A Honeymooners Thanksgiving:

[Frank Gannucci]

A Honeymooners Thanksgiving:

(Ralph meets Ed by the apartment building entrance.)

Ralph: “Hiya pal o’mine.”

Ed: “Whaddaya say Ralph?”

Ralph: “Tonight, I am going to tell Alice that we are going to the Raccoon Thanksgiving dinner and we are NOT going to her parents house.”

Ed: “Atta boy Ralph. I’m going to tell the same thing to Trixie. After all, we are the kings of our castle. We are going to tell the wives what the plans are.”

Ralph: “Yes, they won’t dare say no.”

(They go inside and many hours later in the Kramden apartment.)

Ralph (yells): “ALICE, WE ARE GOING TO THE RACCOON THANKSGIVING DINNER AND NOT TO YOUR PARENTS HOUSE.”

Alice: “Ralph, I already told my parents that we are going and family is more important.”

Ralph: “That’s your version of it. I wouldn’t want to spend one more minute in that household with that blabbermouth of a mother that you got.”

Alice: “Ralph, how dare you say that about her.”

Ralph: “It doesn’t change my mind. SHE’S A BLABBERMOUTH.”

Alice: “Ralph, this Thanksgiving dinner is very important to my family and I made the RSVPs, a looooooong time ago.”

Ralph: “Yeah, well you can UNSEND them so to speak by calling.”

Alice: “I can’t. Poor Alice doesn’t have a phone. It’s all because of her husband.”

Ralph: “Oooooh, you are flirting with death. I’m telling you that the RACCOONS ARE MORE IMPORTANT. I will not be swayed by you. I’m the King!”

(Ed comes down.)

Ralph: “I’ll have you know that Ed just told the same thing to Trixie. They are going to.”

Ed: “Hi Alice.”

Alice: “ Hello.”

Ed: “No Ralph. We are going to Trixie’s parents. I decided and remembered on the way up that Trixie made the RSVPs for her family a long time ago and family is more important. So that’s where I’m going. I hope you do the same. I would have told you but I was talking to other people and couldn’t break up the conversation. See ya.”

(Ed leaves.)

Ralph: “You are right Alice! I’m sorry for yelling. You know Thanksgiving is a time to be thankful and I’m thankful for having a wife who would put up with a person like me.”

Alice: “I’m thankful too Ralph for having a husband like you.”

Ralph: “Baby, you’re the greatest.”

(They hug and kiss.)

(Jackie walks on stage. Crowd cheers.)

Jackie: “I just want to wish everyone a Happy Thanksgiving! It’s a time to be thankful. The Miami Beach Thanksgivings are the BEST!”

(Crowd cheers.)

Jackie: “Time to introduce the cast. First, Audrey Meadows.”

(The crowd cheers as Audrey comes on stage and shakes Jack’s hand.)

Jackie: “And Art Carney.”

(The crowd cheers as Art comes on stage and shakes Jack’s hand.)

Jackie: “The Miami Beach crowds are the BEST! ONCE AGAIN, HAPPY THANKSGIVING! GOOD NIGHT!”

(Crowd cheers.)