claim I was the Winner of his Jackpot. Why would he not want his entire $4,000?"



Another Poster responded something like,"He could owe $4,000 in Alimony. I don't even know what Alimony is, but it sounds awful."





I(River) responded,"Alimony is something you pay your ex spouse after Divorce. I've always hated the idea of Alimony. Why should I have to financially support another ADULT I am no longer legally or blood binded to anymore? Especially if the reason for the Divorce in the first place is because my ex Spouse cheated on me? So I have to pay someone who cheated on me and that's the reason for the Divorce in the first place? No, just no!"



Another Person responded something like,"My Friend's ex wife cheated on him and he didn't get a Prenup before marriage, so they divorced, and half of every paycheck goes to pay Alimony for her. Sad really." I (River) responded,"Alimony sucks! It should be outlawed!"







The Admin soon said something like,"You have hijacked this thread by mentioning Alimony. This thread is about a guy trying to hide the fact that HE won a Jackpot, and asked a complete Stranger to claim the Jackpot for $2,000. It has nothing to do with Alimony. You have received a Two Week Suspension for hijacking." I honestly thought she was talking about one of the People who brought up Alimony first, but I was confused and stunned she was talking about ME. She even did the dastardly thing and quoted only MY responses, unfairly making it look like I brought up Alimony out of the blue.



One particular Poster said something like,"River didn't hijack anything. He was responding to Posters who brought up Alimony first. You've done worse. You seriously need to reinstate River and give him a full apology for this unfair Two Week Suspension you imposed on him when he did absolutely nothing wrong."



Other Posters stood up for me after him saying something like,"This is one of the most unfair Suspensions I have ever seen. River didn't deserve this at all. He was responding to Posters who brought up Alimony first."



The Admin still made me serve the unfair Two Week Suspension for the Alimony thing when I didn't hijack anything. I was responding to Posters who brought it up first. I'm still pissed off to this day about that! 🤬😡



After I was reinstated two weeks later for this unfair Two Week Suspension, Posters were like,"River is a stronger Poster than I would have been. I would have left permanently on my own after that unfair Two Week Suspension."



This Admin harassed and insulted me for three years, while I politely smiled. She continued to look the other way while I was ragged and dragged by other Posters. One day, she unfairly accused me of hijacking a thread again, and I cussed her out, telling her I was sick of her harassing me and insulting me while I smiled politely when I really wanted to cuss her out. I called her every single cussword I could think of, even the C Word. I was expecting a one month Suspension for cussing her out Poster was like,"You really should delete this post quick, but even he was like,"No , actually, River is right. The Admin is completely and unfairly mean to him and gets no consequences for being unfairly and completely mean to him. " Many other Posters agreed with the guy's post st pointing out how unfairly and completely mean the Admin was to me.



The Admin PERMANENTLY banned me even after I apologized multiple times on connected Websites. I apologized because I wanted to be reinstated, not because I was genuinely sorry for cussing her out. She was a Bitch to me and deserved that cussing rant I gave her. Treat someone like a punching bag for three years, and don't be surprised when you get at least a punch right back.



Was I wrong to cuss her out? I feel she deserved it. She pushed me for three years while I smiled politely before finally going off on her in a well deserved cussing rant.

[GentlemanJim]

The following is just my opinion, so take it for whatever it's worth. But at the very root of it all, you have to respect the rights of the community to create and enforce their own sense of right and wrong...even when you are quite sure they would not recognize "right" even if it bit them in the a**.

Your alternatives are to either play by their rules, or start your own community.

As far as insults go, I personally prefer to be a little more discreet. Rather than hit them over the head with something that clearly breaks all kinds of prohibitions. offer them something that vaguely skirts the TOS....the sort of thing they really don't recognize as an insult until after they have thought about it for a while.

When you do that job well, it might take them until they wake up at 3 AM to fully decode your message.

[Caroline13]

River, being on forums is a real balancing act and often OFF BALANCE. The admin and moderators have the control and what they decide is what goes. I've gotten to points that some forums are so boring and very inactive, and what I said about things I didn't care if I got banned. I drag my feet to leave on my own often and the mods use their power.

As we know forums have their agendas and going against their M.O. can be the end of our membership.

Just recently I got banned from a forum I had been a member for 7 yrs. I offered so much health information all those years and got hardly any thanks, but I continued. Then the forum got less and less active and I even approached the mods to get active on the posts and I pushed and pushed for that and finally they gave me the heave ho.... I miss it a little but as I said it was so slow and boring.

Censorship is everywhere and I respect what Musk has done on a big scale.

