Thelma Goes To Anger Management - Sitcoms Online Message Boards

TVLegend · 09-07-2022, 06:05 PM

The following is a sketch involving tough, towering granny Thelma Bodine being remanded to anger management. If you don’t know who this character is, please go check out my previous projects, A Fallon Family Funeral and Thelma’s Family Crisis before reading this.

CAST:

Unknown Tall Actor in Drag - Thelma Bodine
Phil McGraw a.k.a. Dr. Phil - Himself
Bonniegirl - Connie Bodine

Thelma: Listen, Doc. Before we start things off, I just wanna make it perfectly clear. I told them that I didn’t need to come here, okay? I don’t.

Dr. Phil: Well, first off, I don’t usually see people individually, but when I got a chance to see the tape of you getting arrested, I thought, “I have got to sit down and have a chat with this old woman.” What’s the matter with you?

Thelma: Well, ain’t that for you to determine? Anyways, ain’t nothing the matter with me.

Dr. Phil: Why are you so angry?

Thelma: I’m not angry.

Dr. Phil: You sure?

*Thelma nods her head*

Thelma: Yeah.

Dr. Phil: Well, you sure fooled me. I mean, you seem angry right now.

Thelma: I’m not angry. This is just me. This is Thelma Bodine. I don’t have any frustrations or hostility whatsoever.

Dr. Phil: Okay…well, why do you have to be in control all the time, of everything?

Thelma: I don’t have to be in control all the time, of everything. I ain’t got no issue with that.

Dr. Phil: It’s don’t have, not ain’t got.

Thelma: Well, guess what, Doc? I ain’t got don’t have.

*Dr. Phil sighs*

Dr. Phil: Why do you get so angry?

Thelma: I don’t get angry. What do you mean? I’ve told you and that judge that I don’t get angry. Now, if someone does something to me, I do something to them. Any idiot knows that, because it’s common sense.

Dr. Phil: Oh, so you believe in getting even then?

*Thelma nods her head*

Thelma: Hell to the yeah. I don’t know why you asked me that in the first place.

Dr. Phil: Well, you don’t have to get someone all the time. Why do you feel that way? You’re like, get ‘em, get ‘em, get ‘em. That doesn’t make you angry?

Thelma: Well, if somebody got me, got me, got me, I have to get them, get them, get them. So that’s that.

Dr. Phil: Well, what you consider get and got is a whole lot different from what other people consider get and got. It doesn’t take a lot to get you, does it?

Thelma: Well, when you get and got, if somebody’s gotten you and you go get ‘em, everyone’ll get got by then.

Dr. Phil: Yeah, well, you’re quick to say that someone got you when they didn’t. So in that case, you’re getting the gotters when they didn’t get you.

Thelma: Oh, yeah. Well, guess what? If the gotters get me, I’m getting out my Glock, as them young folks say. I’m getting protection.

Dr. Phil: Well, guess what? You don’t get the Glock when no one’s gotten you.

Thelma: Doc, what I’m trying to say is that I don’t care who’s gotten me, because I’ll end up getting them first. You get me? I’ll get you.

Dr. Phil: Well, why is all of that so important?

Thelma: Alright, that’s it. No more Mrs. Nice Gal. I’ve had enough of you asking me these dumb, stupid ass questions. I didn’t sign up for this, like at all, the judge told me to come here. Everyone in the whole wide world wants to get even, everyone.

Dr. Phil: Well, alright. Let’s talk about the tape I saw of you getting arrested.

Thelma: What about it?

Dr. Phil: What was all of that about?

Thelma: It was about me getting arrested. What do you mean?

Dr. Phil: Why were you so angry?

Thelma: Are you special needs? Were your parents brother and sister? I told you, I wasn’t angry, and I’m not angry.

Dr. Phil: Well, I can’t tell. You left the gas station cussing and fussing.

Thelma: But I was calm about it.

