View Today's Active Threads (No Chit Chat/Chit Chat Only) / View New Posts (No Chit Chat/Chit Chat Only) / Mark All Boards Read / Chit Chat Board
View Latest Threads in Fan Fiction
|
|
|||||||
 |
|
|
Thread Tools | Search this Thread |
08-16-2002, 03:23 PM
|
#1 |
|
Member
Forum Veteran
Join Date: Feb 27, 2001
Posts: 7,356
   |
"Stuart Little" Season 1 Episodes (TV-PG/TV-14)
When I started to write this pilot it was meant as a sitcom version of the movies for an adult crowd.As I delved deeper it sort of became a parody of itself and perfectness.Enjoy!
“Stuart Little” Cast: Annie Potts as Eleanor Little Charlie Sheen as Fredrick Little Alex D. Linz as George Little Briana Bridges as Martha Little Nathan Lane as The Voice of Snowbell Little Melanie Griffith as The Voice of Margalow Little John-Paul Vitale as The Voice of Stuart Little Michael Rappaport as The Voice of Monty Dave Foley as Dave Biggens Victoria Jackson as Vicki Biggens Haley Joel Osment as Henry Biggens Morgan Webb as The Voice of Wendi Biggens Paul Reiser as Mr.Neil Carter Theme Song:”Oh The hills are alive with the sound of music and the Treetops are tingling like there’s no Tomorrow Oh this is all we have family we have family Family we have family we may be Little that’s so true and that was a pun too Little but we have the F-Word we do so true we have the F-A-M We have Fam and we have Fam we eat Spam oh We eat Spamily like Famil oh I just love Mark Hamil we’ve got we don’t have a lot but we we sure do got we we have spam and we have fam we’ve got what we’ve got and that’s Family boy do we have that a lot of that Boy do we have that We We sure do have a lot of family We sure do have a lot of that Boy do we Boy do we have that!”. #1:”The Vacation” (Opening Credits) (Fredrick walks into the apartment.Eleanor is in the kitchen making dinner while Martha sleeps in her Play Pen in the Living Room) Fredrick:Little Hey Little Ho Eleanor:Little High Little Low Fredrick:Ah dinner smells fantastiastic! Eleanor:It’s Beef stew with Chicken noodles and Artichoke hearts,Your favorite Fredrick:Oh yeah my my fave fave favorite Eleanor:Do you not like Beef stew with Chicken noodles and Artichoke hearts? Fredrick:No honey I LOVE Beef stew with Chicken noodles and Artichoke hearts the only problem is that I’m allergic to Artichoke Hearts Eleanor:Oh No! I forgot ALL about the Artichoke incident of 1987! Fredrick:That’s 1997 dear Eleanor:Oh my god I lost it! Fredrick:No you didn’t honey you look scrumptious Eleanor:Not my looks Fredrick I’ve been so busy with Martha and cooking and the PTA and The Bridge Club and the fight against guns that I forgot all about you and George and Stuart and Margalow and Snowbell,My Family! Fredrick:Hey I’ve got an idea! If I can get Mr.Carter to give me 3 weeks off we can all go to Florida Eleanor:My parents live in Florida Fredrick:California? Eleanor:Everybody is nuts in California Fredrick:Guam? Eleanor:I don’t like the way it sounds.Guam Guam Guam It sounds blah Fredrick:Afghanastan? Eleanor:Oh yes I want to die next week Fredrick:Ok so Afghanastan it is Eleanor:I was being sarcastic Fredrick:I knew that.So where do you want to go? Eleanor:Central Park Fredrick:Eleanor we live right across from Central Park Eleanor:I know Fredrick:Don’t you want to go to somewhere exotic? Eleanor:It’s the family Fredrick not just us Fredrick:I know but don’t you want to go to China or to a Sweat Shop in Iran where we can watch Kathie Lee Gifford bitch a bunch of overworked and underpaid kids around? Eleanor:Your being ridiculous Fredrick George,Stuart and Margalow:Little Hey Little Ho Eleanor and Fredrick:Little High Little Low Eleanor:How was school? Stuart:It was great Mom George:I wish I could say the same for myself Fredrick:What happened George? George:Lance Peppodent,The school bully wanted my lunch money and so he pushed me down and Headlocked me until I gave it to him Eleanor:Oh my god! Did you give it to him? George:Of course I did Eleanor:And? George:He’s in the Emergency Room suffering right now Fredrick:Way to go son! George:Let me fini*****hen it turned out he was just trying to hug me Fredrick:Oh Margalow:I made a new friend Fredrick:Way to go Margalow! Stuart:The only problem is that I don’t think she’s a nice girl Margalow:Jade is too! And she’s in a band! Eleanor:Really? What’s it called? Margalow:F’d up idiots from the planet Whoop Ass Eleanor:Oh that’s nice….I think Fredrick:Anyway guys Next week we’re going on Vacation for 3 weeks Stuart:Really dad? That’s