A Honeymooners Father's Day:

[Frank Gannucci]

(The Kramdens are arguing in the bedroom.)

Alice (from bedroom, yells): "RALPH, FOR THE LAST TIME. YOU ARE GOING TO BE HERE WHEN MY PARENTS COME BY. YOU ARE GOING TO CELEBRATE FATHER'S DAY WITH MY DAD."

Ralph (from bedroom, yells): "THAT'S WHAT YOU THINK. ME AND NORTON ARE GOING TO PARTICIPATE IN A SKEE BALL TOURNAMENT. I WOULDN'T MISS THAT FOR THE WORLD."

(The Kramdens exit the bedroom. Crowd cheers.)

Alice: "Ralph, you could you do such a thing?"

Ralph: "Very simple. I don't get along with yoru parents. Especially yoru mother. We don't get along. We're enemies. Natural enemies. Like a boa constrictor and a mongoose."

Alice: "Ralph, I told them that you were going to be here."

Ralph: "Tell them I had to be somewhere."

Alice: "Ralph. You are staying here and you will be nice to my parents."

Ralph: "Ooooooh, that's a laugh. Your mother and father are going to start me up. They are going to push me around."

(Alice starts to say something.)

Ralph (yells): "DON'T YOU DARE SAY IT!"

(Ed comes down.)

Ed: "Whaddaya say you two?"

Ralph: "Hi Norton! Are you ready to go to the skeeball tourny?"

Ed: "Ralph, I am not going."

Ralph: "You're not?"

Ed: "No. Trixie's parents are coming to celebrate Father's Day. I told her that even though I will have more fun at the tourny, I will stay here for her sake just to prove that I love her. Well, see ya."

(Ed leaves.)

Ralph: "Boy, I am sorry Alice. You know what? I will stay here. I don't want to upset you. As a matter of fact, I may like it here than at the tourny."

Alice: "Ralph, it's all right."

Ralph: "Baby, you're the greatest."

(They hug.)

(Jackie walks on stage. Crowd cheers.)

Jackie: "Thank you. I just want to wish all the father's out there a happy Father's Day."

(Crowd cheers.)

Jackie: "The Miami Beach crowds are the BEST! GOOD NIGHT!"

(Crowd cheers.)