Honeymooners Episode Reviews: "Stand-In For Murder" ('54) & "Move Uptown":

[Frank Gannucci]

Honeymooners Episode Reviews: "Stand-In For Murder" ('54) & "Move Uptown":

Episode #75 (Syndicated episode #'s 81/#82) (Unfinished episode)
TV: In two-parts
VCR: Attached to "Lunch box"
DVD: Attached to "The Prowler" & "Box Top Kid." On the Lost Episodes DVD Box Set, it is attached to “Lawsuit”, “The Next Champ”, “Fortune Teller”, “Move Uptown” & “The Man In The Blue Suit.”
Lost Episode Title: "Stand-In For Murder."
Color Episode Title: "Two Faces of Ralph Kramden."
Air Date: Sat. 4/17/54

"Stand In For Murder" ('54):

Why is this episode unfinished? Read on. A mob boss, who is a dead ringer for Ralph, is holed up in his apartment because a rival gang leader, Barney Hackett, wants to bump him off. The guy (played by Jackie Gleason) wants to go to South America with the rest of the gang. Nick, one of his henchmen, just came of a bus in which the driver looks exactly like his boss. I wonder why? Nick (played by George Petrie) says that he offered the driver the idea of being a boss of an insurance executive at an insurance company. When Ralph up in the apartment, the will get the rival mob gang to kill Ralph. (The rival gang will think that Ralph is the boss of the other gang.) Boss: "When that happens, we will all go to South America and it will be a Mardi Gras for the rest of my life." The scene closes with no music. Isn’t that odd? What is also odd is when I recorded this from the WPIX in 1998, for the first few minutes of this scene, the tape makes white lines. Isn’t that odd?

Alice is home mixing plaster. She dances to "In The Mood" which is being played on the radio. Ed comes in and dances to the music with the bowl of plaster in his hands. Alice turns off the radio. Ed suggests that they all go out dancing one night. Ralph hates dancing so Ed says to bring the bowl. Ed tastes the plaster thinking it was icing. He tells Alice that. Ralph comes home and tastes the plaster thinking that it is icing. Alice greets Ralph and says that Ed tasted the plaster thinking it was icing. Alice: "Who would do a thing like that?" Ralph: "Nobody that I know." Sure Ralph. Ralph then says that one person offered him the job of being an insurance executive of an insurance company (whose name he doesn't even know). Alice gets suspicious. Ralph says that Alice has got no faith in him. Alice then offers Ralph and Ed some food for dinner. Ed helps himself and takes more on his dish than Ralph does. They eat while Ed talks about a similar situation that happened to him about someone offering him a better job than the one he had. That is how he got his job in the sewer. Ha! Ralph: "I'm mad at Alice because she thinks that there is no one stupid enough to offer me a job." Ed: "This guy sounds stupid enough." The guy who offered Ralph the job, Nick along with Frank, come in. They give Ralph the job. Ralph & Ed, being stupid, believe them. Ralph says that he doesn't want to leave the driving job if this job wasn't steady. Man: "I'll tell you, you will have this job for the rest of your life." Ralph asks about salary. If I were offered a job, I wouldn’t ask about salary. They start by offering Ralph $400 a week. Ralph coughs. The money is raised to $500. Ralph coughs more. They raise their offer to $600. Ralph: "Norton, give me some water." Ed: "Keep coughing Ralph. You will be a millionaire in no time." They give him the money in advance. Ralph & Ed, being stupid, still believe them. They also offer Ralph a Park Avenue apartment, and a chauffeured limousine. Alice can't stay with Ralph for the first days because the president will be in town and having Alice around will make the situation worse. Sure, it will. They leave and Alice comes back. Ralph tells Alice what happened and the news about the job and when Ralph shows Alice the money, believe it or not, Alice believes the job is true. She is mad because he has to stay here for the first few days of Ralph’s new job. Now, she believes that the job is phony.

