Honeymooners Episode Reviews: "Two Men On A Horse" & "Goodbye Aunt Ethel":

[Frank Gannucci]

Honeymooners Episode Reviews: "Two Men On A Horse" & "Goodbye Aunt Ethel":

Episode #81
TV: In two parts.
VCR: Attached to "Checkup."
DVD: Attached to "Checkup," "Hot Tip" & "A Promotion." On the Remastered Lost Episodes DVD Box Set, it is attached to “Hair-Raising Tale”, “Box Top Kid”, “Good Buy Aunt Ethel”, “Box Top Kid” & “Vacation At Fred’s Landing” (’54 version).
Color Honeymooners Title: "Two For The Money."
Lost Episode Title: "Two Men On A Horse."
Air Date: Sat. 5/29/54

"Two Men On A Horse":

After I have seen this episode in 1997, I made two attempts to record it only to have the tape run out. I managed to tape it a third time with no problem. This is one of my favorites.

Ralph, Ed and Brother Garvin come to the Kramden apartment at 1am with a lot of fanfare. Ralph: "Gentlemen, I like to make toast to a former brother. He was a good friend, a good man, good family man, but what's most important, a good Raccoon. Gentlemen, a toast to Brother Garrity who is no longer with us." Ed: "Yes, too bad he got kicked out of the lodge for not paying his dues." Gee, Ralph thinks that being a good Raccoon is better than being a good family man? Wow! They also break out into a song. They sing: "Were poor little Raccoons who have gone astray. Bah! Bah! Bah!" After hearing them, you can tell they are singing off-key, especially when Ralph feels it is necessary to sing in a high-pitched voice. This is funny. Alice orders them to shut up. Ralph: "Alice, you are the first person in history to interrupt the Raccoon song." Alice: "Well scotty watty do dah day." Ralph: "Just for that remark, you will never be in the Ladies Auxiliary." Alice: "From this blow, I may never recover." In "On Stage", it is revealed that Alice joined the Ladies Auxiliary. Brother Garvin leaves. Alice complains about Ralph coming home at 1am singing at the top of his lungs. Ralph says that this is his night to howl because tonight he was elected Treasurer of The Raccoons. He was up against Sullivan. Sullivan said that if he was elected, he will use the money to build a home of aged Raccoons amongst other good things. Ralph won with the promise of beer and hot dogs after each meeting. Even Sullivan voted for him. Some organization with some members, huh? Ed leaves.

Ralph reveals that he had to come home with the $200 the lodge had collected. Alice is concerned that Ralph did that being with all the holdups there have been. In six of them, Ralph was on the bus when the hold up took place. Only one of those times where the holdup took place on Ralph's bus, they took $45 and took the bus. Ralph: "I have been working at the bus company for 15 years and because I lose one bus, you got to hold it over my head." Ralph notices that the money is gone. Oh boy! He remembers all the bars he went to after the meeting. He didn't drink all night. He goes outside to retract his steps, but not before he falls downstairs because he can't see.

In Jerry's lunchroom, which is presumably barley occupied 100% of the time, Ralph and Ed have lunch. Jerry (played by George Petrie) is upset at Ed. Ed: "Don't get mad at me. I was the one responsible for bringing the gang from the sewer here." Jerry: "Yeah and look what it did to my business." Ralph and Ed order lunch as Ralph and Ed think of some ways to get $200. Ed's suggestion involves going to the bank and getting a loan. Ralph says that won't work. They get their lunch as Ed spots a guy using an old-fashioned pinball machine (these were the ones that unfortunately don't have the buttons where you can spring the ball back into the game if you know what I mean). Ed says that Ralph can double the $8 that Ralph got for hocking Alice's wedding ring and make it $16. Ed says that Ralph is the greatest pinball player in New York and is surprised he hasn't made it his professional occupation. Something about that last sentence does not seem right to me. Ralph makes a bet with the guy that whoever gets the highest score with three balls, wins $8. Ralph plays the first ball and as the ball is going up and down in the machine, Ralph does some funny dance movements. When MSNBC did a special on Jackie Gleason (I think it was Headliners & Legends), they used the dancing part of this scene. After 3 balls, Ed is sure that Ralph's score will go in the Pinball Hall of Fame. Sure it will. The other guy plays and scores a bigger score on his first ball and says should he shoot another one. They say no and the guy wins $8 and some points. Question: Why didn't Ralph and Ed say yes? This way if he got a tilt in the game, he would lose. Ralph has now lost $208. They leave when the phone rings. It's for Jerry. It's a person who has a hot tip on Cigar Box at a race. The odds are 20-1 that Cigar Box will win. Jerry now closes his restaurant for what he claims is the last time since now he thinks he is going to be rich. Sure, he will. That gives Ralph an idea. Him and Ed will go to the track and bet on Cigar Box and if he wins, Ralph wins $200. Ralph leaves. Ed leaves, but not before deciding to play with the pinball machine which somehow causes it to go on fire. How could that happen?

