The Big Happy Family - Episode 1: I’m Friends With The Monster - Sitcoms Online Message Boards

TVLegend · 01-01-2023, 07:27 PM

CAST:

Penny Lane - Doris Haney Carson
Chad22 - William “Billy” Carson
Wawwie - Andrea Shelton
IllinoisTVFan - Shirley Haney
Child Actor - Kyle Carson
Child Actress - Willow Carson

GUEST CAST:

Bonniegirl - Clara Carson McCarter
__________________________________________

*As we open, everyone is shown seated at the dinner table, eating dinner*

Willow: Can I have some more juice?

Doris: Well, for Pete’s sake, Willow. You’ve had enough juice. You keep drinking all that juice, and you’re gonna pass out one day or have trouble using the bathroom.

Shirley: Doris, leave this girl alone. You can have as much juice as you want, sweetie.

*Shirley pours Willow some more juice in her cup*

Willow: Thank you.

Shirley: You welcome.

*Doris notices that Billy is on his phone and isn’t focusing on his food*

Doris: Hey! Will you quit playing with that phone and eat your food before it gets cold?!

*Billy puts his phone up*

Billy: Alright, mama! Alright! Take a chill pill.

Doris: You want me to take a chill pill when you’re so focused on that phone that you don’t even notice when you’re about to flip your plate off the table!

Shirley: Doris, why don’t you just calm down? You’ve been fussing and complaining all day.

Doris: Well, you would too if you had four people to clean up behind all day every day. And Clara, I was hoping that Raymond would’ve joined us for supper for a change.

Clara: Mama, Raymond is a very busy man. You know that. Being an attorney is hard work.

Doris: Mm-hmm. Oh, and be sure to remind him that he needs to come over here and mow my lawn. That grass is higher than Empire State Building.

Billy: Mama, I’d be more than happy to cut your grass.

*Doris shakes her head*

Doris (sipping on drink): Oh, no thank you. I can already see you out there, fumbling with the lawnmower for one or two hours before you really get to cuttin’. Well, Kyle, you’ve barely touched your food.

Kyle: Actually, I ain’t that hungry, grandma. I think I’m sick.

*Doris feels Kyle’s head*

Doris: Well, you don’t feel warm or nothing.

Kyle: Well, I don’t feel good. I don’t. I probably got a cold or the flu. You know you gotta stay home when you got the flu. A cold too, but the flu is even worse, ya know? So…looks like I gotta stay home, ‘cause I’m coughing and stuff…

*Kyle pretends to cough*

Kyle: And umm…I don’t feel good. So, yeah. If you don’t feel good, you don’t go to school. And my nose is runny too, so-

Billy: Oh, hush up, boy. Faking ain’t gon’ do a thing, ‘cause you still goin’ to school on Monday.

Doris: And just how do you know he’s faking?

Billy: Because, mama! I know! I can tell!

Doris (angrily): Are you a doctor?!

Billy: No, and I never said I was!

Doris (angrily): Well, quit trying to act like his!

Shirley: Hey, hey! That’s enough!

Clara: Aunt Shirley’s right. I had to listen to all this the last time I was here.

Doris: Shirley, I been meaning to ask you. Are you and Tucker Haggen still a thing?

Shirley: Well, yes. Why?

Doris: Nothing.

Shirley: Doris, I know you asked for some reason. Now what are you thinking?

Doris: Well, the two of you have been together for eight years, and y’all have only done…

*Doris looks at Kyle and Willow*

Doris: “Togetherness” stuff twice.

Shirley: Okay. What’s wrong with that?

Doris: Well, I’m just saying. Maybe Tucker needs to go see a doctor or something if ya’ll can’t show each other love.

Shirley: Doris, why is that any of your business?

Doris: Well, let’s face it, Shirley. Tucker ain’t the most exciting guy in the world. After a while, ya’ll are gonna have to do more than just go to museums and look at sights and go to the mall and play in perfume and cologne all day or whatever the hell it is that the two of you do.

Shirley: Doris, that is the most ignorant and insensitive statement that I’ve ever heard from you.

Doris: Well, I’m just saying.

Shirley: Oh, yeah? Well, I’m just saying too. Maybe me and Tucker don’t mind taking things slow.

Doris: Oh, yeah? Well, that’s because the two of you ARE slow.

*Shirley gasps*

Shirley: How dare you disrespect the relationship of me and Tucker?

Doris: Let’s face it, Shirl. That relationship was already disrespected when the two of you decided to be together.

Shirley: I’m done with you, Doris. I’m not having this conversation anymore.

Doris: Good!

Shirley: Better!

Andrea (in the kitchen): Hola, my people!

Doris (annoyed): Oh, hell.

Clara: What on earth is that?

Doris: It’s that crazy Andrea Shelton from across the street.

*Andrea enters the room and approaches everyone at the table*

Andrea: Oh, well, there ya’ll are.

Doris: Andrea, we ain’t got enough food for you to stay and eat.

Andrea: Oh, that’s alright. I don’t want none anyway.

Doris (under her breath): Thank the lord!

Billy: Hey, Andrea.

Andrea: Hey, Billy. Say, I was just goin’ over to The Sunroof. Wanna join me?

Billy: Sure.

*Billy gets up from the dinner table*

Billy: It’s on me!

Andrea: Oh, good. Well, thanks, buddy.

Doris: Wait a minute. I didn’t stand over no hot stove just so this food can go to waste.

Billy: Mama, please. It’s Friday. A man deserves to go out and enjoy himself after working all day.

Doris: Well, fine. Go out and party all night while you ditch your family here for a good time with Andrea Shelton.

Andrea: And believe me, we intend on having a VERY good time without YOU, Miss Carson.

Doris (angrily): Now, just wait a damn minute, young lady!

Billy: Hey, hey! Don’t do that. Don’t start. Simmer down, you two.

Andrea: Wanna take my car, Billy?

Doris: He’s gonna have to sit in the front, on a count of I’m sure they already got lots and lots of “male friends” in the backseat, right, Andrea?

*Doris winks at Andrea while Andrea rolls her eyes in disgust*

Billy: Actually, I was thinking we could take my pickup.

*Andrea nods her head*

Andrea: Oh, okay. I’m fine with that.

Billy: Well, alright. Good. Let’s go.

Andrea (excited): The Sunroof, here we come!

Billy: Bye, ya’ll!

Shirley: Bye, Billy!

Clara: Bye!

*Andrea and Billy leave out*

CUT TO: Opening Credits

*Later, Billy and Andrea are shown coming in the house late at night from The Sunroof. The lights are turned off*

Andrea (singing and dancing at the same time): Stop callin, stop callin! I don’t wanna think anymore! I left my head and my heart on the dance floor! Stop callin, stop callin! I don’t wanna talk anymore! I left my head and my heart on the dance floor!

Billy: Shh! Don’t wanna wake up nobody.

Andrea: Oh, sorry. Billy, how can you stand to live with your mama? Don’t you want a place of your own?

Billy: Well, yeah, I do, but I can’t afford it. And besides, this is only temporary.

Andrea: More like a temporary nightmare. I can’t stand this old, tacky house.

Billy: It’s better than nothing. Come on.

