A Honeymooners Halloween:

[Frank Gannucci]

(Ralph comes out into the kitchen as a sailor.)

Ralph: “Alice, are you ready?”

Alice (from bedroom): “I’m coming Ralph.”

Ralph: “Hurry up. The Nortons are coming to pick us up.”

(Alice comes out as a teenybopper.)

Ralph: “Where is the rest of that costume? Your knees are showing.”

Alice: “My knees are supposed to show.”

Ralph: “Not any teenybopper that’s married to me.”

(The Nortons come down as Bart & Lisa Simpson.)

Ed: “Hey Ralph, I see that you are dressed as a sailor for the Raccoon Ball.”

Ralph: “I am ready Norton. Are you?”

Trixie: “We are ready.”

Ralph: “And away we go.”

(They all leave for the Raccoon Lodge.)

(At the Raccoon Lodge, everyone is dressed in costume.)

Alice: “Oh, I forgot to tell you Ralph. My parents are coming.”

(Alice’s parents come in. Alice’s mother is an angel while the Dad is a basketball player. Alice’s mother sees Ralph.)

Ralph (yells): “WHAT IS SHE DOING HERE?”

Alice’s Mom (yells): “HI SONNY BOY AND ALICE. RALPH, YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN AN ELEPHANT. YOU GOT THE PERFECT BODY FOR IT.”

Ralph (yells): “BANG ZOOM!” (normally to Alice): “If she causes me to lose this costume contest, she will get hers and so will you.”

Alice: “Oh Ralph. Stay calm.”

(He does. Everyone dances. Alice’s mom continues to bother Ralph. At the end, Alice’s mother accidentally bumps Ralph into a table which causes him to get a face full of pie. Everyone laughs. Ralph reacts by trying to hit Alices mother with a pie but he misses and he hits another person. A huge pie fight ensues with the Grand High Exalted Mystic Ruler getting a huge pie.)

G. H. E. M. R. (yells): “BROTHER KRAMDEN, YOU ARE TO CLEAN UP THIS MESS. I WAS GOUNG TO AWARD YOU THE TOP PRIZE BUT THAT WILL GO TO YOUR WIFE’S MOM.”

Alice’s Mother: “Har-har-hardee-har-har.”

Ralph (yells): “BLABBERMOUTH. YOU. BLABBERMOUTH.”

(They fight with everyone trying to separate them.)

(Jackie walks on stage. Crowd cheers.)

Jackie: “Happy Halloween. GOOD NIGHT!”

(Crowd cheers.)