[GentlemanJim]

I also feel it important to advise against wagering your entire argument in a single "omnibus bill" style rant. Doing so only makes it easy for the admins to ban you as a raving loon, without even trying to understand your grievance.

Much better instead to calmly negotiate your difference of opinion in a way that clearly illustrates your feelings of having been wronged, without allowing your passion to taint the well.

At least that way you leave the admin knowing they banned someone who had a legitimate grievance. rather than just some troublemaker.

Then, if you still feel the need to make a "crash and burn" exit, then fine, but at least you aren't allowing the message to be overshadowed by the flash.

[Caroline13]

I have found a lot of mods DO NOT WANT TO NEGOTIATE.

Just thinking back to 2005 when I was on 2 health forums they didn't even have moderators. On one a member self appointed herself....boy was she bossy.

[JamesG]

Originally Posted by River Jordan

Another Poster responded something like,"He could owe $4,000 in Alimony. I don't even know what Alimony is, but it sounds awful."

This post reflects the intellectual level of the members… just be done with this place.

[TVFactFan]

Originally Posted by River Jordan

So, on a certain Website, there was tension between me and an Admin. I was being ragged and dragged, and I saw that she was an Admin. I asked her for help and she threatened to ban ME. I was confused and stunned. Even other Posters were like,"That's REALLY fuced up that the Admin threatened to ban the VICTIM who was being ragged and dragged and asked her for help!



There was a thread about a guy who said he saw someone win a Jackpot in a Casino. The guy said something like,"This guy pulled out his Player's Club Card and offered me to split $4000 with him if I switched seats with him and claimed I was the Winner, not him and filled out paperwork. We made the switch and the Casino Staff came by and I gave my personal information, got paid, and gave him $2,000 when the Casino Staff left. I am now wondering if I should have declined to claim I was the Winner, because it is a bit shady this complete Stranger offered me $2,000 to claim I was the Winner of his Jackpot. Why would he not want his entire $4,000?"



Another Poster responded something like,"He could owe $4,000 in Alimony. I don't even know what Alimony is, but it sounds awful."





I(River) responded,"Alimony is something you pay your ex spouse after Divorce. I've always hated the idea of Alimony. Why should I have to financially support another ADULT I am no longer legally or blood binded to anymore? Especially if the reason for the Divorce in the first place is because my ex Spouse cheated on me? So I have to pay someone who cheated on me and that's the reason for the Divorce in the first place? No, just no!"



Another Person responded something like,"My Friend's ex wife cheated on him and he didn't get a Prenup before marriage, so they divorced, and half of every paycheck goes to pay Alimony for her. Sad really." I (River) responded,"Alimony sucks! It should be outlawed!"







The Admin soon said something like,"You have hijacked this thread by mentioning Alimony. This thread is about a guy trying to hide the fact that HE won a Jackpot, and asked a complete Stranger to claim the Jackpot for $2,000. It has nothing to do with Alimony. You have received a Two Week Suspension for hijacking." I honestly thought she was talking about one of the People who brought up Alimony first, but I was confused and stunned she was talking about ME. She even did the dastardly thing and quoted only MY responses, unfairly making it look like I brought up Alimony out of the blue.



One particular Poster said something like,"River didn't hijack anything. He was responding to Posters who brought up Alimony first. You've done worse. You seriously need to reinstate River and give him a full apology for this unfair Two Week Suspension you imposed on him when he did absolutely nothing wrong."



Other Posters stood up for me after him saying something like,"This is one of the most unfair Suspensions I have ever seen. River didn't deserve this at all. He was responding to Posters who brought up Alimony first."



The Admin still made me serve the unfair Two Week Suspension for the Alimony thing when I didn't hijack anything. I was responding to Posters who brought it up first. I'm still pissed off to this day about that! 🤬😡



After I was reinstated two weeks later for this unfair Two Week Suspension, Posters were like,"River is a stronger Poster than I would have been. I would have left permanently on my own after that unfair Two Week Suspension."



This Admin harassed and insulted me for three years, while I politely smiled. She continued to look the other way while I was ragged and dragged by other Posters. One day, she unfairly accused me of hijacking a thread again, and I cussed her out, telling her I was sick of her harassing me and insulting me while I smiled politely when I really wanted to cuss her out. I called her every single cussword I could think of, even the C Word. I was expecting a one month Suspension for cussing her out Poster was like,"You really should delete this post quick, but even he was like,"No , actually, River is right. The Admin is completely and unfairly mean to him and gets no consequences for being unfairly and completely mean to him. " Many other Posters agreed with the guy's post st pointing out how unfairly and completely mean the Admin was to me.