*Dr. Phil sighs*

Dr. Phil: At least you know now that what you did was wrong.

Thelma: What was wrong about what I did?

Dr. Phil: You left the gas station without paying for gas.

Thelma: You damn right I did. I was not about to pay for that gas. That gas was high as hell. Once I realized that price, I ran. Inflation is a bitch.

Dr. Phil: Okay, so you were upset because you couldn’t pay for you own gas?

Thelma: I was not upset, and I was not angry. I was okay. I was as cool as a cucumber throughout the whole situation. I was in my car, driving off and smoking a cigarette the entire time.

Dr. Phil: Yeah…right.

Thelma: How about we avoid my arrest, Doc? Can we do that? TVLegend hasn’t done Thelma Goes Down yet. Let’s talk about it in there.

Dr. Phil: Good idea. Maybe I should approach you differently. Let’s talk about your childhood.

Thelma: Let’s talk about your childhood.

Dr. Phil: Let’s talk about YOUR childhood.

Thelma: Let’s talk about…YOUR childhood.

Dr. Phil (frustrated): Why are you projecting on me?

Thelma: Why are you projecting on me?

*Dr. Phil sighs*

Dr. Phil: Do you sleep well at night?

Thelma: Do you sleep well at night?

Dr. Phil (frustrated): I SAID…do YOU sleep well at night?

Thelma: And I SAID…do YOU sleep well at night?

*Dr. Phil sighs*

Dr. Phil: I’m about to cry.

Thelma: Wow, Doc. Are you angry?

Dr. Phil: Hell yeah, I’m angry. You won’t stop.

Thelma: Doc, you’re a professional. You’re wise, and old as hell. You look older than me, and I witnessed Jesus’ birth. You’ve one awards and certificates and all that fancy stuff, and you’re gonna let a little old lady like me get to you.

Dr. Phil: You’re not a little old lady. You’re a big monster.

Thelma: Is that an insult?

*Dr. Phil rolls his eyes*

Dr. Phil (frustrated): WILL YOU STOP?

Thelma: WILL YOU STOP?

*Dr. Phil sighs*

Thelma: Yeah, I can play angry too, Doc.

Dr. Phil: Look, this is getting us nowhere.

Thelma: You’re right. This is getting us nowhere.

Dr. Phil: I’m gonna try to see if the judge can do something about this, but I just can’t handle you. You’re…interesting.

Thelma: I know I’m interesting. That’s why I’m sitting here.

Dr. Phil: Okay, go. You’re free to leave. Bye. You’re fired.

Thelma: Well, thank you, Dr. Phil…Trump.

*Thelma smiles and Dr. Phil sighs*

Thelma: It really was great seeing you.

*Thelma and Dr. Phil get up*

Thelma: But like you said, I gotta go.

*Thelma opens the door and leaves out of the room without closing it. Connie can be shown sitting right outside of the door*

Thelma (loudly): Come on, Connie! Let’s get the hell outta this pigpen!

*Connie gets up*

Connie: Hold on, mama!

*Connie enters the room and approaches Dr. Phil*

Connie: So…how did she do?

Dr. Phil: Terribly.

Connie: What?

Dr. Phil: Look, I can’t handle her. That old woman is impossible.

Connie: Hold on, now, Dr. Phil. You’re the best.

Dr. Phil: And she’s the worst. Your mother has to see someone else, but I cannot help her.

Connie: But…

Dr. Phil: Sorry.

*Connie slowly walks out of the room*

Connie (loudly): Wait up, mama, damnit!

THE END

Wawwie · 09-07-2022, 07:20 PM

Nice work. Thelma really is nuts, she drove poor Dr. Phil to distraction!

TVLegend · 09-07-2022, 07:27 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Wawwie

Nice work. Thelma really is nuts, she drove poor Dr. Phil to distraction!

LOL.

What did you think about the little getters-gotten-Glock part and Dr. Phil telling Connie to take Thelma elsewhere?