*Andrea follows Billy*

Andrea: I still can’t believe they closed The Sunroof down on us when we was just starting to have fun.

Billy: I know. I know. I’m goin’ in the kitchen to get a beer. You want one?

Andrea: Sure, buddy.

*Billy and Andrea are about to go into the kitchen but are soon startled by Doris’ voice*

Doris (upstairs): Who is that in there?!

Billy: It’s me, mama!

Andrea: Oh, shoot. I hope she ain’t coming in here.

Billy (whispering to Andrea): You gotta find somewhere to hide before mama comes out here and kills us both!

*Andrea goes into the kitchen. A couple of seconds later, Doris comes downstairs wearing her night clothes*

Doris: Well, you just coming in?

*Billy nods his head*

Billy: Yeah.

*Doris looks at her watch*

Doris: Well, it’s 3:17 in the morning. What on earth are you doing up?!

Billy: Me and Andrea stayed out late, obviously.

Doris: Look, boy. I didn’t let you move in here so you can go gallivanting all kinds of the night with Andrea Shelton. Lord knows that girl is used to it, she’s been married four times. But I won’t put up with it in my house.

Billy: Alright, mama. Alright. I’m sorry. It won’t happen again.

Doris: Mm-hmm.

Billy: Well, good night, mama.

*Billy gives Doris a kiss on the cheek*

Billy: I’m alright down here. I don’t need nothing, so you can go and get back in bed now.

Doris: Well, no, I don’t want to just yet.

Billy: Mama, please! Just come on and go back to bed. You need your rest, mama. Go on.

Doris (aggravated): Billy, get the hell away from me! I said I ain’t ready to go back to bed yet. I wanna do something first.

*Billy smacks his lips*

Billy: Do what?

Doris: I just wanna get me a sip of water. Why are you so worried?

*Doris goes into the kitchen and turns the light on. Billy follows her. Andrea immediately notices Doris and hurries up and hides in the pantry*

Billy: Ya know, mama, I heard that water keeps you awake and you have trouble sleeping and stuff if you drink it in the middle of the night. You’d be better off with melatonin.

Doris (annoyed): Billy, if you don’t shut the hell up, I am going to shut you up. I don’t want no melanin or whatever it is you was talking about.

Billy: Melatonin, mama. Melatonin.

Doris: Whatever you say.

*Doris goes into the refrigerator, grabs a bottle of water, opens it, and chugs it loudly and in a rather disturbing manner before putting the top back on and putting the bottle back into the fridge*

Doris: That was refreshing.

*Doris burps loudly*

Doris: Excuse me.

*Doris leaves out of the kitchen and Billy follows her*

Doris: William, what I don’t get is how you can skip supper to go to The Sunroof with that ******, Andrea. That no good, flamboyant tramp ain’t never gon’ amount to nothing. I swear all she does is spend her time at some bar. She ain’t never at home half the time. And I guess you’re setting a good example for your kids. Staggering in here from The Sunroof at 3 o’clock in the morning. What has gotten in to you?

*Billy shrugs his shoulders*

Billy: I dunno, mama.

Doris: I bet your daddy is rolling in his grave right now. Just imagine if he was alive and saw you like this. You better say your prayers tonight.

Billy: Yes, ma’am.

Doris: And in the morning, too.

Billy: Okay.

Doris: All that noise down here, I was getting ready to go in my purse. Just be glad I let you go out tonight. I won’t have all that noise in my house late at night, you hear me, boy?

*Billy nods his head*

Billy: Okay.

Doris: Alright. I won’t have it at all. Well, alright. Good night, baby.

Billy: Good night, mama.

*Doris goes back upstairs. Billy then goes into the kitchen*

Billy: Alright, the coast is clear!

*Andrea comes out of the pantry*

Andrea: Oh, Billy, I feel so bad for you. Why do you even bother with that old, impossible woman?

Billy: Oh, because I’m obligated to.

*Billy goes into the fridge and gets a beer for Andrea and a beer for him*

Billy: Here.

*Billy hands Andrea a beer*

Andrea: Thanks, buddy.

*Billy and Andrea open their beers and start sipping*

Billy: Ya know, I caught mama trying to throw away my gaming controllers and entire charging station just last week.

Andrea: Really?

*Billy nods his head*

Billy: Yeah. She has this pet peeve about my phone usage and how much I play video games.

Andrea: Oh, I didn’t know you played games at your age.

*Billy nods his head*

Billy: Oh, yeah. I’m a pro.

Andrea: My daughter’s into all them games herself. Maybe she can come over here and play with you sometime.

Billy: Oh, good. That would be nice.

Andrea: Yeah. That’s not the only thing she likes. She’s obsessed with all those stupid TikTok dances.

*Billy laughs*

Billy: Oh, I see.

*Andrea nods her head*

Andrea: Yeah. It drives me insane.

Billy: Hey, you wanna come and chill in my bedroom?

Andrea: Your bedroom?

*Billy nods his head*

Billy: Yeah.

Andrea: Are you sure that’s okay? I mean, it’s your bedroom, and I don’t know how you keep it or nothing. And wouldn’t you feel a little strange about me coming in there?

*Billy shakes his head*

Billy: Oh, no. You company. Come on.

*Andrea shrugs her shoulders*

Andrea: Well, okay.

*Billy and Andrea go into Billy’s bedroom*

Billy: Here it is.

Andrea: Oh, it doesn’t look bad.

Billy: I know.

*Andrea takes a seat on Billy’s bed*

Billy: Man, I feel like I’m dreaming. I can’t believe that you’re actually in my room.

Andrea: Well, why is that?

Billy: Well…I don’t know if this is gonna come as a shock to you, but I had THE biggest crush on you in school.

Andrea (shocked): Oh, really?

*Billy nods his head*

Billy: Yeah.

*Billy takes a seat next to Andrea*

Billy: I mean, you had it all. You were on the volleyball team, the basketball team, the track team, AND you did cheer. And I was just a dumb little loser, wasn’t on no sports, wasn’t popular or nothing.

Andrea: Now, Billy, don’t say that. You had lots of friends.

Billy: You think 7 is a lot?

Andrea: Well, it’s more than what I had. Ya see, I never really had friends in school.

Billy: You didn’t?

*Andrea shakes her head*

Andrea: No. It was hard.

Billy: Well, that sucks.

Andrea: Yeah. But I’m better off where I am now in life.

Billy: Oh, I can see that. You, and that pretty blonde hair, and those luscious lips, and those cotton candy blue eyes, and that smile of yours.

*Billy smacks his lips*

Billy (nervous): Oh, I’m sorry. I don’t know where that came from.

Andrea: Oh, no, no. It’s alright, buddy. Let it happen. Let…the magic happen.

Billy: Oh, gosh. I’ve always wanted this to happen. I’ve wanted you so bad, for years. I wanted to have you and hold you.

Andrea: Well, what’s stopping you, then, sweetheart? Come on. Let’s get it on in here.

*Billy puts his beer down, leans in, and kisses Andrea passionately on the lips*

Billy: Wait, no, no. This isn’t right. This is all wrong. What if mama came in here and saw us? She’d kill me.

