Ralph Kramden, a NY NHL fan? (2022)

[Frank Gannucci]

(The Pittsburgh Penguins beat the NY Rangers 4-3.)

(Ralph & Ed are going to work.)

Ralph: “Norton, what a lousy game. We lost 4-3.”

Ed: “I agree Ralph. What a heartbreaker. I heard you last night scream8ng. As a matter of fact, I think the whole universe did.”

Ralph: “Well, the Rangers better shape up. They don’t want to go to Pittsburgh down two games especially with that BUM Crosby.”

Ed: “They call that city the Steel City. I wonder if the sewers there are made of steel.”

(Ralph rolls his eyes.)

Ralph: “The Rangers NEED the Cup Norton. The whole area needs another Cup team. We ought to make them honorary Raccoons.”

Ed: “You got that right Ralph. Especially so we can brag to Harvey, Joe Fenstablau and Garrity.”

Ralph: “Yes, I think that this is the Rangers year. I so want them to advance and play the Florida Panthers just so they can play near Miami Beach.”

(Crowds cheer. They both sing a song about this being the Rangers year.)

(Jackie walks on stage. Crowd cheers.)

Jackie: “Thank you. YOU’RE THE GREATEST. GOOD NIGHT!”

(Crowd cheers.)

[Frank Gannucci]

(The NY Rangers beat the Pittsburgh Penguins 5-2.)

(The girls watch the boys enter the apartment building.)

Alice: "Trixie, prepare for the boys to be hootering and hollering about the Rangers winning tonight."

Trixie: "Oh yes. The way they are sometimes, you think the city needs world champions to survive."

Alice: "Yeah, I hear you."

Ralph (from hallway, yells): "WE GOT THIS!"

(Ralph & Ed enter. The crowd cheers.)

Ed: "Hello girls. You should have heard the Garden. It was electric. I never heard something that loud before...other than Ralph yelling."

Ralph: "Boy, what a great game. Now the Rangers are going to the Steel city to beat up the Penguins some more. Ooooh, I can't wait. Too bad that we can't make a day trip to Pittsburgh."

Ed: "I agree. I would lvoe to see the sewers of Pittsburgh."

Trixie: "We just wish that you boys would stop acting like the New York area needs world champions to surivive."

Ralph: "They do. I love it when a New York team wins the big one especially if they have to go through a Miami team to do it."

(Crowd cheers.)

Ralph: "Too bad that that Garrity from upstairs is a Penguin fan."

Garrity (from upstairs, yells): "HEY KRAMDEN, I THINK I HAVE COME AROUND AND NOW I LOOOOVE NEW YORK AREA TEAMS. I WILL SAY IT TO YOUR FACE."

(Ralph goes to the window and sticks his head out.)

Ralph (yells): "GARRITY, I AM GLAD THAT YOU SEE THE LIGHT AND YOU KNOW THAT A NEW YORK TEAM WILL WIN THE CUP."

(Ralph gets plastered with pies. Everyone laughs.)

Ralph (yells): "OOOOOOOH, YOU ARE ALL GOING TO GET YOURS ESPECIALLY YOU GARRITY."

(Jackie, with pie still on his face, walks on stage. Crowd cheers.)

Jackie: "Thank you. GOOD NIGHT!"

(Crowd cheers.)

[Frank Gannucci]

(The Pittsburgh Penguins beat the NY Rangers 7-4.)

(Ralph enters the Kramden apartment. He is upset.)

Alice: "Hello Ralph. I take that the Rangers lost."

Ralph: "You got that right. They lost by three goals. In the words of Norton: 'That wasn't a blitz. That was a bloutz.'"

(Ed comes down and blows his nose out of sadness.)

Ed: "Whaddaya say Alice?"

Alice: "Hello Ed."

Ed: "It looked like that the Rangers would rally and win but they faced the fickle finger of fate."

Ralph: "The Rangers right now need to wake up. I would love to be at that arena in Pittsburgh. I would be watching the game and eating the refreshments."

Ed: "You would probably eat what a Ben Roethlisberger. As a matter of fact, you would eat 10 of them."

Ralph: "Oooooh, are you going to get yours."

Alice: "Ralph, think positive. Maybe the Rangers will rally and win."

Ralph: "You're right. When they do, I will jump up and down like this."

(Ralph does and falls partially through the floor.)

Ed: "Ralph, you need to lose some weight."

Ralph (yells): "GET OUT! GET OUT! GEEEEEEEEEEEEET OUT!"

(Ed leaves.)

(Jackie walks on stage. Crowd cheers.)