On the first day of the job, the boss is talking with one of his henchmen about how they are going to knock of Ralph. They are going to put Ralph in there as bait and when he opens up the blinds that will be the signal for the Hackett mob to shoot and kill. A knock on the door is heard, so the boss hides in back of a screen. The henchman takes his time to answer the door. He probably did that to give Jackie more time to go into his Ralph Kramden character. (Remember back then, they didn't have the technology to put two characters played by one person in the same room on TV plus this episode was done live.) Ralph Kramden comes in and says that this apartment looks nicer than his old one when it was brand new. He gets shown the bedroom, while the henchman talks from the main room what Ralph can find in the bedroom. He locks the bedroom door while the boss emerges from in back of the screen. That's revealing the fact that the "bedroom" had a passageway that lead to the back of the screen. Ed Norton comes in and talks to the boss thinking that it is Ralph. He even takes the bosses hat and "improves" it. That's funny. The boss and the henchman leave. Ralph emerges from the bedroom (which by this time has been unlocked by Frank.) Ralph greets Ed and asks him when he got here. Ed says that he was just talking to him. Ralph: "I guess I didn't hear you." The phone rings and its Nick. He says that they just got Ralph a new car. Ralph goes to the window to open the blinds but changes his mind when Ed says that they can view it outside. They leave and slam the door which causes the blinds to open and the mob from across the street (which incidentally is the Hackett mob) starts shooting.

Next, Nick sends Ralph to Hackett's headquarters (a bar), to "sell him insurance." (One of the characters who played part of the other gang is also playing parts of Barney Hackett’s gang. One of them is actually playing Barney Hackett. Ed & Ralph walk in. A fly is heard. Ed is trying to swat it. The fly is buzzing real loud. So loud that it couldn’t be a real one. When Ralph & Ed speak to the bartender and ask for Barney Hackett, Ed swats the fly and scares the bartender into getting Barney Hackett. Somehow, the bartender doesn’t think that Ed was swatting a fly. When Ralph walks in, Hackett thinks it's his archenemy looking for a showdown. Ralph doesn't suspect a thing. Barney's gang is shown to Ralph and Hackett calls him his family. Ralph: "Lovely family." Just as Ralph is invited to step into the back room, a cop walks in and insists that Ralph move his car.

When Ralph shows up at the apartment again with Ed, Nick decides they'll have to bump off Ralph themselves, and then dump his body in front of Hackett's joint. He mistakes his boss for Ralph, “knocks him cold”, and deposits him in the bedroom. They leave and Ralph hears a knock on the door. It's Alice. Alice comes by to visit Ralph on his first day on the job. She now believes that the job is real. Another knock on the door is heard and it's the boss' girlfriend. She hugs Ralph (thinking he is the boss) and Alice sees it and spark fly. The girl says that Ralph is Harry. Ralph says that he doesn't know her while the girl claims that he does. She leaves. Ralph then spots the boss on the bed. Alice then calls the cops in the den. Ralph: "So that's why she called me Harry." (Harry was the boss' name of the group that was Barney Hackett's group's enemies.) Ralph's career as an insurance agent comes to an end.

On the Lost Episodes DVD Box Set, they show footage of the following week (the episode of the JGS that had “Move Uptown” that aired on 4/24/54) of Gleason trying to explain this convoluted story on the air so the audience would have satisfaction. In so doing, he took up so much time that they ran over again." This footage was also seen on the Honeymooners Reunion Special on NBC.

From the old honeymooners.net: "Only the studio audience saw the ending of this episode. As Leonard Stern recalls, the show had not ended by nine o 'clock and without explanation CBS just cut away from the sketch before it finished. "There was so much laughter we ran out of time before the solution,'' he says. ''The television audience was left up in the air. Each of the major dailies, certainly the tabloids, did stories on it, speculating how it would end. It made page two, page one, in each of the New York newspapers. The following week Gleason, who never did superb monologues, tried to explain this convoluted story on the air so the audience would have satisfaction. In so doing, he took up so much time that they ran over again."

