America's Dumbest Criminals - Sitcoms Online Message Boards

Czas na Zywiec · 08-07-2002, 11:27 PM

I was on a criminal site and some of these crimes are so damn funny, and i swaer I didn't make em up.

Read and BELIEVE! LOL

Rockford, Illinois
A robber decided to break into Ann's Pizza through an air duct on the roof. He chose the wrong air duct, however, as the one he selected ran directly into the oven. When the over did not work the next day, the manager called a repairman. The repairman discovered the criminal dead in the duct; he had suffocated to death.

Texas
A woman calmly walked into a grocery store and headed straight for the meat counter. When she saw that no one was looking, she shoved a chicken up her jumper and walked out of the store. A police officer stopped her and the woman turned around with a shocked looked on her face. She swore the chicken had fallen from the sky and landed in her arms. The woman stuck with her story until police showed her the surveillance video of her theft. ( Dannie!

)

South Carolina
An angry man walked into his local police station and threw a bag of cocaine on the counter. He told the desk sergeant that it was a substandard cut and demanded that dealer he bought it form be arrested. ( Ya gotta get it cut professionaly Amanda or you'll go to jail again

)

Arizona
A company called "Guns For Hire" stages gunfights for Western movies and other events. One day, a middle-aged woman called to inquire if they could kill her husband. She was sentenced to four and a half years.

Unknown
A man tried shaking a pop machine to get free pop. However he shook the machine to hard and the machine fell on him, and killed him instantly.

Columbus, Georgia
A guy was holding up a bank, he had pantyhose on his head as a disguise. The guy suffocated, and had to be taken to the hospital!

South California
A police Dispatcher for a Southern California Law Enforcement Agency had a male caller reporting that a prostitute had ripped him off. He ordered her through some sort of an escort agency. Well, when she came to the door he realized she wasn't worth paying for & told her to forget it. Apparently her pimp wasn't very happy about that so he broke down the door & took his money. His comment as he was reporting the crime was "I was not going to pay for that! She's was just ugly."

Colorado
Some guy broke into a woman's home and glued his foot to her face. They then had to drive to the hospital to have it surgically removed. He was of course arrested after the surgery was over.

Greenwood, Indiana
An Indiana man broke into McDonald's early one morning. When police officers pulled up to the drive-through window and asked the man what he was doing, he promptly replied he was a burglar. When officers went inside to arrest the man, they found him trying to open a safe with a hamburger spatula. ( Jeff!

)

Pensacola, Florida
A man robs a motel late at night and then proceeds to run into the nearby woods. The clerk called the police and upon arriving they started to search the woods. Since it was pitch black that night they figured they would never catch the perpetrator until one of them noticed flashing red lights. The robber was wearing a pair of sneakers that have the flashing lights when he steps.

Those were the most amusing I found so far.

ZeldaGilroy · 08-07-2002, 11:36 PM

Those were funny! I love dumb criminal stories. This is one that happened right here in my great state...

Two men robbed a bank. They were from out of town, and as they were trying to escape(just 2 blocks from the bank), they realized they didn't know how to find the interstate. So what do these geniuses do? They pull over and ask a police officer for directions. Of course the officer had just been notified of the robbery and had a description of the car and robbers. They were arrested on the spot.

¤I Love Clay Aiken¤ · 08-07-2002, 11:39 PM

LMAO!! I used to LOVE AMD on TV!! I remember one time, I was almost PEEING my pants!! One guy snuck into a hotel room or something and was drunk on the top floor and went in one of those shoots and fell!! And each hour or so...hed fall onto anoth floor through the shaft and people couldnt figure out what it was lol..so then he got arrested..and he was in a body cast...he escaped jail or wherever where he was..and got on a motorcycle!! Well...he got out of control I think..and fell off..but his leg was caught on it!! LOLOLOLOL.....so he was being dragged!! And he kept bumping into the sidewalks!!! LMAO!! I swear to God Ive never laughed so hard in my life!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Kay Scarpetta · 08-07-2002, 11:40 PM

LMAO @ MilknPepsi!!!!!!!

And those are wicked funnie

Cactus Jack · 08-07-2002, 11:43 PM

LMAO!! Those are HYSTERICAL!!

They are all soooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo funny MilkNPepsi thats hysterical!!

¤I Love Clay Aiken¤ · 08-07-2002, 11:44 PM

LOLL yeah..I agree. Whatever happened to that show?? I miss it. There was another one I remember that was funny..but I forget the whole story..didnt they have a website?? Hmm...Ill go check!