At the race, Ralph and Ed notice that the odds for Cigar Box are still 20-1. Ralph says he will not place his bet until the last minute. If the odds get lower, the prize for him will get lower too. The odds do get lower, so Ralph and Ed scheme to get the odds in their favor. When the odds on Cigar Box start dropping, Ralph goes around dissuading people from betting on the horse. He and Norton split up, and Norton tells one man who's going to bet Cigar Box that he's the horse's owner, and that the horse can't win. Norton tells him to bet Happy Feet instead. Ralph bumps into the same man, who tells Ralph Cigar Box won't win because his owner just told him the horse is in the race only for a workout. Ed also says that his friend Ralph used to be a jockey and that he quit when he outweighed the horse. Ha! Ralph bets Happy Feet instead, and then finds out Cigar Box's "owner" is Norton. Oh, Ralph isn’t going to like that. Ralph rips up his ticket in despair, just when Happy Feet looks like he is going to lose. But Happy Feet comes back and win forcing Ralph and Ed to look on the ground and scramble up the ticket. I wonder if they would have won the prize if they presented the ripped up ticket to the person who they had to present it to if they won.

Episode #82
TV: In two-parts.
VCR: Attached to "Lost Job."
DVD: Attached to "What's Her Name", "Vacation At Fred's Landing (1953 version) & "The Best of The Lost Episodes." On the Remastered Lost Episodes DVD Box Set, it is attached to “Hair-Raising Tale”, “Box Top Kid”, “Two Men On A Horse”, “Box Top Kid” & “Vacation At Fred’s Landing” (’54 version).
Color Honeymooners Title: 'Nephew of The Bride."
Lost Episode Title: "Goodbye Aunt Ethel."
Air Date: Sat. 6/5/54

"Goodbye Aunt Ethel":

MPI has the title of this episode as "Good Buy Aunt Ethel." I thought that this was MPI's mistake, but it says in the show the same title. Does that title have good grammar in it? No. Why this is, I have no idea.

This is an expanded version of "Alice's Aunt Ethel." Alice gets told that Alice's Aunt Ethel is coming over for a short visit and she is on her way. Ralph hates Aunt Ethel just like he hates every other relative of Alice's. Sure enough, Ralph comes home in a fantastic mood. Nothing but good luck happened to him all day. So when he gets informed of Aunt Ethel coming, he loses his good humor and orders Alice not to let her come. Alice: "Out of all my relatives, you told me that you liked Aunt Ethel the best." Ralph: "Yes and that will give you a small idea of what I think of your other relatives." Ralph is upset that he will have to sleep in a cot in the kitchen. Alice: "If one of your relatives was sleeping over, I would do the same thing." Ralph: "Sure, you and that person will be in the bedroom and I will sleep out here." Alice's Aunt Ethel luggage arrives, which according to Ralph is very big amount of luggage, arrives beforehand so Ralph tries to throw it out the window. That doesn't work when Alice intervenes. Alice's Aunt Ethel comes over regardless of what Ralph says.

Now they do a repeat performance of "Alice's Aunt Ethel." When I saw this episode followed by the small one (or was it vice-versa?), I didn't know what to think. This was before I found out that they did remakes of Honeymooners episodes. Here's what went down in this scene:

The scene opens with Alice coming into the kitchen. Ralph is sleeping in the kitchen on a cot. Ralph is very angry that Alice's Aunt Ethel is staying over. Alice tries to get the milk that is on the fire escape. Ralph wonders what the noise is so Alice told him that she is trying to open the window to give milk to Aunt Ethel. Ralph: "Where is she, on the fire escape?" Ralph then is told that the milk is outside. He offers to get the milk. He is even madder that Aunt Ethel is over at his house.

Ralph tries to get the milk, but the window is stuck. He says if he lifts up the window any higher, he will lift the building off the ground. Ha! He tries to get the milk, but accidentally knocks the milk off the escape. Ralph says that Aunt Ethel should go down there and catch the milk before it falls to the ground.

Aunt Ethel comes out and Alice tells her that breakfast is ready. Alice tells Ralph to go down to Krauss to get some milk. Ralph says no. Ralph asks Alice to get rid of Aunt Ethel. Alice says that Aunt Ethel has stayed longer than expected and she says that she appreciates the fact that Ralph has been cooperative. Alice says she will nicely try to get rid of Aunt Ethel. Aunt Ethel comes in and helps Ralph fold up the cot. Ralph gets his finger stuck. Ralph (to Aunt Ethel): "Drop your side." She does, but Ralph hurts his foot. This bit would be done again in "Battle of The Sexes" with Ed Norton and Ralph Kramden folding up the cot.

Ed Norton comes down. Ralph explains his troubles to him. Ed says something like: "Why don't you write a letter, saying: 'Your husband misses you. Please come home. Sincerely, Your Husband.'" Ralph: "She isn’t married." Ed: "Then why did she leave home?" Ha!