The Admin PERMANENTLY banned me even after I apologized multiple times on connected Websites. I apologized because I wanted to be reinstated, not because I was genuinely sorry for cussing her out. She was a Bitch to me and deserved that cussing rant I gave her. Treat someone like a punching bag for three years, and don't be surprised when you get at least a punch right back.



Was I wrong to cuss her out? I feel she deserved it. She pushed me for three years while I smiled politely before finally going off on her in a well deserved cussing rant.

This site sounds similar to City Data

[GentlemanJim]

Originally Posted by River Jordan

So, on a certain Website, there was tension between me and an Admin. I was being ragged and dragged, and I saw that she was an Admin. I asked her for help and she threatened to ban ME..

Look at the bright side Jordan. At least the Admin was not calling you "sweetie"....THAT'S the worst!!

[River Jordan]

Originally Posted by GentlemanJim

I also feel it important to advise against wagering your entire argument in a single "omnibus bill" style rant. Doing so only makes it easy for the admins to ban you as a raving loon, without even trying to understand your grievance.

Much better instead to calmly negotiate your difference of opinion in a way that clearly illustrates your feelings of having been wronged, without allowing your passion to taint the well.

At least that way you leave the admin knowing they banned someone who had a legitimate grievance. rather than just some troublemaker.

Then, if you still feel the need to make a "crash and burn" exit, then fine, but at least you aren't allowing the message to be overshadowed by the flash.

At least multiple Posters stood up for me after my unexpected banning. A guy said something like,"This reminds me of toxic workplaces where Coworkers will belittle and bully a Coworker who did absolutely nothing wrong and when bullied Coworker has enough and cusses them out fed up, the innocent and bullied Coworker who got pushed too far and finally cusses his or her bullying and belittling Coworkers, THEY get into trouble and the bullies and belittlers get off scot free! I never liked this practice."

Another Poster said something like,"Quite a lot of we Unbanned Posters don't like that River was harassed and insulted for three years by an Admin and when he finally had enough and cussed her out, he got permanently nuked. Everyone has their limit and he reached his."

Another Poster said something like,"I don't care about posting privileges, so I would have told her off three years ago. River waited far too long too finally stand up for himself."

Other Posters said something like,"What River said was harsh, but I would have temporarily suspended him and then reinstate him..That Admin did treat him like garbage and his cussing her out was deserved.

Other Posters were like,"River was a nice Poster who definitely didn't deserve to get banned after cussing out the Admin. She should have been helping him out against the Posters ragging and dragging him, not being mean to him and ragging and dragging him too and refusing to help him out."

[GentlemanJim]

Some forums seem to be run for the enjoyment of the members, while others appear to be run for the enjoyment of the moderators. Perhaps that was the case with the one you mention?

I've been involved with some of the latter where it was a running joke how easy it was to get banned, and they fully expected you to re-register with an alt/name...time after time.

I;ve also seen a fair share of forums where the heavy-handedness of the moderation pretty much chased away any membership they might have at one time enjoyed....making one wonder what they are gonna do for content? Ghost towns.....

I remember getting in one tussel with a moderator, where I pointed out their start page was inviting to new members to join in and participate, but their unspoken policy was that they frowned upon members outside their "good ol boy" network starting too many threads of their own.

As an outsider, you could getaway with starting a handful of threads per month with no problem. But once you crossed some arbitrary line, the old timers would start burying you in snark "was this thread really necessary?" and stuff like that.

So I just pointed out to the moderator that if what they wanted was a private forum, I was sure there must be settings somewhere in the software that would allow that.

And the SOB banned me for that.

[GentlemanJim]

Turns out that there was a pampered elite among the membership that accessed the forum almost exclusively by mobile. And their objection to many new threads was that they felt "inconvenienced" having to scroll through everyones garbage to find the handful of threads THEY thought were important.

Which is why I cringe whenever an admin announces an intention to make their platform more "mobile compatible"....thinking "HERE WE GO..."


I recall a while back one particular member here complaining about all the old threads being bumped...and suspecting at the time that a mobile screen was likely to be the true culprit

[Yong Fang]

Was I wrong for cussing her out?

In 1999 (and I know the year because of the job I had), I was a worker in a casino. One night before shift, I bought a Mountain Dew soda, but for some reason I didnt drink it, did my shift, and got back in my car around daybreak and decided to get some breakfast.

Went to this local diner, and decided to bring my soda in with me. Sat down at the bar area by the kitchen, was given a menu plus a tepid glass of ice water I wasnt going to drink. There were two people, a younger waitress and the manager who was an Old Bag. That's my name for her. The place was empty

Old Bag "YOU CANT BRING THAT DRINK IN HERE!"