Oh my! Can you imagine what would happen if NBC did that same thing with a new episode of SNL by interrupting it so another show can start on time? Imagine the backlash. By the way, when I went to the Museum of TV and Radio (now Paley Center of the Media) in 1998, I saw the 1985 Honeymooners Reunion Special in which Audrey talked about this whole scenario but after they showed Ralph saying: "So that's why she called me Harry." A knock on the door is heard. Ralph answers it and the announcer says (with the Jackie Gleason Production logo on the screen): "This has been a Jackie Gleason Production." By the way, if you get this episode on the original DVD and VHS, you will not get the ending that was not shown to the TV audience. Bummer!

Episode #76 (Syndicated episode #95)
TV: Half-hour.
VCR: Attached to "Lucky Number."
DVD: Attached to "Lucky Number" & "Honeymooner's Greatest Battles." On the Lost Episodes DVD Box Set, it is attached to “Lawsuit”, “The Next Champ”, “Fortune Teller”, “Stand-In For Murder” (’54) & “The Man In The Blue Suit.”
Air Date: Sat. 4/24/54

"Move Uptown":

Ralph and Ed are in Mr. Winter's apartment looking at it. Mr. Winter, Ralph's friend, is moving to Albany along with his wife. Ralph is thinking about moving out of his old apartment (an episode device that has been repeated a few times). He is thinking about buying Mr. Winter's place that looks fantastic compared to Ralph's grungy apartment. It only costs $15 more. Mrs. Winters shows Ralph some of the things in the apartment, including the great TV reception. Ed is in the kitchen so Ralph calls him out. Ralph: "We are going to watch TV." Ed comes out and the audience applauds. Mrs. Winters turns on the TV to one of Ed's favorite shows. She turns it off, much to Ed's chagrin. Ed is a bit upset. Ralph: "We are not here to watch TV." Mrs. Winters shows the radiator cover her husband made. The phone rings, so Mrs. Winter answers it. Ed decides that he wants to get a sour ball from the small bowl. Yeah, he ain't imposing. Ed gets his wedding ring stuck in there so Ralph tries to get it but his fat hand gets stuck. Ed: "How am I going to get my ring back?" Mrs. Winters comes back in and Ralph hides the sour ball bowl behind his back. Ed asks if they can have refreshments. Mrs. Winters complies and goes into the kitchen. Ralph and Ed get Ralph's hand out. Mrs. Winters comes back and Ed asks if he can have a sour ball in the bowl (his ring is still in there). She says yes and Ed spills the bowl all over the table. Ed: "I like the lemon one." Ralph: "You certainly are a lemon." Ralph and Mrs. Winters talk over business. She asks that do he and Alice have any wild parties. Ralph says no. Yeah, they don't have wild parties. They just have arguments in the middle of the night over Ralph's stupid schemes. Ed: "He hasn't even taken his wife out in the last five years." Gee, that's a great husband for you. Ralph says yes to the apartment but if he changes his mind, he will give her a $20 deposit. They leave and after that the landlord comes and Mrs. Winters gives the deposit to the landlord.

At home, Alice is packing and Trixie comes by. Trixie hopes that the Kramdens don't leave. She doesn't want to lose them. Ed Norton comes in. Ed (sings): "Glad to see you go. Glad to see you go. I hope the heck you never come back. I am glad to see you go." That's nice but Alice doesn't get mad. The wives go into the kitchen as Ralph comes home. Ralph gave out an ad for the apartment. Ed says that he has been looking for an apartment himself. He spots an ad in the paper that says: "Must be seen to be appreciated." That was the ad that Ralph put for his apartment. Only problem. His description doesn't even come close to matching what the apartment looks like. Ed: "If you think this is so beautiful, why are you moving?" Classic Ed. Ed thinks about him and Ralph having a toast but Ralph has to supply the wine since Ed saw the wine in the ice box and that is what gave him the idea. Before they drink, Ed says for the toast: "Down the hatch." Funny. Ralph is glad that he and Ed are hanging out tonight. Ed says that he has found a new bowling partner so he has to bowl tonight. Ralph gets mad at Ed. The girls come out. Ed: "Ralph, how about another toast?" Ralph: "Drink it with your new pal." Ed (taking the cup and wine): "Thank you very much." The Nortons leave. Ralph is really upset that he may miss the Nortons. Alice says that they have to sublet this place before they move. She is saying this while she is having trouble opening the can with the can opener. D'oh! Not something that was in the script. To cover for it, Ralph says: "You are beautiful with a can opener." Everything that the Kramdens have packed are in barrels so every time Alice needs something, Ralph has to go through the barrel to get it, which makes Ralph mad.