Wawwie · 09-07-2022, 07:39 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by TVLegend

LOL.

What did you think about the little getters-gotten-Glock part and Dr. Phil telling Connie to take Thelma elsewhere?

I was thinking maybe Dr. Phil became afraid of Thelma after hearing that. The woman is a lunatic. I don't blame him for telling her to go elsewhere!

09-07-2022, 06:05 PM	#1
TVLegend Member Forum 4000 Club Member Join Date: Nov 06, 2020 Location: United States Posts: 4,306	Thelma Goes To Anger Management The following is a sketch involving tough, towering granny Thelma Bodine being remanded to anger management. If you don’t know who this character is, please go check out my previous projects, A Fallon Family Funeral and Thelma’s Family Crisis before reading this. CAST: Unknown Tall Actor in Drag - Thelma Bodine Phil McGraw a.k.a. Dr. Phil - Himself Bonniegirl - Connie Bodine Thelma: Listen, Doc. Before we start things off, I just wanna make it perfectly clear. I told them that I didn’t need to come here, okay? I don’t. Dr. Phil: Well, first off, I don’t usually see people individually, but when I got a chance to see the tape of you getting arrested, I thought, “I have got to sit down and have a chat with this old woman.” What’s the matter with you? Thelma: Well, ain’t that for you to determine? Anyways, ain’t nothing the matter with me. Dr. Phil: Why are you so angry? Thelma: I’m not angry. Dr. Phil: You sure? Thelma nods her head Thelma: Yeah. Dr. Phil: Well, you sure fooled me. I mean, you seem angry right now. Thelma: I’m not angry. This is just me. This is Thelma Bodine. I don’t have any frustrations or hostility whatsoever. Dr. Phil: Okay…well, why do you have to be in control all the time, of everything? Thelma: I don’t have to be in control all the time, of everything. I ain’t got no issue with that. Dr. Phil: It’s don’t have, not ain’t got. Thelma: Well, guess what, Doc? I ain’t got don’t have. Dr. Phil sighs Dr. Phil: Why do you get so angry? Thelma: I don’t get angry. What do you mean? I’ve told you and that judge that I don’t get angry. Now, if someone does something to me, I do something to them. Any idiot knows that, because it’s common sense. Dr. Phil: Oh, so you believe in getting even then? Thelma nods her head Thelma: Hell to the yeah. I don’t know why you asked me that in the first place. Dr. Phil: Well, you don’t have to get someone all the time. Why do you feel that way? You’re like, get ‘em, get ‘em, get ‘em. That doesn’t make you angry? Thelma: Well, if somebody got me, got me, got me, I have to get them, get them, get them. So that’s that. Dr. Phil: Well, what you consider get and got is a whole lot different from what other people consider get and got. It doesn’t take a lot to get you, does it? Thelma: Well, when you get and got, if somebody’s gotten you and you go get ‘em, everyone’ll get got by then. Dr. Phil: Yeah, well, you’re quick to say that someone got you when they didn’t. So in that case, you’re getting the gotters when they didn’t get you. Thelma: Oh, yeah. Well, guess what? If the gotters get me, I’m getting out my Glock, as them young folks say. I’m getting protection. Dr. Phil: Well, guess what? You don’t get the Glock when no one’s gotten you. Thelma: Doc, what I’m trying to say is that I don’t care who’s gotten me, because I’ll end up getting them first. You get me? I’ll get you. Dr. Phil: Well, why is all of that so important? Thelma: Alright, that’s it. No more Mrs. Nice Gal. I’ve had enough of you asking me these dumb, stupid ass questions. I didn’t sign up for this, like at all, the judge told me to come here. Everyone in the whole wide world wants to get