Jackie: "Thank you. GOOD NIGHT!"

(Crowd cheers.)

[Frank Gannucci]

(The Pittsburgh Penguins beat the NY Rangers 7-2.)

(Ralph & Ed enter the Gotham Bus Company Locker Room. Joe Fenstablau greets them.)

Joe: “Hello boys! I heard that your Rangers lost.”

Ralph: “Yes, they did.”

Ed: “What a sad game especially after scoring a lead.”

Ralph: “I could’ve done a better job being the goalie.”

Ed: “Oooo…”

Ralph (yells): “DON’T YOU DARE SAY IT!”

Joe: “Now those Penguins have got Happy Feet. Remember that movie?”

Ralph: “Yes I do. But, I got a feeling that those Rangers will win it all.”

Joe: “I bet that they won’t and if your team wins, I will eat worms. If your team loses, you will eat worms.”

Ed: “It’s a bet.”

Ralph: “NORTON!”

Joe: “See ya.”

(Joe leaves. Ralph silently motions Ed to leave.)

Ed: “This is no way to treat…”

Ralph (yells): “GEEEEEEEET OUT!”

(Ed leaves.)

(Jackie walks on stage. Crowd cheers.)

Jackie: “Thank you. GOOD NIGHT!”

(Crowd cheers.)

[Frank Gannucci]

Ralph Kramden, a NY NHL fan (Part 5) (The NY Rangers beat the Pittsburgh Penguins 5-3.)

(Ralph & Ed are watching the game in Norton’s apartment.)

Ed (yells): “WHAT A GAME RALPH-IE BOY! I THOUGHT YOU WERE GOING TO GET A HEART ATTACK WITH ALL OF THE JUMPING YOU DID.”

Ralph: “Yes, the Rangers can even the odds. Oooh baby! That Joe Fenstablau is going to eat crow AND worms.”

Ed: “I don’t like to eat crow.”

Ralph: “Neither do I.”

Ed: “That poor, misguided soul Joe Fenstablau is going to eat crow.”

Ralph: “Yes, he will and so will Garrity.”

Ed: “That loudmouth Garrity will.”

Ralph: “So will everyone else that’s anti-Rangers and anti-NY NHL area teams in general.”

Ed: “You know what? I know of someone who does eat crow.”

Ralph: “Who is it?”

Ed: “You.”

Ralph (gets up, yells): “COME ON NORTON! PUT ‘EM UP! PUT ‘EM UP!”

(Ralph chases Ed around the place.)

(Jackie walks on stage. Crowd cheers.)

Jackie: “Thank you. The Miami Beach Crowds are the BEST! GOOD NIGHT!”

(Crowd cheers.)

[Frank Gannucci]

(The NY Rangers beat the Pittsburgh Penguins 5-3.)

(Ralph & Ed sit down at the stoop of 328 Chauncey Street.)

Ralph: "Wow! What a game last night Norton. The Rangers came back and evened the series."

Ed: "I agree. Last night, Friday the 13th was a bad day for the Penguins. Much like yesterday it was a bad day for you Ralph when you fell into that puddle of water. You looked like a whale."

Ralph: "Don't remind me. At least the Rangers won. I smell them advancing."

Ed: "Much like you smell food?"

Ralph: "Norton, do you want a fat lip?"

Ed: "On Sunday, we will watch the Rangers advance. Those Penguins thought they would have it easy."

Ralph: "Yes, you are right. We proved them wrong."

Ed: "Sunday, it will be a must see night. Either the Rangers win, or I see you eating worms. That would be hysterical. Hahahaha."

Ralph (yells): "OKAY NORTON! GET OUT OF HERE!"

(Ed does.)

(Jackie walks on stage. Crowd cheers.)

Jackie: "Thank you. GOOD NIGHT!"

(Crowd cheers.)

[Frank Gannucci]

(The.NY Rangers won the Eastern Conference Divisional Playoffs, 4 games to 3, by beating the Pittsburgh Penguins 4-3.)

(Ralph & Ed come home from work.)

Ralph: “Hello Alice!”

Ed: “Hello Alice!”

Alice: “Hello boys.”

Ralph: “You should have been here in the bus company locker room Alice. I made a bet with Joe where if the Rangers lost, I would eat worms. If the Rangers won, Joe would eat worms. Since the Rangers won, Joe had to eat worms.”

Alice: “Gross.”

Ed: “I see grosser things in the sewer Alice.”

Ralph: “Now the Rangers are going to play the Carolina Hurricanes. Hurricanes. How are they going to know if I am a Hurricane if I play for them?”