Andrea: Baby, you need to get your mind off your prudish mama, and let me…

*Andrea kisses Billy on the lips*

Andrea: …Get to work on you. Come on. You’re nervous. Let me get your mind off mama. We’re in here alone. It’s just the two of us. No one has to know.

*Andrea kisses Billy*

Andrea: You’ll feel better, baby. We’re all alone to ourselves. It’ll be our little steamy love secret.

Billy: Oh, shut up, woman.

*Billy throws Andrea on the bed and starts making out with her*

Andrea (excited): Oh, Billy! Oh!

*Billy takes his belt off and starts ripping off his clothes*

Andrea: Oh, yeah!

Billy: Oh, my damn! Oh, damn! Oh, boy!

Andrea: Hurry up! I can’t wait to do it!

Billy: Oh, ya just don’t know, Andrea. I could do this all night!

Andrea: We ARE gonna do this all night, lover boy! Oh, come on! Keep going! Get to work! You got it! You got it!

*The next morning, Doris is shown cooking breakfast in the kitchen when Shirley enters*

Shirley: Good morning, Doris!

Doris: Well, good morning, Shirley. How did you sleep last night?

Shirley: Like a baby. Like a baby.

*Shirley has a seat at the kitchen table*

Shirley: What’s the matter with Kyle? He’s laying on the couch, talking about he doesn’t feel well.

Doris: Well, I knew he didn’t. But no, Billy was talking about he was just fine last night. And speaking of, I can’t believe I found Billy staggering in here past 3 o’clock last night.

Shirley: Past 3 o’clock?

*Doris nods her head*

Doris: Yup.

Shirley: Well, dear God in heaven.

Doris: Yep. I’m tellin ya.

Shirley: Seems like he and Andrea had a wonderful time.

Doris: Too wonderful of a time. That boy was trying to rush me back to bed last night when I came down here and saw him. He was acting strange.

Shirley: Well, why does that surprise you? Billy’s always acting strange.

Doris: Well, yes, but there was something SUPER strange about the way he was acting. Like he was up to something. Or something was UP to him.

*A few seconds later, Andrea can be heard moaning and screaming rather loudly in Billy’s bedroom*

Doris (confused): Well, what the hell?!

Shirley: Doris, what? What’s wrong?

Andrea (moaning in the bedroom): Oh, Billy! Billy, faster! Ah, yeah! That’s more like it!

*Doris holds her chest and starts panting loudly*

Shirley (confused): Doris, what’s the matter with you?

Andrea (moaning in the bedroom): JACKPOT!

Doris (disgusted): NOW TELL ME YOU DIDN’T HEAR THAT!!!

Shirley: Was that Andrea?

Doris (disgusted): In BILLY’S bedroom!

*Doris walks up to Billy’s bedroom door, opens it, and peeps through it, immediately seeing Billy and Andrea*

Doris (disgusted): UGH!

*Shirley gets up and gets a look for herself*

Shirley (disgusted): Nasty!

*Shirley then holds her chest and starts to pant loudly with Doris*

Andrea (moaning in the bedroom): Oh, gosh! You’re so sweet!

Doris (disgusted, under her breath): And she’s so NASTY!

*Shirley nods her head*

Doris (disgusted): William Carson, you get your disgusting butt in here right now!

*Doris and Shirley step away from the door*

Shirley: Well…that was action packed.

Doris (disgusted): Yeah, and I’m about to be pistol packed!

*A couple of seconds later, Billy enters the kitchen with Andrea’s panties on his head, which draws more attention to him*

Billy: Good morning, mama.

*Billy is about to kiss Doris on the cheek before she stops him*

Doris (disgusted): Don’t you kiss me with them lips!

Billy: Uh, what ya cooking, mama?

Doris (disgusted): Don’t worry about that right now, Billy. Uhh, Billy…

*Andrea enters the room and immediately notices her underwear on Billy’s head. She’s embarrassed*

Andrea (embarrassed): Umm, Billy, can I get my…things?

Billy (confused): What things?

Andrea (embarrassed): I need what’s on your head.

*Billy feels around his head and eventually touches Andrea’s panties*

Billy: Oh.

*Billy hands Andrea’s panties to her*

Andrea (embarrassed): Umm, I gotta go. Bye, ya’ll.

Doris (disgusted): Bye and don’t come back.

*Andrea leaves out*

Shirley: Umm, as interesting as this is, I’m gonna go check on Kyle.

*Shirley leaves out of the kitchen and heads into the living room*

Doris (disgusted): Billy, let’s talk, shall we?

Billy (nervous): I don’t want to.

Doris (angrily): Sit your ass down!

*Billy has a seat at the kitchen table. Doris sits down as well*

Doris: Now, Billy. I let you and the grandkids move in here on a count of you begged and pleaded with me. But after last night, you have showed me that you can’t be trusted.

Billy (nervous): Well, how is that?

Doris (angrily): By hooking up with that…thing in my own home!

Billy (nervous): You talking ‘bout-

Doris (angrily): THEE Andrea Shelton! What’s the matter with you, boy?! How could you, and with that dolled up, indecent hussy!

Billy: Mama, I wish you wouldn’t insult Andrea. She’s a good woman.

Doris (angrily): Oh, you’d know! I’m still trying to figure out what that same good woman was doing in your bedroom all that time!

Billy (nervous): Helping me change a flat tire.

*Doris rolls her eyes*

Doris (angrily): I am done with you, Billy!

*Doris leaves out of the kitchen and goes into the living room where Shirley is sitting in the armchair and Kyle and Willow are sitting on the couch. Billy follows her.*

Billy: Mama, Andrea Shelton is a woman of good character and she’s got good principles and morals and values!

*Doris laughs*

Doris: Billy, you better get the hell away from me!

Willow: What’s going on?

Doris: Billy, you wanna tell your children what you did?

Billy: It’s nothing, kids.

Doris (angrily): Billy, I forbid you to do what you did with Andrea Shelton EVER again! Not under my roof!

Billy: Well, fine, mama! I won’t do it under your roof! I’ll move in with Andrea and we’ll do it every day and every night over there!

Willow: Do what?

Shirley: Umm, make sock puppets.

Doris (angrily): That’s fine by me, Billy!

*Doris heads upstairs*

Billy: Yes, siree! It is love that me and Andrea share! And there is nothing coming between me and her!

*Later that day, Billy and Andrea are shown seated at The Sunroof*

Billy (sobbing): Mama’s coming between us, Andrea.

*Later, Kyle is shown looking out the window in the living room. He is obviously nervous*

Willow (in a deep, low pitched voice): I got you, Kyle!

Kyle (nervous): Ahh!

*Kyle falls on the couch in horror while Willow laughs*

Willow: Tricked ya!

Kyle (annoyed): Oh, shut up!

Willow: Kyle, what are you so scared for?

Kyle (nervous): What? W-What ya mean? I’m not scared.

*Willow nods her head*

Willow: Uh, yeah, you are. You’re a punk, bruh. And a scaredy cat.

Kyle (annoyed): Shut up!

Willow: Scaredy cat, scaredy cat!

*Kyle gets up, wraps his hands around Willow’s neck, and starts to choke her. Willow starts screaming*

Kyle (angrily): Oh, I got you now, you little brat! I got you!

*Billy enters the room and immediately notices what’s going on*

Billy: Hey, what is going on?!

