A Honeymooners New Year’s Day:

[Frank Gannucci]

All (yell): “HAPPY NEW YEAR!”

(The clock strikes 12a just a split second before Ralph throws the ball and subsequently a strike.)

Ralph (yells): “I WIN!”

Head Raccoon (yells): “NO YOU DIDNT. THE WINNER IS NORTON.”

Ralph (yells): “WHAT? IT CAN’T BE.”

Head Raccoon: “The clock struck midnight just a split second before you threw the ball. Because of your time wasting skills…”

(Ed laughs.)

Ralph (yells): “SHUT UP NORTON!”

Head Raccoon: “…you lost.”

Ralph (yells): “GIVE ME A REPLAY.”

(The head Raccoon does. Ralph faints. Later on, he is forced to wear the humiliating costume.)

Ed: “Come on out Ralph.”

(Ralph comes out as Baby New Year. People [including Alice’s parents] laugh.)

Alice’s Mom (yells): “My big-fat-dumb-loser of a sun-in-law made a big fool of himself.”

(Ralph is even more mad at Ed and her. He goes to bend down and pick something up and suffers a wardrobe malfunction. People laugh all the more.)

Alice’s Mom (yells): “Keep it up Ralph.”

(Ralph faints again.)

(Jackie walks on stage. Crowd cheers.)

Jackie: “in case you are all wondering, I wasn’t naked at all thanks to smoke and mirrors.”

(Crowd cheers.)

Jackie: "Time to introduce the cast. First: Jean Kean."

(Audience cheers as Jean Kean comes on stage.)

Jackie: "Audrey Meadows."

(Audience cheers as Audrey comes on stage.)

Jackie: "Art Carney."

(Audience cheers as Art comes on stage.)

Jackie: "Let's all sing. Are you ready Sammy Spear?"

All (sing): "Should auld acquaintance be forgot,
And never brought to mind?
Should auld acquaintance be forgot,
And days o’ lang syne!
For auld lang syne, my dear
For auld lang syne,
We’ll tak a cup o’ kindness yet
For auld lang syne!
We twa hae run about the braes,
And pu’d the gowans fine,
But we’ve wander’d mony a weary foot
Sin’ auld lang syne.
We twa hae paidl’t in the burn
Frae morning sun till dine,
But seas between us braid hae roar’d
Sin’ auld lang syne.
And there’s a hand, my trusty fiere,
And gie’s a hand o’ thine,
And we’ll tak a right guid willie-waught
For auld lang syne!
And surely ye’ll be your pint’ stoup,
And surely I’ll be mine!
And we’ll tak a cup o’ kindness yet
For auld lang syne!"

Jackie: "Happy New Year. The Miami Beach crowds are the BEST! GOOD NIGHT!"

(Crowd cheers.)