A Honeymooners Valentine’s Day:

[Frank Gannucci]

(Ralph Kramden and Ed Norton go into a shop to buy heart shaped pies and heart shaped cakes.)

Ed: “Va-va-voom!”

Ralph: “You got that right. Look at all this.”

Ed: “Ralph, I still say you should have gotten these a few days in advance.”

Ralph: “Norton, I was too busy playing pool and bowling with you.”

Ed: “Ok. How much of the food is Alice getting?”

Ralph: “Oooooooh, you are a riot Norton. I like to see you with a big fat lip.”

Ed: “Ok. The only thing is that if it rains, the food will get wet.”

Ralph: “Don’t worry. It won’t. I’m the smartest bus driver. My head is big…AND DON’T YOU DARE SAY IT!”

(They go get the cakes and pies. It starts to rain cats and dogs.)

Ralph: “Now we are screwed Norton and it’s all your fault for not forcing me to get an umbrella.”

Ed: “Don’t worry. Maybe the food will be protected.”

Ralph: “My love for Alice is bigger than me.”

Ed: “That is very big.”

Ralph (yells): “OH SHUT UP!”

(The boys arrive hone. Ralph has food all over him. Alice sees them.)

Ralph: “Ralph, what happened?”

Ed: “He got a face full because he slipped. His plan got all wet.”

Ralph (yells): “GET OUT! GET OUT!”

(Ed leaves.)

(Jackie with food still all over him comes out in stage. Crowd cheers.)

Jackie: “Thank you. The Miami Beach Valentines Days are the BEST! GOOD NIGHT!”

(Crowd cheers.)