*Billy breaks Kyle and Willow up*

Billy (angrily): What is wrong with you, boy?!

Kyle: Willow called me a punk and a scaredy cat.

Willow: And he is.

Billy: Willow, go to your room.

Willow: But, dad-

Billy: Go to your room until you learn to quit messing with your brother!

*Willow goes upstairs to her room*

Billy (talking to Kyle): I thought you were sick.

Kyle: I am.

*Kyle pretends to cough*

Billy: Sit down.

*Billy and Kyle sit down on the couch*

Billy: What’s the matter? Why you been trying to get outta school?

*Kyle slowly shakes his head*

Kyle: I don’t wanna talk about it.

Billy: Well, I can’t do anything unless you tell me what’s going on.

*Kyle sighs*

Kyle: Alright. Fine. Somebody’s been bullying me at school.

Billy: Bullying you? Well, why didn’t you tell me before?

*Kyle shrugs his shoulders*

Kyle: Because I take after you.

Billy: Is it a boy or a girl?

Kyle: A boy.

Billy: Listen, Kyle. When you go back to school on Monday, you’re gonna stand up to your bully if he messes with you again. If that doesn’t work, then I’m gonna call the school and set up a meeting.

*Kyle shakes his head*

Kyle: Oh, no. Please don’t do that.

Billy: Well, why not? Do you want this situation handled or not?

Kyle: Look…I don’t want to be seen as a snitch.

Billy: Well, if you want some help-

*Kyle gets up from the couch*

Kyle (angrily): I don’t need your help, then! I got this! I can fight my own battles!

*Kyle goes upstairs and Billy sighs. The next day, Doris and Shirley are shown sitting in the living room, drinking iced tea*

Shirley: Now, Doris. Has some cool iced tea calmed you down?

Doris: Hell no. I still can’t believe my boy would let me down like this.

Shirley: It’s alright. Just think about…pleasant moments.

Doris: Like Andrea playing in traffic?

Shirley: Doris!

*A knock on the door is heard. Shirley places her glass of iced tea on the table, gets up, and answers it. At the door when she answers it is Andrea*

Andrea: Hi, Aunt Shirl!

Shirley: Aunt Shirl?!

*Andrea nods her head*

Andrea: Well, yeah. It’s a term of endearment.

Shirley: Well, don’t ENDEAR around me.

Doris: Billy, get in here! It’s G.I. Ho!

*Andrea rolls her eyes. A couple of seconds later, Billy enters the living room*

Doris: Billy, I want this woman to vacate the premises as soon as possible!

Billy: Mama, don’t be so rude to company.

Doris: Company?! I sure as hell didn’t invite her here!

Billy: Mama, please keep your voice down. My kids are upstairs and I don’t want em to hear us down here.

*Doris puts her glass of iced tea down and gets up*

Doris (angrily): How dare you go on about your kids when you were rolling around in the bed with this gross bimbo the other night?!

*Andrea gasps*

Doris (angrily): Talk about waking up on the wrong side of the bed!

*Andrea approaches Doris*

Andrea (furious): Now, just wait a damn minute here, granny! I’ve met some bitches and some witches and some real mean, unpleasant ladies, but you take the cake! I’ve never seen a woman as evil and nasty and malicious as you in my entire life! And to be honest, you’re coming very close to being punched in the mouth!

Doris (angrily): I’d like to see you try!

Andrea (furious): Oh, yeah?!

Billy: Hey, that’s enough, you two!

Doris (angrily): Oh, shut the hell up! I can’t believe you’d have the nerve to take up with this repulsive woman under my roof!

Andrea (furious): You’re a fine one to talk! Everything about you’s repulsive! Especially the fact that you thrive on verbally abusing your own son constantly!

Doris (angrily): Oh, I don’t wanna hear that bullsh*t.

Andrea (furious): Well, you’re gonna hear it and you’re gonna like it! I mean, come on! This man has become nothing more but a sissified and babied wimp!

Billy (whining): Hey! I’m not a wimp! I’m not!

Andrea: Anyway, I just came here to talk to Billy.

Billy: Really? Talk to me?

*Andrea nods her head*

Andrea: Yeah.

Billy: About what?

Andrea: Well, I was wondering if you wanted to…have dinner at my place next Saturday, at, uh, 8, maybe.

*Billy nods his head*

Billy: Sounds good.

Andrea: Okay. See you then.

*Billy and Andrea kiss*

Doris (angrily): Get out!

*Andrea leaves the house*

Billy: Well…looks like I got me a girlfriend.

Doris: Billy, if you don’t want me to die of a broken heart, I suggest that you don’t go to Andrea’s place at all next Saturday.

Billy: I’m a grown man, and I can make my own decisions, mama.

Doris: If you don’t want me to kill you, I suggest that you don’t go to Andrea’s place at all next Saturday.

Billy: I’m not listening to you.

Doris (disgusted): What in hell do you see in that hussy?!

Billy (annoyed): Mama, that’s enough! Now can you please get off of Andrea?

Doris (disgusted): I wish you would’ve gotten off of Andrea in that bedroom, then we wouldn’t be here. Damnit, Billy. Now I’m gonna have to wash them sheets. Hell, I might have to burn em and put em out of their misery.

CLOSING CREDITS…

THE END

stevea · 01-01-2023, 11:41 PM

I like this. It's an R rated Mama's Family.

TVLegend · 01-02-2023, 12:09 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by stevea

I like this. It's an R rated Mama's Family.

LOL. Who are your favorite characters and what parts stood out to you as huge LOL moments?

stevea · 01-02-2023, 10:16 AM

Absolutely Doris, but also Billy and Andrea remind me of Vint and Naomi.

I did lol a few times, but I can't remember when.

Wawwie · 01-06-2023, 11:17 PM

Interesting how Kyle chokes his sister, Willow, and Willow is the one who gets reprimanded by Billy...sending her to her room and telling her to quit "messing with her brother."

HILARIOUS

TVLegend · 01-06-2023, 11:50 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Wawwie

Interesting how Kyle chokes his sister, Willow, and Willow is the one who gets reprimanded by Billy...sending her to her room and telling her to quit "messing with her brother."

HILARIOUS

Can you blame Kyle? He was already extremely nervous about his bully following him or coming up with some plan to mess with/pick on him and big and bad Willow starts the name callin’. Willow probably “drove the poor guy over the edge”.

Just kidding. Anyway, Billy isn’t the best disciplinarian. I think I made that a little clear. Doris would’ve handled it much better.

What did you think about Billy and Andrea coming in the house late at night and makin’ love off and on until the morning? Poor Doris, Andrea almost gave that poor woman a heart attack, making all that loud noise.

TVLegend · 01-09-2023, 06:07 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by TVLegend

Can you blame Kyle? He was already extremely nervous about his bully following him or coming up with some plan to mess with/pick on him and big and bad Willow starts the name callin’. Willow probably “drove the poor guy over the edge”.

Just kidding. Anyway, Billy isn’t the best disciplinarian. I think I made that a little clear. Doris would’ve handled it much better.

What did you think about Billy and Andrea coming in the house late at night and makin’ love off and on until the morning? Poor Doris, Andrea almost gave that poor woman a heart attack, making all that loud noise.