even, everyone. Dr. Phil: Well, alright. Let’s talk about the tape I saw of you getting arrested. Thelma: What about it? Dr. Phil: What was all of that about? Thelma: It was about me getting arrested. What do you mean? Dr. Phil: Why were you so angry? Thelma: Are you special needs? Were your parents brother and sister? I told you, I wasn’t angry, and I’m not angry. Dr. Phil: Well, I can’t tell. You left the gas station cussing and fussing. Thelma: But I was calm about it. Dr. Phil sighs Dr. Phil: At least you know now that what you did was wrong. Thelma: What was wrong about what I did? Dr. Phil: You left the gas station without paying for gas. Thelma: You damn right I did. I was not about to pay for that gas. That gas was high as hell. Once I realized that price, I ran. Inflation is a bitch. Dr. Phil: Okay, so you were upset because you couldn’t pay for you own gas? Thelma: I was not upset, and I was not angry. I was okay. I was as cool as a cucumber throughout the whole situation. I was in my car, driving off and smoking a cigarette the entire time. Dr. Phil: Yeah…right. Thelma: How about we avoid my arrest, Doc? Can we do that? TVLegend hasn’t done Thelma Goes Down yet. Let’s talk about it in there. Dr. Phil: Good idea. Maybe I should approach you differently. Let’s talk about your childhood. Thelma: Let’s talk about your childhood. Dr. Phil: Let’s talk about YOUR childhood. Thelma: Let’s talk about…YOUR childhood. Dr. Phil (frustrated): Why are you projecting on me? Thelma: Why are you projecting on me? Dr. Phil sighs Dr. Phil: Do you sleep well at night? Thelma: Do you sleep well at night? Dr. Phil (frustrated): I SAID…do YOU sleep well at night? Thelma: And I SAID…do YOU sleep well at night? Dr. Phil sighs Dr. Phil: I’m about to cry. Thelma: Wow, Doc. Are you angry? Dr. Phil: Hell yeah, I’m angry. You won’t stop. Thelma: Doc, you’re a professional. You’re wise, and old as hell. You look older than me, and I witnessed Jesus’ birth. You’ve one awards and certificates and all that fancy stuff, and you’re gonna let a little old lady like me get to you. Dr. Phil: You’re not a little old lady. You’re a big monster. Thelma: Is that an insult? Dr. Phil rolls his eyes Dr. Phil (frustrated): WILL YOU STOP? Thelma: WILL YOU STOP? Dr. Phil sighs Thelma: Yeah, I can play angry too, Doc. Dr. Phil: Look, this is getting us nowhere. Thelma: You’re right. This is getting us nowhere. Dr. Phil: I’m gonna try to see if the judge can do something about this, but I just can’t handle you. You’re…interesting. Thelma: I know I’m interesting. That’s why I’m sitting here. Dr. Phil: Okay, go. You’re free to leave. Bye. You’re fired. Thelma: Well, thank you, Dr. Phil…Trump. Thelma smiles and Dr. Phil sighs Thelma: It really was great seeing you. Thelma and Dr. Phil get up Thelma: But like you said, I gotta go. Thelma opens the door and leaves out of the room without closing it. Connie can be shown sitting right outside of the door Thelma (loudly): Come on, Connie! Let’s get the hell outta this pigpen! Connie gets up Connie: Hold on, mama! Connie enters the room and approaches Dr. Phil Connie: So…how did she do? Dr. Phil: Terribly. Connie: What? Dr. Phil: Look, I can’t handle her. That old woman is impossible. Connie: Hold on, now, Dr. Phil. You’re the best. Dr. Phil: And she’s the worst. Your mother has to see someone else, but I cannot help her. Connie: But… Dr. Phil: Sorry. Connie slowly walks out of the room Connie (loudly): Wait up, mama, damnit! THE END

09-07-2022, 07:20 PM	#2
Wawwie Member Forum Star Join Date: Jul 26, 2006 Location: New York Posts: 14,376	Nice work. Thelma really is nuts, she drove poor Dr. Phil to distraction!