Me "Why not?"

Old Bag "Cause we sell drinks in here!"

Me "Ok.", then I got up and left. Went to Waffle House where I and my drink were welcome.

I was proud of myself because I didnt say a word, but I have debated whether I should have. When she started in on that "YOU CANT BRING THAT DRINK IN HERE..." routine, I wanted/should have said....

"OK, I was going to order the most expensive thing on the menu (which was Steak and Eggs), drink my drink and then order another drink from you, then tip your server 25% (I worked for gratuities). Now, because you are stupid, you lost out on $20, and her several dollars, over a fking 60 cent drink. You are STUPID, why are you so STUPID?"

Then walk out. But I didnt say that. The place was a cop stop and didnt want to get pulled over by whatever Old Bag might tell them. It also doesnt do any good. I will say that place has long since closed and the company went out of business. She was old and probably dead now and would be fun to drink my Mountain Dew over her hole and then put the can on the headstone. Wouldnt ask less for someone to do the same for myself.

[River Jordan]

The Head Admin could have easily stopped the Female Admin's harassing and insulting me, at least by saying something like,"Would you please leave River alone? Your harassing and insulting of River is way out of line, especially as an Admin. You are held to a higher standard, and your harassing and insulting of River is unprofessional and unacceptable. Knock it off. But he just stood there and let her harass and insult me. When I finally had enough and cussed her out in a fed up cussing rant, he could have easily overruled her and reinstated me, but he did not. He said something like,"If I take River's side on this, Carla (Not her real name) will most likely resign and she's been a Loyal and hardworking Admin for years for me and I can't risk losing her as an Admin by taking River's side on this. So, I must uphold the permanent banning Carla gave River for cussing her out." It seemed he was implying I did have valid points in cussing her out but weighed the options and chose to uphold the permanent banning in order to not have Carla resign over this.



The Head Admin asked me to apologize to Carla and I did, in hopes of being reinstated. Still banned. He told me to wish her a happy birthday, and I did in hopes of being reinstated. I did not want to wish her a happy birthday. She was a bitch to me for three years, why would I want to wish that bitch a happy birthday? Fuc her. I only wished her a happy birthday because the head Admin told me too and I wanted to be reinstated. Still banned. I felt betrayed, used, played, and manipulated, as if I were a used as a tool for the Head Admin', other Admins, and other Posters amusement as if,"Look at how willing River is to come back to us and jump through hoops to come back and we're STILL not going to let him back! He's a source of entertainment for us, LMAO,!

But they put someone who threatened to go on a shooting spree after he lost like $5,000 an extended Suspension(The very next day, on a connecting Website, he said something like,"I'm shocked I threatened to go on a shooting spree after losing like $5,000. I was just beyond angry and today, now that I've calmed down, I feel incredibly guilty , shocked, and remorseful I threatened to go on a shooting spree. I would never go on a shooting spree and shouldn't have said that. " He received an extended Suspension.



The Head Admin after about a month said something like,"If he apologized and asks to be let back, I will reinstate him. That was over three years ago and the guy never even visited, so he never asked to come back. He's still on an extended Suspension and his Extended Suspension will be over if he asks to be let back. Seriously? I had a one time fed up cussing rant and I get PERMANENTLY banned and someone who threatened to go on a fucing shooting spree after losing like $5,000 just got an extended Suspension? Fuc off with that fuced up shet!

In an ironic twist of fate, Carla ended up jumping ship from that Website for the most part and hasn't even visited that Website in roughly 4 months! She abandoned him anyways! I would have been much more loyal to him than Carla was! On a connecting Website, I directly pointed out to him that him that Carla abandoned him for the most part and I should be reinstated since one of my biggest problems on that Website abandoned it for the most part. He agreed I had a valid point, but still chose to uphold the permanent banning.



There are Website Owners and Posters suggested that I just go to the Website Owners and see if they can reinstate me. The Website Owners didn't reinstate me either. Another Admin said that the Website Owners were actually planning to ban me for a while, but they just didn't have a valid reason to ban me until I made that fed up cussing rant and the Website Owners refuse to reinstate me.

[GentlemanJim]

Just based upon all the "guts" you are exposing over all of this, my suggestion is that you crawl back on your knees, and beg forgiveness. It doesn't sound to me like you'll be whole, until you do.

[River Jordan]

Originally Posted by GentlemanJim

Just based upon all the "guts" you are exposing over all of this, my suggestion is that you crawl back on your knees, and beg forgiveness. It doesn't sound to me like you'll be whole, until you do.

I have repeatedly begged to be let back on that Website, to no avail.