Ed comes up with a plan to throw her out. Ed: "Why don't you yell out the window: 'Fire!'" Ralph: "Suppose other people hear it. They will think that it's a real fire." Ed: "Then you yell: 'Fire, Aunt Ethel.'" Ralph: "You are a mental case." Ralph hatches a plan to get rid of her by faking a back injury. Aunt Ethel comes in and hears the fact that Ralph has back pain. Ralph says that he needs to be alone with Alice and lay on a soft bed. Aunt Ethel says that now she is staying due to Ralph's pain. Aunt Ethel says that sleeping on a soft bed to get rid of back pain is a lot of modern fiddle faddle. She says that Ralph should sleep on a hard floor to get rid of back pain. Ralph is now even more upset being that he just blown a big opportunity in his eyes. Question: How can lying on a hard floor get rid of back pain? Wouldn't a soft bed be better?

The next day, Ralph meets up with Ed to talk about how he can get rid of Aunt Ethel, on the way to get Aunt Ethel some ice cream. Ralph says that his back is fine, but now Aunt Ethel can't leave and visit any other family members that she knows very well because they are all going somewhere else. Ed talks about how a woman who came to his house before he met Ralph. She gets married to his uncle. Ralph hatches a scheme, he will get her married. But who? All the Raccoon Lodge members are married and the reason why they joined the lodge was to get away from their wives. Gee, they are faithful husbands...NOT! All the men that go to the bowling alley are married. He has the guy. Freddie Zimmerman is the guy. Wasn't there a TV producer or someone famous named Fred Zimmerman? Ralph says that Fred is chosen as the pigeon and invited over for dinner. The plan is set. Ralph goes out to get the ice cream for Aunt Ethel after Aunt Ethel catches him not doing it.

Everyone at home gets informed of the date. Aunt Ethel gets ready. Ralph and Ed come in and Ralph is going all out to make sure the evening is a success. He sprays the room with perfume. Ed (jokingly): "Kiss me Ralph." They also brought in a love seat. Ralph claims that he shelved out a lot of money for this evening to be a success. He also borrows a record player from George. George comes in with it. (George is played by George Petrie.) Ralph says that he used it during George's last New Year's Eve Party. Didn't the Nortons and Kramdens see the Dorsey Brother's that New Year's Eve? Ed says that Ralph got so drunk he tired to play a pizza pie on it. Ha! Now today, you think that Ralph would have borrowed a stereo or a CD player (or possibly an MP3 player if they make them into stereos). My how times have changed. Fred Zimmerman comes by with Chicken Livers. He says that single life is murder. He says he has to go to wonderful places alone. Ralph wonders why he stayed single. Ed, after hearing all the places that Fred goes to over the week wonders why he and Ralph got married. Aunt Ethel meets Fred. They all sit down. Only problem. Ed sits in the love seat with Ethel. Ralph tries to kick him out of the seat. The Nortons leave. Ralph says that they should play some games with Ralph and Alice being partners and the other two being partners. The Fred/Ethel team goes first. Gee, wasn't there a Fred/Ethel couple in I Love Lucy? Yes, I just thought of that. The game? Ethel hides an apple behind her back and if Fred doesn't get the apple in 10 seconds, she gives him a kiss. The same thing presumably goes the same for Ralph and Alice and if the person gets the apple, they keep it. Gee, doesn't it sound like Ralph is making the rules up as he goes? And doesn't it seem that he really wants Ethel and Fred to be a couple? Yes. When Fred tries to get the apple, he tells Ethel to look behind her. She does by turning her whole body. He gets the apple and Ralph sees it as cheating. Yeah, he is making up the rules as he goes. Ralph plays the game with Ethel but doesn't get the apple. So he gets kissed by Ethel. The games are over.

Ralph and Alice go into the bedroom to do something and Ralph claims that he needs all the kitchen chairs, so Fred sits in the love seat with Ethel. Ralph has also put on some soft music on the record player. Ed hears this and comes in with his records that he thinks are better. His music? Loud big band music. He also dances too. Ralph hears all of this and takes the record off and orders Ed out. The above part of this scene is VERY funny. It has to be seen and heard to be appreciated. Fred and Ethel go out to get some ice cream. They try to inform the Kramdens and when they open the door, Ralph falls. Basically, he almost indicated that he heard the whole thing. When they leave, Ralph does a funny happy dance.

Three weeks later, Aunt Ethel and Fred are still going out and Ethel is still staying with Alice and Ralph. Some short visit, huh? Alice is getting worried. Ralph says that she shouldn't be worried because they are over 21 years old. Aunt Ethel comes home and says that she and Fred are married. Ralph is ecstatic. Ralph: "I will kiss the bride, the groom and the truck." Ralph gets her things out. Not so fast. Fred lives at the local YMCA (apparently they don't allow couples to live there and/or his place there is too small), so she asks Alice if they can stay until they find a place. Alice doesn't say a word, so Ethel assumes her response is a yes. Ralph leaves to go to stay at the YMCA.

Credit I think goes to (the original) Bill's 'Mooners Archives, eBay.com, the now defunct tv.com, Honeymooners Lost Episodes Book, tvguide.com, honeymooners.net, Honeymooners Lost Episodes DVD booklet, Wikipedia.org, the now defunct Yahoo Groups You're A Riot! & Amazon.com.

[Frank Gannucci]

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