Wawwie · 01-10-2023, 08:11 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by TVLegend

What did you think about Billy and Andrea coming in the house late at night and makin’ love off and on until the morning? Poor Doris, Andrea almost gave that poor woman a heart attack, making all that loud noise.

LOL @ Andrea's underpants being stuck on Billy's head!

TVLegend · 01-10-2023, 09:19 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Wawwie

LOL @ Andrea's underpants being stuck on Billy's head!

I thought you’d like that little part.

Speaking of Andrea, how did you like your character? And who are your favorite characters? Were there any other certain parts that you thought was funny? I’m just asking, because I’m trying to figure out what I can try for the 2nd episode and what I can do more of.

Wawwie · 01-10-2023, 10:02 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by TVLegend

Speaking of Andrea, how did you like your character?

Dirty tramp!

Quote:

Originally Posted by TVLegend

And who are your favorite characters?

I'm liking Shirley.

Quote:

Originally Posted by TVLegend

Were there any other certain parts that you thought was funny?

A lot of Billy moments were LOL worthy as he is quite the ding-a-ling especially the way he was wooing Andrea!

TVLegend · 01-11-2023, 12:28 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Wawwie

Dirty tramp!

Oh, really? I thought you’d like the way she stands up to Doris and defends Billy.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Wawwie

I'm liking Shirley.

Well, this one is a shocker. I didn’t think you’d like Shirley all that much, as she is the soft, anxious one.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Wawwie

A lot of Billy moments were LOL worthy as he is quite the ding-a-ling especially the way he was wooing Andrea!

Hey, give him a break. He was mesmerized by Andrea’s cotton candy blue eyes and blonde hair and and luscious lips and great, big smile and he just HAD to give into temptation. It was his ONE chance to seize his moment and live out his childhood dreams. Remember, he was nothin’ but a dumb, little loser who wasn’t on any teams and Andrea had it ALL. Poor guy couldn’t help himself. He was CRAZED and HOOKED. Besides, it’s all good. Billy and Andrea were just doing normal “buddy” stuff in the bedroom.

TVLegend · 01-14-2023, 11:12 AM

Just finished Episode 2. Please go check it out and give feedback as usual. And to whoever hasn’t checked out this one, I recommend it.