swell! Margalow:Oh crap! I have to audition for the band next week Fredrick:Can’t you make it tomorrow? Margalow:No that’s ok dad George:Where are we going? Eleanor:That’s our problem we don’t know yet George:Can Henry Biggens and his parents go? Fredrick:Sure! I’d love for Dave and Vicki Biggens to be there! Dave is my best friend and Vicki is Your mom’s best friend George:And Henry is mine and Stuart’s best friend Margalow:If Henry can come Can Jade come too? Fredrick:Sure! The more the merrier! Stuart:It’s Ruined! Margalow:How is it ruined? Stuart:I HATE Jade! Margalow:That’s just because Jade is COOLER than you are! Stuart:No that’s because Jade is a chain smoking 13 year old Floozy! Eleanor:Margalow I don’t think your father and I want you hanging out with a girl who smokes and screws perverts Margalow:Oh come on Mom! She’s SO cool and no one said she screws perverts! Fredrick:If she’s a 13 year old girl who has pre-marital sex then she screws perverts Eleanor:Can we please stop talking about Screwing Perverts? Snowbell:Screwing Perverts Screwing Perverts Screwing Perverts Screwing Perverts Screwing Perverts Eleanor:Besides I want it just to be us! Fredrick:Oh come on Eleanor a few people won’t hurt Eleanor:Ok I guess your right (Later that night.Fredrick and Eleanor are in bed.Martha is in her crib.Fredrick and Eleanor are looking at Brochures) Fredrick:San Diego? Eleanor:No.Portland? Fredrick:No.Canada? (Pause) Both:No Eleanor:Constantinople? Fredrick:It’s Istanbul Eleanor:Oh Yeah! I love that song Both (Singing):It’s Istanbul not Constantinople Istanbul my birthstone is Opal Eleanor:Wait! I know! Fredrick:Really? Where? (Eleanor whispers into Fredrick’s ear) (A week later 1000 people are in the apartment ready to go on vacation including a Jewish woman named Elsa and Fredrick’s boss Mr.Neil Carter) Fredrick:Ok people there are 5 buses outside we will boards them to go to our destination.Please stick together so we don’t have a Home Alone 4 Eleanor:As long as Alex D. Linz isn’t in it.He sucked! George:Hey! I liked him! Mr.Carter:Are we almost ready to go? Fredrick:Yes.Ok anyway the people holding the pieces of paper numbered 1-31 board buses 1 or 2.Bus 1 will have my wife,My daughter Margalow,My daughter Martha and Margalow’s friend Jade in it Jade:Crap! Where’s my smoke? Fredrick:Isn’t she cute? Anyway My sons Stuart,George and I will be in number 2.All of the bums my wife invited go in buses 3,4,5,6 and 7 along with my Great Aunt Doris,My uncle Dave,Some guy I’ve never met before in my life,Martha Stewart and my 99 year old grandma Grandma:What? Fredrick:All of the girls from the Sorority Zeta Capra Beta and their rivals Beta Capra Zeta go in Buses 8 and 9 along with my boss Mr.Neil Carter Mr.Carter:Yes! I get hot college students! Fredrick:All black men named Fred go in buses 10-100.Bus 10 will have a Jewish woman named Elsa in it.Everybody else please drive your own car and if you don’t have a car then take a plane.Oh yeah My friend Dave and his son Henry will also be on Bus 2 and his wife Vicki will be on bus 1 with my wife. (2 days later.Fredrick is on Bus 2 with George,Stuart,Dave and Henry) Dave:Fredrick Where exactly ARE we going? Fredrick:I forgot Henry:You forgot? Stuart:You forgot? George:You forgot? Fredrick:I forgot but I think it was Constantinople All but Fredrick:It’s Istanbul not Constantinople! (4 days later.All of the buses arrive in Zimbabwe) Fredrick:Zimbabwe! That was it! (Everbody gets off the bus to greet the Zimbabweans) All but the Zimbabweans:Little Hey Little Ho The Zimbabweans:Little High Little Low (Later that night.The Littles,The Biggens and Jade are at camp.Jade is smoking) Eleanor:Aren’t you a little YOUNG to smoke? Jade:So what are you saying? Eleanor:Well…. Jade:You’re an old hag anyway! Vicki:I like her.She’s got spunk Jade:I hate spunk Fredrick:We men are going to go get some firewood (Fredrick,Dave Stuart,Snowbell,Henry and George make muscles) Snowbells:It’s true mom! I’m not gay! Eleanor:Ok have fun guys Snowbell:Oh no! I broke a nail…Damn it! Sorry mom (An hour later.Everybody is sitting around the campfire) All (Singing):Goodbye my lord oh Goodbye Goodbye my lord oh goodbye good night and remember to sleep tight goodbye my lord and goodnight Jade:Fredrick,Eleanor Can I maybe sing a song from my band? Eleanor:Sure Fredrick:Go right ahead (Jade gets her guitar and then sits back down) Jade:This song is called ripped ass heart (Singing) You ripped my F’n heart apart and I said rot in Hell