Sean Snow · 08-07-2002, 11:48 PM

LOL! Those are hillarious! I remember watching that show a couple years ago.

vienna waits · 08-07-2002, 11:54 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by Ricky Ricardo
Greenwood, Indiana
An Indiana man broke into McDonald's early one morning. When police officers pulled up to the drive-through window and asked the man what he was doing, he promptly replied he was a burglar. When officers went inside to arrest the man, they found him trying to open a safe with a hamburger spatula. ( Jeff! )

Thats where I live!!!!!!! LOL!!!!!!! Thats my city!!! hahahaa it wasn't me tho I promise.

Czas na Zywiec · 08-08-2002, 02:56 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by tootieismyfav

Thats where I live!!!!!!! LOL!!!!!!! Thats my city!!! hahahaa it wasn't me tho I promise.

How do we know that?

Warm & Fuzzy · 08-09-2002, 01:38 AM

LOL, amusing.

Warm & Fuzzy · 08-09-2002, 01:41 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by Ricky Ricardo

How do we know that?

I say he's guilty.

Ags2000 · 08-09-2002, 11:34 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by Ricky Ricardo
[B]
Texas
A woman calmly walked into a grocery store and headed straight for the meat counter. When she saw that no one was looking, she shoved a chicken up her jumper and walked out of the store. A police officer stopped her and the woman turned around with a shocked looked on her face. She swore the chicken had fallen from the sky and landed in her arms. The woman stuck with her story until police showed her the surveillance video of her theft. ( Dannie!

)[/b

What???

I didn't do it! Nobody saw me do it! You can't prove anything!

Quote:

Unknown
A man tried shaking a pop machine to get free pop. However he shook the machine to hard and the machine fell on him, and killed him instantly.

I can yell ya one thing. It wasn't in the south. We don't say pop down here unless we are talking about dear old dad.

D

Warm & Fuzzy · 08-09-2002, 01:23 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by Ags2000
What??? I didn't do it! Nobody saw me do it! You can't prove anything!

That's what they ALL say, lol. SoOoo, Dannie, tell us, what were you gonna do with that chicken?

Ags2000 · 08-10-2002, 06:31 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by Jo's the bomb
That's what they ALL say, lol. SoOoo, Dannie, tell us, what were you gonna do with that chicken?

I was gonna make some chicken fajita's

D

Georgia's on my Mind · 08-10-2002, 07:03 PM

Haha Those are funny! Here's one that happened here... Its kinda like taht chicken one but some guy came in and when no on ewas looking shoved a corn beef in his hat and he walked to the register and payed for something else I bought...The cashier was in SHOCK the blood from the meat was dripping down his forehead everyone asked if he was ok he said yeah..yeah...They finally as he was walking out figured out what was going on LOL

08-07-2002, 11:27 PM	#1
Czas na Zywiec what up Forum Star Join Date: Jun 28, 2001 Location: Southwest Side, Chicago Posts: 18,398	America's Dumbest Criminals I was on a criminal site and some of these crimes are so damn funny, and i swaer I didn't make em up. Read and BELIEVE! LOL Rockford, Illinois A robber decided to break into Ann's Pizza through an air duct on the roof. He chose the wrong air duct, however, as the one he selected ran directly into the oven. When the over did not work the next day, the manager called a repairman. The repairman discovered the criminal dead in the duct; he had suffocated to death. Texas A woman calmly walked into a grocery store and headed straight for the meat counter. When she saw that no one was looking, she shoved a chicken up her jumper and walked out of the store. A police officer stopped her and the woman turned around with a shocked looked on her face. She swore the chicken had fallen from the sky and landed in her arms. The woman stuck with her story until police showed her the surveillance video of her theft. ( Dannie! ) South Carolina An angry man walked into his local police station and threw a bag of cocaine on the counter. He told the desk sergeant that it was a substandard cut and demanded that dealer he bought it form be arrested. ( Ya gotta get it cut professionaly Amanda or you'll go to jail again ) Arizona A company called "Guns For Hire" stages gunfights for Western movies and other events. One day, a middle-aged woman called to inquire if they could kill her husband. She was sentenced to four and a half years. Unknown A man tried shaking a pop machine to get free pop. However he shook the machine to hard and the machine fell on him, and killed him instantly. Columbus, Georgia A guy was holding up a bank, he had pantyhose on his head as a disguise. The guy suffocated, and had to be taken to the hospital! South California A police Dispatcher for a Southern California Law Enforcement Agency had a male caller reporting that a prostitute had ripped him off. He ordered her through some sort of an escort agency. Well, when she came to the door he realized she wasn't worth paying for & told her to forget it. Apparently her pimp wasn't very happy about that so he broke down the door & took his money. His comment as he was reporting the crime was "I was not going to pay for that! She's was just ugly." Colorado Some guy broke into a woman's home and glued his foot to her face. They then had to drive to the hospital to have it surgically removed. He was of course arrested after the surgery was over. Greenwood, Indiana An Indiana man broke into McDonald's early one morning. When police officers pulled up to the drive-through window and asked the man what he was doing, he promptly replied he was a burglar. When officers went inside to arrest the man, they found him trying to open a safe with a hamburger spatula. ( Jeff! ) Pensacola, Florida A man robs a motel late at night and then proceeds to run into the nearby woods. The clerk called the police and upon arriving they started to search the woods. Since it was pitch black that night they figured they would never catch the perpetrator until one of them noticed flashing red lights. The robber was wearing a pair of sneakers that have the flashing lights when he steps. Those were the most amusing I found so far.