Alice: “Just open your mouth.”

Ed: “Ralph, I hope you don’t mind this. Yesterday, I put a bag in your icebox.”

Ralph: “What was it?”

Ed: “Worms. I put worms in there just in case the Rangers lost.”

Ralph (yells): “YOU PUT WORMS IN MY ICEBOX? GET OUT! GET OUT! GET OUT!”

(Ed leaves.)

(Jackie walks on stage. Crowd cheers.)

Jackie: “Thank you. GOOD NIGHT!”

(Crowd cheers.)

[Frank Gannucci]

(The Carolina Hurricanes beat the NY Rangers 2-1.)

(Ralph comes home in a rage.)

Alice: “I heard that the Rangers lost.”

Ralph: “You’re telling me. The Rangers collapsed in the third period. I don’t know about you Alice but if another NY team loses a shot at the championship, I may die.”

(A pause.)

Ralph (yells): “DON’T YOU DARE SAY IT.”

Alice: “Ralph, you know that the odds aren’t great. You can’t expect them to win every year.”

Ralph: “Can and will.”

Alice: “Ralph, be positive. Be happy that they have a chance.”

Ralph: “How can you be so positive Alice?”

Alice: “It’s very simple Raloh. I’m a Hurricanes fan.”

Ralph (yells): “OOOOOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHHH!l”

(Ralph leaves and stamps his way out like a child.)

(Ralph comes back inside.)

Raloh (yells): “ONE OF THESE DAYS, POW IN THE KISSER!”

(Ralph leaves and stamps his way out like a child.)

(Jackie walks on stage. Crowd cheers.)

Jackie: “Thank you. GOOD NIGHT!”

(Crowd cheers.)

[Frank Gannucci]

(The Carolina Hurricanes beat the NY Rangers 2-0.)

(Ralph & Ed just watched the game at the Raccoon Lodge with Freddie Muller.)

Fred: “Well gentlemen, looks like the Rangers choked.”

Ed: “You can say that again.”

Ralph: “Boy, this burns me up. The Rangers had it in their grasp.”

Fred: “I bet you are ashamed Ralph about the fact that your bowling team is CALLED the Hurricanes.”

Ed: “I am even though my pal o’ mine is known by some people to be a BIG WIND!”

Ralph: “Oooooooh, you are going to get it Norton. You are going to get it.”

Fred: “I got an idea. All of us Raccoons should get front row tickets to MSG and root on the Rangers. Imagine the Raccoons supporting the Rangers.”

Ed: “They would love it.”

(They all sing a song about the Raccoons supporting the Rangers with dancers dressed as Raccoons, dancing in the background.)

(Jackie walks on stage. Crowd cheers.)

Jackie: “Thank you. The Miami Beach crowds are the BEST! GOOD NIGHT!”

(Crowd cheers.)

[Frank Gannucci]

(The NY Rangers beat the Carolina Hurricanes 3-1.)

(Ralph, Ed & Freddie Muller come into the Kramden apartment with their Raccoon uniforms on. They greet Alice.)

Ralph: “Boy Alice, you should have seen us front row at the Rangers game this afternoon.”

Ed: “All of us Raccoons had a blast.”

Alice: “Yeah, I know. I saw you all on TV acting crazy and nuts. You all didn’t act mature.”

Ralph: “Shows you much you know. You know it’s embarrassing for the Raccoons if our team lost.”

Alice: “It’s pretty embarrassing BEING a Raccoon.”

Fred: “Ralph, let’s have another toast to our Rangers.”

Ralph: “Let’s do. For treatment for us when we are hungover, we can drink cold grape juice.”

Alice: “Oh brother.”

Ralph: “When the Rangers win the Cup because of us, we will celebrate the emancipation of the Rangers.”

Ed: “And if the Hurricanes eliminate them, we can all get away from the big wind that is in this apartment.”

Ralph (yells): “GET OUT! GET OUT! GET OUT!”

(Ed leaves.)

(Jackie walks on stage. Crowd cheers.)

Jackie: “Thank you. Good night everyone.”

(Crowd cheers.)

[Frank Gannucci]

(The NY Rangers beat the Carolina Hurricanes 4-1.)

(Ralph & Ed just watched the game in the Kramden apartment.)

Ed: “The Rangers have woken up Ralph.”

Ralph: “The Rangers have evened up the odds. How about that?”

Ed: “Now if the Rangers advance…”

Ralph: “What about if? They WILL.”

Ed: “They will face the Lightning.”

