A Honeymooners St. Patty’s Day: - Sitcoms Online Message Boards

Frank Gannucci · 03-14-2022, 06:45 AM

A Honeymooners St. Patty’s Day:

(The Kramdens and Norton’s are in Fort Lauderdale and are temporarily in Jackie Gleason’s house because the owner is renting it.)

Alice: “Ralph, you and Norton are nuts thinking that Jackie Gleason vault is underneath all that grassland.”

Ralph: “You don’t get it do you Alice? This is big, big, big. This is the biggest thing I ever got into.”

Alice: “That would be your pants.”

Ralph: “Ooooooh, you are going to get yours Alice. Well, I give up. You must not want be to be famous.”

Alice: “Listen, I am getting sick and tired of this.”

Ralph: “I don’t care. This is St. Patty’s week and I got the luck of the Irish in me.”

(Alice goes to say something.)

Ralph (yells): “DON’T YOU DARE SAY IT.”

(The early morning hours of St. Patty’s Day, Ralph & Ed are at the spot where they think the vault is. They got breaker hammers to dig. Ed is dressed like St. Patrick. Crowd laughs and applauds.)

Ed: “I thought I would dress for the occasion Ralph-ie boy.”

Ralph: “I don’t care how much noise this makes. Everyone loves Jackie Gleason.”

Ed: “I know how to work these. Good thing we got this for one cent whereas we would have to really pay for shovels.”

Ralph: “Ok.” (Yells): “AND AWAY WE GO.”

(They start digging. Ed accidentally gets dirt on Ralph. Ralph loses his temper and throws dirt at Ed.)

Ed: “Ok. YOU ASKED FOR IT RALPH.”

(Ed throws a ball of dirt and accidentally smashes a window.)

Ralph (yells): “LETS STOP.”

(They do.)

Ralph: “Hopefully the neighbor won’t notice. We will go to Target and install a new window before they wake up.”

Ed: “Inside that head is a thinking machine.”

(They continue to dig. A man comes by.)

Man (yells): “WHAT ARE YOU TWO IDIOTS THINK YOUR DOING?”

(They stop.)

Ralph: “We are digging up Jackie Gleason’s vault. This is the only time we can do it since we are busy during the day.”

Man: “I’m calling the cops.”

(He leaves.)

Ed: “Let’s pay no attention to him since he probably won’t.”

(They continue to dig. Cops cone. Ralph & Ed continue to dig.)

Cop: “You two are digging up Jackie’s vault? Hahaha. His vault isn’t here. A water Maine is.”

Ralph: “You’re bluffing. Let’s continue to dig.”

(They do and burst a water Maine. Everyone gets wet. Ralph & Ed get arrested. The wives go to bail them out.)

Alice: “Looks like your St. Patty’s Day plan to get lucky Ralph got all wet.”

(Ed laughs.)

Ralph (yells): “SHUT UP YOU TWO. ONE OF THESE DAYS, POW RIGHT IN THE KISSER.”

(A still wet Jackie walks on stage. Crowd cheers.)

Jackie: “I just want to wish everyone a Happy St. Patty’s Day and the Miami Beach crowds are the best. GOOD NIGHT.”

(Crowd cheers.)

03-14-2022, 06:45 AM	#1
Frank Gannucci Member Forum Star Join Date: Mar 05, 2007 Posts: 16,091	A Honeymooners St. Patty’s Day: A Honeymooners St. Patty’s Day: (The Kramdens and Norton’s are in Fort Lauderdale and are temporarily in Jackie Gleason’s house because the owner is renting it.) Alice: “Ralph, you and Norton are nuts thinking that Jackie Gleason vault is underneath all that grassland.” Ralph: “You don’t get it do you Alice? This is big, big, big. This is the biggest thing I ever got into.” Alice: “That would be your pants.” Ralph: “Ooooooh, you are going to get yours Alice. Well, I give up. You must not want be to be famous.” Alice: “Listen, I am getting sick and tired of this.” Ralph: “I don’t care. This is St. Patty’s week and I got the luck of the Irish in me.” (Alice goes to say something.) Ralph (yells): “DON’T YOU DARE SAY IT.” (The early morning hours of St. Patty’s Day, Ralph & Ed are at the spot where they think the vault is. They got breaker hammers to dig. Ed is dressed like St. Patrick. Crowd laughs and applauds.) Ed: “I thought I would dress for the occasion Ralph-ie boy.” Ralph: “I don’t care how much noise this makes. Everyone loves Jackie Gleason.” Ed: “I know how to work these. Good thing we got this for one cent whereas we would have to really pay for shovels.” Ralph: “Ok.” (Yells): “AND AWAY WE GO.” (They start digging. Ed accidentally gets dirt on Ralph. Ralph loses his temper and throws dirt at Ed.) Ed: “Ok. YOU ASKED FOR IT RALPH.” (Ed throws a ball of dirt and accidentally smashes a window.) Ralph (yells): “LETS STOP.” (They do.) Ralph: “Hopefully the neighbor won’t notice. We will go to Target and install a new window before they wake up.” Ed: “Inside that head is a thinking machine.” (They continue to dig. A man comes by.) Man (yells): “WHAT ARE YOU TWO IDIOTS THINK YOUR DOING?” (They stop.) Ralph: “We are digging up Jackie Gleason’s vault. This is the only time we can do it since we are busy during the day.” Man: “I’m calling the cops.” (He leaves.) Ed: “Let’s pay no attention to him since he probably won’t.” (They continue to dig. Cops cone. Ralph & Ed continue to dig.) Cop: “You two are digging up Jackie’s vault? Hahaha. His vault isn’t here. A water Maine is.” Ralph: “You’re bluffing. Let’s continue to dig.” (They do and burst a water Maine. Everyone gets wet. Ralph & Ed get arrested. The wives go to bail them out.) Alice: “Looks like your St. Patty’s Day plan to get lucky Ralph got all wet.” (Ed laughs.) Ralph (yells): “SHUT UP YOU TWO. ONE OF THESE DAYS, POW RIGHT IN THE KISSER.” (A still wet Jackie walks on stage. Crowd cheers.) Jackie: “I just want to wish everyone a Happy St. Patty’s Day and the Miami Beach crowds are the best. GOOD NIGHT.” (Crowd cheers.)