01-01-2023, 07:27 PM	#1
TVLegend Member Forum 4000 Club Member Join Date: Nov 06, 2020 Location: United States Posts: 4,306	The Big Happy Family - Episode 1: I’m Friends With The Monster CAST: Penny Lane - Doris Haney Carson Chad22 - William “Billy” Carson Wawwie - Andrea Shelton IllinoisTVFan - Shirley Haney Child Actor - Kyle Carson Child Actress - Willow Carson GUEST CAST: Bonniegirl - Clara Carson McCarter __________________________________________ As we open, everyone is shown seated at the dinner table, eating dinner Willow: Can I have some more juice? Doris: Well, for Pete’s sake, Willow. You’ve had enough juice. You keep drinking all that juice, and you’re gonna pass out one day or have trouble using the bathroom. Shirley: Doris, leave this girl alone. You can have as much juice as you want, sweetie. Shirley pours Willow some more juice in her cup Willow: Thank you. Shirley: You welcome. Doris notices that Billy is on his phone and isn’t focusing on his food Doris: Hey! Will you quit playing with that phone and eat your food before it gets cold?! Billy puts his phone up Billy: Alright, mama! Alright! Take a chill pill. Doris: You want me to take a chill pill when you’re so focused on that phone that you don’t even notice when you’re about to flip your plate off the table! Shirley: Doris, why don’t you just calm down? You’ve been fussing and complaining all day. Doris: Well, you would too if you had four people to clean up behind all day every day. And Clara, I was hoping that Raymond would’ve joined us for supper for a change. Clara: Mama, Raymond is a very busy man. You know that. Being an attorney is hard work. Doris: Mm-hmm. Oh, and be sure to remind him that he needs to come over here and mow my lawn. That grass is higher than Empire State Building. Billy: Mama, I’d be more than happy to cut your grass. Doris shakes her head Doris (sipping on drink): Oh, no thank you. I can already see you out there, fumbling with the lawnmower for one or two hours before you really get to cuttin’. Well, Kyle, you’ve barely touched your food. Kyle: Actually, I ain’t that hungry, grandma. I think I’m sick. Doris feels Kyle’s head Doris: Well, you don’t feel warm or nothing. Kyle: Well, I don’t feel good. I don’t. I probably got a cold or the flu. You know you gotta stay home when you got the flu. A cold too, but the flu is even worse, ya know? So…looks like I gotta stay home, ‘cause I’m coughing and stuff… Kyle pretends to cough Kyle: And umm…I don’t feel good. So, yeah. If you don’t feel good, you don’t go to school. And my nose is runny too, so- Billy: Oh, hush up, boy. Faking ain’t gon’ do a thing, ‘cause you still goin’ to school on Monday. Doris: And just how do you know he’s faking? Billy: Because, mama! I know! I can tell! Doris (angrily): Are you a doctor?! Billy: No, and I never said I was! Doris (angrily): Well, quit trying to act like his! Shirley: Hey, hey! That’s enough! Clara: Aunt Shirley’s right. I had to listen to all this the last time I was here. Doris: Shirley, I been meaning to ask you. Are you and Tucker Haggen still a thing? Shirley: Well, yes. Why? Doris: Nothing. Shirley: Doris, I know you asked for some reason. Now what are you thinking? Doris: Well, the two of you have been together for eight years, and y’all have only done… Doris looks at Kyle and Willow Doris: “Togetherness” stuff twice. Shirley: Okay. What’s wrong with that? Doris: Well, I’m just saying. Maybe Tucker needs to go see a doctor or something if ya’ll can’t show each other love. Shirley: Doris, why is that any of your business? Doris: Well, let’s face it, Shirley. Tucker ain’t the most exciting guy in the world. After a while, ya’ll are gonna have to do more than just go to museums and look at sights and go to the mall and play in perfume and cologne all day or whatever the hell it is that the two of you do. Shirley: Doris, that is the most ignorant and insensitive statement that I’ve ever heard from you. Doris: Well, I’m just saying. Shirley: Oh, yeah? Well, I’m just saying too. Maybe me and Tucker don’t mind taking things slow. Doris: Oh, yeah? Well, that’s because the two of you ARE slow. Shirley gasps Shirley: How dare you disrespect the relationship of me and Tucker? Doris: Let’s face it, Shirl. That relationship was already disrespected when the two of you decided to be together. Shirley: I’m done with you, Doris. I’m not having this conversation anymore. Doris: Good! Shirley: Better! Andrea (in the kitchen): Hola, my people! Doris (annoyed): Oh, hell. Clara: What on earth is that? Doris: It’s that crazy Andrea Shelton from across the street. Andrea enters the room and approaches everyone at the table Andrea: Oh, well, there ya’ll are. Doris: Andrea, we ain’t got enough food for you to stay and eat. Andrea: Oh, that’s alright. I don’t want none anyway. Doris (under her breath): Thank the lord! Billy: Hey, Andrea. Andrea: Hey, Billy. Say, I was just goin’ over to The Sunroof. Wanna join me? Billy: Sure. Billy gets up from the dinner table Billy: It’s on me! Andrea: Oh, good. Well, thanks, buddy. Doris: Wait a minute. I didn’t stand over no hot stove just so this food can go to waste. Billy: Mama, please. It’s Friday. A man deserves to go out and enjoy himself after working all day. Doris: Well, fine. Go out and party all night while you ditch your family here for a good time with Andrea Shelton. Andrea: And believe me, we intend on having a VERY good time without YOU, Miss Carson. Doris (angrily): Now, just wait a damn minute, young lady! Billy: Hey, hey! Don’t do that. Don’t start. Simmer down, you two. Andrea: Wanna take my car, Billy? Doris: He’s gonna have to sit in the front, on a count of I’m sure they already got lots and lots of “male friends” in the backseat, right, Andrea? Doris winks at Andrea while Andrea rolls her eyes in disgust Billy: Actually, I was thinking we could take my pickup. Andrea nods her head Andrea: Oh, okay. I’m fine with that. Billy: Well, alright. Good. Let’s go. Andrea (excited): The Sunroof, here we come! Billy: Bye, ya’ll! Shirley: Bye, Billy! Clara: Bye! Andrea and Billy leave out CUT TO: Opening Credits Later, Billy and Andrea are shown coming in the house late at night from The Sunroof. The lights are turned off Andrea (singing and dancing at the same time): Stop callin, stop callin! I don’t wanna think anymore! I left my head and my heart on the dance floor! Stop callin, stop callin! I don’t wanna talk anymore! I left my head and my heart on the dance floor! Billy: Shh! Don’t wanna wake up nobody. Andrea: Oh, sorry. Billy, how can you stand to live with your mama? Don’t you want a place of your own? Billy: Well, yeah, I do, but I can’t afford it. And besides, this is only temporary. Andrea: More like a temporary nightmare. I can’t stand this old, tacky house. Billy: It’s better than nothing. Come on. Andrea follows Billy Andrea: I still can’t believe they closed The Sunroof down on us when we was just starting to have fun. Billy: I know. I know. I’m goin’ in the kitchen to get a beer. You want one? Andrea: Sure, buddy. Billy and Andrea are about to go into the kitchen but are soon startled by Doris’ voice Doris (upstairs): Who is that in there?! Billy: It’s me, mama! Andrea: Oh, shoot. I hope she ain’t coming in here. Billy (whispering to Andrea): You gotta find somewhere to hide before mama comes out here and kills us both! Andrea goes into the kitchen. A couple of seconds later, Doris comes downstairs wearing her night clothes Doris: Well, you just coming in? Billy nods his head Billy: Yeah. Doris looks at her watch Doris: Well, it’s 3:17 in the morning. What on earth are you doing up?! Billy: Me and Andrea stayed out late, obviously. Doris: Look, boy. I didn’t let you move in here so you can go gallivanting all kinds of the night with Andrea Shelton. Lord knows that girl is used to it, she’s been married four times. But I won’t put up with it in my house. Billy: Alright, mama. Alright. I’m sorry. It won’t happen again. Doris: Mm-hmm. Billy: Well, good night, mama. Billy gives Doris a kiss on the cheek Billy: I’m alright down here. I don’t need nothing, so you can go and get back in bed now. Doris: Well, no, I don’t want to just yet. Billy: Mama, please! Just come on and go back to bed. You need your rest, mama. Go on. Doris (aggravated): Billy, get the hell away from me! I said I ain’t ready to go back to bed yet. I wanna do something first. Billy smacks his lips Billy: Do what? Doris: I just wanna get me a sip of water. Why are you so worried? Doris goes into the kitchen and turns the light on. Billy follows her. Andrea immediately notices Doris and hurries up and hides in the pantry Billy: Ya know, mama, I heard that water keeps you awake and you