we screwed once well maybe twice and said rot in hell in hell is where you should rot you ass oh hell you’re my anis good Greg Lou anis I mean Greg Louganis It’s my ripped ass heart it’s now an f’n fart rot in hell and I said go to hell go to hell go to hell go to hell! Fredrick:Well that was… Eleanor:Interesting All (Singing):You ripped my F’n heart apart and I said rot in Hell we screwed once well maybe twice and said rot in hell in hell is where you should rot you ass oh hell you’re my anis good Greg Lou anis I mean Greg Louganis It’s my ripped ass heart it’s now an f’n fart rot in hell and I said go to hell go to hell go to hell go to hell! Fredrick:And now Ghost Stories Stuart:I Love Ghost Stories! Fredrick:Once upon a time there was a ghost and he made friends with everybody… Jade:That story sucks! It’s not even Firkin scary Fredrick:Since you say it’s not Firkin scary then why don’t you tell a scary story then Jade:Fine Fanfare Moron! Once upon there lived an Ogre named Gerard Depardu Fredrick:Like the actor? Jade:Shut the hell up! Anyway he was a scary monster but he died and rotted in hell as a ghost.He later screwed the devil who yes is a girl played by Elvira and NOT Olympia Duckiest Eleanor:Olympia Decanis Vicki:I’m pretty sure it’s Olympia Dubunked Fredrick:It’s Olympia Dukakis ass holes! Stuart:It’s Ducockis Fredrick:Dukakis Jade:Well anyway he bit off Jill’s head and Jack’s too and then he ate Stuart Little so much that he can’t say Little Hey little firkin ho anymore! The End Fredrick:That was firkin scary! Stuart:Can I have a fricken hot pocket? Fredrick:Where’s My firkin hot pocket? Eleanor:Where’s my fricken hot pocket? Fredrick:That was firkin scary! Eleanor:Firkin with a capital IRKEN! Fredrick:Irkenty Workenty Burkenty Bye! Jade:Now that’s just stupid! (3 weeks later.Everybody arrives back from Zimbabwe and the Littles are beat and entering their apartment) All:Little Hey Little Ho (Silence) George:No Ones Home… All:Nopei Dope hahahahaha! Snowbell:I’m gonna make some Pancakes! Stuart:Well I ain’t gonna have one of those! All:Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha! Margalow (Impersonating Stuart badly):One of those! All:Hahahahahahahahaha! Fredrick:Little Hey Little Ho All but Fredrick:Little High Little Low All:Hahahahahahahahaha! Margalow (Impersonating Stuart badly):One of those! All:Hahahahahahahahaha! All:One of those All:Hahahahahahahahaha! Fredrick:Those One of Those One of Those pancakes the cat gonna make One of those Snowbell:One of those baby haha Eleanor:One of those (Closing Credits) (The Littles are on the couch.Martha is in Eleanor’s lap while she nits,Fredrick is reading the Newpaper and the kids are watching TV) All (Impersonating Stuart badly):One of those! The Audience roars with excitement and we hear applause Charlie Sheen (Voice):”Stuart Little” was filmed in front of a live studio audience (Impersonating Stuart badly) One of Those! THE END |
|
|
|
08-25-2002, 02:16 AM
|
#2 |
|
Member
Senior Member
Join Date: May 16, 2001
Location: Regina,Saskatchewan, Canada
Posts: 1,201
|
That was funny. Different, but funny.
|
|
|
|
|
10-05-2002, 09:58 PM
|
#3 |
|
Member
Forum 4000 Club Member
Join Date: Mar 06, 2001
Location: Clifton Park, NY
Posts: 4,768
|
It's quite refreshing to see you writing scripts more than 5 sentances long....but let me give you advice. Slow down a bit. Stick to ONE sitcom, because when you're doing 15 different sitcom, you basically just make up stupid ideas and short scripts. Stop putting teenagers in all of your sitcoms. Nobody here likes Alyson Hannigon or Tara Reid as much as you do. Put in spin-offs...don't make up your own stupid sitcoms, about you and your friends. I'd recommend deleting all of the sitcoms you're currently working on except for one, and stick to that. You've been voted Worst Writer every time that category is put in an awards ceremony here, and you shouldn't have to go so slow like that!!! Write better, longer, more sophistacated and funny sitcoms...and start getting out more. You're on here 24-7, and post 24 threads a minute. Two words: Slow down. Pretend I'm Wayne Newton and your Dana Plato. That was just fatherly advice. You've been given no beauty, talent, or acting abilities...but you can improve. Go from Dana Plato and turn into Gary Coleman. Sure he's messed up, but he's still alive and well!!!!!!!!!!! Peace out my brother from other mother.
|
|
__________________
Andrew Carden |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