A couple of possible tenants arrive and when they see the ugly place, they flee. Another couple of possible tenants arrive and when they talk about what they will do with the furniture and when the lady goes: "Tsk. Tsk." Ralph orders them out. Mrs. Monohan, the superintendent, comes in and Ralph asks if they can move now without subletting this place. She says no. Ralph: "How are you going to sublet a place like this?" After she leaves, Ralph hatches a scheme. He will call his brother Charlie, ask him to come over, and they will move in the middle of the night, without Mrs. Monohan's knowledge.

In the middle of the night, Ralph comes out wearing a bunch of hats. Alice and Trixie come out with some of what the Kramdens stuff. Alice: "Where is your cousin Charlie with the car?" D'oh! Charlie is Ralph's brother. Ed shouts at Ralph from one of Ralph's windows. Ed is told what to bring for now, a bunch of pots and pans. Alice says that they are all nuts for moving out in the middle of the night. Ed falls down the stairs, with the pots and pans attached to him. Ha! Ralph gets mad. The girls go back to the apartment to get some more things as Ralph and Ed, in Ralph and Ed fashion, try to put everything in the trailer that they have (Charlie was going to help them tow it with his car). Ed goes back upstairs to get more things. He throws down a few things and hits Ralph. Ralph, furious, throws the object back at Ed and hits the building. When he does it, I think you can tell that the building is fake. Just when Ed throws down another thing, a cop (played by George Petrie) comes by and suspects that Ralph and Ed are crooks. Ed: "Are we being booked on an 802 or 605?" The cop gets the real story when Ralph shows him his driver's license. Cop: "I guess nobody will want this stuff." Alice tells Ralph that Charlie can't come, so Ralph and E decide to move the trailer down a few blocks and get someone to tow it.

Mrs. Monohan sees them and the gig is up. Mrs. Monohan: "After you move, me and the landlord will go down to the cab company and attach your salary." Cab company? Looks like another person goofed up their line. So Ralph thinks up an alternate plan. He goes back inside with the furniture and creates a big racket to break his lease. Ed helps him out as well with fire crackers that he puts in the trash can. Doesn't Ed know that by helping Ralph make a racket him and Trixie will get thrown out too? Mrs. Monohan comes in and says that he will meet the landlord. Ralph, has never met his landlord. How could he not meet him? They also paint the apartment with crazy colors. Alice thinks that Ralph and Ed are dumb for doing this and when she sees the mess, she thinks that Ralph will be sent to Bellevue. Ed Norton leaves but not before Ralph asks him to stomp on his floor so the plaster will fall after Ralph slams the door. During this scene, Jackie goes too fast and says: "That must be the landlord knocking." He says that before he hears a knock. When the landlord comes in, it's the landlord from the new building. He tears up his lease and gives Ralph back his deposit that he gave Mrs. Winters. Ralph finds out what landlord he is and slams the door when he leaves. The plaster from the ceiling falls because of Ed's stomping. Ralph throw out the cigars that he and Ed had a few minutes earlier in the trash can and the lit part of the cigars set off the fireworks, creating a big wet mess since the can was near the sink.

Credit I think goes to (the original) Bill's 'Mooners Archives, eBay.com, the now defunct tv.com, Honeymooners Lost Episodes Book, tvguide.com, honeymooners.net, Honeymooners Lost Episodes DVD booklet, Wikipedia.org, the now defunct Yahoo Groups You're A Riot! & Amazon.com.

[Frank Gannucci]

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