have trouble sleeping and stuff if you drink it in the middle of the night. You’d be better off with melatonin. Doris (annoyed): Billy, if you don’t shut the hell up, I am going to shut you up. I don’t want no melanin or whatever it is you was talking about. Billy: Melatonin, mama. Melatonin. Doris: Whatever you say. Doris goes into the refrigerator, grabs a bottle of water, opens it, and chugs it loudly and in a rather disturbing manner before putting the top back on and putting the bottle back into the fridge Doris: That was refreshing. Doris burps loudly Doris: Excuse me. Doris leaves out of the kitchen and Billy follows her Doris: William, what I don’t get is how you can skip supper to go to The Sunroof with that *****, Andrea. That no good, flamboyant tramp ain’t never gon’ amount to nothing. I swear all she does is spend her time at some bar. She ain’t never at home half the time. And I guess you’re setting a good example for your kids. Staggering in here from The Sunroof at 3 o’clock in the morning. What has gotten in to you? Billy shrugs his shoulders* Billy: I dunno, mama. Doris: I bet your daddy is rolling in his grave right now. Just imagine if he was alive and saw you like this. You better say your prayers tonight. Billy: Yes, ma’am. Doris: And in the morning, too. Billy: Okay. Doris: All that noise down here, I was getting ready to go in my purse. Just be glad I let you go out tonight. I won’t have all that noise in my house late at night, you hear me, boy? Billy nods his head Billy: Okay. Doris: Alright. I won’t have it at all. Well, alright. Good night, baby. Billy: Good night, mama. Doris goes back upstairs. Billy then goes into the kitchen Billy: Alright, the coast is clear! Andrea comes out of the pantry Andrea: Oh, Billy, I feel so bad for you. Why do you even bother with that old, impossible woman? Billy: Oh, because I’m obligated to. Billy goes into the fridge and gets a beer for Andrea and a beer for him Billy: Here. Billy hands Andrea a beer Andrea: Thanks, buddy. Billy and Andrea open their beers and start sipping Billy: Ya know, I caught mama trying to throw away my gaming controllers and entire charging station just last week. Andrea: Really? Billy nods his head Billy: Yeah. She has this pet peeve about my phone usage and how much I play video games. Andrea: Oh, I didn’t know you played games at your age. Billy nods his head Billy: Oh, yeah. I’m a pro. Andrea: My daughter’s into all them games herself. Maybe she can come over here and play with you sometime. Billy: Oh, good. That would be nice. Andrea: Yeah. That’s not the only thing she likes. She’s obsessed with all those stupid TikTok dances. Billy laughs Billy: Oh, I see. Andrea nods her head Andrea: Yeah. It drives me insane. Billy: Hey, you wanna come and chill in my bedroom? Andrea: Your bedroom? Billy nods his head Billy: Yeah. Andrea: Are you sure that’s okay? I mean, it’s your bedroom, and I don’t know how you keep it or nothing. And wouldn’t you feel a little strange about me coming in there? Billy shakes his head Billy: Oh, no. You company. Come on. Andrea shrugs her shoulders Andrea: Well, okay. Billy and Andrea go into Billy’s bedroom Billy: Here it is. Andrea: Oh, it doesn’t look bad. Billy: I know. Andrea takes a seat on Billy’s bed Billy: Man, I feel like I’m dreaming. I can’t believe that you’re actually in my room. Andrea: Well, why is that? Billy: Well…I don’t know if this is gonna come as a shock to you, but I had THE biggest crush on you in school. Andrea (shocked): Oh, really? Billy nods his head Billy: Yeah. Billy takes a seat next to Andrea Billy: I mean, you had it all. You were on the volleyball team, the basketball team, the track team, AND you did cheer. And I was just a dumb little loser, wasn’t on no sports, wasn’t popular or nothing. Andrea: Now, Billy, don’t say that. You had lots of friends. Billy: You think 7 is a lot? Andrea: Well, it’s more than what I had. Ya see, I never really had friends in school. Billy: You didn’t? Andrea shakes her head Andrea: No. It was hard. Billy: Well, that sucks. Andrea: Yeah. But I’m better off where I am now in life. Billy: Oh, I can see that. You, and that pretty blonde hair, and those luscious lips, and those cotton candy blue eyes, and that smile of yours. Billy smacks his lips Billy (nervous): Oh, I’m sorry. I don’t know where that came from. Andrea: Oh, no, no. It’s alright, buddy. Let it happen. Let…the magic happen. Billy: Oh, gosh. I’ve always wanted this to happen. I’ve wanted you so bad, for years. I wanted to have you and hold you. Andrea: Well, what’s stopping you, then, sweetheart? Come on. Let’s get it on in here. Billy puts his beer down, leans in, and kisses Andrea passionately on the lips Billy: Wait, no, no. This isn’t right. This is all wrong. What if mama came in here and saw us? She’d kill me. Andrea: Baby, you need to get your mind off your prudish mama, and let me… Andrea kisses Billy on the lips Andrea: …Get to work on you. Come on. You’re nervous. Let me get your mind off mama. We’re in here alone. It’s just the two of us. No one has to know. Andrea kisses Billy Andrea: You’ll feel better, baby. We’re all alone to ourselves. It’ll be our little steamy love secret. Billy: Oh, shut up, woman. Billy throws Andrea on the bed and starts making out with her Andrea (excited): Oh, Billy! Oh! Billy takes his belt off and starts ripping off his clothes Andrea: Oh, yeah! Billy: Oh, my damn! Oh, damn! Oh, boy! Andrea: Hurry up! I can’t wait to do it! Billy: Oh, ya just don’t know, Andrea. I could do this all night! Andrea: We ARE gonna do this all night, lover boy! Oh, come on! Keep going! Get to work! You got it! You got it! The next morning, Doris is shown cooking breakfast in the kitchen when Shirley enters Shirley: Good morning, Doris! Doris: Well, good morning, Shirley. How did you sleep last night? Shirley: Like a baby. Like a baby. Shirley has a seat at the kitchen table Shirley: What’s the matter with Kyle? He’s laying on the couch, talking about he doesn’t feel well. Doris: Well, I knew he didn’t. But no, Billy was talking about he was just fine last night. And speaking of, I can’t believe I found Billy staggering in here past 3 o’clock last night. Shirley: Past 3 o’clock? Doris nods her head Doris: Yup. Shirley: Well, dear God in heaven. Doris: Yep. I’m tellin ya. Shirley: Seems like he and Andrea had a wonderful time. Doris: Too wonderful of a time. That boy was trying to rush me back to bed last night when I came down here and saw him. He was acting strange. Shirley: Well, why does that surprise you? Billy’s always acting strange. Doris: Well, yes, but there was something SUPER strange about the way he was acting. Like he was up to something. Or something was UP to him. A few seconds later, Andrea can be heard moaning and screaming rather loudly in Billy’s bedroom Doris (confused): Well, what the hell?! Shirley: Doris, what? What’s wrong? Andrea (moaning in the bedroom): Oh, Billy! Billy, faster! Ah, yeah! That’s more like it! Doris holds her chest and starts panting loudly Shirley (confused): Doris, what’s the matter with you? Andrea (moaning in the bedroom): JACKPOT! Doris (disgusted): NOW TELL ME YOU DIDN’T HEAR THAT!!! Shirley: Was that Andrea? Doris (disgusted): In BILLY’S bedroom! Doris walks up to Billy’s bedroom door, opens it, and peeps through it, immediately seeing Billy and Andrea Doris (disgusted): UGH! Shirley gets up and gets a look for herself Shirley (disgusted): Nasty! Shirley then holds her chest and starts to pant loudly with Doris Andrea (moaning in the bedroom): Oh, gosh! You’re so sweet! Doris (disgusted, under her breath): And she’s so NASTY! Shirley nods her head Doris (disgusted): William Carson, you get your disgusting butt in here right now! Doris and Shirley step away from the door Shirley: Well…that was action packed. Doris (disgusted): Yeah, and I’m about to be pistol packed! A couple of seconds later, Billy enters the kitchen with Andrea’s panties on his head, which draws more attention to him Billy: Good morning, mama. Billy is about to kiss Doris on the cheek before she stops him Doris (disgusted): Don’t you kiss me with them lips! Billy: Uh, what ya cooking, mama? Doris (disgusted): Don’t worry about that right now, Billy. Uhh, Billy… Andrea enters the room and immediately notices her underwear on Billy’s head. She’s embarrassed Andrea (embarrassed): Umm, Billy, can I get my…things? Billy (confused): What things? Andrea (embarrassed): I need what’s on your head. Billy feels around his head and eventually touches Andrea’s panties Billy: Oh. Billy hands Andrea’s panties to her Andrea (embarrassed): Umm, I gotta go. Bye, ya’ll. Doris (disgusted): Bye and don’t come back. Andrea leaves