Ralph: “A Florida team. Too bad they won’t face the Panthers. They get to be near the fun and sun capital of the world, Miami Beach.”

(Crowd cheers.)

Ed: “Now they will face the Lightning if they advance. What a great life. I wanted to play hockey outside but it’s hard to do so where water is everywhere.”

(Ralph rolls his eyes.)

Ralph: “Yrah that is hard. I played hockey in my youth. I was the goalie. I was the best goalie.”

Ed: “Because you were called Big Fat Goalie.”

Ralph: “Don’t rub it in Norton. I was great though. You should have seen me swing the club.”

Ed: “Woth the way you swung the golf club the last time, I wouldn’t be surprised if you swung the hockey stick into the landlord’s window.”

Ralph (yells): “GET OUT! GET OUT! GEEEEEEEET OUT!”

(Ed leaves.)

(Jackie walks on stage. Crowd cheers.)

Jackie: “Thank you. GOOD NIGHT!”

[Frank Gannucci]

(The Carolina Hurricanes beat the NY Rangers 3-1.)

(The boys come home from seeing the game at the bar.)

Ralph: “What a lousy game Norton. The Rangers now have to win the next two games.”

Ed: “That was pretty bad Ralph-ie boy.”

Ralph: “I want the Rangers to win the Cup Norton. I don’t want the Hurricanes to meet the Lightning.”

Ed: “Me too. I don’t want to see you upset Ralph. If the Rangers lose the chances to win the Cup, you may get a heart attack and with your shape, you will die.”

(Ralph rolls his eyes.)

Ed: “But this is a time for you to keep your chin up, you got to smile.”

(Ralph smiles.)

Ed: “Yes and I want to see you like this forever even if one of the local NHL teams don’t win the Cup until 2023. Even if they never win. Think of happier times. Think of early this season when everyone got a fresh start after the Islanders blew their chances. You got to smile. Smile…”

Ralph (yells): “GET OUT! GET OUT!”

(Ed leaves.)

Ralph (to himself): “Somewhere, there’s a straight jacket waiting for that man.”

(Jackie walks on stage. Crowd cheers.)

Jackie: “Thank you. GOOD NIGHT!”

(Crowd cheers.)

[Frank Gannucci]

(The Carolina Hurricanes beat the NY Rangers 5-2.)

(The boys just watched the game in the pool room.)

Ralph: “Boy, those Rangers really took it to the Hurricanes Norton.”

Ed: “That wasn’t a blitz. That was a BLOUTZ.”

Ralph: “Yes and to think I feared the Rangers would lose.”

Ed: “I know. You had a stinking feeling that the Rangers would lose. We need another win to advance.”

Ralph: “What a Cinderella story.”

Ed: “What are you talking about Ralph? The Rangers are men and to the best of my knowledge, they are straight.”

Ralph: “Norton, Cinderella story in this case is a team defying the skeptics and odds.”

Ed: “Oooooh.”

Ralph: “Yes, they are the Cinderella team.”

(They sing a song about being the Cinderella team.)

(Jackie walks on stage. Crowd cheers.)

Jackie: “Thank you. GOOD NIGHT!”

(Crowd cheers.)

[Frank Gannucci]

(The NY Rangers won the Eastern Conference Quarterfinals, 4 games to 3, by beating the Carolina Hurricanes 6-2.)

(Ralph & Ed just watched the game at the bowling alley.)

Ralph (yells): "TIME TO CELEBRATE ED. THE RANGERS WON!"

Ed (yells): "THE RANGERS ADVANCED TO THE THIRD ROUND."

Ralph: "They will face the Lightning in Tampa Bay. Right in the same state as that fun-and-sun-capital of the world, Miami Beach."

(Crowd cheers.)

Ed: "Hey, maybe the Rangers will obliterate the Lightning."

Ralph: "They will. It will be great. I can smell the champagne now."

Ed: "You will probably drink it."

Ralph: "Hahaha. I can just taste it and say: 'Mmmmmm BOY! That's good booze.'"

Ed: "When the Rangers get that championship parade, we can take them down the sewer."

(Ralph rolls his eyes.)

Ralph: "As long as they ain't facing the Capitals again, I'm good."

Ed: "As far as the Rangers go, Stanley Cup here we come."

(They all sing a song "Stanley Cup, Here We Come" to the tune of "California, Here I Come.")

(Jackie walks on stage. Crowd cheers.)

Jackie: "Thank you. GOOD NIGHT!"

[Dude111]

I love Ralph!!

He does good in THE TOY also