08-07-2002, 11:39 PM	#3
¤I Love Clay Aiken¤ MISS APRIL Forum Addict Join Date: Jul 19, 2001 Location: Parsonsfield ME Shaws - Screwing my way up the employment ladder! Posts: 68,780	LMAO!! I used to LOVE AMD on TV!! I remember one time, I was almost PEEING my pants!! One guy snuck into a hotel room or something and was drunk on the top floor and went in one of those shoots and fell!! And each hour or so...hed fall onto anoth floor through the shaft and people couldnt figure out what it was lol..so then he got arrested..and he was in a body cast...he escaped jail or wherever where he was..and got on a motorcycle!! Well...he got out of control I think..and fell off..but his leg was caught on it!! LOLOLOLOL.....so he was being dragged!! And he kept bumping into the sidewalks!!! LMAO!! I swear to God Ive never laughed so hard in my life!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
	__________________ DAVID COOK FOR AMERICAN IDOL

08-07-2002, 11:40 PM	#4
Kay Scarpetta Defy Gravity 8.26.05 Forum Superstar Join Date: Jul 04, 2001 Location: La Vie Boheme Posts: 28,013	LMAO @ MilknPepsi!!!!!!! And those are wicked funnie
	__________________ The people who think they know everything about Broadway make me laugh. They've never seen a Broadway play in their life. "oh mi godddd RENT's a mooovie! lyke 525600 minuuuuuuutes!" No. To be a Broadway Freak, you must live, eat, sleep, study, devout, think, obsess, dream, believe Broadway. You must know original & revival casts, soundtracks, performance runs, dates, theatres, numbers, how many Tony Awards A Chorus Line won. You must be Broadway. That's right bitches. I AM Broadway.

08-07-2002, 11:43 PM	#5
Cactus Jack RonFingSwanson Forum Idol Join Date: Dec 09, 2001 Location: Santa Rosa Beach,FL Posts: 103,099	LMAO!! Those are HYSTERICAL!! They are all soooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo funny MilkNPepsi thats hysterical!!
	__________________ Id Love to help you Tracy, but I cant have sex with a black guy, Id lose my endorsement deal with NASCAR-Jenna Maroney,30 Rock April 17,2009 9:02 PM : 100,000th post!

08-09-2002, 01:38 AM	#10
Warm & Fuzzy Member Forum Fanatic Join Date: Feb 02, 2001 Posts: 10,254	LOL, amusing.
	__________________ "To the world, you may be one person, but to one person, you may be the world." ~Unknown

08-07-2002, 11:36 PM	#2
ZeldaGilroy Dobie and Zelda Forever!!! Forum 4000 Club Member Join Date: Nov 14, 2000 Location: I don't know...I'm probably lost! Posts: 4,144	Those were funny! I love dumb criminal stories. This is one that happened right here in my great state... Two men robbed a bank. They were from out of town, and as they were trying to escape(just 2 blocks from the bank), they realized they didn't know how to find the interstate. So what do these geniuses do? They pull over and ask a police officer for directions. Of course the officer had just been notified of the robbery and had a description of the car and robbers. They were arrested on the spot.

08-07-2002, 11:44 PM	#6
¤I Love Clay Aiken¤ MISS APRIL Forum Addict Join Date: Jul 19, 2001 Location: Parsonsfield ME Shaws - Screwing my way up the employment ladder! Posts: 68,780	LOLL yeah..I agree. Whatever happened to that show?? I miss it. There was another one I remember that was funny..but I forget the whole story..didnt they have a website?? Hmm...Ill go check!

08-07-2002, 11:48 PM	#7
Sean Snow moo Forum Fanatic Join Date: May 06, 2001 Location: Georgia Posts: 10,408	LOL! Those are hillarious! I remember watching that show a couple years ago.

08-10-2002, 07:03 PM	#15
Georgia's on my Mind Senior Member Forum Superstar Join Date: Aug 19, 2001 Posts: 25,054	Haha Those are funny! Here's one that happened here... Its kinda like taht chicken one but some guy came in and when no on ewas looking shoved a corn beef in his hat and he walked to the register and payed for something else I bought...The cashier was in SHOCK the blood from the meat was dripping down his forehead everyone asked if he was ok he said yeah..yeah...They finally as he was walking out figured out what was going on LOL