out Shirley: Umm, as interesting as this is, I’m gonna go check on Kyle. Shirley leaves out of the kitchen and heads into the living room Doris (disgusted): Billy, let’s talk, shall we? Billy (nervous): I don’t want to. Doris (angrily): Sit your ass down! Billy has a seat at the kitchen table. Doris sits down as well Doris: Now, Billy. I let you and the grandkids move in here on a count of you begged and pleaded with me. But after last night, you have showed me that you can’t be trusted. Billy (nervous): Well, how is that? Doris (angrily): By hooking up with that…thing in my own home! Billy (nervous): You talking ‘bout- Doris (angrily): THEE Andrea Shelton! What’s the matter with you, boy?! How could you, and with that dolled up, indecent hussy! Billy: Mama, I wish you wouldn’t insult Andrea. She’s a good woman. Doris (angrily): Oh, you’d know! I’m still trying to figure out what that same good woman was doing in your bedroom all that time! Billy (nervous): Helping me change a flat tire. Doris rolls her eyes Doris (angrily): I am done with you, Billy! Doris leaves out of the kitchen and goes into the living room where Shirley is sitting in the armchair and Kyle and Willow are sitting on the couch. Billy follows her. Billy: Mama, Andrea Shelton is a woman of good character and she’s got good principles and morals and values! Doris laughs Doris: Billy, you better get the hell away from me! Willow: What’s going on? Doris: Billy, you wanna tell your children what you did? Billy: It’s nothing, kids. Doris (angrily): Billy, I forbid you to do what you did with Andrea Shelton EVER again! Not under my roof! Billy: Well, fine, mama! I won’t do it under your roof! I’ll move in with Andrea and we’ll do it every day and every night over there! Willow: Do what? Shirley: Umm, make sock puppets. Doris (angrily): That’s fine by me, Billy! Doris heads upstairs Billy: Yes, siree! It is love that me and Andrea share! And there is nothing coming between me and her! Later that day, Billy and Andrea are shown seated at The Sunroof Billy (sobbing): Mama’s coming between us, Andrea. Later, Kyle is shown looking out the window in the living room. He is obviously nervous Willow (in a deep, low pitched voice): I got you, Kyle! Kyle (nervous): Ahh! Kyle falls on the couch in horror while Willow laughs Willow: Tricked ya! Kyle (annoyed): Oh, shut up! Willow: Kyle, what are you so scared for? Kyle (nervous): What? W-What ya mean? I’m not scared. Willow nods her head Willow: Uh, yeah, you are. You’re a punk, bruh. And a scaredy cat. Kyle (annoyed): Shut up! Willow: Scaredy cat, scaredy cat! Kyle gets up, wraps his hands around Willow’s neck, and starts to choke her. Willow starts screaming Kyle (angrily): Oh, I got you now, you little brat! I got you! Billy enters the room and immediately notices what’s going on Billy: Hey, what is going on?! Billy breaks Kyle and Willow up Billy (angrily): What is wrong with you, boy?! Kyle: Willow called me a punk and a scaredy cat. Willow: And he is. Billy: Willow, go to your room. Willow: But, dad- Billy: Go to your room until you learn to quit messing with your brother! Willow goes upstairs to her room Billy (talking to Kyle): I thought you were sick. Kyle: I am. Kyle pretends to cough Billy: Sit down. Billy and Kyle sit down on the couch Billy: What’s the matter? Why you been trying to get outta school? Kyle slowly shakes his head Kyle: I don’t wanna talk about it. Billy: Well, I can’t do anything unless you tell me what’s going on. Kyle sighs Kyle: Alright. Fine. Somebody’s been bullying me at school. Billy: Bullying you? Well, why didn’t you tell me before? Kyle shrugs his shoulders Kyle: Because I take after you. Billy: Is it a boy or a girl? Kyle: A boy. Billy: Listen, Kyle. When you go back to school on Monday, you’re gonna stand up to your bully if he messes with you again. If that doesn’t work, then I’m gonna call the school and set up a meeting. Kyle shakes his head Kyle: Oh, no. Please don’t do that. Billy: Well, why not? Do you want this situation handled or not? Kyle: Look…I don’t want to be seen as a snitch. Billy: Well, if you want some help- Kyle gets up from the couch Kyle (angrily): I don’t need your help, then! I got this! I can fight my own battles! Kyle goes upstairs and Billy sighs. The next day, Doris and Shirley are shown sitting in the living room, drinking iced tea Shirley: Now, Doris. Has some cool iced tea calmed you down? Doris: Hell no. I still can’t believe my boy would let me down like this. Shirley: It’s alright. Just think about…pleasant moments. Doris: Like Andrea playing in traffic? Shirley: Doris! A knock on the door is heard. Shirley places her glass of iced tea on the table, gets up, and answers it. At the door when she answers it is Andrea Andrea: Hi, Aunt Shirl! Shirley: Aunt Shirl?! Andrea nods her head Andrea: Well, yeah. It’s a term of endearment. Shirley: Well, don’t ENDEAR around me. Doris: Billy, get in here! It’s G.I. Ho! Andrea rolls her eyes. A couple of seconds later, Billy enters the living room Doris: Billy, I want this woman to vacate the premises as soon as possible! Billy: Mama, don’t be so rude to company. Doris: Company?! I sure as hell didn’t invite her here! Billy: Mama, please keep your voice down. My kids are upstairs and I don’t want em to hear us down here. Doris puts her glass of iced tea down and gets up Doris (angrily): How dare you go on about your kids when you were rolling around in the bed with this gross bimbo the other night?! Andrea gasps Doris (angrily): Talk about waking up on the wrong side of the bed! Andrea approaches Doris Andrea (furious): Now, just wait a damn minute here, granny! I’ve met some bitches and some witches and some real mean, unpleasant ladies, but you take the cake! I’ve never seen a woman as evil and nasty and malicious as you in my entire life! And to be honest, you’re coming very close to being punched in the mouth! Doris (angrily): I’d like to see you try! Andrea (furious): Oh, yeah?! Billy: Hey, that’s enough, you two! Doris (angrily): Oh, shut the hell up! I can’t believe you’d have the nerve to take up with this repulsive woman under my roof! Andrea (furious): You’re a fine one to talk! Everything about you’s repulsive! Especially the fact that you thrive on verbally abusing your own son constantly! Doris (angrily): Oh, I don’t wanna hear that bullsht. Andrea (furious): Well, you’re gonna hear it and you’re gonna like it! I mean, come on! This man has become nothing more but a sissified and babied wimp! Billy (whining): Hey! I’m not a wimp! I’m not! Andrea: Anyway, I just came here to talk to Billy. Billy: Really? Talk to me? Andrea nods her head* Andrea: Yeah. Billy: About what? Andrea: Well, I was wondering if you wanted to…have dinner at my place next Saturday, at, uh, 8, maybe. Billy nods his head Billy: Sounds good. Andrea: Okay. See you then. Billy and Andrea kiss Doris (angrily): Get out! Andrea leaves the house Billy: Well…looks like I got me a girlfriend. Doris: Billy, if you don’t want me to die of a broken heart, I suggest that you don’t go to Andrea’s place at all next Saturday. Billy: I’m a grown man, and I can make my own decisions, mama. Doris: If you don’t want me to kill you, I suggest that you don’t go to Andrea’s place at all next Saturday. Billy: I’m not listening to you. Doris (disgusted): What in hell do you see in that hussy?! Billy (annoyed): Mama, that’s enough! Now can you please get off of Andrea? Doris (disgusted): I wish you would’ve gotten off of Andrea in that bedroom, then we wouldn’t be here. Damnit, Billy. Now I’m gonna have to wash them sheets. Hell, I might have to burn em and put em out of their misery. CLOSING CREDITS… THE END
	Last edited by TVLegend; 11-25-2023 at 06:27 PM.

01-01-2023, 11:41 PM	#2
stevea 22 Years On Sitcoms Moderator Forum Legend Join Date: Aug 13, 2003 Location: Indy Posts: 44,233	I like this. It's an R rated Mama's Family.

01-02-2023, 10:16 AM	#4
stevea 22 Years On Sitcoms Moderator Forum Legend Join Date: Aug 13, 2003 Location: Indy Posts: 44,233	Absolutely Doris, but also Billy and Andrea remind me of Vint and Naomi. I did lol a few times, but I can't remember when.

01-06-2023, 11:17 PM	#5
Wawwie Member Forum Star Join Date: Jul 26, 2006 Location: New York Posts: 14,376	Interesting how Kyle chokes his sister, Willow, and Willow is the one who gets reprimanded by Billy...sending her to her room and telling her to quit "messing with her brother." HILARIOUS

01-14-2023, 11:12 AM	#12
TVLegend Member Forum 4000 Club Member Join Date: Nov 06, 2020 Location: United States Posts: 4,306	Just finished Episode 2. Please go check it out and give feedback as usual. And to whoever hasn’t checked out this one, I recommend it.