An I Love Lucy/Honeymooners Christmas crossover

[Frank Gannucci]

On the I Love Lucy board on this site, I posted this:

(The Ricardos and Mertzes are driving out in the country to cut down a tree. Ricky gets a call on his cellphone.)

Ricky: “It’s Mr. Ralph Kramden.”

(Ricky answers it.)

Ralph (on phone): “Hello Ricky!”

Ricky: “Hi Ralph! You ready for tomorrow.”

Ralph (over phone): “Yes and I will be away from that blabbermouth of a mother-in-law of mine.”

(Ricky laughs.)

Ricky: “I hope all goes well.”

Ralph (over phone): “Don’t worry. When they made me, they threw away the mold.”

Ricky: “And when you taste the booze tomorrow, you may remind you of the time you got drunk on grape juice.”

(They both laugh.)

Both (with Ralph over the phone): “See ya.”

Ethel: "Fred, didn't they invent XMas tree lots so people didn't have to waste an entire Saturday to pick out a tree?

Fred: "They invented them Ethel because people like to spend money. I don't."

Ricky: "Besides cutting down a tree is fun even though it makes your hands row."

Lucy: "Row?"

Ricky: "Yeah. Row. R-o-u-g-h."

Lucy: "You mean rough."

Ricky: "Never mind making fun of my English."

Lucy: "That's English?"

Fred: "I feel like cutting down a tree."

Lucy: "Yeah, I feel like cutting down a tree."

Ricky: "Lucy, there is no way we are letting you cut down a tree. If we did, we would be lucky if the tree didn't fall over on us."

Lucy: "Oh."

(They stop and begin to walk to the trees.)

Ethel: "Fred, I am starting to become frozen from the waste down."

Fred: "That's too be expected Ethel. You gals need to start roughing it."

Ricky: "There's the tree."

Lucy: "It looks great. It's not big. It's just full."

Ricky: "Well, Lucy take the saw out."

(Lucy has this look that says she forgot the saw.)

Ricky: "Lucy, where's the saw?"

Lucy: "I forgot it."

All (yell): "WHAT?"

Lucy: "It's wasn't my fault. I was paying attention to something else."

(Ricky starts muttering in Spanish.)

Ricky: "Lucy, do you know what this means?"

Lucy: "What?"

Ricky: "All of us are going to dig our hands into the snow and..."

Lucy: "Ewwwww..."

(They dig the tree out of the ground and they carry the tree onto the car. Fred is responsible for tying the tree. Ricky has this look of anger on his face.)

Lucy: "RIcky, are you still mad?"

Ricky (sarcastically): "No. I just LOVE getting my hands dirty and the fact that I missed the Christmas concert on TV."

Lucy: "Ooooh."

Ethel: "I hope that you are satisfied Lucy."

Lucy: "Well, when you think back, this is actually funny. Hahahaha...Aaaaaaah HA!"

(Fred comes back in the car.)

Fred: "Let's head on home."

Ethel: "You sure that rope is tied Fred?"

Fred (imitating Ethel): "Yes, I am sure it's tied."

(They drive off. They drive up a bridge that overlooks a river. The tree falls off and plunges into the river. They stop and get out.)

(The group looks at what happened to the tree as it plunged into the river.)

Lucy: "Wow!"

Ethel: "I hope you are satisfied Fred with your weak tying job."

Ricky: "If you weren't my friend, I would punch you right in the nose."

Fred: "It wasn't my fault that you dames got such a weak rope."

Ethel: "Lucy bought it."

Lucy: "Yeah, I bought it from a guy on the streets of New York who sold it to me for a $1."

Ricky: "Ay-yi-yi-yi. Lucy, what did I tell you about those type of people?"

Lucy: "He looked as honest as the day is long."

Ethel: "Yes and we know how long the days are during winter."

Fred: "Does anyone feel like swimming with the fishes?"

Ricky (yells): "WHAT? WE ARE NOT SUBJECTING ANYONE OF US TO GETTING COLD."

Fred: "All right. Time to dig another tree and hopefully we can get the tree home by Xmas morning."

(They do. They arrive just in time for the clock to strike midnight. They arrive in the Ricardo household...only to find a tree was there. They see Little Ricky along with Lucy's mother. They have a shocked look on their faces. They see the Kramdens and Nortons.)

Ralph: "Merry XMas all. We all got in my bus and AWAY WE WENT!

Lucy's Mother: "Merry Xmas everyone."

Little Ricky: "Merry Xmas everyone."

Ricky: "Where did you get that tree?"

Little Ricky: "It must have been Santa Claus. It wasn't here when I went to bed. Look at all the presents."

Ed: "I certainly did not get it in the sewer."

(Everyone rolls their eyes.)

Trixie: "This is a great day."

Alice: "It certainly is."

Alice: "This is a Christmas miracle."

Lucy: "What a Xmas miracle."

Ricky: "Yes."

Little Ricky: "Mommy, why did you all get another tree that is full of seaweed? Did it fall into the river?"

Ricky: "Son, you know of the lyrics to the Andy Williams Christmas song where he says: 'There will be tales of the glories of Christmas long, long ago?' This is one of them."

(They all stare into the camera.)

All: "Merry Christmas everybody."

(The end.)